Chapter 28 #2
Laughing a little, feeling lighter with my friends around me, I take a sip, and as I set the glass down, Maddy speaks for the first time.
“I’m proud of you, Cait. I swear I mean that in the least patronizing way possible.
I know sharing doesn’t come naturally to you, and you would rather help than be helped.
I understand this is a big deal for you, and I just wanted you to know that. ”
I know the psychologist in her understands.
That she probably always has. But this isn’t psychologist Maddy.
This is best friend Maddy, and her words have warmth filling my chest. It’s an uncommon kind of joy, I realize, to be seen so clearly by your friends.
The family you chose. And I’ll always choose them, just the way they choose me.
That’s what it means to be a part of this family.
We’re the lucky ones.
“I seriously thought you were coming here to tell us about all the sex you’ve been having.” Maya’s voice carries a tinge of disappointment, and it cuts the tension right out of the room as we all start to laugh.
“That too,” I say with a grin. “Who do you think took care of me after surgery?”
“Oh my god,” Sarah squeals, clasping a hand to her chest. “Caretaking is so fucking sexy. You better tell us everything, immediately.”
I want to, I realize. So much.
So I do.
I tell them about fourteen years of bad periods that kept getting worse.
About doctors that didn’t help and hiding it from everyone.
About searching for answers and a self-diagnosis and finally finding someone who might be able to fix me.
About surgery and waking up alone and then not being alone because Drew came to get me.
About being in his house instead of my own because I like being with him.
About him making me breakfast every morning and bringing me an iced latte before my eyes are even open and kissing me goodbye before he leaves for the stadium.
About dinner together on the couch and watching movies and talking.
So much talking. About telling secrets in the dark and my head on his chest and feeling the most whole I ever have when he’s there next to me.
About how it feels to let someone care for me for the first time in my life and how as the outside of me heals, the inside of me feels like it’s healing too.
“You love him.” Maya’s words are a statement, not a question, but I answer her anyway.
“I do. I really, really love him.” Those words are a revelation, and maybe it should feel weird saying them out loud for the first time to my friends instead of to Drew, but it doesn’t.
It feels right. Like this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be.
“I wasn’t sure I had that kind of love in me.
That I could feel that way about anyone.
Love means being vulnerable, and I’m not exactly good at that kind of thing. ”
“I don’t know,” Sophie says thoughtfully, dunking a chip into the guacamole and popping it in her mouth. “Sounds like you’re doing vulnerable just fine.”
“Yeah, you are.” Sarah’s eyes go soft. “I can’t believe he showed up at the hospital all, I’m in charge now. I mean, of course I can believe it because that man has take charge written all over him, but ugh, the swoon. I can’t take it.”
“He…did research,” I say, and five sets of eyes swing to me. “Sex research.”
“Ooooh, juicy,” Emmy says with a grin. “What kind of kinky shit are you into that the NFL’s biggest playboy had to research?
I figured he’d probably seen everything and done most of it and you could be the lucky beneficiary of all that sex expertise.
Sexpertise!” she exclaims, looking entirely too satisfied with herself for the word.
I roll my eyes. “Not that kind of research. The first time we were together, I told him I had only had sex once before back in college and it was basically a disaster because it kind of hurt and I started bleeding in the middle of it, and I could never find the courage to try again.” I drop my chin in my hands.
“Until him. He wanted to learn how to…make it good for me,” I say after a pause.
“And it was. It has been. Good for me, I mean. Great for me, actually. Mind-blowing and all that. I’ve spent years thinking that part of me was broken, but he showed me it wasn’t. He’s…shown me a lot of things.”
“Well, shit,” Maya says, a little wonder in her voice.
“What?” I ask, turning to her.
She grins at me. “He’s your perfect match, Cait.”
“How so?” I ask, feeling my heart squeeze at her words because I really do think he might be.
“Because Drew is a caretaker right down to his bones,” Maddy says with certainty.
“He’s closed off, locked up tight in a way that makes it hard to know him the way I do the other guys on the team, but I do know that.
I see it all the time. The way he took care of Cam when his wife died, and the way he loves Ethan and Riley. ”