Chapter 21 #3
‘Cora was in love with Victoria.’
‘Mummy,’ Victoria said, exasperated.
‘What? She was! Not right in the head, that girl. She was obsessed with you. Always coming around here and trying to inveigle herself into family occasions.’
‘I invited her to those family occasions, if you remember.’
‘Still, she was a queer one. Couldn’t handle it when you went off to school. She still visits every now and again, just to see if you’re around. And the mother too. Pair of odd bods, the two of them, if you ask me.’
AFTER A SUPPER OF cold cuts and salad on the veranda – if you’d prefer something else just tell the kitchen; they can whip up anything you like – Victoria suggested a walk around the grounds.
‘Sorry about Mummy,’ Victoria said, tying her hair in a messy bun. ‘She’s not used to people.’
‘She’s . . . interesting.’
‘That’s one word for it,’ Victoria scoffed.
She unlatched the spiked metal gate that led into Godwin Wood.
‘She’s a failed actress, a failed businesswoman, a failed mother.
’ She slipped her arm through mine. ‘I only meant to visit for her birthday, but then she just sort of sucks you in and it’s hard to leave, and then of course the boys never visit and I feel bad for her, and then Dad’s stopped ringing and this whole place is falling to pieces on her watch and she can’t seem to hold on to staff, and – sorry, I’m ranting. ’
‘You’re fine.’
‘But seriously, thank you for coming. It’s a nightmare being here on my own.’
‘I’m happy to be here.’
‘And I wasn’t joking earlier. You can have that dress, you know. If you really want it.’
I shrugged. ‘Lavender’s not really my colour.’
‘Shut up. You looked gorgeous in it. Take it, please, I insist.’
‘OK, well, thank you then.’
We walked in companiable silence for a few moments, the soft brush crunching beneath our feet; birds swooping low for their final feast; the last embers of daylight peeping through the trees.
‘I enjoyed your emails, by the way,’ she said. ‘Sorry I didn’t reply much.’
‘That’s OK.’
‘You know what it’s like, lots of family running around and parties and beach days. And then New York was just completely insane.’
‘I understand.’
There was a pause.
‘So . . . you’re seeing someone.’
‘What? No,’ I answered, surprised.
‘Oh?’ She sounded oddly sheepish. ‘I thought you said you were seeing some guy over the summer, someone from your old sixth form?’
‘Yes, that’s right,’ I said, stumbling over the lie. ‘Of course, yeah, I was seeing him, but it was just like a short-term thing.’
‘Is he the first guy you’ve dated since Stefano?’
‘Yes.’ I walked slightly ahead of her and searched for a way to change the subject. ‘This place is beautiful, V. I can’t believe all this is on your doorstep.’
‘You know, you never did tell me what happened there.’
‘Some of these trees must be thousands of years old.’
‘Shannon.’
‘And the wildlife.’
She caught up with me. ‘Come on, please tell me.’
‘About what?’
‘Tell me about Stefano. I mean, one minute you hate him, the next you’re in fucking Rome together, and then you go and break up with him. When I said goodbye to you, things were fine. Tell me what happened, what really happened.’
‘There’s not much to say,’ I replied, inwardly seething at how conveniently she’d forgotten her part in what had happened that summer.
‘Oh come on, I’ve seen you. All this year, it’s like you could barely stand to be in the same room with him.’
‘We’ve been cordial.’
‘You’ve been fucking awkward, is what you’ve been.’
‘Fine. I’m – I’m sorry. I’ve tried not to be. I’ve tried not to let him – me – affect you guys.’
‘Hey, it’s fine,’ she said, nudging my arm. ‘I’m not having a go at you. I’m just curious, that’s all. What happened?’
I hated the way she posed the question, with such perplexed innocence, as if her overbearing presence hadn’t been the catalyst for what eventually happened that night. ‘He’s your friend,’ I managed finally. ‘I shouldn’t say anything.’
‘You’re more my friend though. Come on,’ she said, her head on one side. ‘What happened?’
Suddenly it was all too much for me. The long day, the heat, Victoria’s incessant probing. ‘No,’ I snapped, pushing past her, the mask slipping. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Shannon—’
I stormed ahead.
‘What the fuck?’ She ran to catch up with me. ‘Shannon, are you OK?’ She grabbed my arm, bringing me to a standstill. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve said something to upset you. I honestly didn’t mean to.’
‘It’s fine, it’s fine,’ I said, feeling the corners of my vision darken.
‘You can tell me if you want to, you know.’ Her voice sounded far away. ‘I’ll try to understand.’
I gazed at the waving canopy above me.
‘Did something happen? Was it that night – that night in Rome?’
I could feel my mind peeling in two—
‘Shannon, what happened?’
—the glass descending—
‘Talk to me.’
—boxing me in—
‘What happened?’
‘Stefano’s . . . not who you think he is.’
I met Victoria’s eyes, watched her expression change as the truth sank in.
‘Oh . . .’ She trailed off, looking like she might cry. ‘OK, sweetie. I think I get it.’