Chapter 14 Loss For Words
LOSS FOR WORDS
“Whoa. You’ve added some muscle over the years.”
Matt sent her another one of his sexy grins that she was struggling to not let affect her. Or at least not let him know how affected she was.
It was a lost cause though.
Between the kiss the other day and the joy of today, her guard was dropping faster than a wrecking ball hitting a straw hut.
“I don’t just sit at a desk,” he said.
They were at the lounging club, found two chairs to put the clothes and towels on and she was eying the bar. After they’d eaten, she bypassed the water slides. Maybe later.
“I see that now. You must have a gym in that condo complex of yours.”
“I do,” he said. “It’s a good stress reliever when the girl you’ve got your eye on isn’t interested in you.”
Anya laughed. Her eyes were roaming over him in a slow appreciation that a blind man could figure out what she was feeling.
Tall. A trim waist with a faint defined muscle that formed a V disappearing into the waist of his navy swim trunks.
He wasn’t ripped, but she wouldn’t find that attractive either.
But he had little fat on him and the muscles he had were meticulously on display, from his abs to his chest, biceps and when he turned, she’d noticed a ripple of triceps, not to mention his shoulders.
“No way you got this body in the past few weeks since we’ve seen each other again.”
She was smiling when she said it.
“Work might play a small part in it,” he said, holding up his fingers in a pinch and squinting one eye.
She gave him a playful shove. “More than a little part.”
“I showed you mine, are you going to show me yours?”
Anya had a purple sundress over her suit. She slipped her flip-flops off and lifted her dress over her head.
As a teen, she loved prancing around in her bikini in front of Matt.
She had more curves to her body now, some more tone too.
“Well?” she asked. He was staring at her.
“Shit,” he said. “I’m not normally at a loss for words.”
The pink and blue bikini did its job.
Which was saying a lot because the strings were working extra hard holding the triangles around her boobs and the swatches covering her butt and crotch.
She took a risk wearing a revealing suit like this. The one she only had on at the pool in her apartment when she wanted a tan.
Guys hit on her all the time when she wore it, but that had never been the intent.
She wanted minimal tan lines and this suit provided that.
But what she wanted more than anything was the guy in front of her to have his socks knocked off.
“Why don’t we get a drink?”
They walked toward the stairs to get into the water. The only way to get one was at the bar in the center of the pool.
Matt pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and held it up as they walked into the waist-deep water, then over to the bar.
He got a beer; she got a blue fruity drink that looked like the theme of their day. Fun.
He paid with a card off his phone, then they found a table they could stand at to place their drinks on.
“This is nice,” he said.
“I’m glad you thought of it. I remember coming here as a kid with your family. You and Ben took off and left Phoebe and me with your parents.”
He smiled. “I know you had a good time. Phoebe talked about begging you to stop going on all the crazy rides. That she didn’t want to throw up.”
Anya laughed. “I have a pretty strong stomach. You were willing to go on them with me last time, so I assumed you’d be fine today. You did well.”
She had noticed him swallow a few times, even dread the last ride, but he got on like a trooper.
She would have loved to go through them another time, but it wasn’t about that.
It was about him giving her a day to let go and enjoy herself.
Something that he noted over a decade ago and gave it to her as an adult.
Anya didn’t know if anyone had ever put that much thought or consideration into her enjoyment.
“How long has it been since you’ve been here?” he asked.
“I might have come when I was twenty or thereabouts. Not legal to drink. Me and a group of friends came. I outlasted them all on the rides.”
“I don’t know that I was aware you were such a thrill seeker.”
“I’m not,” she admitted. “It has more to do with a quick rush. It’s done and over with before you can get bored with it.”
He frowned, took a sip of his beer. She watched as he formulated his words. She didn’t know she liked that trait of his. “Do you bore easily in life?”
Considering after three dates with him, she said they were boring, it was a legitimate question.
“Are you asking that because I keep changing jobs?”
“No,” he said. “I hadn’t thought of it.”
“So, it has more to do with my comment on our dates?”
“Yep,” he said, grinning. “I was reading your vibe regarding my previous behavior. I didn’t do a good job of it.”
“Do you normally have dates like the one we are on now?”
“I think you should have been a lawyer with the way you’re avoiding my questions, but I’ll answer yours. I like a mixture. Dinner in and a movie are nice. Especially after a long, hard week. But days like this have the same effect as a movie in.”
“Taking your mind off of your troubles?” she asked seriously.
He pursed his lips and hesitated again. “I don’t know that I’d consider myself a man of many troubles.
I’m not bragging. I’ve had a good life and I’ve made a better one for myself.
I remind myself often that I’m living the dream.
I have job security and work with a family that I’m extremely close with.
That in itself is rewarding. Then I look at my clients and don’t even understand the definition of living through troubles. ”
She weighed his words. “I fall into that, don’t I? Someone living with troubles?”
“You’re not my client. Your parents are.”
“Technically, but I’m also privy to what is going on. You know that. I’ve got power of attorney along with my mother.”
Something her mother added last minute with the medical proxy. She feared if something happened to her, everything would be in a holding pattern, so her parents were covering their bases.
She couldn’t fault them there, but the last thing she wanted to do was to be put into the position to use that power.
“You do,” he said. “Then yes, your family’s situation would fall into that category. Now are you going to answer my question?”
“I don’t know that it comes down to being bored in life. It’s more about things don’t stick. I didn’t like school and only went because I felt the pressure to. I’m better at hands-on learning.”
The reason she thought about massage school.
She waffled back and forth so much on it though.
Would it be one more thing she changed her mind on?
She hoped not but wouldn’t know until she tried it.
She didn’t have time and resources to keep throwing darts at the wall to find what she’d enjoy doing.
Then she reminded herself she enjoyed her job the past month.
It gave her time to help her mother out when needed and would pay well tomorrow with her commission and again when her other house closed in a few weeks.
“No one says you need to know what you want to do at eighteen,” he said. “Not everyone does.”
“You and Phoebe did,” she argued.
“We might be the exception to the rule. I know just as many people who thought they knew, got the education, and then felt stuck. Or got a degree and don’t have a job doing anything even close to what they thought.”
“Like me, though I’m minus the degree. I went to community college and couldn’t even finish that. I have three more classes to go, but a general studies degree doesn’t do much good.”
It would at least prove she could start and finish something though.
It killed her to not take those last few classes, but there was so much going on at home with EJ and she couldn’t focus. It felt like such a waste of time and money, that she found a full-time job instead.
One of many that she’d changed over the years.
“You should never discount an education.”
“I’m not,” she said. “I think I’ve always been one of those people who lived in the moment.”
Which might explain why she had bad days so often. She couldn’t look past the tool that Matt had been around her and her frustration, anger, and hatred grew rather than opening up.
Telling him how he made her feel.
He would have stopped back then.
He would have apologized.
She denied him that chance because she was losing her world to frustration and hurt at home along with the disappointment in herself.
She wasn’t smart like her friends.
She wasn’t athletic either.
There was nothing about her that stood out, causing her to blend into the background and get lost.
Her parents spent so much time dealing with EJ’s issues and tantrums, the disruption of the family, that she did everything she could to keep the peace.
That meant not telling anyone how she really felt.
She was the one that got hurt in the end.
Until she put her foot down with the last guy she dated who took off with a few thousand he’d borrowed from her to say she mattered. It was time to put herself first.
He’d scarred her heart, but she stopped him from scarring any other part of her body.
“There isn’t anything wrong with that.”
“I tell myself there isn’t, but if I’m not happy, it’s not good either.”
He tilted his head. “Nothing in your life is happy?”
“I sound like such a wuss. That’s a lie.
I think I’m not satisfied. I’m thirty years old and though I’ve got a career that looks good today it wasn’t six months ago.
I’m working a part-time job to give me breathing room because I feared I might not get another commission.
I don’t like the hustle and bustle and grind and backstabbing of this job. It’s not me.”
“That I can understand,” he said. “But you don’t have to be that way. Think of your first clients. They went with you because you went out of your way to be accommodating and nice.”
“I’ve thought of that. And how many first-time homebuyers are out there and need more of a gentle hand. They aren’t buying the million-dollar properties that everyone is fighting over.”
“That’s right. Your commission isn’t as high, but if the reward is a job well done and you gave them a great experience, that’s rewarding in itself.”
“Why haven’t I thought of that?”
“Hey, looks like I’m good for having around in more than one way.”
“What is that other way?” she asked.
“Arm candy,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Oh, definitely that.” She took a sip of her drink, her eyes not leaving his. “Thanks, Matt. Not just for the day, but the talk. There is more to you than I thought and I’m sorry I never gave myself the opportunity to find that out.”
“Don’t be sorry, just take advantage of the here and now. See, nothing wrong with living that way.”