Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
Alex
Gray asks me on a Tuesday.
Not dramatically — we're in the Gold House common room, he's reading, I'm pretending to do remote coursework. He puts his book down and looks at me and then looks at the window and then looks back at me.
"The Spring Equinox formal," he says. "At Frosthaven." A beat. "Would you want to go. With me."
His hand goes to the back of his neck.
I look at him. Gray, who does everything with complete composure, who reads a room before he walks into it, who has never once in my presence looked uncertain about anything.
He's slightly pink.
"Yes," I say.
He nods. Picks his book back up. Doesn’t turn the page. The pink doesn't fully go away for another few minutes and I look at my coursework and say nothing about it because some things are better left alone.
The dress is my idea. I find it online — black, floor-length, lace-up back, low enough that I have to look twice before I order it.
More sequins than I have ever worn in my life.
It arrives in three days and fits like it was made for it, which is the point of a lace-up back — no fitting needed, just pull the laces and it's yours.
Dalton sees it hanging on the back of my door that evening. He looks at it for a moment and then looks at me and then goes back to what he was doing. Jake appears in my doorway behind him, takes in the dress, takes in Dalton's face.
"He's upset he can't go," Jake says.
"I'm not going to a school dance," Dalton says.
"He's very upset," Jake says.
Jim appears beside Jake. Looks at the dress. Looks at Dalton. "You could be a chaperone," Jim says.
Dalton leaves the room.
***
Lumi picks me up the morning of in a car that belongs to one of Rae's mates. We're going to Rae's house, which I didn't know until we're pulling up to it.
The door opens before we knock.
Warm. Lived-in. Small boots by the door alongside too many mens boots to count, a drawing on the fridge that might be a wolf or might be a horse, a toy somewhere making a sound that nobody seems to notice anymore because it's been making it so long.
Tomlinson. He looks at me and then at Lumi and then back at the house behind him with the expression of a man who has been asked to leave and is in the process of doing so gracefully.
Kane is behind him pulling on a jacket. Kade behind Kane.
Three other men I don't know filing out behind them with the good-natured resignation of people who have done this before.
"Out," Rae says, from somewhere inside. "All of you. Go."
"We're going," Tomlinson says.
"Faster," Rae says.
Tomlinson. He looks at me and then at Lumi and then back at the house behind him with the expression of a man who has been asked to leave and is in the process of doing so gracefully.
Kane is behind him pulling on a jacket. Kade behind Kane.
Three other men I don't know filing out behind them with the good-natured resignation of people who have done this before.
Kane catches my eye on the way past and nods. Kade almost smiles. The three men I don't know give me the curious look of people who have heard about me and file past without stopping. Tomlinson is last. He pauses on the step.
"Have a good evening," he says. To me. To Lumi. Genuinely meaning it.
Then he goes.
Rae appears with her hand resting on a very round belly and the satisfied expression of someone who has successfully cleared her house. I look at Lumi.
"My sister," Lumi says.
I look at Rae. At Lumi. Back at Rae.
"Your sister," I say.
"My sister," Lumi says.
Alexandra appears at the top of the stairs. She looks down at me. At Rae's belly. At me again.
"I told you," she says.
"You did," I say.
"I said my momma had a baby in her tummy," she says. "At the yard. I told you."
"You did tell me," I say.
"People don't always listen," Alexandra says, with the patience of someone managing a recurring problem. She comes down the stairs and stands beside Rae and puts her hand very gently on Rae's belly the way she has clearly been instructed to do and looks at me to make sure I'm seeing this.
I'm seeing it.
"Beautiful," I say.
Alexandra nods. Vindicated.
Rae looks at me with warm amusement. "Come on," she says. "We have time."
We don't have time. We have Lumi doing my hair while Alexandra provides commentary from the chair she has dragged to the center of the room specifically for this purpose.
We have Rae doing something with makeup that I have no objection to because she clearly knows what she's doing, her belly bumping the edge of the vanity and her not noticing or not caring.
We have the toy from downstairs still making its sound and a cat I didn't know existed appearing on the bathroom counter and Alexandra explaining at length that the cat's name is Mr. Business and he is very serious.
"Is he," I say.
"He only likes me," Alexandra says. "And Silas."
I look at her.
"He sat in my daddy Ash’s lap once," she says. "He wiggles too much, then Mr. Business got mad and daddy screamed. He said he didn’t, but he did."
I look at Lumi in the mirror. Lumi's mouth curves. She keeps doing my hair.
Rae steps back and looks at me. Nods once. Alexandra slides off her chair and stands in front of me with her hands clasped.
"You look beautiful," she says.
"Thank you," I say.
"You should wear sparkly things more," she says. "I do."
"I'll take that under advisement," I say.
She nods and goes to find Mr. Business.
I'm in the dress and Lumi is finishing the laces up my back when I realize I left the shoes that actually go with the dress on the floor of my Gold House room. Dalton answers on the second ring.
"My black heels," I say. "Floor of my room. Can you—"
"On my way," he says. Already moving.
He arrives ten minutes later. Alexandra lets him in because she has appointed herself door monitor. He comes up the stairs with the shoes in his hand and stops in the doorway. He looks at me. Then at the laces running up my back. Then at me again in the mirror.
He crosses the room and crouches down and puts the shoes on my feet, one at a time, his hands careful. Then he stands and puts his mouth at my ear.
"You're going to make it very difficult for me to stay home tonight," he says. Low. Just for me.
I feel it all the way down.
He steps back and looks at me one more time and then goes back downstairs to let Alexandra show him Mr. Business.
***
Gray comes to the door at seven.
Tuxedo. Exactly right, exactly himself. He sees me in the doorway and stops.
Just for a second. Like he needs it.
"You look–" he starts.
"Like a fucking goddess! Damn Dorothy, we should have done this a lot sooner," Leo says.
Leo. Also in a tuxedo. Bow tie not quite straight, pocket square doing something ambitious, expression of a man who is extremely pleased with himself.
I look at Gray.
Gray looks at the middle distance.
"Lumi pulled strings," he says.
"You knew," I say.
"Since Tuesday," he says.
"You asked me on Tuesday," I say.
"Yes," he says.
"You couldn't have told me," I say.
"You looked delighted just now," he says. "Was I wrong to wait?"
I look at him. At Leo. At the two of them in tuxedos on a spring night.
"No," I say. "You weren't wrong."
Leo offers me his other arm and I take it and then he does what Leo does — spins me out, one hand, full twirl, the sequins catching the light and the laces of the back and the low dip showing off everything.
Gray makes a sound.
Not a word. Low and short and involuntary.
Leo grins. "You're welcome," he says. To Gray specifically.
Gray says nothing. His jaw is set and he is looking very deliberately at the path ahead.
"Gray," I say.
"I'm fine," he says.
"You grunted," Leo says.
"I didn't grunt," Gray says.
"You absolutely—"
"Walk," Gray says.
Leo offers me his arm again, still grinning, and we walk. Behind us at the door Alexandra watches us go.
"You look like a princess," she calls after me.
"You already told me I look beautiful," I call back.
"I know," she says. "But now you look like a princess."
Frosthaven at night for a formal is a different building than the one I've been walking through for weeks. Lights strung along the paths, the main hall doors decorated, music coming from inside warm and real. I clock Becky near the entrance in a green dress and move on without stopping.
The hall is transformed — tables pushed back, floor cleared, lights low and warm. The whole campus gathered and dressed up. Gray takes my hand and leads me to the floor and I feel his hand tighten slightly in mine before we start.
"Gray," I say.
"I know how to dance," he says.
"I wasn’t worried," I say.
"I'm just—"
"Gray," Leo says, appearing beside us. "Move your feet."
Gray moves his feet. We dance — properly, his hand at my waist and mine at his shoulder. He's good. Of course he is. He settles into it after thirty seconds and then he's just Gray, looking at me the way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention.
I'm always paying attention.
Leo lasts one song before he abandons any pretense of formal dancing. The students around him give space. He takes it as an invitation.
"Leo," I say.
"I'm expressing myself," he says.
"You're clearing the floor," Gray says.
"People are watching," I say.
"Yes," Leo says, with great satisfaction.
I start laughing. Leo in a tuxedo with a crooked bow tie in the middle of a formal dance floor while Gray watches with the expression of a man who has accepted his life. The laugh comes up from somewhere real and warm and I let it. Gray's hand tightens at my waist. He's smiling.
Lumi arrives a few minutes later — dress the color of deep water, James behind her in a suit and a cowboy hat that he is wearing with complete sincerity and pulling off entirely. He scans the room once and then his eyes find me and he grins wide and real.
Lumi stops beside us.
"Alex," she says. "This is James."
He puts his hand out and I take it and his grip is warm and certain.
"You're the one who followed her up Denali," I say.
"Guilty," he says. His voice is unhurried. "Though I'd argue followed isn't quite right. More like — couldn't let her go alone."
"That's following," I say.
"That's devotion," he says. "There's a difference."
"Nice hat," Leo says.
"Thank you," James says.
"I wasn't being serious," Leo says.
"I know," James says. Still smiling.
Lumi crosses to me and takes my hands and holds me at arm's length. "You and your men look amazing," she says.
"Alexandra told me I look like a princess," I say.
"She has excellent taste," Lumi says.
Leo finds me between songs. He doesn’t ask. Just takes my hand and pulls me in, closer than Gray did, one hand settling at my waist like he’s always known where it goes.
“This feels fake,” I say.
“It is,” Leo says. “We’re late.”
I look at him.
“For this,” he says. “Normal people do this at sixteen. Bad music. Bad suits. Regret.” A beat. “We got other options.”
Juvie.
I don’t say it. I don’t need to.
We move slow. Not right. Not wrong. Just enough to count.
“You ever been to one,” I say.
He shakes his head. “Closest I got was a rec room with a broken speaker and a fight halfway through.”
“That tracks,” I say.
“Yeah,” he says.
A beat.
Then, quieter—
“This is better.”
I look at him.
He’s not watching the room. He’s looking at me.
“With you,” he adds, like it’s nothing.
“You’re doing okay,” I say.
“I’m doing great,” he says. “I’ve decided this is my origin story.”
“For what,” I say.
“Guy who goes to one dance and immediately becomes emotionally well-adjusted,” he says.
I almost smile.
“Don’t ruin it,” he adds.
“I won’t,” I say.
He nods once.
Good.
We stay until the lights come up. Leo dances with everyone who will let him and several who initially won't. Gray dances with me most of the night and with Lumi once, which makes her laugh in a way I've never heard from her.
James keeps the hat on the entire night and by the end three other people have asked to try it on.
The cold hits when we go outside — my heels in my hand, Leo's jacket around my shoulders, Gray on one side and James on the other and Lumi slightly ahead. The Frosthaven paths quiet now, the lights still strung, the music gone.
The bonds pull warm from Feral Academy. Jim awake. RJ settled. Dalton present.
"Good night," Leo says.
"Yeah," I say.
He puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk back through the lit paths toward the treeline and the dark and everything waiting on the other side of it.