Chapter 24 #3
They both had a good laugh over that. It felt good to laugh and it made Spring relax. She wanted to tell her husband more.
“I was also embarrassed that I couldna read.”
“That doesna matter to me,” he said, placing a kiss on her nose. “I ken that Colina is teachin’ ye and, soon, ye’ll no’ only be able to read, but also write, and even keep the tallies for me as lady of the castle.”
“Do ye really think so?” Her heart soared.
“I have no doubt ye’ll make no’ only a wonderful lady of the castle, but also a great mathair to our bairn.” His hand slid around and he cupped her stomach.
“I canna lie, Shaw. I’m terrified to be a mathair. I dinna ken the first thing about it.”
“There is nothin’ to be scared about, lass. I’ve seen ye with my other children and ye are wonderful with them.”
“Nay. I’m too harsh with them.”
“On the contrary, I’ve been too lenient with them ever since Alpina died. I think the two of us are perfect for each other. We’ll find a balance between us.”
“All I’ve ever been good at is bein’ a warrior. How am I supposed to be Ross’ daughter now?”
“Oh, so that is why ye’re no’ talkin’ to him?”
“He has three daughters that are refined ladies. I could never compare or live up to those expectations. How could he ever accept me when I ken nothin’ but how to raid and kill?”
“We all need to learn things in our lives. I’m sure Ross would never judge ye for that. Ye did what Cromwell told ye to do. Ye were only bein’ an obedient daughter.”
“Aye.” A shiver went up her spine at the thought of it. “I want to ask Ross about what happened when I was a baby, but I’m afraid to hear the answer.”
“Why dinna ye just talk to him? He’s still here waitin’ for ye.”
She shook her head. “No’ yet. I need to figure out what to say first. I dinna want to disappoint him.”
“Ye need to talk with him, Spring. I’m sure no matter what ye say, ye willna disappoint him. He is happy that ye are alive and well.”
“It’s no’ just that,” she explained, taking her worry pawn from her pocket and fingering it as she spoke. “I saw him kill my faither.”
“Ye mean, Cromwell.”
“Aye.” She nodded her head. “Cromwell was the only faither I ever kent. As mean and as horrible as he was, he was still my faither. I belonged to the Gunn Clan and it felt good just to belong somewhere. I had brathairs – or so I thought. I had a place to call home, but now I am no’ sure where I belong. ”
“Ah, I see. Spring, ye belong to the Gordon Clan now – with me.”
“I suppose so.”
“I think what ye’re also sayin’ is that when Ross killed Cromwell – it wasna easy to watch.”
“Nay, it wasna. A part of me wanted to kill Cromwell myself when I first found out the truth. Yet when I saw Ross stab him three times with his blade, it was as if I felt each stab to my heart as well.” Tears streamed down her cheeks and she wiped them away, feeling like a fool. She looked the opposite direction.
“Dinna turn away, lass.” Shaw reached out and gently turned her face back toward him.
“How can I ever accept Ross when I saw him kill the man I’ve considered my faither for the past one and twenty years?”
“How can ye blame him for killin’ the man who stole his precious baby daughter?”
“Ye’re right.” She nodded as she thought about it. “I am so confused. I also feel so betrayed. I believed Cromwell was my faither. It is hard to believe anyone now. Ross said he never gave up lookin’ for me, but how do I ken that is true?”
The wall she’d been using to hold back her emotions suddenly burst and the tears flowed freely. She sobbed and clung to Shaw, burying her face in his shoulder.
He stood up, cradling her in his arms. “Enough talkin’ for one night. What ye need is a good rest.” He walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers and laid her atop the pallet.
“Dinna leave me,” she begged him, feeling more vulnerable than she ever had in her life. “I need ye to stay with me, Shaw. Please, dinna go.”
“I’ll stay with ye as long as ye like,” he told her, settling himself next to her on the bed. “I am here for ye, Spring, and I will be yer strength in yer time of turmoil and confusion.”
He kissed her gently on the lips, cradling her chin in his hand.
“Make love to me, Shaw.”
Surprise showed on his face as if it were the last thing he expected her to say. “Are ye sure, lass?”
“I need to feel what I felt the first night we made love. I dinna ken what’s happenin’ to me, but the only thing that is real right now is the love between us.”
Spring held tightly to her husband and they made love that night.
The union of their two bodies melding to one gave her the strength she needed to face a past life of lies.
She fell asleep in his arms, feeling safe and comforted, trying to remember a time before Cromwell ripped her from her family.
It was naught but a dream – a horrible nightmare that she could not remember in the least. She’d been too young at the time to remember anything.
Still, a part of her wished there was something, anything, she could grasp on to that would make her feel as if she were part of this family that she didn’t even know at all.