Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE_
WHAT THE FUCK?
Winston smelled like three-day old sweat and misery. It wasn’t pretty. He knew he needed to start doing things like getting out of bed. And showering. And basically just functioning like a person again.
The look Lucky gave him when he was on his way out was almost enough to propel him into the shower. Then Winston had closed his eyes, just for a second, and the next thing he knew the blankets were being torn off him.
The sudden change in temperature shocked Winston into opening his eyes. He sat up and scrambled to try and grab the blanket, but a determined Novak yanked it away.
“Get your dirty ass out of bed, Winston. I love you, man, and I know you’re sad, but you’ve exceeded the amount of time you’re allowed to rot like a corpse in bed.”
“What the fuck, Novak?”
“I know you’re devastated, but you still have a boyfriend who needs you. Lucky is worried fucking sick about you, and so am I. At least have a fucking shower, okay?” Novak softened his tone of voice and his expression. “Please.”
Winston huffed as he flung his legs over the edge of the bed and got to his feet. He swayed a little at the sudden change in elevation. When was the last time he ate? Or drank? Or did anything besides be catastrophically miserable.
Tears made his eyes burn as he held them back.
“You go shower. I’ll take care of the bed. When you’re clean, you can get back in for a bit, okay?”
“Thanks, Novak. You’re a good friend.”
Novak rolled his eyes. “I know. Just don’t try and hug me, okay?”
He made a shooing motion with his hand, and Winston took the hint.
He padded into the bathroom and shut the door.
Part of him wanted to have a bath because then he wouldn’t have to stand, but he was pretty ripe and the idea of sitting in a tub of days’ worth of grime made his skin crawl off his bones.
He got the shower going and waited until the room was steamy and the mirrors were all fogged before he stripped out of his briefs and got in the shower. He hissed at the too-hot water then readjusted it to a temperature that wouldn’t cook him alive.
For the first several minutes of his shower, Winston didn’t move or wash or do anything but stand there and breathe. His mind felt like mush. He didn’t even know what day it was. What was the last thing he ate? When had he last gotten out of bed to do something besides take a piss?
This was worse than a breakup. When he and Lucky broke up before, that had been hard enough. But it had been mutual, and they’d still been friends, even when it was awkward and painful.
This was a death. Unexpected and unfair. And Winston wasn’t sure how to move on from that… or if he could. He had to find a way, though. For Lucky. For himself.
For Calvin, who’d walked away willingly so that no harm would come to him or Lucky.
Winston squeezed his eyes shut and pretended he wasn’t crying again. He ducked his head under the spray and soaked his hair. Let the water run down his face and wash the salt off his skin.
Behind him, the bathroom door creaked open. Lucky was back. Winston hadn’t expected him home so soon, but he knew Lucky was aware of how fragile he felt. Lucky’s presence had been the only thing holding him together.
Winston was aware of Lucky’s presence in the room, and he heard him step into the shower. He wasn’t ready to face him yet, though. Not after the mess he’d been the past few days. He kept his eyes closed and tipped his head forward so the water hit his shoulders.
“How did it go?”
Hands slipped over Winston’s hips. Familiar hands. Unexpected hands. His heart slammed into his ribcage so hard that he lost the ability to breathe.
Slowly, Winston turned. Afraid of what he would see.
Of what he wouldn’t.
When he’d turned around completely, he opened his eyes.
“How?” Winston’s voice wavered. “How are you here?”
He grabbed Calvin’s face in his hands to prove to himself that this was real. “What the fuck?”
“I have so much to tell you,” Calvin said, pulling Winston closer.
Winston threw his arms around Calvin’s neck and clung to him. Calvin held him up when his knees gave out. Winston was a puddle of emotion. Confused, but delirious with happiness. Angry that it happened at all, but grateful Calvin was here.
He pulled back and kissed him. Deeply and with every ounce of passion he had in his exhausted body. They kissed for an eternity. Until Calvin broke free and smiled at him and brushed the wet hair off his forehead.
“Let me wash your hair and when Lucky gets back, we can all talk about what happened.”
Winston’s whole body jerked at the mention of Lucky. “He had a meeting with the dean. I should’ve gone with him.”
Winston, despite the fact that Calvin was alive and whole and here, still felt unmoored. Like he was still unraveling at the seams. He’d slept a lot, but nothing about it had been restful. He ate when forced. He’d been a shell of a person.
“He’ll be back soon. Novak said so.” Calvin brushed a kiss against Winston’s trembling lips. “Turn around. Let me take care of you.”
“Wait, should you even be in here? Is it safe? Won’t the water damage you?” Winston’s heart clenched at the idea of losing Calvin all over again to something stupid like a short-circuit.
“I assured you that I’m water resistant up to one hundred meters. My circuitry is well protected. Now turn around.”
Winston did as he was told, too tired and worn out to fight Calvin on anything. He closed his eyes as Calvin worked a generous amount of shampoo into his hair. The feeling of Calvin’s fingers kneading the soap into his hair, lathering it up, was almost enough to put him to sleep.
Calvin rinsed the soap out of Winston’s hair, then took his time washing every nook and cranny of Winston’s body. By the time Calvin declared him to be clean, Winston was so hard it hurt.
And though the previous agreement between the three of them hadn’t forbidden something from happening between just the two of them, Winston needed Lucky to be there.
It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them—he and Calvin—that any explanations or extra-curricular activities would wait until Lucky was home.
When they left the shower, Winston clean and refreshed, the bed made in his absence, Calvin crossed the room and cracked a window.
The fresh air breathed new life into the room and Winston found himself unwilling to get back into his depression bed.
He dropped down into the chair beside the window and Calvin curled up at his feet, resting his head in Winston’s lap.
“I missed you,” Winston said. It wasn’t the only thing he wanted to say, but it was enough for now.
Calvin looked up at him, his hair still damp from the shower.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” Winston whispered as if Calvin were a spell that could be broken.
An illusion that might shatter if looked at too hard or long.
“I missed you too.”
Footsteps pounded up the stairs, and Winston turned toward the door, anticipating Lucky’s return even before he burst into the room. Lucky was grinning ear to ear, and he looked at the bed first, then around the room until he saw Winston.
“Good news, Winnie.” Lucky tossed a folder on the bed and then stopped in his tracks as his brain caught up with the sight before his eyes. “What the fuck?”
Lucky’s smile faltered, and his eyes turned to liquid as he darted across the room and launched himself at Calvin.
Calvin caught him, held him, kissed him, and shushed him while Lucky fell apart in his arms. Winston edged his way out of the chair to join his boyfriends on the floor, and once Lucky got himself under control, he dashed the tears out of his eyes and smiled at them both.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you, Cal, but what the fuck, man? We thought you were dead.”
“That was their intention when they took me away. I managed to avoid deactivation, however.”
“How?” Winston asked, threading his fingers together with Calvin’s. He leaned over and rested his head on Lucky’s shoulder.
“They took me because of fear. They were afraid that I could be a danger. I simply gave them a reason more powerful than fear to return me.”
When Winston and Lucky didn’t speak, Calvin smiled. It grew from a small upturn of lips into a bright smile that stretched from ear to ear. “Love.”
For the second time today, Winston was breathless.
“I love you. Both of you. I’d do anything to protect you. Including hand myself over to be deactivated and destroyed.”
“I love you too.” Winston’s voice shook. “Both of you. But no one is being deactivated, okay? There will be no more self-sacrifice.”
Lucky let out a watery laugh. “I’ve had the weirdest day, and I keep expecting to wake up and find out it’s all a dream, but it’s fucking real.
You’re here, and we’re all in love and shit, and the dean got fired and a bunch of professors are in deep shit, and my dad can go fuck himself, and Winnie finally fucking showered. ”
“Hey.” Winston shoved Lucky, who didn’t budge, but leaned in and kissed him instead. “Wait, though. Back up. The dean was fired?”
“Yeah, we have a new dean. And probably some new professors. It turns out, dear old dad was working with Hargrove and my professors to lower my grades. To make it look like I was going to fail, to force my hand into working for my dad.”
“That’s literally insane.” Winston gaped at him. “Why?”
“Control. Dad didn’t want kids. He wanted a mini version of himself. He should’ve gotten himself cloned or something. But as long as I pass my exams, I’ll pass. I get to graduate, I get my degree, and I get to work wherever I want.”
“Let’s move,” Winston said to both of them. The sudden rush he got from realizing they were all safe, and whole, and free made his head swim with possibilities. “As soon as school is out. Let’s get the fuck away from here and start a new life somewhere else. What do you say?”
“I hear San Diego has an amazing zoo,” Calvin said.
“Wherever you lead, Winnie, I’ll follow,” Lucky said, looking the happiest and most relaxed Winston had seen him in a while.
“We can hammer out the details later,” Winston promised. “There’s some more important matters to discuss right now.”
“Oh?” Lucky’s eyes twinkled as he guessed what Winston was up to. “Such as?”
“Such as, who is going to fuck me first?”