Riptide
My legs shake as my fists clench. To say I’m nervous is a gross understatement. I’m petrified. You don’t break the laws of God and go unpunished.
I’ve been summoned to a hearing, and there’s no doubt as to why. I gave my angelic name to a human, and every time he calls it out, I go willingly. I’m only to go to Earth on God’s command, not at the request of mortals. Yet I have done just that.
Our names are sacred, as we’re bound to answer the call. It’s the way we communicate in Heaven. Visualize and call out. It’s that simple. Now, a human knows my face and has my name. What’s worse is that I relish every moment with him. I pray every day that he’ll call to me.
Thunder rumbles and I know that God is furious.
In a blink, the council appears, surrounding me on all sides. Their disapproval radiates through me, but it’s my brother Michael’s condemnation that shames me most. My head bows as I fall to my knees before him.
I listen as he calls out my transgressions one by one. Hearing all the ways I’ve betrayed God and my fellow angels is worse than I could’ve imagined. It’s painful.
Yet I don’t regret a single one of them.
“And therein lies the greatest betrayal of all, Victoria,” Michael chastises, reading my thoughts. “You’ve fallen for a human.”
My head snaps up, shaking back and forth violently.
“No. I don’t … I can’t … it’s not like that.”
“Did you or did you not interfere with fate and give your name?” Michael asks in a booming baritone that shakes the cloud I stand upon.
“Under duress, Michael. He caught me off guard.” My words spill out in a jumble of pathetic excuses that no angel would buy, let alone Michael, God’s right hand.
My words fall short, which is evident by the always stoic archangel’s frown. Michael isn’t one to show any sort of emotion, and his clear disappointment stings.
I’m dismissed for deliberation, and one hour later the verdict is handed down.
Guilty.
A guilty verdict would typically result in damnation based on my infractions, but Michael and the council see fit to spare me. My punishment is devastating, but more lenient than I deserve. My rapier is confiscated, and I’m banned from Earth.
The latter is the most heartbreaking.
I’m trying to convince myself that life without seeing him isn’t as bleak as a lifetime in Hell. I’m only fooling myself. Michael was right. I love him.
Victoria.
My name on his lips curls around me like a cocoon.
Goose bumps and butterflies race through me as he calls out to me.
Every ounce of my being begs to go to him.
To be with him. Yet a small voice, not my own, whispers of all the things I’d be giving up.
There’s a chance he doesn’t feel as strongly for me as I do him.
Am I willing to fall for a hope and a prayer?
I no more than think the thought before the clouds begin to quake and thunder crashes. God knows my thoughts, and he’s sending a clear message. Think carefully, because there is no way back.
Victoria.
He calls my name again with a sense of urgency.
I need you. I … love you.
My breath hitches and eyes close as I savor the words. How could he have known that’s all I needed to hear? Without another thought, I fall.
I jerk awake, panting at the memory turned dream. I haven’t thought about that night in years, and for damn good reason. It was the beginning of the end.
I turn on my side to find the bed’s empty. Zeke’s already left, without saying goodbye. Panic crawls up my chest. Was I talking in my sleep? Does he know my secret?
My hand runs through my hair, pulling at the roots in frustration.
Worry and anger war to pull me under—worry over why Zeke isn’t here and anger for the intrusion by my past into my dreams. How dare he haunt me.
Is it not enough that he ruined my life?
Why, the very night I decide to give in to my need for Zeke, would my mind conjure this memory?
It’s because of him I hardly sleep as it is.
It makes me sick that after everything he did, my mind still craves his touch.
He left an ache so acute it threatens to tear me apart, no matter how hard I try to reject it. And I hate myself because of it.
Staring at the ceiling, I will my breathing to slow. Getting worked up about something from the past isn’t the way to start the day. I refuse to allow him to have this much control over me.
The wooden beams overhead help to refocus my thoughts.
They remind me of Zeke. It was he who transformed this hayloft into a livable home.
From the polished exposed beams to the treated wood floors, this place has Zeke’s touch in every corner.
So much thought and hard work went into transforming this space—for me.
The very bed I sleep on was handcrafted by the power angel, soon after I took ownership of the barn and surrounding property. It was Zeke who helped me arrange it all. Without him, I would’ve been lost in so many ways. He saved me.
That’s the difference between the two men. One used me at every turn for his own benefit. He took everything I offered. Zeke has only ever given of himself.
Throwing off the covers, I jump from bed, quickly dressing in my workout gear. First I need to work off some steam, and then I need to find Zeke. Today I’ll be training extra hard, just to attempt to wipe all thoughts of that dream away.
Thoughts of him away.
He who shall not be named was my downfall.
He’s the entire reason I fell, and I’ll regret it for eternity.
The worst part of it all? It was my decision; he never asked me to.
I did that all on my own, and no matter how much time has passed, that truth never gets easier. Placing the blame solely on him does.
Lust is an evil bitch that’ll turn on you in an instant, leaving scars that may not be visible but last a lifetime, the pain never dulling.
I chug a bottled water and rip open a protein bar. Angel or no, hunger is still a thing, and this morning, I’m starving. I shove half the bar into my mouth and chew, trying to think of everything I want to accomplish today.
Trying to keep my mind from wandering to people and times I’d best not think about.
Things that only stress me out and make me angry.
I throw the remaining food in the trash can, no longer hungry, and go through my morning routine.
It’s accomplished in record time, as the need to get out this loft is suffocating.
Clad in my black sports bra, black shorts, and black Nikes—basically my signature pissed-off look—I head toward the trail behind my loft. Popping in my earbuds, I turn the volume on high, desperate to drown out the residual noise caused by my dream.
I’m not moving as fast as I’d hoped. My powers are weakened from last night, which just manages to piss me off more. I’ll need to recharge before tonight if I want to rid the world of more demons. And I do. It’s my only mission in this new life.
I let the anger propel me forward on the dirt trail I’ve run for years. My arms pump and sweat beads on my forehead. It’s been unseasonably warm, but I won’t let it stop me from pushing myself. I need the burn. Anything to get my mind as far away from him as possible.
I make it a mile before my foot catches on an exposed root, nearly sending me to my knees.
I stop in the middle of the path, arms coming up atop my head, bent over, breathing heavily, as treacherous tears stream down my face.
All the pain and frustration comes to a head.
I don’t want to think about the past, yet I can’t escape it.
I throw my head back and scream, a guttural cry toward Heaven.
The sky opens up and rains down heavy droplets of water, soaking me through. Thunder shakes the earth, and I can’t help but feel it’s God’s way of punishing me for a dream I had no control over.
“What do you want from me?” I yell to whoever is listening, but there is nobody. There hasn’t been for some time. They all turned their backs the day I decided to trade in my wings for a chance at love.
My heaving breath is so loud that I almost miss the cracking of branches behind me. I still, wiping away the lingering tears, focusing my ethereal hearing on whatever or whoever is approaching.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Something’s off. It’s the middle of the day, and even with the overcast it’s far too light for what I’m sensing. Whatever is approaching isn’t human and it isn’t exactly animal. It’s pure evil.
Another branch cracks right behind me.
I swing around, fists at the ready, but they’re caught midair by a wide-eyed Zeke.
“Calm down, killer.” He chuckles but stops short when he sees something on my face.
Fear.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, swiveling his head to take in the area.
My shoulders relax slightly, breathing coming under control as I process it was just Zeke.
“You scared me. I thought—”
“That someone was sneaking up on you?” he says, cutting me off.
“Yeah, I guess,” I kick at the dirt, sending pebbles racing across the ground, feeling foolish.
“You looked like you were having a moment,” he admits, brows creased in the center, worry evident in the way his lips pinch at the corners. “This isn’t about last night, right?”
My cheeks heat at the knowledge that he witnessed such a personal meltdown and at the memory of what we did.
I blow out a breath. “No. Of course not. I—” I pause, searching his face for hints as to what he might know.
There’s nothing there. He looks worried, but not angry.
“Why did you leave this morning without waking me?”
“I wanted to get in a quick workout,” he says, motioning toward his running gear. “Did you miss me?” He grins, pulling me toward him.
“I’m all sweaty,” I protest, but it doesn’t stop him from bathing my neck in kisses. “Maybe we should go back inside?” I moan.
He steps back, smirking. “Nope. Let’s finish this run. You need your strength.” He winks before taking off past me, kicking up dirt in his wake.
I sprint after him, and when I finally catch up, we run side by side in silence, each pushing the other to run harder.
It’s great motivation having a warrior angel train with you.
It’s also a personal penance. Watching his muscles flex is torture, which only spurs me to pump my arms faster.
The lure to join Zeke back in my bed is overwhelming.
Despite having Zeke here, I still can’t quite shake my unease.
Something niggles at the back of my conscience.
The hairs on my neck are still upright, and that makes no sense.
I have acute demon radar and it’s never off, but it’s daylight and impossible.
They’ve never wandered this far out of the city either.
Too many signs point to a misfire on my sensor.
Still, I have an intense feeling I’m being watched. Someone other than Zeke is here.
“Did someone follow you?” I ask, turning my head toward Zeke.
He frowns. “No. I’m alone.” He slows to a stop, turning toward me. “What’s this about, Tori?”
“Someone’s here. I can feel them.”