Chapter Six
It was as if Dennis’s revelation had flicked the switch for them both, back to the supportive friendship that had got them through many trials over the years. No conversation was needed to know that they would get through this together in the same way they always had. The man himself had gone for an early night to prepare for a host of medical appointments he had in the coming days and so Robyn and Matt snuggled up on the sofa, their favourite comfort series on the tele.
Neither of them were really watching it though. Robyn couldn’t stop looking at Matt, clearly trying to fathom how he was feeling and whether he wanted to talk about things now or later. Matt, aware of her scrutiny, simply wanted to be held, but didn’t feel he had the right to ask, and so faced stoically forward trying to ignore her gaze boring into his cheek. It was rather awkward, to say the least, but they were here cosied up together, which was more than they’d managed this past month or two and Matt was happy to take what he could get under the circumstances.
His life was a rollercoaster. A tragic rollercoaster that he wanted to get off, and that was before he even let himself think how he’d let his dad down with the pub’s financial situation. How would he even broach that subject now? That he was a failure yet again. And how selfish was he to be even thinking of himself and what he lacked at a time like this? And how could he ask Robyn to support him through another bereavement? So many thoughts swirling inside him, all negative, and no way to voice them without sounding self-absorbed and desperate – both of which he knew he was.
Matt swallowed down the lump in his throat, but not without the woman beside him noticing his struggle. Robyn had been attuned to his feelings for all of their adult life, he didn’t expect that to suddenly change just because things had become more complicated between them and Matt was grateful for it. It was lucky, he decided, that they hadn’t taken things any further in the romance department, as he had his dad to care for now – that and pulling off the perfect family Christmas would be his top priorities. What he needed was his best friend, and Robyn had never let him down in that department.
A tentative hand stroked his shoulder, “Matty, how are you holding up? Need a hug?”
He swallowed loudly once more, the simple question almost triggering the waterfall that he was determined to hold back, and simply nodded in response.
“Come here,” she held her arms open and shuffled her bottom closer.
Matt paused only the briefest of seconds before leaning into her soft embrace, his head finding the sweet spot tucked between her neck and shoulder as he buried his face there, his arm lying gently across her midriff as she curled around him. She smelt the same as always, like home, and it was that which finally caused the tears to fall as the woman he loved wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly to her as he wept.
They must have fallen asleep, exhausted from the shared outpouring of emotion, as Robyn woke to find her head on Matt’s chest and his arms wrapped around her waist, clutching her to him even in his unconscious state. Normally, at this point in the evening, she would wake him and they would switch off the TV to make their way to their respective bedrooms. That had always been the unspoken line in the sand – no snuggling in each other’s rooms.
But tonight it felt different.
Robyn didn’t want to be alone, nor did she wish to send Matt to a cold bed in the delicate mental state he was in. It was a quandary to be sure, but one which was quickly resolved in Robyn’s mind as she downplayed to herself how big of a deal it actually would be to share a bed. Extenuating circumstances and all that.
“Matt, Matty,” Robyn whispered gently as she tried to extricate herself from his arms.
“Huh?” His eyes were sleepy, his appearance wild since his hair had long since escaped the confines of his bobble. Robyn’s hand reached out to stroke it back from his face, tracing the tear-lines from earlier that snaked down from puffy eyes.
“Come on, you need a proper rest,” Robyn stood, holding out her hand which he took dazedly, as if not quite aware of where they were going.
Since they’d both showered separately earlier and were already in their pyjamas, the problem of what to wear was already dealt with, much to Robyn’s relief as she led Matt into her room and over to her bed.
“Robyn, what are we doing?” He whispered, his throat dry and voice croaky, an awareness of their location suddenly bringing him to full alert.
“Just snuggling. I figured you wouldn’t want to be alone tonight any more than I do. Push the door closed and get in,” she held the duvet open in invitation until he slid in next to her.
The bed was cold, but the heat coming off their bodies warmed it in no time.
“Just to get a good night’s sleep,” Matt whispered in justification as they snuggled down, he gentlemanly leaving a good few inches of space between them on the mattress.
“Of course,” Robyn agreed, deliberately inching closer until their sides were touching.
Matt exhaled loudly, a sound of resignation to some unspoken challenge, and reached his arm around her, pulling Robyn close into him until her head rested on his shoulder.
Robyn made her own sound of contentment then as she snuggled down further, recreating the position she had woken up in with her head on his chest.
“It feels like déjà-vu,” Matt whispered into the darkness a minute later.
“I know,” Robyn replied, reaching up to cup his face, her thumb tracing circles on his cheek, “I know, but you weren’t alone then and you won’t be now. I promise.”
“You don’t have to hang around here, Ruby, you know? I’ve held you back for long enough.”
“From what?” Robyn asked, her whisper louder now as she felt her hackles rise and took her hand back quickly. She’d always hated how he seemed to think he knew what was best for her and her career. And now certainly wasn’t the time for him to start harping on about it again.
“From making a go of it with your singing, from seeing the world, from…”
“Be quiet, will you? How many times have I told you that it’s my decision if I want to pursue all that stuff?” Robyn was tempted to tell him that she’d turned down an offer to tour as the support act of an up-and-coming band just last month, but knew now wasn’t the time. He’d only blame himself more, when really the idea of spending the coming spring and summer trawling the pubs and clubs of Europe simply hadn’t appealed. Robyn was a homebody just as much as Matt, no matter how often he tried to push her to find the success he assumed she sought. If she’d outstayed her welcome, though, well that was a different matter and she didn’t have the courage or the energy to broach that right now.
“Sorry,” he bent his head as if about to kiss her hair, paused for several seconds and then pulled away as if suddenly realising what he was doing.
The gift and then the abrupt removal of the warmth of his closeness jarred Robyn and she felt herself pull away further, both physically and emotionally, “Get some sleep, I’m right here.” It sounded curt even to her own ears and she leant her head back on his shoulder to soften the harsh tone of her words.
“Ruby?”
“Yes, Matt?”
“You’re my happy place, you know?”
Her heart lurched, her eyes filled once more with unshed tears.
“And you’re mine. Always.”
And so it was.