15. Proud Of Herself
PROUD OF HERSELF
“That was wonderful,” Tasha said, her breath escaping her lungs in a rush as if she’d just sprinted a marathon in record time. “I’m so relaxed now.”
Baker had rolled off of her seconds ago, flopped on his back, his arms out, his eyes closed, his breathing as haggard as hers.
“Glad you are,” he said, his voice laced with humor. “You’re a lot of work. That was hard.”
She pushed at his arm, feeling much less nervous now that they had just finished blowing the other’s minds.
She’d been working herself up for days after they agreed to spend time together without having Micah around as a shield for her to hide behind.
Hell, half the time she almost didn’t care that her son was sleeping across the house and would have taken Baker to her room and locked them in.
People did it all the time.
She was only human.
“Sorry. It’s been a while. I’ve been trying to get off for a week hoping I wouldn’t be that worked up.”
“What?” he asked, turning his head.
“You heard me. I haven’t had sex in years. And well, I didn’t want to be done so fast. Or be tight. Guess it didn’t help me any.”
He groaned. “What have you been doing to yourself?”
She sat up and rather than reach for her clothing on the floor, stood up naked and proud, then walked to her bathroom, but stopped to turn and look at him over her shoulder. “You’re just going to have to guess.”
She cleaned up, washed her hands and came out, then let him go in after her while she dressed.
Now that that was out of the way, she should feel more comfortable around him. More relaxed.
But she was only on edge.
What did they do with the rest of the day? Was he going to just go on his way? Would they talk some more like they’d been doing?
It wasn’t like he only came over to make out with her.
She felt she was learning more about him whenever they were together.
Foods they liked, vacation places they’d been to, types of movies and TV they watched.
The bathroom door opened, and Baker walked out completely naked and unbothered. He was confident, moving with that easy swagger that made her pulse skip. He crossed the room toward the pile of his shorts and underwear on the floor.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, glancing back at her. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?”
She shook her head so fast her hair whipped around her face. The fact that he even asked—that he cared enough to check—said everything.
“If anything,” she said with a shy smile, “I’m afraid I was rougher than you.”
He squinted one eye at her, assessing. “I think you might have been.”
Then he flashed a grin so wide and so wickedly proud she burst into laughter.
Fine by her. She was proud of herself too.
He stepped into his shorts, tugged them up, then reached for his shirt to pull over his head, while she did the same.
“Did you have plans for the rest of the day? I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do, or…where we go from here.”
“My time is your time until you need to get Micah,” he said simply.
Her breath hitched. Her eyes burned before she could stop them, mortified over her lack of control.
The second he saw the tears, he moved toward her fast, like he thought he’d hurt her in some way. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said, as she swiped at her eyes.
“I just…it’s stupid. I didn’t know where your mind was at.
I’m not an emotional person, I’m really not.
But this is…” She dropped her gaze. “This is so different from anything else I’ve had with a man.
And I’m positive it’s the endorphins from our little sex fest.”
His expression softened. His eyes searched hers slowly, deeply with so much emotion flickering behind them she could almost feel what he wasn’t saying.
And she knew that look. She knew exactly where his thoughts had gone.
He wanted to ask about Micah’s father.
And she instantly wished she hadn’t opened the door with her own words.
But he’d surprised her and hadn’t taken that path. Maybe it was because it’d open the door for her to question him just as much.
“That wasn’t nearly the sex fest it could have been. Do I need to be prepared for next time? I can come with a box of tissues just in case.”
She flung her arms around his body and hugged him tight, her laughter bubbling out like a shock she hadn’t thought she’d receive.
“Is that a challenge?”
“It can be,” he said, leaning back, his thumb trailing down her cheek. “Really though. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. More than fine. I thought once we got naked things would slide into place, but...”
“Oh, they slid into place just fine.”
She let out a much-needed giggle. “They did. It was wonderful. It really was. Are you okay going out to lunch or would you prefer no one sees us?”
“I’m not hiding anything,” he said.
The frown on his face said that she’d insulted him and had to do damage control.
“I’m not either.” She moved out of his arms. “I just didn’t know how you’d feel if we run into people. I should say, Margo knows what’s going on.”
He lifted one eyebrow. “Did she know about today?”
The heat filled her face before she could stop it. She wouldn’t lie.
It felt like she lied so much about the past few years by not answering people’s questions that she wasn’t going to do it anymore.
“She knew I had the day off and you were taking it also. The rest she’d guess.”
No way she’d admit that in the past she’d talked about her sex life with Margo.
But that was before Shane. Before the guy who broke her heart and left her shattered to pick up the pieces of a changed life without him.
With a daily reminder of him.
Thankfully, Micah looked like her. She didn’t look at her son and see the man she used to love. She didn’t see the one who lied to her. Who destroyed everything she’d told herself she’d never become or get mixed up in.
All she saw was her little boy who she loved more than she could breathe.
“Then let’s go to lunch. Let’s make this a date.”
“Not our first,” she said, walking to grab a pair of sandals to put on. “Then you’d think I was loose.”
“We’ve been doing our form of dating for weeks,” he said. “Going out to dinner or doing other activities outside the house doesn’t change that.”
“You’re right.”
“Then we can talk about the next step.”
Which they needed to do.
It always felt as if she was the one pushing those things and it felt odd that a man was.
Rather than feel relieved he wasn’t just tugging her along for his enjoyment, she felt a touch of fear of what may come next.
They talked little in his SUV driving to a restaurant for lunch.
The silence was grating on her nerves more than she cared for.
As if the fun and excitement they’d just shared had vanished and in its place was a step that could take them up to something better, or down to saying goodbye.
The minute they were seated and drinks brought out, she said, “I don’t want this to be awkward and I feel as if it is now.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I like you. We have a good time together. I’m not asking you to move in with me. We said we were dipping our toes in, but from my perspective, we both did a high dive into the deep end.”
“I’m a good swimmer.”
“So am I.”
“So we aren’t still testing the waters?” she asked.
“I’m not. But I’m the last person who is going to pressure another one.”
She’d seen that already.
The guy was all but vibrating with need more than her, though he’d try to say otherwise, yet he’d offered for them to put it off for another day.
She couldn’t wait another day.
But that meant the hard conversation now.
It shouldn’t be hard though. She was the one making it that way.
“I appreciate that. If I asked my parents to take Micah again, over a weekend, would you be willing to make plans?”
“Absolutely. I normally have weekends off unless I choose to go in. I don’t have the timelines as much as they do in the brewery. My stuff can sit longer and be fine.”
“Once I’m done there, the first few weeks of school are crazy. I’m getting ready, talking to kids and parents. It might not seem it to you.”
“You know your job. It’s for you to tell me what works. I also know you’ve got another priority before me.”
“I do. And you’re aware of that. I worry if you’ll tire of that.”
“I don’t tire easily.”
He just seemed too accommodating. It shouldn’t bother her, but it did. “Do you get upset over anything?”
He let out a sound close to a snort. “I’m a pretty laid-back guy, but there are things in my life that set me off. Personal things. I thought we agreed they were off limits for both of us.”
She blew out a breath. “Yes, and no. I’ve got trust issues. You said you do. But you mentioned your father.”
“I’m assuming you were cheated on at some point,” he said.
“Yes.”
He didn’t ask who it was.
“My father has consistently cheated on my mother for years. Probably their entire marriage and she still holds on. Says she loves him, but I’m not sure if that is the case.
My father says he loves my mother, but again, I think it’s because when he wanders, she becomes the perfect housewife again.
It’s like he’s the hammer and she’s the nail. ”
“That’s horrible.”
“It is,” he agreed. “I can’t change it and won’t try. But every time my mother calls and complains or is upset, that sets me off. She made her choices in life.”
“Yeah,” she said. “That’s the thing. I’ve made my choices in life too and I’ve got to live with them.”
“Micah’s father?”
She nodded her head. “He’s not in his son’s life.”
No one ever asked if her ex even knew. They wouldn’t think of that.
“That’s his loss then,” he said.
“He made his choices. He has to live with them too. So that’s why you don’t trust? Because of your father?”
“I’m not my father. But I’ve never had a good role model. And my father’s actions don’t define me. I’ve got other reasons.”
“And you’re not going to share?”
“I shared more about my father than you did about your ex,” he pointed out.
“You did. I’m not ready for that.”
“Then we won’t talk about it. See, I’m agreeable when I want to be. I did that so you know. I won’t push. You’re calling the shots.”
Her head moved side to side.
She was thinking.
And she didn’t like what she was thinking.
“It shouldn’t be one-sided.”
“It’s going to be that way until you tell me otherwise.”
“Meaning until I let you into Micah’s life?”
“You said that, not me. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“I’m turning this into something I shouldn’t be, right? Tell me that.”
He laughed. “I don’t have to tell you what you already know.”