17. Held In So Tightly
HELD IN SO TIGHTLY
“Are you going to tell me what is going on with you?”
Tasha just handed her son off to her father on Saturday afternoon and was talking to her mother in the kitchen.
Micah had eaten lunch, taken his nap, and was ready to launch into laps around her parents’ backyard.
“What does that mean?”
“It means you never ask us to take Micah overnight. It wasn’t that long ago that we did it. And you insisted we didn’t have to and yet now you’re asking.”
“You could have said no if you had something going on,” she argued. She knew asking was going to bring this conversation up, but she’d long since given up sharing her personal life even before Shane.
“We don’t. I know you like your life private,” her mother said. “But can you tell me if you’re going on a date or just out with friends?”
It normally took her months to share a man with her parents because so many times it just failed and there was no reason to get them involved when her mother would ask a million questions.
Not being mean. Not even nosy. Just being her.
But she wasn’t some teenager who had to report her every move anymore and they finally respected that.
Until she said she was pregnant and wouldn’t say who the father was or anything about him other than he wasn’t going to be in Micah’s life.
They saw her devastation over the news. They knew she was reeling from a breakup and were there to support her rather than condemn her.
That came after when she wouldn’t say who Micah’s father was.
“I’m going on a date. I’m actually dating someone.”
“Oh,” her mother said, waving her father in.
“No,” she said. “Don’t. Micah doesn’t know and I don’t want him to.”
“He’s not going to understand it. Has he met this man? What’s his name? Can you give me something?”
She shook her head at her father through the glass doors and pointed at him to turn right back around. Her father laughed because he knew her well enough to know he’d find out once she left.
“His name is Baker Hansen. He works at Fierce. He runs the distillery for Mason.”
Her mother’s jaw dropped, her hands rubbed together, and her feet were almost tapping in place ready to break out in dance.
“Is this one of those Jolene things? She did so well with Margo and Liam.”
This was why she didn’t want to bring it up. But since her mother knew the players involved and saw or talk to Margo now and again, it was going to be hard to keep it all quiet.
And since she knew Baker’s background and people who could vouch for him, even knew where he lived and that he was single, she didn’t feel as if it all had to be held in so tightly.
There were no red flags like she ignored with Shane.
No mixed feelings that something was in his past any more than what was in hers.
They were each entitled to that privacy.
“It is one of those things and I’m not sure I like it.”
“Then why are you caught up in it? It seems to me it’s perfect. Jolene hasn’t been wrong, right? Not once?”
Tasha sighed and moved into the kitchen to get a glass of water to wet her parched throat. The tightness forming was making the words harder to escape.
The reality hit her that this might be the chance she’d been waiting for.
But did she really want to fall in line like that?
“No. So far, she’s batting a thousand. Or if she had misses, no one talked about it. Do I think she tries to pair people and they never click? Yeah, I’m sure. They might not even know it’s happening. But once a couple gets in each other’s space, it takes off.”
Her mother’s smile was big enough to light the tree at Rockefeller Center. “It’s taking off for you?”
“We decided to start slow. He noticed me. I noticed him. He’s very handsome. Jolene had stopped to see me a few times. I kind of thought she was fishing but then decided I’d be leaving soon so it didn’t matter.”
“But it’s more than that?”
“Seems it. I talked to Baker in the break room one day. Then later that afternoon Margo came over with food. Baker came in with Mason and Ben and they were eating with us. It crossed my mind we were the two when Mason and Ben were smirking the whole time.”
“So others know?”
“A good handful of people know and have verified it. Fast forward, I’m walking Micah a few weeks ago.
He’s fussy and needs his nap and I thought I could lull him to sleep.
I’m about half a mile from my place doing a big loop and I see this guy outside unloading groceries. Like my eyes were drawn right to him.”
His long legs, broad shoulders, and the cocky, effortless way he moved. All of it demanded attention without him even trying.
Her eyes kept drifting to him, unable to look away. It was like she could feel the heat of him from across the street, a steady pulse that tugged at her senses and whispered, look at him.
A magnetic pull she didn’t understand…and finally stopped trying to fight.
“And it’s Baker? Living that close to you and you had no idea?”
“It was him and I’d never know because there are hundreds of people there.
It’s not like I use the common areas and he doesn’t either.
He’s been there about three years I guess.
So we talk for a minute, I introduce Micah and we move on.
Nothing more until the following week when I’m coming home and get a flat tire. ”
“After you dropped Micah here,” her mother said. “He fixed it for you? I never asked, I just assumed you called someone.”
“He fixed it. I made him dinner and we talked. We cleared the air that we both knew what Jolene was doing and found it funny. He’s got something in his past he’s not talking about in terms of a woman. He’s not sharing and neither am I.”
“That’s not good,” her mother said, shaking her head.
“Come on, Mom. You don’t even know things. Why would I tell someone I just met?”
Her mother’s head went side to side. “I don’t know. I thought maybe if you opened up to one person you’d tell the rest of us. I know you were hurt and we wish we could have helped more.”
She reached for her mother to pull her in for a brief hug. “You and Dad helped a ton. I can’t thank you enough. You even backed off when I wouldn’t talk about Micah’s father. Few would do that.”
“I don’t know that we felt we had much of a choice. Maybe we thought you’d tell us at some point.”
At some point, she probably would have to.
Micah could ask to know who his father was. She knew that.
To her, she was buying as much time with her son and her emotions as she could.
Did she think she’d still have this secret two years after Shane was out of her life? Not really.
Time just flew by and why change something that was working out?
“It’s not going to be today. Today I’m going to have a date with Baker.”
“So it’s just a few dates? Nothing more? You should really lean into this with Jolene’s reputation.”
“Mom, I’m not taking anything for granted.
Just because she put her approval on it doesn’t mean it’s going to work out.
Or because we have a good time together.
I’ve got a child and things are complicated.
I’ll be done in a few weeks at Fierce and getting ready for school. We’ll see less of each other.”
“Unless you introduce Baker to Micah as someone more than a person you ran into one day,” her mother argued.
“I might do that. It’s the next step, but why put the pressure on him for that when it’s early?”
The concern in her mother’s eyes wasn’t lost on her. “Do you think he’d have a problem with it?”
“If he had a problem with me being a single mother we wouldn’t have gotten this far. I was very clear in the beginning and that I had tried to date and how badly it ended. I’m not keeping those things a secret.”
“Secrets aren’t good and you’ve got them,” her mother argued.
“I’ve got lots of things Baker doesn’t know about. Like I broke my pinkie when I was ten. I’m willing to bet his list is just as long if not longer that I don’t know about.”
“That isn’t what I meant,” her mother said.
“I get it. Mom, I gave you a lot more than I’ve given you before. Can you take that as a win for now? I know you’re just dying to fill Dad in.”
“He’s going to be just as concerned as me. Micah is your world, but he’s ours too. I don’t suppose at some point we could meet this man?”
Why did she know it was going to go there?
“This is really only our third date without Micah around. The first was when he fixed my tire. I think you’re jumping the gun wanting to meet him.”
The hurt in her mother’s eyes wouldn’t sway her. She couldn’t let it.
She hadn’t let it for years.
“And I think you’re scared.”
She crossed her arms before she could stop that defensive move. “Of what?”
“Of the fact that with Jolene’s touch this might be the man for you. And you’re looking for everything to go wrong before you can find out what could go right.”
“I’m not going to just ride this out as it’s a given. That’s not life. Don’t think that. I’m attacking this with the same resolve as I have every other relationship in my life.”
Her mother narrowed her eyes and pointed. “That’s your problem right there. You attack everything. Maybe it’s time you just let things fall into place.”
There was no use arguing, nor agreeing. Her mother was going to believe what she wanted just like she always did.
Even if the words just spoken hit closer to home than she wanted to admit.