Chapter Seven.
Lyrical – One week Later.
When the knock came at the door, I smoothed the imaginary wrinkles out of my dress, took in a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly.
Jesse acted weird all week. At first, I thought it was the funeral.
A friend losing a parent has got to be difficult, but a friend losing a parent to suicide? What do you even say?
But I didn’t think it was. Something’s happened.
He’s filled every moment since the day after the funeral with helping me get things situated.
His brother, Jamie, has helped too. Nothing wrong with that.
I like Jamie. It’s just that he’s usually off doing his own thing and not hanging around with us.
Well, whatever it was, I was going to get to the bottom of it today. No distractions of paperwork regarding my dad or the apartment or what’s coming next for me. Jesse and I needed to talk.
I opened the door, and there he stood. Six feet of gorgeous hero.
Dark brown hair that’s always a little mussed from running his hands through it.
Puppy dog eyes that twinkle when he smiles.
A tiny dimple in his left cheek, which only shows when he’s laughing.
And underneath his polo shirt and shorts, he’s all muscle from all the sports he played.
When he hugs me, he feels like a warm blanket and a shield, protecting me from whatever hurts me most.
“Hey.” It’s all he said, and while the corners of his lips turned into a small smile, the sentiment didn’t reach his eyes. It’s a look I’ve never seen on him before.
“Hey,” I returned.
Backing away from the doorway, I let him pass through before closing the door behind him. For a split second, I stood there, one hand on the doorknob, one hand on the door itself, my heart pounding. That look on his face scared me. Like the inevitable was about to happen.
He was leaving me. His parents finally got to him. Or he decided my life is too much of a mess and he didn’t want to deal with it. Or both. Frankly, I didn’t blame him.
While the things his mother said to me last year had hurt, part of me didn’t disagree with her.
I had no designs on seducing her son, getting pregnant, and trapping him so I could “marry up,” but we were from different worlds, much like I’d tried to convince Jesse before he took me to the Snow Ball.
Throughout the rest of his senior year, we dated quietly, spending our time alone, away from where other kids spent time.
He claimed he didn’t want me to be the subject of vicious gossip, but mostly kept me out of his mother’s path.
His parents knew we spent time together, but I assumed they were letting this run its course, hoping we’d dissolve naturally when he left for college.
The year apart, with me still in high school and him across the country at Stanford, had been hard, but we made it through.
“We need to talk.”
The words hit hard, and I turned around to face him.
I didn’t respond, just looked at him as I braced myself for what was coming.
Immediately, he moved toward me, enveloping me in his arms. Normally, I would melt into his strength, soak in his affection, but I couldn’t today. Not if I were going to let him go.
“Sweetness, I can see it in your eyes. It’s not what you’re thinking.” He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s sit.”
He guided me into the living room, and we sat on the couch. My body wouldn’t let go of the stiffness. Turning sideways to face me, he reached for my hands, making me do the same.
“What I’m about to say will suck, but I want you to know, before anything else, Jamie and I have thought long and hard about this, and we’re comfortable with the decision. No matter what your answer is to what I’m proposing, we’re committed to this path, so there’s no pressure, okay?”
My mind blanked with confusion, and my face must have shown it because he tried to smile reassuringly.
I knew the look on his face. Whatever he planned to say bothered him, and he worried about my reaction.
But I also saw conviction there. Above all else, what he planned to say was truthful, even if it was painful.
I still thought he might be breaking up with me.
“On the day of your dad’s funeral, my parents gave me an ultimatum. Stop seeing you, or they wouldn’t pay my tuition to Stanford anymore.”
I sucked in a breath. I knew it. We were done.
He was right. It surprised me, but I hadn’t considered they would do something so drastic to achieve his compliance.
They’d tried everything else, and they knew how much he wanted to go there; plus it was his father’s alma mater. It was the perfect leverage.
“Oh, Jesse. I’m so sorry. I totally understand. I hate it, but you need to do what you need to do.”
He shook his head. “I’m not finished.” He squeezed my hands.
“When I called their bluff, my father went one step further. He said if I wasn’t attending Stanford, then he was cutting me out of his will.
There was paperwork and everything. He disowned me.
Kicked me out. I left the house with nothing but the things I’d purchased myself. ”
“They disowned you? My god, why would they be so cruel? How can they possibly claim to love you, then do that? All because you’re friends with someone that doesn’t fall in line with the family business plan?”
That he willingly gave it all up to defend me made me feel all warm inside, like he always made me feel.
“How will you survive?”
His nerves about the situation showed in subtle ways. A bouncing knee. The clearing of his throat. How his hands felt a touch clammy when they grasped mine.
“Unlike you, I never had a job while going to school. My parents wanted me doing activities that would look good on my college resume and keep up my grades during the school year. Summers I played at working for Dad’s company, but my responsibilities had been few, and I worked few hours.
Even I knew it was a token job, just another resume builder.
But I have some money from my grandfather.
It’s mine outright. They can’t touch it. ”
“But Stanford was your dream.”
“Was it really? Dad went there. I think I bought into the expectation. I would have been much happier closer to home. To you.”
“Wait a minute. If they kicked you out the day of the funeral, where have you been living this week?”
“Jamie and I are at a hotel. It’s fine, but we know it’s temporary.”
“Jamie’s with you?”
He nodded. “He’s an idiot to do it, but he packed up and walked out with me.
Said he didn’t want to be a part of their prejudice.
Dad bought his way into Stanford as a legacy because he didn’t have the grades.
Made a huge donation, which is unethical as shit, but he did it anyway.
Jamie never wanted to go to college. You know him.
He’s always been more adventurous. More hands-on. ”
My brain caught on something he said earlier. “You said you had a plan. You committed to a path. I knew I would not like it.
“Jamie and I need jobs if we’re not going back to school. He wants to join the Marines, so”—he took a huge breath—”I’m going with him.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I stared at him.
He inched closer to me on the sofa, his hands squeezing mine tighter, his face earnest with conviction. “It’s the perfect choice. We’ll have a place to live. Meals. Training. The military looks good on a resume, and the skills will be current instead of outdated when I leave, unlike college.”
“It’s dangerous.” The words squeaked out of my mouth. I didn’t know what else to say.
“It can be. But I plan to work toward a position where a base will station me. Jamie’s far more the infantry type. But that’s off track for what I need to talk to you about right now. I want you to go with us.”
What?
“Hear me out.” He inched closer again. “They’ll send us to Parris Island in South Carolina.
I’ll be in boot camp and training for up to a year, and I’ll have to live in the barracks on base, but we’ll get you an apartment somewhere close to base.
The recruiter already gave us some information because there are other wives and girlfriends in the same situation, so you’d have some support there.
They also have resources to help you find a job, help you sign up for classes at a community college, whatever you want.
Once they assign me a permanent station, we’ll get married and join the waiting list for a house on whichever base I move to.
“M-m-married?” He kept hitting me left and right with information I was not ready to process.
“It’s not a very romantic proposal, I know. I figured maybe you’d want to come down to South Carolina with me first. See if you even liked it there, or if you could handle being a Marine’s girl. But I promise to do it right if you decide to stay.”
His eyes pleaded with me to say yes.
“I don’t know, Jesse. You know I care for you, and I know you care for me, too, but… Our relationship isn’t exactly the typical boyfriend-girlfriend.”
That was an understatement. He took me on dates.
While he was at school, he called me every day.
He called me his girlfriend. When we hung out together, he held my hand and put his arm around me.
He hugged me often, and if we watched movies together, we lay on the couch and held each other.
Every time he arrived, he kissed me hello, and every time he left, he kissed me goodbye, and every kiss had been sweet, but never more.
There’d been nothing beyond that, and honestly, I’d been okay with it.
No pressure to be more, and no sign of disappointment that it wasn’t more.
“Maybe not, but you know I love you, right? You’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted to be close to.
And even if you don’t love me right now, love can grow.
We’d be good together. And think of it this way.
” His eyes glowed with excitement. “You’d have security.
No more worrying about if you can make the bills, or where you’ll live.
I know things have sucked up to this point, but now it can be good. No more struggle.”
Was that enough? Was security a good foundation to a relationship? I didn’t know.
One thing I knew, though, was I didn’t want to lose him.
Jesse was my lifeline for so long. He made me feel wanted and safe.
My peers’ judgment was limited to stares and whispers amongst themselves when he was around.
When he went away to school, the students left behind in my class treated it like open season again.
The only saving grace had been that the worst of the tormentors, Natasha and her crew, left for college as well.
I only saw them when they came home for school breaks, and they were relatively easy to avoid.
Maybe a fresh start in a new place would help me get past my insecurities. Surely the women who dated or married the other Marines would be more welcoming. After all, we’d have something in common, unlike the disparities between me and most of my classmates here. They also wouldn’t know my past.
Hopefully, this would bring us closer too. Perhaps the fact that he’d been going to Stanford had held him back from wanting more physical interaction with me since we’d be so far apart and unable to see each other.
And if it didn’t work out? I knew somehow we’d still be friends. He’d still be there if I ever needed help, and vice versa. What did I have to lose?
“Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll go with you.”
An electrifying smile spread across his face. His excitement meant I didn’t dare burst his bubble with my concerns.
The rest of the night, he filled me in on the timeline for our departure and helped me make plans to give up the apartment and figure out what to do with the few things I needed to dispose of if I moved with him.
We were off on our grand adventure.