Chapter 7 #6
“That sounds like something politicians say when they don’t want to answer a question,” Dylan said.
Claire pointed at him. “Accurate.”
Alex gave her a look.
“What?” Claire asked. “It was.”
Dylan smiled, but the smile faded quickly. “I’m not trying to be reckless.”
“I know,” Alex said. “I don’t want you to chase after the past, Dylan. I’ve made that mistake. Claire has, too.”
Claire shrugged. “Also accurate.”
“I can’t change what my father did,” Alex said. “I can’t change what Brackett did. I can’t change what happened to Claire, or to your mother, or to my brother, or to you.”
“Alex,” Dylan said.
“No. It’s true.” She looked at Claire, then back at Dylan. “That doesn’t mean we stop looking for the truth. It doesn’t mean I don’t have questions I want answered. But that can’t be the purpose. We can’t chase what’s behind us.”
Claire’s gaze lifted.
“Then what?” Dylan asked.
Alex leaned back slowly. “We need to create the conditions for something new—hopefully, something better.”
“You mean for the CIA?”
“No. For Candace,” Alex said. “For people like her. For people willing to stand in the middle of the shitstorm Claire talks about and make choices that are about something more than profit, power, or revenge.”
Alex looked toward the dark window.
“These men spent decades building systems that answer to fear,” she said. “They created fear. Not just for the leaders of countries. For us.”
“And you think Candace can change that?” Dylan asked.
“No.”
Dylan shook his head.
“But she can help make changes that make it harder for fear to become the instrument of powerful people.” Alex shook her head. “I never thought about it—not until I was talking to your grandfather this afternoon.”
Claire’s ears perked.
“The world they helped create—the one Claire and I have been trying to deconstruct—operates on fear. Depends on it.”
“So, what do we do?” Dylan asked.
“We operate from someplace else.”
“Which is?” Claire asked.
“Confidence,” Alex replied.
“Um, Alex? We’re probably the two cockiest agents I know.”
Alex chuckled. “Not bravado, Claire. Confidence.”
“I don’t understand,” Dylan said. “Do you mean confidence that we’re right?”
“No,” Alex said. “Confidence that we can’t be turned against each other.”
Claire smiled.
“That’s what I realized today. I don’t know who or what we might uncover. But I know they are counting on their ability to make us doubt each other. It’s what they’ve always done. Why they wanted us kept apart. Sowing fear and doubt is their playbook.”
“Why?” Dylan asked.
“Because it works,” Claire said.
Alex offered her a sad smile.
Claire sighed. She looked at Dylan. “No matter what happens,” she said, “you need to trust that anything—I mean anything—Alex or I tell you to do, or anything we ask you to stop doing, is because it serves the mission. You can’t accuse us of shielding you for any other reason, Dylan.
Not because we love you, and not because you’ll always be that little kid holding his Batmobile to both of us. ”
Dylan sucked in a nervous breath. “I understand.”
“Someday you’ll understand why this is so hard for me,” Alex said. “Letting you get this close.”
“You mean when I have kids?”
Alex smiled. “I do. Hopefully?—”
“It’s a long way off,” Dylan finished her thought.
Alex sighed. “That isn’t what I was about to say.”
He blinked.
Claire placed her hands on her knees, then pushed herself to her feet. “I’m going to see if El needs any help getting Eva down.”
“You don’t need to leave,” Dylan said.
"Yep, I do. This part is between you and your mom," Claire said. She looked at Alex. "I'll see you in the morning."
Alex nodded.
"Mom—"
Alex held up a hand. "I'd like to sit here and tell you that it doesn't worry me."
"Me and Maggie?"
"Not you with Maggie—no. That you're so eager to grow up."
"Mom."
Alex shook her head. "Time goes by so fast, Speed. I don't know how to explain it to you. Sometimes, it catches up to you all at once. One day, you're trying to figure out how to be someone's kid, and the next your kid is telling you they're about to be a parent."
"Uh... I'm not having any babies."
Alex chuckled. "Not right now. I think we both know that's something you want sooner than I'd like you to pursue it."
"Why?"
Alex sighed. "The truth?"
"Yes."
"Maybe because I'm not ready to let go of the kid I met in the kitchen, showing off his field day ribbon. And maybe that isn't fair. I hate that my father tried to hold me back. I would give anything to know it was because he didn't want to let me go."
Dylan smiled. "I'm not going anywhere, Mom."
Alex nodded. "You already have, Speed. And that's the way it's supposed to be. My father never realized that. Or maybe he just never accepted it."
"I won't screw this up," he said.
Alex laughed. "You will. We all do. Just know you can come to me when you do."
Dylan nodded.
"Now, come on. How about you let me redeem myself at the pool table?"
"What makes you think you'll beat me?" he asked.
Alex shrugged. "I still have some tricks up my sleeve."
Dylan followed her to the basement. "You mean you still have secrets you haven't taught me?"
Alex shrugged.
God, I hope so.