Fear of Flying

3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Drew

Drew pulled his hand back slowly, hoping it wouldn’t seem too obvious that he’d forgotten he was still touching Zach, practically holding his hand. A literal stranger whom he’d just met not fifteen minutes ago. A stranger whom he’d glanced at for half a second before he’d been jostled from behind by an overeager passenger trying to find their seat. A stranger whom he’d immediately clocked as “one of those” types of gay men, and he wasn’t even quite sure what that meant other than the fact that guys who looked like Zach and had a similar vibe always seemed to be hitting on him.

And that normally made Drew really uncomfortable because, inevitably, it ended with them asking him out. Turning them down was always so awkward and never failed to make him feel guilty, like he was some first-class jerk, especially when he got a hefty dose of attitude in return—a scoff and side-eye that screamed “Sure, you’re not gay, honey.” Sitting next to a guy like that on a long flight was normally just shy of a nightmare, and it was even less appealing when Drew did, indeed, find the guy attractive.

But then . . .

When Drew had taken his seat, Zach had seemed so... anxious—for reasons Drew hadn’t yet known—and it had tugged at his heart in a way he was wholly unfamiliar with. Then Drew had found himself making small talk, like it was his new mission in life to try and make the guy more at ease. He hated small talk. He hated chatty seatmates on airplanes. And now he was the chatty seatmate making small talk.

Drew hadn’t been able to stop the inane words from tumbling out, and somehow, while it really should have felt awkward and embarrassing, it kinda... hadn’t—that was, until he’d seen Zach turn pale and stiffen in his seat when the plane had started making its ascent. Drew had been horrified, thinking maybe he’d done something wrong, but then he’d realized the plane was gaining altitude and Zach’s anxiety seemed to be rising right along with it.

Thankfully, Zach had started calming down when Drew had distracted him with conversation, and once they’d reached cruising altitude, Zach seemed in far better spirits, though he did still look uncomfortable—tense and maybe still a little pale.

“Uh... thanks for...” Zach started, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. “It’s... kind of embarrassing to be a grown man so terrified of flying.” He ducked his head and his cheeks reddened as his arm came back down again, his hand resting in his lap.

“It’s... Don't worry about it,” Drew said, feeling a flush of heat in his body and wondering if it was normal to find Zach’s embarrassment attractive. Wasn’t it more normal to be attracted to big, muscular guys at the gym or to leading Hollywood actors who wore tight-fitting clothing and were really nice to look at? Maybe. But even if they were nice to look at, Drew knew he’d rather die than think about being in any type of relationship with those sorts of guys.

Zach, on the other hand... Zach was just some ordinary guy. An ordinary guy whom Drew happened to be incredibly attracted to. And that was new to him.

“So, um... what do you do, Drew?” Zach asked tentatively, and it almost seemed as if he was trying to restore some sense of grown-up-ed-ness to their conversation.

“I, uh...” Drew bit back a sigh at the question. It was one of his least favorite questions to answer, and after this weekend and this morning’s meeting, he was even more reluctant to respond. But it was a simple question, and even if he preferred their banter—or Zach letting him ramble on about Superman—it would be awkward for him to avoid it. “I’m, uh, an attorney.”

Drew could see the hint of distaste in Zach’s eyes as he nodded slowly—clearly a strike against him. Not that... not that it mattered. Drew shouldn’t care whether or not Zach liked him. He probably should have just lied; it wasn’t like he was going to see Zach again after this flight. Still, the look on Zach’s face made him sad for reasons he couldn’t quite explain.

“Ah... I’m...” Zach hesitated slightly and let out a small huff of laughter. “You know, to be totally honest, I’m torn between making a lawyer joke here and asking something less juvenile, like what kind of law you practice... God, but instead, I’ve gone for the third option of just embarrassing myself more by rambling like a fool. Too bad we’re stuck in a giant aluminum tube, miles up in the air, and I can’t just excuse myself and go hide.”

Drew could feel a lightness in his heart, and he had to bite his lower lip in an effort to stop the laughter threatening to erupt. That had been the most adorable and hilarious response he’d ever gotten, and it almost made him forget about the look of distaste that had danced across Zach’s expression for just a second after Drew had answered. He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face, and then his lips were twitching with the urge to laugh again. “There’s... the bathroom. The bathroom is available. Join the Mile Hide Club? ”

Zach froze for just an instant before he burst into laughter, and something flip-flopped in Drew’s stomach. A warm flush spread throughout his body when Zach recovered from his laughter and looked straight at Drew for a long second. Then Zach’s gaze darted away again to examine the seat back in front of him.

“I’ll, uh...” Zach started but trailed off. Either something had distracted him or he hadn’t been sure of what he’d wanted to say.

“Can I choose?” Drew said, maybe a bit too eagerly.

“Huh?” Zach tilted his head slightly.

“Choose between your joke and your question. Because I choose the joke. Let’s hear it,” Drew said, hoping to amuse Zach but also avoid the cringe factor of admitting out loud that his day job consisted primarily of helping stupidly wealthy people get divorced.

“Oh god, um... would you believe I forgot the joke?” Zach looked half-amused and half-mortified. “I... man, my brain really does not function great on this much anxiety. You’ll have to just forgive my awkwardness and forget you ever met me once you step off the plane.”

“I don’t think I want to do that.” Shit, had his voice sounded all raspy and intense? It had, hadn’t it?

“Forgive me?”

“Forget you.” Definitely raspy. And his chest felt funny, too.

“Oh, uh . . . me too—neither. Me neither.”

Drew’s face suddenly felt hot. “Uh, you know, because you seem like a really cool guy. It’d be a shame to erase you from my memory. Though... I’m not sure you can say the same about me. I mean, we’ve known each other for how long now?” He checked his watch. “Thirty minutes or so, and how much of that time have I spent rambling on about Superman? Honestly, no one outside of my internet friends on Discord has let me go on about the Man of Steel that long—you know, even them, they might just scroll on past what I type and... God. I’m... I’ll shut up now.” Oh god, what was wrong with him? He could feel his entire face flushing with embarrassment, but when he focused back on Zach’s face, all he saw was a warm, amused smile that made his stomach flip again.

This was... He couldn’t... Drew didn’t understand what the heck was going on. At all.

This was why he tried not to socialize face-to-face. This was why his only real friends were people online whom he’d never met in real life. This was why he spent his precious little free time with the dogs at the animal shelter. He was clearly inept at socializing outside of what his job required.

In court in front of a judge and jury and opposing counsel? He excelled. In a conference room with two people spitting vitriol across the table at each other and their respective lawyers? No sweat. One adorably gorgeous seatmate who was terrified of flying? Apparently that turned him into a rambling fool. With butterflies in his stomach. Butterflies!

Thankfully, the flight attendants interrupted then, asking if they wanted a snack and a drink. Drew sat back in his seat as Zach ordered a Jack and Coke and then managed a tight smile as the flight attendant shifted their attention to him. Still feeling a bit caught off guard, Drew couldn’t really think to make any sort of decision, so he just said he’d have the same as Zach. Then he leaned to his side to grab his wallet out of his back pocket.

He fumbled slightly as he opened it, pulled out his usual debit card, and handed it to the flight attendant, all while trying to ignore the tingling and heat in his arm from when his leaning had put it in contact with Zach’s shoulder.

“I’ll get both of them,” Drew said before he even realized that the words were coming out of his mouth.

“Ah, um, thanks,” Zach said, a bit of confusion in his voice .

Drew couldn’t help but smile when he looked over at Zach. “You’re welcome.” It felt like there were a million butterflies fluttering around in his chest and stomach now.

God, what was this?

A thousand thoughts ran through his mind as the flight attendant processed his card and then handed it back to him, and he also couldn’t help but look around them, hoping no one was the wiser. God, it almost felt like his attraction to the man sitting next him was written all over his face. Could people tell?

Physical attraction had never been like this for him. Warmth and sparks and tingling and butterflies... those were the things of books and movies, right? Not real life. Never real life. But god, this... was actually happening, wasn’t it?

He smiled at Zach again, unable to stop his eyes from flitting to the slight dimple in Zach’s cheek. He wondered if there was a matching one on the other side.

Zach smiled back, and the blush Drew thought he saw rising in Zach’s face again made Drew’s heart flip-flop in his chest.

Drew tried to shake himself mentally. This didn’t seem like real life. It was some sort of fairy-tale fantasy... He glanced out of the corner of his eye again at Zach—Zach and his dark, slightly curly hair and blue eyes and strong-cut jaw...

Nope. Nope, he shouldn’t go there. He let out a deep breath and gave Zach a wobbly smile. He did not, under any circumstances, need to compare the attractive man next to him to Clark Kent or his alter ego. Nope.

Because half of Drew’s love for the superhero was related to the love story between Lois and Clark. And if he let his mind even start to wander...

Nope.

“Nope, what?” Zach asked .

Drew sat there, fully aware that his mouth was hanging open but somehow unable to do anything about it. Had he really just spoken out loud and not even realized it? What was wrong with him?

“I, um... sorry, my mind was drifting... to—to a w-work thing or something. It’s been a grueling week for me—long hours and not enough sleep.” Maybe that was what was wrong with him. Lack of sleep. Yep, that would account for all the butterflies and tingling and inability to speak coherently. Actually, maybe he was sick, coming down with something. That would also explain the flashes of heat that kept flooding through him at random moments that definitely weren’t correlated perfectly with Zach’s smiles or laughter.

“So you were in New York for work too?” Zach asked, interrupting Drew’s dangerously wandering thoughts.

Drew nodded, grateful for the change in subject. If only his nervous system could catch up to the rest of him.

“I was there for a work conference and for a few meetings afterward,” Zach added. His eyes seemed to search Drew’s face and body language, and Drew thought he was probably wondering what the heck was wrong.

“Ah, fun stuff. Or at least conferences can be sometimes...” Drew offered lamely.

The flight attendants interrupted again, one with a small packet of some type of cracker mix and the other with a tray of beverages. Less than a minute later, he and Zach were settled with their tiny snack bags and their Jack and Cokes on their tray tables, and Drew felt inexplicably frozen to the spot. Should they toast? No, that would be weird, right? And Drew needed to dial down the weird by like five.

Out of the corner of his eye, Drew watched as Zach picked up his plastic cup and raised it slightly. “What should we toast to? ”

“I, um...” Drew still felt half-frozen, but he managed to at least pick up his drink and hold it close to Zach’s.

Zach let out a breathy laugh and smiled softly at Drew, which made another flush of heat run through him. “To a superhero of a seatmate? For saving me from the terror of takeoff... and who will... hopefully also be willing to save me from the torture of landing too?”

Drew swallowed and nodded. “Of course,” he managed to rasp out, his mouth suddenly having gone dry.

They “clinked” their plastic cups together and each took a long sip. At the sight of the slight twinkle in Zach’s eye, Drew was immediately thankful that they wouldn’t have to part ways until reaching Dallas. He really didn’t like the idea of their time together coming to an end, even though he couldn’t explain what was happening or what it meant.

He’d always been lonely. Everything, his whole existence, had been lonely. But it hadn’t really mattered all that much because he’d never really been attracted to anyone—physically or otherwise—and certainly not to this extent. This was beyond anything he’d experienced or any reality he’d ever imagined. And he still really wasn’t sure if it was real.

A sudden jolt and jerk of the airplane made them both pitch forward slightly, their snack packets sliding to the floor as the telltale tone of the captain turning on the seat belt sign rang out. Drew watched as the color drained from Zach’s face and his eyes screwed shut. The plane jerked again, and there was a thunderous rattling and banging that Drew assumed could only be the carry-ons shifting in the overhead bins. Drew heard a chorus of gasps and murmurs from the other passengers, and at least one baby started crying.

His stomach clenched, and almost instinctively, he found himself reaching out to take Zach’s drink from him. He set it on his own tray table and then grabbed Zach’s hand and held tight. “Hey, Zach. Listen to me,” he said, leaning closer to Zach’s ear to make sure he could hear and keeping his tone clear and even. “You gotta listen, okay? It’s just a little turbulence. Happens all the time on thousands and thousands of flights a day, and they all land safely.”

Zach’s eyes were still screwed shut, and his knuckles were white, his hand closed tightly around Drew’s. Another bump and pitch of the plane elicited a whimper from Zach and almost sent Zach’s drink flying.

Quickly, Drew set his drink down and picked up Zach’s. “Here, why don’t you go ahead and chug your drink? Help calm those nerves just a bit. Can you do that?”

Zach peeked out at Drew from the corner of his eye, and Drew held the plastic cup out for him. If Zach had been capable of a skeptical look, Drew was sure he’d be seeing it right now.

“I know, slim chance of actually calming down, right? Heh.” At least Zach’s eyes were a bit more open and focused on Drew now, though they squeezed shut again when the plane shook violently for a few seconds before stilling once more. “I know. I know. God, I’m so sorry right now, Zach. But stay with me, okay? If you don’t think it’ll calm your nerves, maybe—maybe would you be willing to chug it down so that it doesn’t spill on either of us? Because that would really suck, one or the both of us with wet pants. Right?”

Drew caught half a smile from Zach, and if it hadn't been so loud in the cabin, he was sure he might have heard a chuckle. This time, Zach did manage a skeptical look, but Drew just grinned and held up the drink.

“Please?”

With a shaky hand, Zach reached out and took the drink from Drew, and Drew tried not to focus on just how much Zach’s hand was trembling or on the likelihood that Zach’s T-shirt was going to get spilled on. Though he wasn’t at all religious, Drew prayed to whoever might be listening that there would be no more turbulence while Zach was drinking. Or at all, really, but at least while he was drinking.

It seemed like forever and in slow motion, but Zach managed to down the drink fairly quickly. Drew took the cup from him, dumped the ice into his own cup, and stacked the two. He held the cups in his free hand just in case there was more turbulence. “Want another?” Drew half joked, holding up his drink.

Zach seemed like he was just about to shake his head when the plane jerked sideways and then bumped and shuddered aggressively. When Zach opened his eyes afterwards, his gaze settled on the drink in Drew’s hand, and he snagged it and chugged almost greedily, as though it were some magic elixir that would make all the bad things disappear.

When Zach was finished, Drew gently took the stacked cups from Zach, set them on his tray table, and then put Zach’s tray table up and secured it. Zach’s eyes were closed again, though there hadn’t been any more movement since the last series of bumps. Drew’s heart went out to Zach. How horrible it must be to have to experience your worst fear like this.

“Zach... hey, I promise it’s going to be okay. The captain said it’s just a storm system with really high winds. He sounded calm and collected, too, like it was nothing they hadn’t seen before.”

A violent jerk and then another made the plane lurch and rattle, and the cabin lights flickered out for a second, eliciting gasps and worried murmurs from other passengers. Drew’s other hand shot out to cover Zach’s knee.

“Okay, even I’ll admit that was a scary one. But I bet that’s the last of it. The captain said we were almost through the storm system, and we should be landing in Pittsburgh very soon.” Zach still looked pale, his eyes screwed shut and his jaw clenched, and his hand was holding Drew’s so tightly that Drew was starting to lose a little bit of feeling in his fingers. He frowned, about to try something else to comfort and distract Zach again, when the captain came on over the intercom to confirm that they were through the worst of the storm.

“Ah, see, Zach, did you hear that? It’s all over. It’ll be smooth sailing from here, and we’re all safe. You’re safe. Stay with me now, okay?” Drew gave Zach’s knee a squeeze. “You might want to breathe, though, maybe just a bit more frequently. I can’t guarantee you’ll be safe if you don’t continue to breathe, yeah?”

Zach let out a strangled laugh, and Drew released the breath he’d been holding. Drew shifted so that he held Zach’s hand with both of his, and he resisted the strange urge he had to rest his forehead against their joined hands. That... had been pretty intense.

Keeping his gaze on Zach’s face, watching the changes in his expression as his extreme tension slowly seeped away, Drew kept talking, still leaning in close to be sure Zach could hear him. “Eventually—not now, but eventually—you’ll have to give me my hand back.”

Drew saw a small twitch of Zach’s lips, but his eyes remained closed for now.

“So, earlier, I didn’t tell you about the latest uproar sweeping the Superman fandom. Blaine Goodman—can you believe it?—wrote this script that just... well, to be blunt, it’s complete crap. Here’s this guy that knows nothing— nothing —about Superman or his history or just... It’s character assassination, really—and I’m aware that might be a misuse of the term, but it’s appropriate. I swear this guy has to be willfully misunderstanding Superman’s characterization the way he’s got the Man of Steel fighting just for the sake of fighting without a real purpose behind it. That’s not how Superman works. He doesn’t just—”

“Tell me how you really feel,” Zach murmured, more than a hint of a smile teasing at the corners of his mouth now as he opened his eyes.

Drew could feel the heat burning his cheeks, but he also couldn’t help noticing that Zach’s grip on his hand had loosened significantly. He couldn’t explain why, but he didn’t want to let go just yet, even though Zach was clearly calm enough to have started teasing him. “I hope they fire him and hire Kevin Smith to rewrite it. He deserves another go at a Superman movie. Anyone but Blaine Goodman, the king of toxic masculinity in filmmaking.”

Zach’s eyes opened wide, and he turned his head toward Drew.

“Oh shit... you... didn’t literally mean for me to tell you how I felt. S-sorry, I was on a rant, and I—”

“It’s fine, Drew. You’re fine. I’ve listened to my fair share of similar rants from Jen.” Zach chuckled, although his voice still sounded vaguely breathless and strained. “And for what it’s worth, I’m with you on Blaine Goodman, especially after that trainwreck of an action movie he dared to call ‘the year’s best summer blockbuster.’”

Drew’s cheeks were still burning, and he could feel the sensation spreading to his ears and neck too. He cleared his throat and almost moved to run his hand through his hair before he realized he was still clasping Zach’s hand.

“I’m... probably not going to give you your hand back, though,” Zach said matter-of-factly.

“Oh?” Drew raised his eyebrows in surprise as his heart started racing.

“Yeah, I think I might hold on to it until we land. You know, just in case?”

“I, um... okay. Sure.” Drew had no idea if Zach was joking or not, but for some strange, unknown reason, holding Zach’s hand for thirty more minutes sounded amazing.