Chapter Twenty-Nine
Grant stood looking out into the night and the city lights from his condominium window with a half-full glass of scotch in his hand.
It had only been three hours since he’d dropped Jennifer at her place, but it felt like days.
He couldn’t get his stomach to relax. An invisible band had started to constrict in his midsection when he dropped her off and tightened with every hour that passed without her.
He’d been back to his house, but the memory of her there made him depressed, so he’d come to the condo.
This was ridiculous. Never in his life had another person had so much control over him and the power to dominate every part of his life, and it scared the shit out of him.
He had to do something before he truly went insane. He dialed his phone. “Devon, can you meet me at Riley’s?”
“Sure, man. Everything okay?”
“No, I don’t think it is.” Frustration was clear in his voice.
“Okay, we’ll figure it out.”
Within a half-hour, Grant watched as Devon made his way through the room to where he sat at a booth in the back. Grant handed him a bottle of beer.
“Okay, what’s up?” Devon’s eyes narrowed on his friend. “Man, you look awful. I’ve never seen you like this, and we’ve known each other most of our lives.”
Grant chugged half his bottle. “I’m going crazy.
That woman is driving me bat-ass crazy. I’ve known her for nearly two months and had her once, and I can’t seem to go a minute without her before it becomes painful.
It terrifies me that I’ve let her have so much control over me. ” His voice was rough with anxiety.
Devon frowned and stared at him for a moment, then sat forward and nodded. “I get that. What do you want to do?”
Grant ran a rough hand through his hair in irritation. “I don’t know, Devon. This isn’t normal, is it? It couldn’t be. I don’t see other men becoming obsessed with women they hardly know.” His voice was rough.
“You forget what I went through with Tessa in college. I know you lived across the state, and I didn’t see you very much when I was in college, but I know how you’re feeling, man, like you can’t breathe without her, without being able to touch her when you want.
And it seemed to start the minute you met her.
I’ll never forget the first time I saw Tessa.
I was sitting on my bed and had my dorm door open when I saw her and Jennifer laughing in the dorm across from me.
That first look was all it took to want her more than my next breath.
I told myself at that moment that she would be my wife.
I didn’t even know her name, but she was already mine. ”
A shiver of relief ran through Grant, taking some of the tension from his shoulders as he nodded. “Will it ever get easier?”
Devon snorted. “Not really. You just learn how to deal with it better.”
Grant stared at his bottle of beer. “I don’t know how you’ve dealt with it this long or if I can handle this level of emotion in my life.”
Devon nodded. “I questioned myself at first, too.”
“You grew up with solid relationships with your parents and siblings. You know I didn’t have that, Devon.
I grew up with two deadbeat parents, always fighting, and a sister who tried to spend as much time away from home, even if it meant sleeping with half the football players.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this or if I have what it takes.
What if I’m like my parents, and end up hurting both of us? ”
Devon snorted. “That will never happen. Your parents didn’t work a full day in their lives and spent most of the welfare money they received from the state on themselves for booze and cigarettes, leaving you and your sister hungry. You’re the polar opposite.”
Grant stared at his beer bottle, moving his thumb back and forth, wiping the condensation away.
“What will she think of me when she hears about my childhood?”
Surprise raced across Devon’s face. “You guys haven’t discussed your pasts?”
Grant shrugged. “She’s told me some things, but we stopped talking when she became upset, and I haven’t tried since. It seems neither of us is in a big hurry to talk about our childhoods.”
****
Devon
Devon was quiet for a minute. “If you’re already this uneasy about your relationship with her, then maybe this is the right time to break it off before you and Jen get in deeper.
” Devon bit back a laugh at the incredulous shock that crossed Grant’s face.
He already knew what his friend would say, but throwing down the gauntlet might shake him up enough to enjoy Jennifer and what they had instead of wasting time obsessing about it.
The table grew silent for a moment. Grant’s bottle hit the table with the force of his anger.
“Goddammit. I don’t need you to tell me to break up with her.
There’s no way I could let her go. It’s inconceivable to think of my life without her,” he hissed.
His eyes narrowed. “I am one hundred percent in love with that woman. I know it’s too soon and unreasonable, but I don’t fucking care.
I need your advice on how to deal with this without tying her to my bed or going insane. ”
A raspy snort tore from Devon before it turned into laughter.
“Hell, I don’t know what to tell you. I just take one day at a time and one minute at a time on the hard days. Eventually, and with experience, it will get easier. It helped when I got Tessa to marry me.”
A spark of hope hit Grant’s eyes. “Do you think it’s too soon to ask her to marry me?”
“Jesus, man. What do you think?” Devon said with a bark of laughter. “So, tell me why you really called me down here. You knew before you got here you were keeping her, didn’t you?”
Grant nodded grimly. “Yeah. I think I just wanted confirmation that I wasn’t going insane. I remembered how you have always been possessive of Tessa and wondered how you handled it.” His brows snapped together when Devon wouldn’t stop laughing. “What’s so damn funny?”
Devon wiped the moisture from his eyes. “It’s too much.” He held up a hand when Grant reached across the table for him. “Wait. All I’m saying is it’s kind of nice to see the tables turned.”
“What do you mean by that, asshole?
Devon laughed again. “That’s Mr. Asshole to you, dude.” He pushed himself tighter against the back of his seat when Grant lunged at him again. “Don’t you remember the shit you gave me when Tessa and I started dating and I was going through this?”
Grant bent down and knocked his forehead against the table a few times. “Yeah. I gave you a truckload of shit. I thought you were crazy.”
Devon nodded and smiled.
“Man, I’m sorry. If I had known, I wouldn’t have been such an asshole.”
“Hell, I know that, Grant. I’m just glad I’m not going through this alone and that I have someone who really understands to talk to now.”
Grant raised his hand for the waitress, holding up two fingers. “I’m buying tonight. I owe you, big time.”
Devon threw a balled-up napkin at him. “You sure as hell do.”
****
Grant
Later that night in bed, Grant knew sleep wouldn’t happen anytime soon.
He missed Jennifer in bed beside him. After only one night, she’d messed up his whole routine and way of thinking, and it would take some time to get used to.
In the meantime, he’d see her as much as possible and hopefully pull her in a little at a time until she felt the same way about him.
The only ending he saw in their future was marriage and maybe children. For him, there was no other option.