Chapter 31 #2
But a small part of me was afraid. That I was too old for her, that I wasn’t good enough for someone as sweet as her. I had every excuse in the book to delay the conversation we desperately needed to have, but that doesn’t make me a martyr. It makes me a coward.
“Because I’m afraid she’s going to reject me.”
He gives me a contemplative look, assessing me from head to toe. “Should she? Are you good enough for my sister?”
I swallow roughly. “I’d like to be.”
He nods slowly and extends his hand. “I’m Killian.”
I shake it firmly. “Havoc Knight, guild master of the Shadow Knights.”
“What the heck is a Shadow knight? Is that like a gang?”
Fucking hell. The Sterling’s are a humbling experience I wasn’t prepared for.
“More like a family.” Running my fingers through my hair, I grimace.
“Of assassins. It's my job to keep them in check, ensure they uphold the guild's values, make sure they're properly trained, and don't dishonor our reputation. Pay the bills to keep the guild hall up and running so everyone always has somewhere safe to stay and regroup.”
“Let me get this straight,” he asks, head cocked. “You take care of dangerous people and invite homeless murderers to live with you?”
“Well it sounds moronic if you phrase it like that.”
He snorts. “Yep, you and my sister are clearly made for each other.
She's been bringing home dangerous animals that could kill a fully-grown man with a single strike since she was a kid and insisted on nursing them back to health and loving them because, and I quote, ‘Animals only attack you if they're hungry, protecting something, or scared.
Even monsters need help sometimes, and I'm not afraid to love them just because everyone else has decided they don't deserve to be loved’.”
My chest aches. My mate is far too fucking sweet for this world, and it scares the hell out of me. People destroy soft things. Snuff out the good, and use people until they’re a husk of their former selves if they aren’t careful.
Not on my watch.
“I messed up,” I whisper. “And I don’t know how to fix it.”
His eyes narrow. “What’d you do?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say I fucked up trying to protect her, but I stop myself. That’s another excuse, and that in itself is part of the problem.
“I didn’t show up when it mattered.” I swallow hard, and everything comes out in a guilty rush.
“I could have gotten her number from my son and followed up on why she never texted me. I could have found an opportunity to talk to her discreetly that wouldn’t have put her in danger for being seen with me.
But instead, I hurt her, left her thinking I abandoned her.
And I don't know how to fix it besides keep showing up until she believes I'm not going to abandon her.”
Killian adjusts his grip on his bag and gazes off into the horizon.
“I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to protect Kiara.
Did you know that when she was eleven, I found her fifty feet off the ground clinging to a rock wall because she saw a nest hanging over a ledge, and thought it was going to fall? ”
My stomach twists automatically, picturing it. Preparing to catch my reckless mate when she inevitably falls even though it’s nothing but a memory.
“And when I told her to get down,” Killian continues, chuckling humorlessly, “she just… jumped. Fully confident I’d catch her without a single worry that she might break her neck.
Fifteen years old, and I damn near had a heart attack.
Couldn’t sleep for a week after, either.
I laid awake at night jumping at every little sound, thinking she’d sneak off and get into trouble the second I let my guard down and break her neck because I wasn’t there to catch her. ”
“Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because all I want is for Kiara to be happy, and despite my best efforts, she hasn’t been for a really long time.
” His face softens, staring at the sunrise warming the city.
“My sister is… different. And people don’t appreciate that that is exactly why she’s special, and far too good for this world.
If there’s even a chance that you see her for who she truly is and love her the way she deserves, I’m not about to let something as stupid as poor communication stand in the way. ”
He turns his focus back to me with newfound determination, a stubbornness that clearly runs in the family.
“After the debacle at the fundraiser, it’s obvious she needs more than me out here, as much as I wish otherwise.
So the best way to protect her is to support the people she lets close enough to help and pray you’ll fight for her the way I would. ”
My chest feels abnormally tight. “What fundraiser debacle?”
Kiara’s brother gives me the abridged version of the shitstorm of their night out, and I feel like I'm going to be sick, or on a murder spree. Maybe both, the day’s still young.
Killian’s right. I tried to give her space, but all that’s done is make things worse. She needs me to grovel? I’ll do it up close and personal.
But I’m not going to let my mate put herself in danger again just because she hates me.