Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
DREW
“Kennywood?” Caitlin asks, looking from me to the massive, old yellow-and-black arrow-shaped sign, voice filled with a kind of wonder that makes me smile.
Reaching across the center console, I lay a hand over hers, feeling a warm glow when she flips hers over and laces our fingers together. “I assume you’ve been here before?”
Caitlin laughs. “Yeah, I’ve been here before.
I mean, aside from the fact that I’m a Pittsburgh kid and Kennywood is a Pittsburgh institution, my parents had their first actual date here a million years ago.
They used to bring us here a few times every summer as a sentimental kind of thing, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been here in the fall.
” Her eyebrows furrow in thought. “It’s the end of September, though, so that means Fright Night.
You can’t just come to the park randomly—it requires advance planning and different tickets. ”
She reaches into her bag with her free hand and pulls out her phone, unlocking it like she’s about to check and make sure we can get into the park. My chest aches a little at the way she snaps directly into details mode, like this is her problem to solve. Her burden to shoulder.
I know instinctively this is her default with everyone and everything else, but I don’t want it to be that way with me.
Not tonight and not ever. I squeeze her hand, and it’s enough to stop her one-handed typing.
“It is Fright Night and it does require advance planning and different tickets, which I currently have in my possession.”
She looks at me, a hint of embarrassment on her face. “Sorry,” she mutters, shoving her phone back in her bag. “I’m used to taking charge. I don’t…exactly know how not to do that.”
The vulnerability in her confession makes my heart squeeze, and I feel myself slide just a little deeper.
Pulling my truck into an empty parking spot, I cut the engine and unhook my seatbelt, turning in my seat to face her.
Taking her other hand, I bring both to my lips, pressing kisses to her knuckles.
“I like you exactly the way you are. You are the most capable, badass woman I’ve ever met, and I know without one single doubt you can handle your shit and everyone else’s too.
I also know letting go is hard for you, and accepting help is even harder.
But that just makes me want to take care of you more. ”
“Buying Fright Night tickets is taking care of me?” she asks.
Smiling, I glide my thumb over her palm and watch as her eyes go a little hazy.
“Handling all the details is taking care of you. Making sure all you have to do is show up and be here with me is taking care of you. Checking in with you and asking you what you need is taking care of you. You do that for everyone else, and I really want to do that for you.”
Caitlin takes an unsteady breath, her hands flexing in mine.
“You asked me what I needed that day in the hospital bathroom,” she says quietly, raising her eyes to mine.
“I told you I didn’t need you—or anyone.
The truth was, I just didn’t know how to answer that question because it had been so long since someone had asked me.
I think…” She trails off, considering her words.
“I think maybe I spend so much time seeming like I’ve got everything handled that no one remembers to ask. ”
“I’m asking,” I say immediately, knowing those words coming from her are monumental.
Feeling a wave of gratitude to know I’m a person she feels safe enough to open up to like this.
“I’ll always ask what you need. And you can always tell me the truth.
If it’s in my power to give it to you, I will.
” I wink at her to lighten the mood a little and her smile lights up the car.
“And lucky for you, I’m a professional athlete and kind of a big deal in this city, so there isn’t much that’s out of my power. ”
Caitlin rolls her eyes. “There’s that cocky athlete I know and love.”
I grin at her, trying to ignore the way the word love makes my stomach swoop even though I know that’s not the way she meant it. I wonder if I’m a person who she might be able to love in the real way one day. If I’m capable of loving her the way she deserves in return.
“You know it, baby. So, since once upon a time we had a dinner date and I did a thing we shall never speak of again unless I need to apologize one more time, or as many times as you want me to, I figured this time we could do something totally different.”
Caitlin narrows her eyes at me. “We were supposed to go to dinner last time. Are you telling me you plan on taking me to an amusement park full of haunted houses without feeding me after I’ve spent an entire day figuring out how to unwind a fifty-year-old trust with a value north of a hundred million dollars? ”
I scoff. “I would never not feed you. How do you feel about french fries, funnel cakes, and a side of ice cream with your haunted houses? Also lemonade. You can’t come to Kennywood and not get the lemonade.”
Her grin is my very favorite view. “I feel extremely fondly about all those things. The haunted houses in particular.”
“Yeah?” I ask. “I knew Fright Night was a risk, but something told me you would be game for the scary and spooky.”
“I am extremely game for all things spooky. I love Halloween most of all.”
It should feel incongruous, that this woman who holds tightly to control would like the scary and unknown, but somehow it makes perfect sense to me. She makes perfect sense to me, and that knowledge settles a part of me that has been unsettled for far too long.
Leaning in, I wrap a hand around the back of Caitlin’s neck and tug her mouth to mine.
I keep it light and sweet, and when she tries to take control I pull away slightly, grinning at the frustrated noise that falls from her throat.
“Patience, Princess,” I murmur, gliding a finger down the column of her neck.
“If this date ends how I hope it will, there will be so much more of that later.”
When I see the tiny flash of uncertainty in her eyes, I lean in again, cupping her face in my hands and brushing my lips over hers. “So much more of the kissing. I figured I could take you home and we could do some old-school making out against your front door. First date things, you know?”
Caitlin grips my forearms, her eyes bouncing between mine. “And if I wanted more than that?” she asks.
The images of what, exactly, more could entail have my entire body tightening, but I focus on her words. “Then I’ll give it to you. Anything you want, Catie. Nothing you don’t. You’re in charge.”
Caitlin eases back, her lips curving into a sexy little smirk. “What if I want you to be in charge? You know, be the boss of me. I remember you once telling me you would really love to tell me what to do.”
Groaning, I drop my forehead to hers. “Baby, I’m hanging on by a thread here. I really want to take you to go see some scary shit, and I also want to drive this car straight to your house so we can do very, very dirty things to each other. If that’s the kind of thing you want.”
Grinning, Caitlin leans in and kisses my cheek. “I want. I really, really want.” Then her grin disappears, her face going serious. “Thank you. For what you said. It means a lot to know you get it. Get me. I don’t think anyone really has before.”
“I do,” I say immediately. “I swear I do. I’ve never done anything like this before,” I admit.
“Dated anyone, I mean.” It’s the best I can come up with even though dating is a ridiculous word compared to the magnitude of my feelings for her.
Feelings I’m not totally sure what to do with, but there they are anyway.
“I know you know that, but I feel like I have to say it again. I have a really crappy past, and I’ll probably fuck this up a thousand times because no one taught me how be this person.
” I shake my head. “One who comes back for more than a night. Who trusts someone else to be there in the morning, so to speak. But I promise I’ll always at least try to get it right. I hope that’s enough.”
When Caitlin takes my hand and kisses the back of it, my stomach explodes in butterflies.
“I’ve never done anything like this before either.
But we’ve already had one night, and here you are, back again.
I promise if I’m there at night when you close your eyes, I’ll be there when you open them again in the morning.
I don’t think either of us really knows what it’s like to be cared for, but maybe we can learn together.
Care for each other. Trust each other.” She squeezes my hands. “Stay for each other.”
With emotion filling my chest, the only words I can manage are, “I would really like that.” But when Caitlin smiles, gray eyes sparkling as she watches me with a deep sort of understanding, I know it’s exactly, perfectly, enough.