31. Ivy
Ivy
Sixty minutes passed in a blur. That sentence summed up my entire life. It was funny how we never realized what moments were truly important, not while they happened. We didn’t realize it until much later. As I sat there holding Rhyker’s hand, staring at the cinder block walls painted white, I had plenty of time to think.
I tried not to, but it was impossible. I thought about all the times that Niko snuck into my bed to hold me. The time that Trey had found me on the side of the road and nursed me back to health. Of the time that Caleb carried me on a picnic. And I thought about that time when I found Maya on the beach, not knowing who she was.
It was only sixty minutes, and I tried desperately not to think of Cam. How he could be cruel and cutting, but somehow also protective. How much he loved his sister. And how his love of the sister was ultimately the reason he and I had spent so much time apart. I tried not to think of him in his last moments alone in the dark, potentially scared.
But as always, my thoughts went back to him. They always did.
The lock on the door disengaged, and Ross stepped through it. He was handsome in a way that only older men could be. I hated the fact that I could recognize that. But I knew that somewhere, a woman pined after him, not knowing what he was involved with or who he really was.
“You had your daily visit, but now it’s time to do something else.” There were a lot of things I hated in life. I hated the fact I would never see Cam again, and I hated the fact that I loved him still. I hated my past followed me. But the thing I hated the most was being micromanaged by someone I barely knew. I somehow managed to keep my mouth shut.
He laid his hand on the small of my back again, a gesture I would appreciate from Caleb, Trey, or Niko. Instead, all I felt was aggravation that he was touching me, his flesh sending particles of ice through my clothes. That was what I learned about men and the Order. All of their touches felt like glaciers. Maybe there was credence to the idea of a secret society of lizards running the country. I snorted, and his hand caught my wrist again, this time harder.
“What’s so funny, Ivy?” I stayed silent as the bones of my wrist ground together. The look on his face was withering, and if I hadn’t already lived through hell, it would scare me. Now, nothing did, at least not as it concerned him. “This is a reminder that if you step out of line, your brother will be killed by me personally. You’ll be the perfect wife in every way. I expect nothing less from you.”
His grip on me lessened as we climbed back up the stairs, but the dread he had hoped to instill in me was absent. Everything was except the dull ache in the center of my chest. Was it possible for someone to die of heartbreak?
He led me to a room and opened the door. Inside was everything you’d expect: hardwood floors, luxurious linens, a fluffy rug, and a bookcase. It was funny how prisons were always camouflaged to be welcoming, at least in my experience.
His words from earlier still rang in my head, so I drifted into the room. “What do you think?”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, but I knew he expected an answer. Perfection. So, I put on my brightest smile and spoke. “It’s beautiful.”
It was beautiful, but plenty of pretty things were toxic. Still, my response was good enough for him. He walked over to the small nightstand, his fingers brushing along a black leather-bound book. “You’ll be expected to read that. Inside, you’ll find everything you need to know—the entire Order’s history, rules, and what your position entails.”
Without another word, he walked away. The door shut behind him, and the lock engaged as I’d expected. I took a cursory glance around the room before settling on the edge of the bed. The book was heavy in my hands as I began reading.
The material was boring at first. Typically, I loved old books, ones that smelled damp and dusty, ones whose pages were yellowed by time. This one filled me with nothing but trepidation. My fingers traced over the ink as I turned page by page. At first, it seemed as if the tome contained nothing but a discussion on the economics of Clearhaven and of the area. Occasionally, a party was thrown in, the type where rich men sat around, and women were passed between them as if they were nothing more than overly expensive liquor.
And then a sense of horror overtook me.
June 19, 1903
Jeremiah betrayed all of us. The death of his wife, Constance, put him on edge. That was the first time that I donned the mask. Before, we had run the brotherhood like it was a democracy, but that was obviously a mistake. My father had warned me, yet I tried to defy him. I did everything the same way that my father had.
When the meeting started, he seemed surprised as I sat there in my black cloak. Only I knew the truth of what would happen as I pulled the dagger from the folds of the cloth.
Only three people knew what he had done, and soon, there would be only two. I was his judge, jury, and executioner as I sank the blade into his flesh.
He’d written a letter to the local newspaper about our plans, trying to warn the townspeople. If it weren’t for Edmund, things would have gone terribly wrong—all of this over the lives of five working girls.
Tonight was the first night that I demanded every member be branded in accordance with our by-laws. It reminded us all of the duty we carried and the tradition we’d fallen away from.
I curled up on the bed, pulled the blanket around myself, and left the book on the foot of the mattress. Morbid curiosity intrigued me. I wanted to know what it said, but some part of me didn’t. How many other lives had been negatively impacted by the Order? It seemed like people had tried to overthrow the Order in the past, but all of them failed. Later diary dates described the execution of Jeremiah.
Going against the Princeps was a death sentence.
I let out a sigh and closed my eyes. After a small nap, I could continue skimming the book, but I didn’t think that my heart could handle it anymore at that moment—not after being lost in my thoughts for so long, not after holding Rhyker’s hand.
I let my fingers rest on my stomach and thought about the baby I was carrying. If Ross discovered I was already pregnant, there was no doubt in my mind that he would kill them. It seemed like murder was the solution for anyone who stood in the way. It had been since 1903.