Chapter 6
Six
‘YOU’RE FULL OF SURPRISES, you know.’
Victoria came up behind me in the canteen while I was queuing for coffee. It was Thursday, the morning of our Macbeth examination.
‘What are you talking about?’
Victoria looked at me like I was an idiot. ‘Stefano?’
‘What about Stefano?’ I asked, my heart racing.
She raised an eyebrow. ‘He said you guys made out.’
‘He – he did?’ I said, feeling my stomach curl inwards with humiliation.
‘Yep. He said you were seeing each other.’
‘I’m not – we’re not—’
‘Come on, Shannon. You said you wouldn’t keep secrets from me.’
‘I’m not,’ I protested.
She leaned in closer and, smirking, whispered, ‘Go on then. Are you in wuv?’
I wanted to hurt her then, to slap her, to wipe that nasty little smile from her mouth.
No, we weren’t in love. After Stefano kissed me, we’d both passed out.
It was 6 a.m. before I’d come to and, gathering my few belongings, crept from the room.
I’d spent the next day in a stupor of shame and regret.
Nothing had happened really, but still, I felt embarrassed by the whole situation, reduced, as if something precious had been taken from me.
‘I – I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘You shouldn’t be so hard on him you know. Stefano’s a good guy.’
I looked at her, searching her face for any traces of mockery. She was being serious.
‘You actually like him, don’t you?’
‘Sure, Stefano’s a laugh. And anyway, he really likes you.’
I felt confused. Was that how it worked? A guy liked you, he pursued you and then . . . what? You were just meant to like him back?
‘He does?’
‘Of course he does. Oh, I can just see you guys together, you’d be such a good couple. Come on, I know you, Shannon. You guys would be perfect for each other.’
I could feel the net closing around me, Victoria’s coaxing words clinging to me like sticky silk. ‘I don’t think he’s my type.’
Victoria shook her head, disappointed. ‘You know you shouldn’t be too picky, Shannon. Like don’t get me wrong, you’re super pretty, but it’s not like every guy’s going to get your vibe.’
‘My vibe?’ I paid the lady for my coffee.
‘Yeah, you know, the whole deadpan thing.’
‘Deadpan?’
‘Yeah, you know.’
‘What are you talking about?’
Victoria sighed and rolled her eyes. ‘Never mind.’
Just then Jolly and Stefano cut into the queue behind us.
‘Well, hello ladies,’ Jolly said. He shared a look with Victoria. ‘And how are we today?’
‘I’m good,’ Victoria replied, ‘and Shannon’s very good, aren’t you, Shan?’ She nudged my arm.
I could feel Stefano looking at me. I fixed my gaze on the sputtering coffee machine beyond the cashier’s shoulder.
‘Fantastic,’ Jolly said. ‘Oh, by the way, Victoria’ – he linked his arm through hers – ‘can I borrow you a moment? I need to talk to you about . . . that thing.’ He dragged her from the queue and they went over to the seating area, giggling and squirming like schoolchildren.
The lady slid my coffee towards me. I went to leave, but Stefano grabbed my elbow.
‘It’s good to see you,’ he said, pulling me to one side. ‘I’ve been trying to find a time to talk with you all week, but it’s like you keep running away from me.’ He laughed, as if the idea of me wanting to run away from him was absurd.
‘Yeah, well, I’ve been busy,’ I said, avoiding his eyes. ‘You know, preparing for the final performance and everything.’
‘I had a great time on Saturday.’ He gave me a lopsided smile and waited.
I didn’t know what to say to that. His hand was still gripping my elbow. I looked up at his face, so earnest and hopeful. Had I got it wrong? Everything felt jumbled in my mind. That night. Obi. The kiss. He thought this was a love scene, while I didn’t know what to think.
‘OK,’ I finally managed.
‘It was nice to be alone together, just the two of us. I guess something was bound to happen eventually.’ He laughed again. ‘I mean, I really like you, Shannon,’ he said, leaning in as if to kiss me.
I flinched and pulled away from him. ‘Why did you tell Victoria we were dating?’
‘Well, aren’t we?’ He loosened his grip. ‘After what happened on Saturday, I figured . . .’ He trailed off and his big dumb smile faded. ‘Wait, have I done something to upset you?’
‘No – yes – I—’
He was still touching me. I didn’t want him to touch me. But . . . but maybe I’d got it wrong? He was acting like I’d got it wrong. Victoria was acting liked I’d got it wrong. The whole damn world was acting like I’d got it wrong.
Obi entered the canteen. Our eyes met. He looked away and made his way over to the others. Victoria gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Whatever had or hadn’t happened between them at the weekend was obviously resolved.
‘OK,’ I said, dragging my gaze away from the two of them.
‘OK what?’ he replied.
‘OK, we can try’ – I hesitated – ‘dating, I guess. If you want.’
Stefano’s eyes lit up. He grinned and leaned in to kiss me.
This time I let him. It was fine, sort of, for a moment.
But then his tongue slid inside my mouth, wet, searching and insistent.
I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath.
Maybe this is just how it is, I thought.
Maybe this is just what love feels like.