Chapter 5 #2
Cassidy laughed. She bent over and helped Claire onto her back. "We'll show them who's the fastest," she promised.
Claire shrieked with delight as Cassidy took off.
Everything else grew quiet as they watched. Watching Cassidy McCollum carry Claire Bracket across the backyard. An acknowledgment, perhaps. Was the work worth all the sacrifices? Was it worth the lies? The hiding? The fear? What had they gained? Could it ever be more than they lost?
Nicolaus cleared his throat. "So... Claire's birthday is soon. Another party? Let me guess; princesses?"
Marjorie laughed. "Hardly."
Jim and Nicolaus looked at her.
Marjorie shrugged. "Masters of the Universe."
A brief silence was followed by boisterous laughter.
Cassidy set Claire's feet on the ground. They looked at the adults. Claire looked at Cassidy.
"Parents are weird," Cassidy said.
Claire smiled.
"Come on," Cassidy said. "Let's get the boys to play hide and seek."
Arlington, Virginia
Saturday, December 12
Present Day
Cassidy watched as Alex stared into her coffee cup.
"Expecting it to answer you?"
Alex looked up and smiled, then sighed.
Cassidy crossed the kitchen and stopped beside her. "Alex."
Alex set the mug on the counter. "I wish you were coming with me."
Cassidy's expression softened. She nodded.
"I do."
"I know," Cassidy said, her hand caressing Alex’s arm. "Just think about me welcoming you home."
Alex grinned. "Tacos?"
Cassidy shook her head. "Have you ever considered pasta?"
Alex appeared to weigh the question seriously. "I prefer tacos."
Cassidy laughed and stepped closer. "I'll miss you."
Alex sighed again.
"Love."
"I know. I'm being ridiculous."
"I wouldn't say that."
"You wouldn't?"
"No. But you do seem to be wrestling with a week in Connecticut more than you do a week overseas," Cassidy said.
"That's not true."
"No?"
Alex shook her head. "It's more like role reversal. You've gotten used to me leaving, and?—"
"Oh, no," Cassidy interrupted gently. "I will never get used to your absences. I accept them." She brushed a thumb over Alex's hand. "And this one actually makes me happy."
Alex blinked.
"Not that you'll be away," Cassidy clarified. "But that you'll be able to check in on everyone."
"You're worried, too."
"Sure. Not about all the same things."
"Claire?"
"Maybe."
"Cass, maybe you should take this trip."
"No. Claire will think I'm checking up on her."
Alex chuckled.
"What?" Cassidy asked.
"She'd be right."
Cassidy grumbled.
"Come on," Alex said. "You miss your mom. You miss Claire."
There was no point in denying it. Cassidy shrugged. "Of course I do."
"I think you should ask Candace for some time off when El has the baby."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because it would be good for you to spend some time there."
Cassidy shook her head. "Maybe before the baby is born. A week or so to help El."
"Why not after?"
"Because Mom will be there. And Claire needs to find her footing without me hovering over her." Cassidy paused. "As a parent."
Alex nodded.
"You disagree," Cassidy said.
"I don't know if I disagree."
"Okay. What do you think?"
"The truth?"
"Of course."
Alex took a breath. "I think you and Claire haven't had as much time as you need. Not since you learned the truth. We're here. Claire is in Connecticut, or France, or wherever work takes her. And you haven’t had enough time with?—"
"Our parents?" Cassidy finished.
Alex shrugged lightly, bracing for Cassidy's argument.
"You're right," Cassidy said.
Alex blinked. "I am?"
Cassidy smiled. "Occasionally."
Alex grinned.
"Don’t gloat," Cassidy teased. She took a breath. "It's not something we can force, love. We all need time. And right now, Claire needs time with our parents without me there to provide a buffer."
Alex pondered the observation.
"And I need time to reconcile my feelings about my dad," Cassidy admitted.
Alex nodded. "I know."
"I love you for wanting to be there for me," Cassidy said. "But right now? Right now, Alex, you're the person they need."
Alex stared at her. "Me?"
"You don't think so?"
"Not really."
Cassidy nodded, as if she had expected the answer. "Alex, you miss my mom almost as much as I do."
"Of course I miss your mom."
"And Claire can use you right now more than she needs me."
Alex barked a laugh. "Claire does not need me more than she needs you. Ever."
"That's not true."
"Cass—"
"I'm serious. Claire is trying to find her way with El and the kids. You've been through that with Dylan."
"Not the same."
"No," Cassidy agreed. "But not so different, either. I have never done that. Not the way you have. I think it's hard for Claire sometimes, wanting to claim them as hers."
Alex sighed deeply.
Cassidy smiled. "See? You do understand."
"Yeah," Alex admitted. "I do."
"And you realize you are one of the obstacles."
Alex's head snapped up. "What are you talking about?"
"Claire cares about what you think of her. You know that's true."
"Claire is family. She's also been my partner. She should know I care about her. And she should know I trust her."
"She does."
"Then I don't?—"
"Jonathan was your brother," Cassidy said softly. "He is the biological father of our children, Alex. You can't seriously believe that isn't on Claire's mind."
Alex looked away.
"I've told her I think she's what the kids need," Alex said.
"I know." Cassidy touched Alex's cheek. "But I think that might be something she needs to feel."
Alex huffed.
"You underestimate how much you mean to Claire."
Alex drew a slow breath. "No, Cass. I don't."
Cassidy studied her.
"I don't," Alex repeated. "But you're not wrong. Sometimes I forget. Or maybe I push the past aside. My past with Claire. Jonathan's past with you. Just the?—"
"Past," Cassidy finished.
Alex chuckled softly. "Yeah."
"It's funny, isn't it?"
"What is?"
"We're all trying to understand our parents' past while we keep brushing ours aside."
Alex looked at her for a moment, then nodded. "I guess we are."
"I'm glad you'll be there this week," Cassidy said. "It'll be good for you, too."
"And you?"
Cassidy offered a sly grin.
Alex closed one eye slightly. "You need a break from me, huh?"
Cassidy cupped Alex's face. "Never."
Alex closed her eyes for a brief second.
"I am, however, glad Kenzie has discovered the joys of teaching her siblings how to do laundry and load the dishwasher," Cassidy said.
"Mm-hm. You don't need a butler anymore. You have a whole staff."
Cassidy winked. "Oh, I still need you, Alfred."
That did it. Alex laughed.
The sound eased something in both of them.
Alex reached for her coffee, then seemed to think better of it. "I should hit the road."
Cassidy nodded, though she didn't step back. "Call me when you land."
"I will."
Alex bent to kiss her. Cassidy held on for a moment longer than necessary, memorizing the feel of Alex there in the kitchen, warm and real and already halfway gone.
Alex rested her forehead against Cassidy's. "Je t'aime."
Cassidy closed her eyes. "I love you, too."
Westport, Connecticut
"Claire!"
"C'waire!"
"Are you still in the shower?" Eleana called up the stairs.
Claire emerged from the bedroom, pulling a sweatshirt over her head. "I know. I'm running behind."
Eleana looked up from the bottom of the staircase. "Are you feeling okay? You slept later than usual."
Claire descended the stairs two at a time, hopped off the bottom step, kissed Eleana's cheek, and lifted Ian onto her hip.
Eleana giggled. "I guess you're feeling okay."
Claire carried Ian toward the kitchen. "I can't remember the last time I slept that much unless I was sick."
"You were up late with Jim."
Claire nodded.
"Playing pool?" Eleana asked.
"Mostly."
"Mostly?"
Claire set Ian on the floor and reached for her keys on the counter. "We had a few glasses of scotch."
"Ah." Eleana folded her arms. "The pieces come together."
"I wasn't drunk, El."
"I didn't say you were. It does explain why Jim was asleep on the sofa this morning."
Claire turned. "Did he leave?"
"Mm-hm. Your mom picked him up about an hour ago."
Claire frowned. "Why didn't you wake me?"
"He told me not to. He said you needed your rest." Eleana grinned. "Something about recovering from your defeat."
Claire rolled her eyes. "Once. He beat me once."
"And apparently that victory required a long nap."
"Maybe. For him."
Eleana laughed and opened the refrigerator. "You know, your mom offered to pick Alex up at the airport."
Claire shrugged. "Nah. She's probably busy scolding my father about staying up too late and watching his sugar intake."
Eleana smiled, but said nothing.
Recently, Claire had begun to refer to Jim as her father.
Not always. Sometimes the word slipped out before Claire realized she had used it. Other times she avoided it altogether, as if naming him too often might be asking for something she didn't deserve.
But it happened.
And every time it did, Eleana sensed a new lightness in her. Not happiness exactly; something more tentative. But little by little Claire became less guarded.
Ian tugged on Claire's sleeve. "C'waire?"
"Yeah, bud?"
"I go with you?"
Claire looked down. "You want to go with me to get Aunt Alex?"
He nodded, grinning wide, all teeth and big brown eyes.
Claire glanced at Eleana.
Eleana shook her head. "Don't look at me. He asked you."
"You can come with me," Claire told him.
"Sucker," Eleana whispered.
Claire shrugged. Guilty. No point denying it.
She was a sucker for all of the kids. It had started with Mackenzie, who had sized Claire up and decided she was someone worth bossing around.
Then the twins grabbed hold of her hands and, as much as Claire had tried to deny it back then, her heart.
Fallon arrived, and Claire found herself helping with diapers and bottles and trying to understand what being a godparent meant beyond standing in a church and promising things she didn't fully understand.
Now there were Ian and Eva.
Both resembled Jonathan in ways Claire still wasn't sure how to handle. Ian had his father's chin, and Eva had his stubborn brow. But they both had Eleana's soft brown eyes—eyes bright with mischief and goodness.
Goodness.