Chapter 30 More My Style
MORE MY STYLE
The next morning, Farrah rolled over in bed and stretched her arms over her head, her body slightly sore in the most wonderful way possible.
Jayce was snoring softly next to her.
She didn’t bother to hold the smile in. The grin stretched wide, her happiness almost radiating out of her pores.
After their first explosive encounter in her living room, he’d carried her over his shoulder into her room where they showered and cooled off.
An hour went by while they found a snack and chatted about their night before they went to bed and tumbled around the sheets a second time, then both fell into an exhausted slumber.
As much as she wanted to languish next to the man who was stealing her heart, she threw the covers back and put her feet on the floor. She could get some coffee going to wake her butt up.
“Archer is right—you do look like a mess in the morning.”
She jumped and turned to see Jayce standing there in his boxer briefs. She hadn’t heard him move and had been in the kitchen for a few minutes while she watched the coffee dripping into the pot.
“I’m not sure you look much better,” she said, her eyes roaming over every groove, indentation and cranny of his body.
His hair was messed up and standing in every direction possible. He was rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning, but it didn’t take a thing away from his appeal.
“Give me that,” he said, reaching for her cup.
She handed it over and got another for herself, then poured her creamer in it.
“How did you sleep?”
“Like a baby. I wasn’t drunk.”
“Not on three beers. Then I’d think you were a lightweight.”
“Hardly,” he said. “But I’ve limited my alcohol lately. I haven’t had more than one for a good year. It hasn’t sat well or I’ve been babysitting and needed to stay sharp.”
“Babysitting?” she asked. She thought Archer was the only kid who had been in his life lately.
“Players,” he said. “Sorry. That is what I called it. Some of them can get out of hand and it fell on me to make sure that didn’t happen when we were on the road. At home, they were on their own.”
“They are all adults. Why was it your responsibility?”
“It wasn’t supposed to be, but it got slapped to me. I didn’t always travel as much in the beginning. Just one of those things that evolved.”
“Got it,” she said.
She didn’t like to ask too much about his old job.
Did she feel a pang of worry when he said they wanted him back? Yeah, she did. But she couldn’t let him know that.
Or that she’d heard a few times he was a different person there. It’d make her wonder who the real Jayce was if she learned much more.
But as the night went on and he talked with his friends, she saw the same Jayce she always knew. Maybe Jocelyn was right, there was part of him that was different.
He wasn’t reserved. He wasn’t watching more than talking or acting. Waiting to see what were the right words to speak.
She hadn’t realized that he might have been doing that with her and it was something she wanted to address.
But they’d gotten in the door and he acted exactly the way she hoped. You can’t fake that. You can’t make it up.
He wanted her with the same intensity as she had wanted him.
When they were together, there were parts of her that let loose and just flew with her arms out wide, the wind blowing through her fingers.
Hanging out with Noah and Simon reminded her of all the fun she had as a kid and missed so much.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked, yawning again.
“Do we want to stand here and talk like this?”
“I happen to like you messed up,” he said. “And standing there in a tank top and tiny underwear. You have no idea how sexy that is.”
“More than a little lace and silk teddy?”
He waved his hand. “Everyone looks good in that. But what you’ve got going on is effortless, natural sex appeal. This is more my style.”
“Something makes me think it wasn’t like that before.”
She didn’t know where her jealousy was emerging from. Or the insecurities that she’d had when she suspected Tucker was cheating. She’d always been so confident and her ex just stole that part of her.
She thought she’d moved past it all, but hearing some more about his job with the guys last night, it got her thinking that all that time with the players meant women were most likely throwing themselves at him too.
“My tastes haven’t changed much,” he said. “Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you do know,” he said. “What am I missing?”
“Do you wish you hadn’t come home? I could see the look in your eyes when Noah didn’t believe it. You relaxed more when they said you were nuts to not work for your parents before, but everyone knew how much you didn’t want to.”
He sighed. “You’re right. Not a conversation to be having standing in the kitchen like this. Let’s shower and then talk.”
He turned and walked away from her. She started this so she’d have to accept that she might not like what he was going to say, but she knew she’d need to know.
She’d been in a relationship before where she was left guessing, and wouldn’t do that again.
She put her coffee down and went to her room. The water was on and Jayce was dropping his underwear and holding his hand out for her to join him.
Why not? They’d get done faster.
They got in together, one on each side of the shower, each having their own showerhead, and cleaned up.
He was out before her since she shaved. No reason to not go through her normal routine.
By the time she was dried off and dressed, he was in the kitchen and starting breakfast. There were eggs on the counter with bread by the toaster. Her normal morning routine didn’t feel so relaxing right now.
She popped four slices in while he was scrambling eggs, then grabbed her coffee to finish it.
“We are out of the shower so you can talk now.” His silence while he cooked told her that maybe he didn’t want this conversation.
“First, why are you asking me these things? Just curious.”
“I don’t want to fight. But sometimes my mind wanders. I was in a relationship where I was left guessing a lot. It’s a horrible feeling I don’t want to repeat. I’d like to think that if I’ve got questions or concerns I can voice them.”
“Absolutely. And I’ve got no intention of fighting.
You asked if I wished I didn’t come home and the answer is no.
When I was back in Charlotte on Wednesday, I knew right away it was the best decision for me to have left.
I made it for myself, just like I told them.
I came back before you and I reconnected, and there isn’t anything about that life that I want back. ”
“Nothing? I heard you talking about things last night. The pride and excitement in your voice when they questioned you and your relationship with players. You never gave much away, and I’m sure you felt like you couldn’t, but everyone could see you had friends there.
Players, not just coworkers. Do you not talk to them anymore? I never ask and I should.”
“Most of them were friends because we worked together. I still text with a few players, but not much. The season is over and they are spending it with their families. I knew that a lot of those relationships were temporary. That doesn’t bother me and never think it.”
“So nothing like you had with Noah and Simon.”
His head shook slightly. “No. And maybe I didn’t realize until last night how much I missed that too. The true connection with someone who knows what you were like before you had to prove or make something else of yourself.”
“You’re the one who made that decision,” she said. “I don’t think anyone forced it on you.”
“No,” he said, sighing and finishing the eggs. “They didn’t. I did that all myself. I talked a big game, told everyone what I was going to do and when I got the job, maybe I bragged I was more important than I was. But the harder I worked the more I saw myself rising in the ranks.”
“Everything you wanted,” she said. “But then you left.”
“I did. Maybe it wasn’t what I wanted at all. Or it was only for a period in my life. Those players, they know their time is limited and then they settle down. My brother, my sister, they were all moving on and... adulting.”
She laughed. “No one would say you weren’t an adult.”
“I know. But there were times I still acted like I was twenty-two. Then one day I looked at the young twenty-somethings and how they acted and it annoyed the shit out of me. I wondered if I was like that.”
“I bet you were,” she said. The toast popped and she put butter on it, then moved the plate to the island where he was sitting and grabbed some eggs.
“I was. I grew up. For you, becoming a mother had you look at life differently. Lots of things did for me.”
“Makes sense.”
“I told a lot of people I wasn’t coming home, and I think for me, the hardest part was waiting for people to judge it.
I got a few comments on Wednesday, then last night.
Some when I got home too. Like I had this easy life I could do whatever I wanted.
It irked me. I worked hard at my last job and I am now. ”
“But your friends’ comments were supportive.”
“Yeah,” he said. “That’s the thing. And on Wednesday, those people who I thought were friends, they weren’t. But two guys I haven’t seen in over a decade, they were the same as when we were teens. I didn’t have to play nice, didn’t have to pretend, didn’t have to worry I’d ruffle feathers.”
“They just accepted you for who you were,” she said.
“I know. I understand that. Maybe I’m lacking that in my life too.
I did for years. Tucker never cared for any of my friends and I lost most of them.
Then I didn’t feel right going back to them as if my tail was between my legs even though it wasn’t.
Part of me was embarrassed my marriage failed and I didn’t see what was happening. ”
He pointed his fork at her. “That right there. The embarrassment. I was cocky and bragged and then I wondered if I’d be judged for failing. Or not failing, that’s harsh, for not succeeding the way I boasted I was going to.”
“Making a career change for whatever your reasons are isn’t failing, Jayce. It’s looking at the bigger picture and doing what makes you happy.”
“And getting divorced because your husband cheated isn’t failing either,” he said. “It’s accepting that what you once thought was right turned out to be wrong. That’s why I’m home. Nothing more than that.”
Then why did she feel as if there was more going on?