Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
KEELEY
After messaging Phil several times asking if he’s sure Mom’s okay, and him telling me she’s good every single time, he finally sends me a video of her rolling her eyes with the accompanying text, “Do not come here. I’ll see you when I get home.”
Of course, I ignore her, and the second visiting hours begin, I’m hovering in her doorway. I need the distraction after lying awake all night thinking about Sal.
“Seriously?” Mom rolls her eyes when she sees me, mimicking her video from last night.
“I thought you were a rule follower?” She raises her eyebrows, her face looking much gaunter than I remember it, her body looking frail as she lies in the hospital bed.
Have I been missing the signs? Is she worse than I thought?
“Keeley?”
Shit. I smile to hide my spiraling thoughts. “Yes. I am a rule follower. That’s why I waited until visiting hours.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve barely woken up. So thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I smile, ignoring her sarcasm. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I stole the spotlight from my son.”
“The perfect gift for him. Now you don’t have to give him a present.”
Mom stifles a laugh and I call her out on it. “You know I’m right. You have no reason to be embarrassed. We’re all worried about you.”
“Don’t be. This is part of my life now. We have to get used to it.”
“We don’t?—”
“Can we talk about you for a second?” she interrupts, changing the subject like always.
“What about me?” I let her off the hook. For now. We’ll be revisiting this conversation later.
“It must have been hard seeing me fall like that. Did you have anyone to comfort you?”
I frown, puzzled, until the smallest of smiles tugs at her lips. “Dammit. Who told you?”
“Addie. You know she loves drama.”
“We’re friends and?—”
“Uh-uh. Don’t bullshit me. You’ve been more than friends for months, maybe longer.”
“What? Where did you hear that garbage?”
“I didn’t hear anything. I saw it. With my own eyes.” She widens her eyes and waves a hand in front of her face, while I internally groan.
“When?”
“You’ve been happier lately. And so has Sal.
But then there are moments when you’re both grumpy.
At the same time. I’ll see Sal looking lost in the lobby one day and sure enough, that night when I call you, you’re ‘having a day.’ Then suddenly, all is right in the world again.
For both of you. Can’t be a coincidence. ”
“Of course it’s not a coincidence. It’s work-related, Mom.”
“I thought that at first. Until you showed up at my door early in the morning after spending the night at his place.”
“That wasn’t—” Mom’s brows rise so fast that I stop speaking.
“You’re really going to lie to me while I’m in the hospital?”
“Dammit.”
Mom laughs out loud, prompting me to look back at the open door, thankful to find we’re still alone. “Okay. I stayed at Sal’s. We ran into each other when we were out, and I fell asleep in his car on the way home. It was the week I was staying in the hotel, so he didn’t know where to take me.”
“That was nice of him.”
“It was.”
“A friend would do that.”
“Exactly.” I smile, sitting down in the chair near Mom’s head, relaxing a little.
“So…how do you explain the rehearsal dinner?”
Fuck. I stiffen as my heart stops momentarily before starting up again, galloping in my chest. “You were all smiles then,” she continues, a soft grin on her lips. “Stealing glances. Moments alone.”
“Again, that’s?—”
“Kissing?”
Goddammit. There is no way she knows about that. No one saw us. “How did you…” I trail off when Mom’s eyes grow in surprise. She didn’t know. She was bluffing and I walked right into it.
I sink my head into my hands and groan while Mom stays silent, letting me have my little freak-out moment. That kiss with Sal still plays on repeat in my mind. When we’d been fooling around in his office and in the staff changing rooms, it was easy to pretend we were scratching an itch.
After that kiss…well, that’s another story. I understand why Sal gave me an all-or-nothing speech.
“We were more than friends for a little while there.” I glance up at Mom, and all it takes is a second of her meeting my gaze before her face drops.
“Oh, Keeley. What happened? From the way Addie was talking, I thought you were together.”
“I think I like him. No, I don’t think that. I know it. Only it’s so freaking messy. And on that note, how are you not judging me right now? He’s your son’s father-in-law. The two of you share a grandchild.”
“Sounds like I don’t have to. You’re judging yourself enough for the both of us.”
“What? That’s not…” Is that what I’m doing?
“Isn’t it?” Mom poses the same question, and I pause to think about it. People have been judging my life choices since I was a kid, and I never cared.
Are you really staying home to do homework instead of coming to the party?
You’re so smart—you should be studying medicine, not PR and communications.
You’re working for a football team? You?
I’ve been judged for every decision I have ever made. Why do I care now?
My family has never judged me. Not once. And their opinions are the only ones that matter.
“I’m self-sabotaging, aren’t I?”
“I didn’t say that.” Mom shakes her head with a straight face until the edge of a smile gives her away.
“You were thinking it.”
“I wish I wasn’t. I’ve never had to worry about you. You’ve always made decisions based on what you want, not what anyone else tells you to do. And I truly admire that in you. But…” She trails off and I hold my breath, wanting someone to tell me what to do for the first time.
“But?”
“This is different. Love is a big deal. And?—”
“I’m not in love.”
“Stop. You know that’s not what I’m saying.”
Ugh, she’s right. But the tightness in my chest tells me my heart wants out of this conversation.
“Love makes you vulnerable. Love puts your happiness in someone else’s hands.
Love can hurt. It can break even the strongest of souls.
And you, my darling daughter, are one of the strongest people I know.
You probably don’t even realize you’ve had your walls up all this time.
Telling yourself that you’re too young, and that you’ll focus on love when the timing is right.
After you’ve got yourself a well-established career. ”
“What? No. That’s not what I’ve been doing,” I lie, badly. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. And Mom sees right through it. Like I knew she would.
“The thing about love is that you can’t plan for it. It creeps up on you and bites you on the ass when you least expect it.”
“Stupid Cupid.” I pout, crossing my arms like a childish brat.
Mom laughs, but there’s a sadness behind her eyes, and I know what’s coming.
“It’s hard enough for most of us to let down our walls.
But you, Keeley—you’ve had so many reasons to build yours out of steel.
Don’t let something as meaningless as age and labels stop you from finding that great love you truly deserve. ”
I choke back tears, biting my cheeks to stave them off, refusing to get emotional. I’ve been telling myself for years that I wouldn’t let what happened to me shape my future. Turns out, I’ve been doing it without even realizing.
I suck in a breath as reality sinks in. Sal didn’t change things between us by telling me he wanted more. I did by not telling him there and then that I wanted it all. He was baring his soul, admitting it was all-or-nothing, and I walked away.
An uncomfortable knot twists in my stomach, and I must physically react because Mom leans forward to grasp my hand.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think I’m a lot more messed up than I thought I was.” I throw my head back with a fake cry and mom laughs at my expense.
“Oh, Keeley. We all are. You’re not special in that regard.”
“Good. Any wise words for what I should do?”
“Are you actually going to listen?”
“Maybe. You seem to have your head on straight this time. You didn’t make the best choice for your first partner, although I suppose you got three wonderful… one wonderful child out of it, and two that aren’t so bad. This time around, you did good. Phil is a keeper.”
“He is. But I’m afraid I can’t take credit for that one. He did the chasing. You know me. I’d all but given up on love.”
“Shut up. No, you hadn’t. You were on that dating app for…more established people.” I cringe and she laughs again.
“For old people, you mean?”
“Age is just a number, remember?”
“You’re right. And I was on that app. But I wasn’t looking for love if you know what I mean.”
“God-fucking-dammit,” Easton groans behind me and I spin around so fast, my neck hurts. As fun as it is to see him in pain, I did not want to run into him today. “Why? Why are you always talking about things a son should never have to hear?”
“I told you not to visit. Seems like I have two disobedient children.”
“Three, actually.” Addie walks through the door, and I internally groan. Yay for random family meetups.
“Hi, Addie.” Mom waves while I blow out a breath.
“Hi, Mom.” Addie darts around Easton and pushes past me to stand next to Mom’s head, brushing Mom’s hair off her face. “How are you feeling? Are the doctors looking after you? Where’s Phil? I thought he was spending the night.”
“I’m good. The doctors are great, and Phil wasn’t needed here so I sent him home to check on the cat.”
I snort at the same time Easton does. Mom doesn’t have a cat. She’s just trying to amuse herself during one of Addie’s “mothering” moments.
“You have a cat? Since when?”
“That’s not important. What’s important is that I’m good. The doctors are sending me home this morning, so you all wasted your time.”
“It’s not wasted, Mom.” Addie rubs her hand with a sympathetic smile. “We all want to be here.”
“I don’t,” Easton announces, and Mom smiles appreciatively, always preferring honesty. “I hate hospitals and I kind of wish I’d called Phil before I came. Do you want a ride home? I’m heading to the stadium, so I’ll be going right past our building.”
“That would be great. Can you let Phil know he doesn’t have to come in?”
Easton nods as he pulls his phone from his pocket, heading into the hallway. And I take that as my cue to leave.
“I’m going to go, Mom.” I stand and squeeze Addie’s arm before walking around to the other side of the bed. “I’ll stop by later this afternoon. I’ve got some running around to do.”
“Is that code for work or your boss?” Addie bites back a smile and I roll my eyes.
“It’s code for running around.”
“You owe me lunch. I need to know everything.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“You better call me, bitch. I’m not leaving until we talk.”
Dammit. “In that case, lunch today. Twelve o’clock at the Westerley.”
“Sounds perfect.”
When I turn to Mom, she’s biting back a smile of her own, not at all taken aback by our sarcastic banter. “Love you, Mom. Thanks for the chat.”
“Anytime. But I’m not the one you should be chatting with.”
“I know.”
“Good. Love you.”
Addie waves exaggeratedly as I walk away, and I smile while screaming inside. I don’t want to talk to Addie before talking to Sal, only I have to give her something. I just have to figure out what.
After waving back, I step into the hall and almost bump into Easton coming back inside.
“Sorry.” I smile awkwardly while he grunts and moves out of my way, mumbling a sorry in return.
Silence falls between us, and it’s so uncomfortable I have to fill it. “I’m heading home. Did you speak to Phil?”
“I did.”
“Good. I’ll see you later.”
I force another smile, and once again, Easton doesn’t return it. Not that he’s a big smiler, but still… It’s obvious from his folded arms and blank stare that he’s not happy about being here with me. And I’m not in the headspace to buy into his mood.
I move to step around him until he holds a hand out to stop me.
“We need to talk about what happened.” Easton’s eyes flash to Mom’s room, and I release a soft sigh. I’m sure he’s right. But like Mom’s constantly telling us, there’s nothing we can do. Nothing any of us can do.
“There’s not much to say. It’s not going to change anything. Nothing either of us say is going to make a difference.”
Addie calls out to Easton before he has the chance to respond, so I shrug and gesture for him to go inside, then walk away.
I’m happy Mom’s okay. I just wish there was more we could do to stop this from happening again.
Should I have talked to Easton about it? Probably.
Can I handle dealing with him right now, knowing that he’s only speaking to me because Mom’s in the hospital? No.
I’ll talk to him about it another day.
For now, I need to talk to Sal.
But first, I need to decide what the hell I’m going to say.