Redemption
My feet shuffle through the square, with no real plan of where to go next. People mill about, chatting and enjoying their time, if their laughter is any indication. All I feel is hollow.
Every shred of hope I’ve held on to was vanquished in an instant. Two words sealed my fate. You don’t.
My mind screams at me not to believe a word the heretic said, but my heart knows better. The woman wasn’t lying. She’s seen my future and it’s here on Earth. A place I don’t want to be. But I don’t have a choice. Free will isn’t something the fallen are given.
I did this.
A tear drips from my eye, but I don’t wipe it away. My feet continue their monotonous pounding of the pavement, with no real direction. My shoulder bumps into someone, but I don’t react as they yell, “Hey, watch where you’re going!” I’m on autopilot, just barely hanging on by a thread.
Someone walks by, leaning toward my ear.
“I know who you are.” My head jerks up, but I only see the man’s retreating back.
Another person bumps into my right shoulder and I turn to see a woman glaring down at me.
Her face is distorted as my eyes blink. My vision is going in and out as though I’m looking through a kaleidoscope.
“You’re not getting out of here,” the woman cackles.
“What?” I whisper, dazed and utterly confused by the warped imagery in front of me.
“Wh-who are you?”
The woman throws her head back and cackles louder. My hands fly to shield my ears from the piercing sound, just as someone else runs into my back, shouting for me to move the hell out of their way.
My body begins to shake as I rock back and forth on my heels. My head pivots from one side to the other, watching the crazed woman laughing while a man leers at me. My vision tunnels and I feel the world sway. I’m going down, being pulled under by a current that can’t truly exist on solid ground.
Before I hit, a strong pair of arms sweep me up and cradle me into a firm chest. I don’t care who this savior is, only that they deemed me worthy of being rescued in this moment.
Tears run like a river down my face and into the shirt of that solid chest I cling to.
The familiar scent of sandalwood should’ve tipped me off to the person I cling to.
Zeke.
“Shhh. I’ve got you, Tori.”
Of course it’s him. He’s always there when I need to be picked up off the ground. It’s been that way since day one. My instincts say it’s due to the ethereal pull we share, but something deep within questions that theory. I’m too fragile in this moment to examine any other possible reasons.
His strong legs carry us quickly to some unknown location. I don’t ask, because I don’t care. There isn’t a thing in this world I care about. Getting out has been the one sliver of hope I’ve held on to, and in a matter of moments, that hope’s been dashed to shreds.
“Put me down,” I whimper.
I’m grateful that he saved me from having an epic meltdown in the middle of Jackson Square for everyone to see, but now, I just want to be left alone.
“No. I’m making sure you’re okay.” He continues walking at a clipped pace.
“Leave me be, Zeke. I need space.”
“No.” It’s all he says in response, continuing to carry me like a child. His refusal to do the one thing I’ve asked has that last string of sanity snapping in half.
My fists begin to beat on his chest. “Let me down. Now!”
Zeke finally stops, lowering me to my feet. His firm hands grasp mine, which are balled into fists, holding me still.
“Please calm down. I’m trying to help.”
“I don’t want your help,” I snap. “Can’t you see that?”
He takes a deep breath, allowing my hands to drop to my side.
“When I stumbled across you in the square, you looked two seconds away from a full-blown panic attack.” His hand runs back through his dark hair in frustration.
“So forgive me if I misread the situation. I’ll leave you to handle things yourself. ”
He stalks past me, heading God only knows where.
He’s angry, and I can’t say I blame him.
For whatever reason, he found me in my moment of weakness.
If he hadn’t helped me, who knows where I’d be or what would’ve happened.
It was out of pure embarrassment that I pushed him away, and the shame I feel for how I treated him hits me hard in the chest.
“Zeke,” I yell to his retreating back. “I’m sorry.” My shoulders sag in defeat. All the energy is drained from my body, the fight gone.
With my head lowered, I don’t see Zeke stop and head back in my direction.
“You can’t keep pushing me away like this, Tori. Friends don’t allow friends to break down in public. I only did what I thought you’d want.”
My fingers fly to my head, massaging at my temples. A headache is fast approaching.
“Either you want me around or you don’t. I won’t play the part of your punching bag.”
My eyes fly to his. Something akin to panic rises in my belly at the thought of Zeke giving up on me.
Despite my actions, he’s brought me a sense of security.
He’s the only other angel I’ve come across on Earth.
He understands me in ways that nobody else ever could, and that’s not something I want to live forever without.
I reach out to stop Zeke from retreating again.
“Please don’t give up on me, Zeke. I-I can’t live alone here. I can’t be alone.”
The tears cascade down my cheeks as the finality of Almada’s words settle over me. Zeke’s heated expression falls from his face as his arm shoots out, pulling me in to him.
“I don’t wanna be alone, Ezekiel. Please don’t leave me. Don’t stop trying.” I can hardly contain the anguish that spills with every word spoken. The mounting fear of being deserted by Heaven and left to this rotting planet tears at my soul.
“I won’t ever stop. I can’t,” Zeke coos into my hair. “Don’t you see that? I care too much, Tori.”
“They’ve cast me out for good. I’m stuck here.” I cry harder. Every time I consider my new reality, the pain is more intense. Shouldn’t the agony ease? Can God not see fit to bestow some kindness on me?
“You were right all along,” I say, peering up into Zeke’s concerned eyes. “I’m never getting back in.”
He swallows hard, lips forming a perfect line. “How do you know this?”
“The woman from the square. I found her.”
He shakes his head. “She’s a crazy heretic, Tori. Surely you can’t believe her.”
“Yet I do.” My eyelids flutter as I try to remain upright. The lack of energy, coupled with the life-altering news, has taken a toll on my body. I need to power up, but I doubt I could even conjure a slight wind in this shape.
“Whoa. Let’s get you home and in bed,” Zeke says, lifting me once more into his arms.
Typically, I’d rebel against being carried through the streets of New Orleans like some damsel in distress, but I don’t have the energy to fight it.
I don’t know how we get back to my loft. Shortly after being hoisted up by Zeke, I dozed off, the last of my vitality zapped from me. When I come to, it’s pitch black, save for the thin stream of light floating in through the window. Zeke’s heavy breathing is the only sign I’m not alone.
I roll toward Zeke, whose breathing has slowed.
The light from the moon illuminates one half of his face, and I can’t help but inhale sharply at just how perfect he is.
Humans carve stone images in the likeness of men far inferior to this angel.
And here I am, curled up next to him. I’ve been such a fool, treating him like a nuisance.
“You’re awake.” Zeke’s groggy voice filters through the room.
“I am.”
He stretches, yawning all the while.
“I’m sorry if I woke you. Go back to sleep.” My hand reaches out, moving a stray piece of dark hair out of his eyes.
“You can’t sleep?” he asks, eyes fluttering.
I shake my head.
Zeke’s hand cups my cheek and I lean into it. “What happened today, Tori?”
I sigh, not sure that I want to get into it, but knowing it’s a conversation we’re going to have sooner or later. Might as well rip off the Band-Aid.
“She said that God made other plans for me when I fell. Heaven’s gates are slammed shut to me.” My shoulders lift. “That’s basically it.”
“You’ve always believed there’s a way. Why now? Why believe a stranger?”
That’s the question I don’t have an answer to. For whatever reason, I felt the finality in her words. My soul felt the truth in them. How do I explain that to Zeke? He’s tried to tell me the same for two years, and I’ve never once listened.
“If you want back, fight for it, Tori. Everyone is capable of atonement.” His eyes bore into mine, willing me to have hope. But all my hope is gone.
“You don’t know the things I’ve done.” The words are whispered. “There might still be hope for you. Don’t allow me to drag you down.”
“I don’t care about any of that, Tori. I just want you.” He clears his throat. “As my friend,” he amends.
“What if it’s just our connection to Heaven that has you feeling this way, Zeke? What if it’s not real?”
“Does it matter, Tori? Isn’t fate designed by Heaven? Do humans question the love they feel for another because it was destined? No. They embrace it, and so should you.”
“What if I’m scared?”
“What’s there to be scared of? We’re on Earth for a reason, and we’re lucky to have each other.”
I groan, turning my back to him. I don’t want Zeke to see my vulnerability. He’s already witnessed too much of it tonight. “What if He takes that away from us too?”
“God?”
“Yes. If we’re banished to Earth, He doesn’t want us to be happy. It’s a punishment.”
“I’ll take whatever I can have of you, for however long I can, Tori.” His chest is pressed against my back, and chills race up my spine at the contact. “Whatever it is pulling me to you, it’s strong. I don’t want to fight it.”
A desperate feeling comes over me. A crazed need to be held.
To have the events of the night wiped away.
I could give in to this intense pull too.
I could have more with Zeke. If I’m condemned to this fate, why not allow this?
He’s as perfect as they come. Looks aside—and those are some impressive looks—he gets me like nobody else ever could.
I’m immortal. He’s immortal. We could actually have a chance at a future. But he doesn’t know my past.
“I’m broken.”
“Who isn’t?” he counters. “Tori, we both fell. The reasons behind it and the things that have happened since don’t matter.
They don’t define us. They don’t define you.
” He turns me back toward him, putting his fingers beneath my chin and tipping it upward.
“All I see when I look at you is a strong, beautiful woman. Nothing evil. Never that.”
His words are a balm to my bruised and shattered soul. The way he looks at me, as if he truly sees me, gives me hope I dare not keep. Self-preservation has been my crutch, and losing that now wouldn’t be in my best interest. But to hell with playing things safe.
I inhale deeply, relishing the way Zeke makes me feel despite knowing better. I haven’t felt like this since—
I pull out of Zeke’s grip at the thought of him.
The man who made me fall. The ultimate deceiver.
“Don’t do that,” Zeke begs. “Don’t pull away from me. Don’t punish me for the sins of others.”
And that’s just it. I am punishing him for something he has nothing to do with.
I am broken.
He leans into to my ear and whispers. “I remember a time not long ago when you begged me to touch you, Tori.”
I shiver at the reminder of those early days.
Days when I was more broken than I am now.
More confused and lonely. Those days were my darkest, and I gave into every temptation imaginable, because I felt hopeless.
I told myself I was damned to Earth without a chance of redemption. Little did I know I was correct.
“I had you in my arms once, and I know how good that felt. Let go.” Zeke lowers his mouth to mine, and I stiffen. “Give in to me, Tori. Let me take care of you.”
Some things never change, and in this moment all of my weaknesses are on full display. Without another word, I seal my lips to his. Temptation in the form of man has always been my downfall, and here again I prove that in fact, nothing has changed. I’m already damned. Might as well enjoy the perks.