Chapter 4 #2
Alex nodded. Cassidy shared a bond with Claire before their biological relationship came to light.
One that was almost motherly, and certainly sisterly.
It had initially concerned Alex. But as months and years passed, it made sense.
Knowing that Claire was her sister rocked Cassidy.
More than it did Claire. More than it did Rose.
That surprised Alex. Maybe it shouldn’t have.
Cassidy’s protectiveness of Claire had always existed.
And Alex knew that the person Claire confided in the most—the person she trusted more than anyone was Cassidy.
"I'm sorry," Alex said.
Cassidy sighed.
"I am sorry," Alex repeated. "I understand."
"Do you?"
"Yeah. I do. Claire has told you things I'm not sure she's even found the courage to tell El yet."
Cassidy nodded.
"And knowing what she's carried hurts you the most—because she's let you see the way it hurt her. And you love her."
Tears welled in Cassidy's eyes. "Alex... I?—"
"What?"
"I can't say I knew she was my sister. I felt it, though. We both did. I forgave him for taking so much of my childhood away. And he did, Alex. I was a ten-year-old grieving. But he took so much more from Claire. And from Mom. And I don't know how to forgive him for that."
Alex pulled Cassidy close and held her. "I love you, Cass."
Cassidy let herself rest there for a moment. "I love you, too."
Alex kissed the top of Cassidy's head and eased back enough to see her face.
"What?" Cassidy asked.
"I think we should head upstairs."
Cassidy arched her brows.
"Maybe take a long, hot bath together."
"A bath, huh?"
"Mm-hm. We haven't done that in a long time."
"No," Cassidy agreed.
"What do you say?" Alex asked. "I'll even grab a bottle of wine."
"You don't drink wine."
"No. You do."
"Hoping to get me drunk?"
Alex smiled. "Do I need to get you drunk?"
Cassidy's eyes warmed with the kind of mischief Alex never could resist. She held out her hand.
"Never," Cassidy said.
Cassidy's fingers laced through Alex's, warm and familiar, as she led the way upstairs. The house was so quiet Alex could hear the soft creak of the third step.
She couldn't remember the last time their house had been this still.
No feet racing down the hall, arguments over whose turn it was to choose a movie, or distant call for Mom from another room. No life tugging at them from every direction at once.
Just Cassidy.
Just this.
Alex followed the gentle pull of Cassidy's hand, watching the movement of Cassidy's shoulders beneath the thin cotton of her shirt, the way her hair curled slightly at the nape of her neck.
It was such an ordinary thing: Cassidy climbing the stairs ahead of her.
Cassidy waiting for her, making space for them in the middle of everything.
And somehow, that ordinary thing hit Alex harder than anything else had all day.
More than revelations about foreign governments, career obligations, or children's choices.
They were halfway up when she tightened her grip.
Cassidy stopped and glanced back. "Alex?"
Alex didn't answer.
She tugged Cassidy around on the landing and kissed her.
Cassidy made a soft sound of surprise against Alex's mouth, then relaxed into her as if some part of her had been waiting for Alex to catch up. Her hands found Alex's waist, steadying them both. Alex kissed her slowly at first, then deeper, needing to express something she couldn't find words for.
Desire coiled within them both, but there was something more.
There was the ache of leaving again and the exhaustion of too many conversations half-finished. The sudden, startling realization that they had become so good at holding everything together that sometimes they forgot to stop and hold each other.
Cassidy pulled back just enough to look at Alex.
"What happened to the bath?" she whispered.
Alex brushed her thumb over Cassidy's cheek. "I got distracted."
Cassidy's gaze softened.
Alex kissed her again, and this time Cassidy answered with the same quiet need. One hand slid up Alex's back. The other settled against her neck, her fingers threading gently into Alex's hair.
For a few seconds, they stood there on the landing, caught between upstairs and down, between the lives they managed and the life they had chosen with each other.
Then Cassidy took Alex's hand again and led her to their bedroom.
The room was dim, a sliver of light that might have been sun or moon filtering through the window blinds.
Cassidy turned and looked at Alex.
Alex's chest tightened.
No one knew her the way Cassidy did. Most people saw the polished version of Alex Toles. The controlled version. The woman who could walk into any room and make people believe she had already measured every exit, every threat, and every possible outcome.
Cassidy had seen that version of Alex. She also knew the other one.
The Alex who still got nervous. The Alex who worried too much. The woman who wanted to be smooth and certain and sometimes ran too hard and too fast because she felt completely untethered.
Cassidy knew that one best.
Loved that Alex most of all.
Alex reached for the hem of Cassidy's shirt, then paused.
Cassidy's mouth curved. "Need some help?"
Alex gave her a look. "I've undressed you before."
"I know."
"Thousands of times."
"I remember."
"Then stop looking at me like I might need instructions."
Cassidy laughed softly. "I wasn't going to say a word."
"You were considering directions."
Cassidy pursed her lips to keep from laughing.
Alex shook her head, but smiled as she lifted Cassidy's shirt over her head. The T-shirt fell somewhere near the chair. Cassidy stepped closer and tugged at Alex's shirt in return.
Alex raised her arms.
Cassidy pulled the shirt free, then let her warm palms rest against Alex's ribs for a moment before moving them.
Alex closed her eyes.
Cassidy's thumbs traced the edges of old scars, familiar paths worn into memory by years of love and worry. She touched them as she always did, not as wounds, but as pieces of Alex that had come home to her.
Alex swallowed against the lump in her throat.
Cassidy noticed. Of course she noticed.
"Hey," Cassidy said softly.
Alex opened her eyes.
Cassidy reached up and touched her cheek. "I'm right here."
Alex nodded. "I know."
"Alex."
Alex leaned into her hand. "I missed you."
Cassidy kissed her, no longer tentative but deliberate.
Alex backed her toward the bed. They moved together, hands finding familiar places, mouths following, the years between them making everything easier and still somehow new.
Cassidy's bra landed on the floor.
Alex's belt proved more complicated.
Cassidy glanced down. "Problem?"
"No."
"That looks like a problem."
"It's a belt, Cassidy."
"Mm. Or a formidable opponent."
Alex huffed, finally freeing it and tossing it aside. "You're enjoying yourself."
"I am."
"I noticed."
Cassidy kissed the corner of Alex's mouth. "You're cute when you're annoyed."
"I am not cute."
"No. Of course not."
Alex's gaze narrowed playfully. "Don't patronize me."
"Never," Cassidy said, her eyes darkening.
Alex opened her mouth to respond, but Cassidy slid her hands beneath the waistband of Alex's pants, and whatever Alex had been planning to say disappeared.
The back of Alex's knees met the mattress. She sat, pulling Cassidy with her, and for a moment everything was heat and skin and breathless laughter. Cassidy kissed her jaw, her throat, the place just below her ear that made coherent thought difficult.
Alex tried to regain some control.
That lasted approximately three seconds.
She shifted to help remove the rest of her clothes, caught one foot in the twisted leg of her pants, and tipped sideways onto the mattress in a graceless heap. One leg remained trapped at the knee.
Cassidy froze.
Alex closed her eyes. "Don't."
Cassidy made a sound that wasn't quite laughter.
"Cassidy."
"I didn't say anything."
"You're vibrating."
That did it.
Cassidy laughed, soft at first and then fully, her whole body shaking as Alex lay half-naked and defeated by a pair of pants.
"This is not helping," Alex muttered, though she was smiling now, too.
Cassidy sat up, still chuckling as she took Alex's ankle in her hand. "Come here."
"I am here. Against my will."
"With your dignity mostly intact."
"Mostly?"
Cassidy worked the fabric down Alex's calf and over her foot, then tossed the pants aside. "There. Saved."
Alex looked up at her. "My hero."
Cassidy's laughter faded, leaving something tender in its place.
"Always," she said.
The word settled between them.
Alex reached up and touched Cassidy's face.
There were things she could say. Things about leaving.
About Dylan. About Claire. About Cassidy's father and the anger Cassidy carried because love and anger did not cancel each other out.
Things about how sometimes it felt impossible to be responsible for so many people and still need this much from one person.
But Cassidy was looking at her in that special way that reminded Alex she had seen her at her strongest and worst. Alex didn't need to say anything for Cassidy to understand. Not tonight.
Cassidy lowered herself carefully, covering Alex with the warmth of her body. Alex's hands moved over Cassidy's back, finding the familiar path of her spine, the soft dip at her hip, and the curve of her shoulder.
They kissed unhurriedly, but there was urgency beneath it now. One that spoke of understanding. And need.
The kind that was built from years of loving each other through raising children, through danger, grief, and ordinary days that consumed your attention if you weren't careful. The kind that said, I know you. I choose you. I will always come back to you.
Alex breathed Cassidy in.
"Cass," she whispered.
"I'm here."
The words nearly undid Alex.
She closed her eyes and let herself believe them.
Cassidy was here.
Her hand in Alex's hair. Her mouth soft against Alex's skin. Her body warm and steady and real. Her love wasn't fragile or conditional. It wasn't something Alex had to earn by being strong enough, careful enough, or useful enough.