Chapter 49
The wind whips by me as Dorran speeds his Harley through the dim streets of Riverside. The solid hum of the engine beneath me, paired with the distinct smell of smoke in the air, puts me at ease. I close my eyes and breathe it in, then place the side of my face on Dorran’s back.
My white shorts and lavender hoodie are failing exceptionally against the cold, but I’m also enjoying the brittle weather tonight, so I can’t exactly complain.
Dorran takes a left, and we enter yet another quiet neighborhood. I tighten my grip on his waist, then place a kiss on the back of his neck as I inhale his scent.
He hasn’t spoken a word to me since he started driving us out of Upside, and even though I’ve wanted to, I haven’t attempted at starting a conversation with him. I know I should, but I also want to give him time to clear his head, because I feel like he really needs it tonight.
We reach a pull-off, and Dorran turns his bike into it. The road is a bumpy high-rise here, so he slows down and drives at a neutral pace.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“You’ll see,” is all he says.
The ground transforms into a carpet of lush green grass the further we go, and when Dorran finally stops his Harley at a massive clearing, it takes me a moment to realize where we are.
I get off the bike and look around the hilltop we’re on, and can’t help but suck in a breath when I get an unrestricted view of the ocean in front of me.
It’s wide and calm, and the water all but glistens against the moonlight.
Subtle waves crash and fall into each other, and with how coincided the sky and the ocean appear to be, I can see the stars reflecting in each ripple that passes and returns.
I turn around, and find Dorran sitting on the grass. His knees are folded and pressed to his chest, and his forearms are rested atop them as he stares at the ocean with a pensive look on his face.
I’m momentarily struck by how detached he seems; how he’s hunched over a little, and how his brows touch every other second, indicating that he’s thinking something.
I erase the short distance between us and sit next to him, then scoot closer to make sure we’re touching. I’m about to place a hand on his arm and ask him what’s got him this disheveled, but he beats me to it.
“Varsha shot Gavin yesterday. Multiple times.” He then follows those words by telling me everything that happened at Radical
Ink, and how he had to kill Nicole in order to avoid leaving any loose ends behind.
I open my mouth to say something – what, I don’t exactly know. There’s so much to unpack here that I have to sit quietly and process every bit of it before I decide to respond to any of it.
Firstly, what I personally feel after having just heard Dorran, is relief.
Relief that Gavin’s dead. As much as I didn’t give a shit about him, he was starting to pose a threat, so he naturally had to go.
And I know it’s selfish of me to put my feelings first, but I’m not a goddamn saint, and I’m not ashamed to admit being happy about something, despite it being someone’s death.
Secondly, Varsha shot Gavin, which I’m assuming is the reason behind Dorran’s shift in mood.
I know Gavin and Varsha had history, but from the extent of it I’m aware of, he cheated on her with Nicole.
So, circling back to point one, I’m glad he’s dead, and I’m glad Varsha was the one who put an end to him.
But that also means killing him triggered her mentally, and in turn the entire crew.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I urge Dorran.
He looks at me, and there’s literal pain in his eyes – one he chooses to let me see.
“Alex and I found Varsha crying in Finesse’s bathroom a couple of hours after she killed Gavin,” he says.
“She’s fine now, of course, but fuck, Cigs, I’ve…
I haven’t seen her like this since the day Jayce and I found her 5 years ago.
And what happened with Gavin ended up breaking that cycle.
” He brings his knees down and crosses his legs before shifting to face me.
“I’m fucking mad at that asshole, even though he’s gone.
I wanna kill him, have his blood on my hands, but he’s already dead.
Too easily forgiven and forgotten. And I can’t help but think how unreasonable love is.
Because that’s what Varsha felt for him, didn’t she?
Love.” He lets go of a crude laugh. “Such a small fucking word, and yet, it consumes a human being, makes them helpless to the point where they’ve got no other choice but to lose.
Love is a weakness, a manifestation of all things wrong in this world. ”
I love you.
The three words echo in my mind so suddenly, that it makes my entire body go numb. My head buzzes with the realization, and a single tear falls down my cheek, but I quickly swipe it away before Dorran can notice.
I don’t know when it happened, but it did. I think I’ve known it – subconsciously, perhaps, even before my brain fully registered it. It’s sort of a blind revelation, but it’s there; it exists. I love Dorran, and it’s the goddamn truth.
“And yet…” he continues, then scoffs. “I love my crew, and Christ help me, I love Solo as well.” He shakes his head after that last admission.
I manage to smile, but I can’t help but flinch at the prickling pain in my chest. I know I shouldn’t expect it, but it still hurts knowing I’m not one of the people he loves. But unfortunately for me, I’m far too into him to let the pain bother me.
I sniff and slide my hair behind my ears. “Varsha always seems so, I don’t know…”
“Impassive?” Dorran provides.
“Levelheaded,” I say. “She’s always calm, always in control of things. She knows what needs to be done under every circumstance, and she does it without panicking or fumbling.”
“She was none of those things earlier.” Dorran pushes his curls away from his forehead, but they fall forward again. “I guess even the strongest of minds have their limit, huh?”
“Every human being does.”
“True.” He smiles ruefully. “But, being one of the shoulders for her to lean on today was draining. And trust me, I’m not complaining; I’m here for her whenever she needs me.
But I gave her all I had, and now I feel kind of…
empty. And let me tell you somethin’: it’s a scary fucking feeling, especially when I’ve got people relying on me.
I can’t zone out or lose focus; I simply can’t switch off. ”
“But you can,” I argue. “And you should, Dorran. I understand you’ve got a duty towards your family, but you’ve also got a necessary obligation to yourself.
If the very foundation of an empire weakens, then it’s only a matter of time before the rest of it comes tumbling down.
And that’s exactly what you are to your crew – the fucking kernel.
Don’t be afraid to step back when you need to, because every once in a while, you do need the space, even when you think you don’t. ”
His throat bobs as he swallows. “It’s not something I’m used to.”
“Then don’t make it a habit,” I tell him. “Take a break only when you feel like you seriously can’t handle shit.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “God, you’re fucking perfect,” he says, then grabs my chin and kisses me.
“I know,” I whisper against him, then kiss him back.
Dorran wraps his lips around mine with such urgency, that it quite literally makes it hard for me to breathe. His tongue is sure as it slides against mine, causing a rush to flow through me.
His kisses are a lovely paradox of mild and commanding – a sweet, sweet torture that only makes me weaker for him. That burn my entire fucking world and blind it indefinitely.
I match his pace, and in turn, he kisses me like I’m made for it; for him.
He moves back and fists the hem of my hoodie, then pulls it over my head. Grinning when he sees my pebbled nipples, he then yanks at my shorts. “Up, come on.”
I lift a little, and he pushes my shorts down my legs. A shiver runs through me as a strong breeze passes by me, and the dull ache in my clit heightens against it.
Dorran takes my shorts and drops both it and my hoodie on the grass, before getting to his feet.
He then takes off his vest, and my breath stutters as I run my eyes over his broad shoulders and smooth chest; the prominent veins on his arms, and the impressive definition of his washboard abs.
A thin trail of dark hair runs down his navel and behind the waistband of his jeans, making me swallow.
I catch his gaze, and find him looking smugly at me. “Take off your fucking jeans, Dorran,” I tell him.
He smirks, and I get a sudden urge to touch myself when he unbuckles his belt and pulls his jeans and boxers down to his ankles before kicking them off.
He cants his head sideways and widens his legs. “Lie down, Cignette,” he orders.
The crisp grass bites into my skin when I do as he’s asked, earning a heated look from him.
“Spread those thighs for me and show me your pussy,” he says next.
I do, and my hips arch on their own accord when a lick of air caresses my center.
Dorran spits on his palm, then fists his cock and starts working himself. “Touch yourself, Cignette.”
I bring a hand to my pussy and start circling my clit with two fingers, while with the other I pinch one of my painfully hard nipples.
Dorran strokes himself faster, and this view of him right now – bathed in moonlight, stark naked and pleasuring himself to me – hurdles me over the edge. I writhe as I orgasm, making sure to keep my eyes on him until I’m done.
Dorran stops touching himself and kneels in front of me, then grins and places my legs over his shoulders before pulling me to him. “I want both your hands above your head,” he commands.
I do as I’m told, and his eyes travel over every exposed inch of me. His precum coats his swollen crown and stains his piercing, and even though I wanna reach out and taste it, I don’t.
“You’re such a good girl, aren’t you, Cignette?
” he muses, then drags his tongue over his bottom lip.
“Opening yourself up to me, surrendering to me like this…” He groans.
“Makes me so fucking hard; so fucking hungry.” He grabs his cock and positions the head against my sensitive entrance.
“Did you like making yourself cum right now while watching me beat my dick to you?”
God, the words he uses – they make me mad with want.
“Yes,” I answer easily.
He grins again. “Do you want me inside of you – fucking that greedy little cunt of yours and making you cum like a slut?”
“Fuck you. Yes,” I hiss, then raise my hips.
He chuckles and starts pushing himself in, and we moan together when his cock stretches my walls. The initial burn is strong, but it’s quickly taken over by Dorran’s deep thrusts as he starts sliding in and out of me.
I grab his bicep with one hand, and cup the side of his neck with the other. “Fuck,” I breathe when he fills me completely, hits me to the back with his entire length. “More, Dorran. I need more.”
He smirks and pushes my legs forward, in turn bending my body, then hovers over me. My knees touch my breasts, and when he shifts closer and starts pounding into me with short, rough thrusts, his balls hit my ass, and his thighs slap against mine.
“This what you want?” he asks, then fists my hair and brings our faces closer than they already are.
“Fuck, you’re so tight, sweetheart. So fucking hot.
” He ruts into me with abandon, and when his piercing hits me in just the right spot, I cry out and look down to see how he moves in and out of my pussy.
His cock is coated in my cum, and there’s some of it on the patch of hair on his pelvis as well.
It’s such a raw feeling – knowing you’ve marked someone in a carnal sort of way. It’s something that exceeds everything else; every promise or declaration. And seeing my release on Dorran like this is the ultimate state of euphoria for me.
My breaths are broken hiccups in my throat as he continues to fuck me, and even though I feel a strain in my back and legs with how firmly he’s molded my body, I don’t mind it one bit. If anything, it turns me on even more, and brings me closer to my release.
Dorran grunts, and his eyelids flutter while his movements turn jerky. His fingers tighten in my hair, and his hot exhales fan my cheek. “I’m close,” he says, continuing his unrelenting pace.
I clench around him, and heat rushes through me. One final roll of his hips, and I’m hurtling over the edge. My back arches against the ground as my orgasm takes over, making me feel completely hazy.
“Goddamn it,” he grits out, and crashes his lips to mine as his shoulders shake against the impact of his release. With his cock buried inside me to the base, Dorran’s cum shoots into me in hot spurts.
I’m panting, and so is he after he breaks the kiss. Then, something crosses his flushed features, right before he pulls out of me and slides down my body.
“Push my cum out of you,” he orders from between my thighs. His face is so close to my clit that every word he utters, vibrates against my bud.
I rise on my elbows and push, and get a feeling of dripping slickness on my slit, all the way down to my ass.
Dorran brings his mouth to my entrance and sucks, making me bunch a fistful of grass to avoid bucking against him. His head bobs as he alternates between licking and sucking, and once again, I’m entranced by him; by how eagerly he’s eating his own cum out of my pussy.
“Dorran…” I whimper his name as I continue to watch him.
He moves back and crawls up to me, then grabs my chin and tugs my face to his. I part my lips for him, and he spits our mixed releases into my mouth. He then slides his tongue over mine, and when he pulls back, I see a thick string of cum on his.
“Swallow it,” I command, then wrap the fingers of my left hand around his throat before squeezing it with enough pressure to make him grin at me.
I feel a shift on my palm, indicating that he’s swallowed, and my vision blurs temporarily by how turned on I am by him.
I smirk and loosen my grip on his throat. “How’s it taste?” I ask him, using the same question Jayce did the other night.
Dorran chuckles, then leans in. “Let me show you,” he replies, then kisses me.
I wrap my legs around his waist and hold onto his neck as I kiss him back – all teeth and nips and moans – and he rises, settling me on his lap. His cock grinds against my aching cunt, and my eyes roll in ecstasy as I start gliding myself over his hardening length.
This is it for me – this man, this moment, and this feeling that I’ve got in the very pit of my stomach. It’s ever-growing, all-consuming. And, as Dorran slides himself inside me again, I realize that it’s also self-destructing.
I never said I liked it easy, did I?