38. Epilogue
Epilogue
Droesh was beautiful in the spring. Loving Alluin’s ancestral home was no hardship.
Flowers bloomed and wild horses browsed in the meadows, and the bees still made their home in the old beech tree whose roots held up the mouth of the sacred cave.
It was made even more beautiful by the man who sprawled out underneath me, his dark lashes veiling his hazel eyes and the softest of smiles curving his mouth as I painted henna onto his warm brown skin.
Most married fae didn’t renew their vows every fortnight, but when had Alluin and I ever been like most couples?
We weren’t technically getting remarried every time I redid Alluin’s marriage-marks—the contract in the shape of a varama tree running up my spine and onto my shoulders, tattooed in white ink and stilled for longevity, did the job nicely—but Lu and I both liked the way henna looked on his skin, and there was something deeply comforting about the frequent reminder that Alluin wanted to be mine as much as I wanted to be his.
He had a hard time glamoring only his scars and not also the henna tattooed right next to his scars, so after the first time I’d started experimenting with locations.
The marriage-marks I gave him still varied, but most of the time I put them on his chest in a diamond the size of my hand sitting slightly to the left of his sternum, directly over his heart.
The designs were even starting to look like they’d been scrawled with someone who had more than a child’s grasp of illustration. I was quite proud of myself.
Even though no one but us ever saw it, I always drew a dove roosting in the scars on his right shoulder, too. My latest attempt looked more like a disgruntled slice of melon with a head and stick-legs attached, but it was the thought that counted.
“I love you so much,” Alluin murmured, his fingers slowly petting my side under my shirt.
Affection warmed my face as I added a few more curliques to my design.
“As I love you,” I murmured back, as happy as I could ever remember feeling.
I bent down and nuzzled the corner of his jaw.
I loved the smell of him; the way that he was as much a part of the land around us as the forest and streams.
Alluin turned his face and captured my mouth in a kiss I was helpless to resist. A moan escaped my lips as they moved against his, my whole focus narrowing to the perfect pressure and warmth of Lu’s mouth against mine.
He broke the contact when I pressed closer, laughing when I whined, and dropped a quick peck on my nose.
“Don’t smudge it,” he said, eyes dancing with good humor.
It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about, at which point I turned crimson and pushed myself back up, double-checking to make sure I hadn’t smeared henna all over my shirt.
I hadn’t—thank goodness; I liked that shirt—so I added a few dots along one of the curliques, sat up to admire my work, and flashed a grin at him. At Alluin. My husband.
“I’m getting better,” I said, preening a little.
“There’s no ‘better’ you have to be for me, Zhi,” Alluin replied, love on his face as he smiled up at me.
His hazel eyes gleamed olive green in the sunlight.
He laced his fingers behind his head, completely at ease, sprawled shirtless on a soft blanket at the edge of the meadow with me straddling his hips. “I love you exactly as you are.”
“And I love people being able to read the things I write on you,” I said cheerfully. “Who knew that all it would take to get me to improve my penmanship was getting married twenty-odd times? To the First General himself, at that.”
Alluin’s smile turned into a rakish grin. “Would you like to suck your husband’s cock while the marriage-ink dries?”
Heat plummeted to my groin. My cock twitched. “Very much yes, and I absolutely will if all goes well, but, um…first I wanted to talk to you about something?”
Curiosity crept onto his face, brows pulling together and ears turning towards me.
“About what?” Lu asked, sounding concerned but not anxious.
I liked that he could hear something like that and not immediately be worried about my affection for him.
I looked forward to the day when he never would be.
He still did get anxious about our relationship sometimes, struggling to believe that I actually wanted him in all of his possessive, domineering, born-general glory.
I had my moments, too. We both struggled with believing that we were truly wanted for ourselves, even with the sort of proof that would convince the most stony-hearted tribunal.
But here, lying on Droesh’s stone, with the marriage-ink still wet on his chest, we were as anchored in the reality of our fealty and love as it was possible to be.
I took a deep breath. “I think I’d like to resign from the Second Army,” I said.
“What? Why?” Alluin asked. “What happened? Was it something I did?”
“No no no, don’t freak out, it’s nothing like that,” I hastened to reassure him.
I rubbed my hands along his sides in a soothing gesture.
“It’s just… Alright, look. I don’t think Stag Court is going to go to war again anytime soon, so it’s not as if we’re not staring down the throat of an imminent repeat, but you should never have been in the position where you had to watch me die to save the army.
I know I got really angry at you for saving me, and perhaps dressing you down in front of everyone wasn’t the right thing to do when you’d only just barely not died—”
“It was,” Alluin said, his voice rough, fear and sorrow on his face. “Zhi—”
“No, no, let me finish,” I said earnestly. “It’s not bad. I promise it’s not. I’m just not doing a good job of telling you.”
He took a deep breath and nodded. His hands settled onto my thighs, holding on too tightly. “Alright,” Alluin said. “Go ahead.”
“You shouldn’t have been in that position, Lu,” I said again. “No matter what you chose, it was surely going to end badly. If I’d died…” I had to close my eyes and take a careful breath, the memories making me shaky. It hadn’t even been a year.
Dain had once asked if Alluin needed me, wanting to know if the best way to keep his brilliant general in top form was to have me by his side.
I hadn’t known the answer then, but I did now: yes.
Alluin needed me. I was the wind that sang through his branches and the butterfly for which he bloomed.
I was the bleeding-heart dove that made my home in the safety of his arms and I was the person who could always make him laugh.
He’d promised to come back to Droesh for me because if I’d fallen, he would have fallen, too.
I opened my eyes, looking down at the man who’d become the bedrock for my entire world.
“If I’d died, I think you would have been as lost as if you’d fallen on the field of battle,” I said softly.
“The only reason I could even function in the field was because I knew you were safe in the rear. I cannot even truly imagine what it was like for you to have to watch me stand in the way of danger for days, and then to face watching me die.”
His beautiful eyes gleamed with unshed tears. He swallowed, but he didn’t speak, watching me with the agony of those long days painted on his face.
Gently, I brushed my fingers through his hair and along his ear.
I could feel him trembling faintly, the movement transferring to me through his body beneath me and through the bruising grip of his fingertips.
“You shouldn’t have had to make that decision, and I so deeply regret that you were put in the position where you did. I don’t intend to let it happen again.”
Alluin’s throat worked. “You love being a soldier,” he rasped. “You— You love it.”
“I do, and I plan on staying a soldier, ” I said, smiling down at him.
I traced the backs of my fingers along the line of his jaw, marvelling that I got to do it.
That Alluin was mine. “I just don’t think I should be a soldier in the Second Army.
Obviously it would cause problems if I joined the First Army, given that we’re married, but there are other options. ”
Alluin opened his mouth again, but I bulled forward before he could say anything.
“I want to transfer to the Third Army. There’s an opening in command that I’d be well-suited for.
I know it’s not exactly like other army work, since they’re basically the palace guard writ large, but they’re still soldiers, and plenty of people retire from the First and Second Armies into the Third Army when they want to see less combat,” I said, talking faster so that Alluin wouldn’t cut me off.
“I’ve already talked to Generals Dykaestra and Tjennix about it, and even though she didn’t say anything I could tell General Dykaestra was relieved not to make any decisions about what happened, and General Tjennix looked like he was going to cream his pants at the idea of having me be the new commander overseeing dignitary security, but, um.
” I worried my lip. “You’d have to agree to it, since that’s your security detail, and y’know. We’re married. And stuff.”
He looked like he might cry. Alluin opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally croaking out, “What?”
“We’re probably not going to war again anytime soon,” I reminded him patiently.
“The Court of Mercy signed a treaty with us, we’ve got another four-hundred-some years of peace with Raven Court, and I’m betting that Dain’s too scary for anyone else to want to give it a go.
The Second Army will probably be downsizing anyway, and I know Dain and Leah being the Monarchs is already causing some political consternation.
There are surely going to be diplomatic missions, you’re almost certainly going to be part of them, and I’d like to be able to go with you.
And, um,” I added, a little shyly, “if we ever do have to go to war again, I’d like to be the one guarding you.
I want to know that you’re safe, and I—” My voice caught in my throat.
“I want you to know that I’m safe, too. As safe as any soldier can be during war, at least.”
Alluin pried his hands off of my thighs and started smoothing down my pants like he was trying to brush away the bruises I was definitely going to have. I didn’t mind them. Bruises healed, and Lu had always been very physical with his emotions.
“I would love that so much,” he said, his voice rough. “But are you certain? Truly certain? I don’t want you to regret anything. To… To regret doing something like this for me. You love being a field soldier so well.”
I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his mouth.
He sighed into the contact, some of the tension easing out of his lithe form.
“I’ll still be a field soldier. As much of a field soldier as I am now, really,” I said soothingly, trailing kisses down his torso as I slid down his body.
With a shiver of anticipatory pleasure, I nuzzled the vee of his hips, my fingers going to the buckle of his belt.
Alluin let out a harsh breath and arched into my touch. One of his hands clung to my wrist. He threaded the fingers of the other through my hair, dragging it out of the loose knot I’d put it into to keep it out of the way of the henna.
“Plenty of important people go to remote locations for inspections and vacations. Dain does. You do,” I continued in a mild tone I’d learned from him.
“My duties would likely take me out of the cities with fair frequency.” I kept my mouth against his skin as I got his belt undone and started working on his pants, giving him little licks and nibbling kisses.
“If I start to get all weird from being in civilization too long, just come up with a reason to go gallivanting off in the wilderness and I’ll have to come along.
I’ve thought it all through, Lu. All you have to do is agree. ”
I ran my mouth along the shape of his thick cock beneath his underclothes. Gods, I loved how he smelled. Heady and masculine and mine. My mouth wetted in anticipation of the taste of his skin. I couldn’t get enough of Alluin. I doubted I ever would.
“Just say yes,” I said, using my most beguiling tone.
I licked him through the cloth, pressing hard against the heat of his shaft, then glanced up at him through my pale lashes with wickedness dancing in my eyes.
“I’ll use my allure on you while I suck you off if you let me command your security detail. ”
“Fucking black night, Zhiolas, yes, I agree, of course I agree,” Alluin said, sounding desperate, his fingers closing down in my hair. “Take my cock out and seal it with a kiss, you fucking wonderful man. Gods and monsters, Zhi, I love you so much, I want you so badly—”
With a grin on my face, I set to doing exactly that.