Chapter 7
Catherine ushered Melody and Grace into their home while she carried Derrick.
“Melody, pick a book while I get these two asleep, and then we’ll read together. Grace can barely keep her eyes open, and Derrick fell asleep in the truck.”
“Won’t Aunt Kassie be here?” Melody asked as she put the diaper bag on the coat bench.
“I forgot Grace’s blankie, and she went to fetch it. Then, she planned to call Victoria. You know how Grace gets when she can’t find it,” she explained, taking Derrick to his room.
“Oh, brother,” she heard Melody murmur under her breath. “Come on, Grace. I’ll put your jammies on.”
Catherine smiled. Melody seemed to age before her eyes since Leo’s death. As grateful as she felt for her daughter’s help, she wished it didn’t have to happen this way.
By the time she returned from getting Derrick settled, Grace sat in her toddler bed, holding her picture book of tanks, one of Leo’s last gifts to her.
“Shall we pick your favorite?” she asked, kissing Melody’s head.
“Me want tank. Daddy make me one?” Grace asked.
“I’m sure your uncles will handle it when they return,” Catherine said, feeling the lump in her throat getting bigger. “Melody, since you took a shower and already changed for bed at Aunt Kassie’s, why don’t you climb in my bed, and we can cuddle together for a bit?”
“’ Kay,” her daughter said as she rushed to her room to grab her book.
Catherine flipped the pages until Grace yawned and picked her favorite tank. “What color do you want to paint it?”
“Owange,” Grace said sleepily as she rubbed her eyes.
“Oh, I love it,” Catherine said softly. “Everyone will want to ride with you. Goodnight, Gracie. Daddy and I love you.”
“Night, Mama,” Grace said as her voice drifted off to sleep. Catherine brushed back her riotous red curls from her face, thinking of how much she resembled Leo.
Pushing herself up, she went into her bedroom, washed off her makeup, and put on her pajamas. She crawled into bed, where Melody held something in her lap.
“Didn’t you want to read?” Catherine asked, curiously.
“I decided to go through our photo album,” Melody said softly. “All the kids got to see their dads tonight. I didn’t get to see mine.”
Catherine pulled her close and opened the photo album. An image of Leo hanging upside down on the monkey bars with Melody made them laugh.
“I miss when Dad played with me,” she sighed. “I know his job was important, but sometimes I wish he didn’t have to do it all the time.”
“He loved every minute he spent with you. When you grow up, you’ll learn the importance of Dad’s job. People depended on him. He saved some,” Catherine said gently. “Never doubt his love for us.”
“I don’t. I miss him,” Melody confessed. “When Tracy’s dad died in the military, she didn’t come to school because they held a funeral. Will we have one for Dad?”
Catherine hesitated. If she held one for him, it felt like the final decision she’d make for him. Yet her daughter seemed to be searching for some closure. She imagined months of not knowing dwelled in her young daughter’s mind, contributing to her lower school grades and outbursts.
“Do you want to have one?” she asked.
“I heard Aunt Kassie tell you when the time came you can bury him on top of the mountain with Uncle Chase’s relatives. She said we’re one big family.”
“She’s correct. Why don’t we think about it for a bit? We still have some time,” Catherine suggested.
“Can I draw another picture for Dad? The one from the fridge disappeared,” Melody informed her.
“I bet he took it with him to remind him of you,” Catherine guessed. “I’m sure he’d like another one.”
Melody flipped to another page. A photo of Leo holding Catherine, his hand resting on her belly, which carried Grace at the time.
He peered down at her, full of pride and joy as they extended their family.
He seemed happy to see her grow as big as a whale, since he’d missed her pregnancy with Melody. She felt the love she saw in his eyes.
“Why don’t we have any pictures of you pregnant with me?” Melody asked.
“I have some,” Catherine said. “Your dad isn’t in them. Remember when we explained how he worked in Afghanistan?”
“Yeah,” Melody answered. “If he knew about me, do you think he’d seem this happy?”
“Oh, absolutely. When he found out about being your dad, he glowed and smiled this big,” she said, holding out her arms. “He even asked the team to build you the park outside because he felt proud to call you his daughter.”
“Can we watch a video of him tomorrow? I don’t want Grace and Derrick to forget him. We can watch one every week for them,” Melody decided.
“It sounds like a plan,” she said, kissing her daughter’s head. “It’s getting late. How about we finish this tomorrow? Grace will enjoy seeing these pictures.”
Melody yawned and hugged her. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you, too, June Bug,” she said as she watched Melody jump off the bed and scamper to her room.
She turned the lamp off at the side of her bed and stared into the darkness.
The kitchen light cast a soft glow for when Kassie arrived.
Would the rest of her days feel like the dark void she stared at now?
Recalling the letter, she turned on the lamp and flung back the covers.
Entering the kitchen, she reached for her purse and pulled out the envelope with Leo’s handwriting on it.
Her heart raced, and she felt dizzy as she returned to her room and climbed into bed.
Carefully opening it, she pulled out the letter from her husband. Her hands shook as she struggled to read the last words he wrote to her, wanting to know. Taking a deep breath, she read.
Kit Kat,
If you’re reading this, then the inevitable has happened.
I’m sure you have lots of questions, and you’re probably mad at me.
I don’t hold it against you. I’ve managed to screw up a lot of things lately.
I’m truly sorry for putting my family last these past months.
I don’t know when it happened, but I forgot to put you first. It seems like I’m repeating these lines a lot lately.
Never think for one minute you and our kids weren’t first in my heart.
I love you with such intensity sometimes it scares me.
You hold the power to crush me in the palm of your hands.
I didn’t use our usual attorney because he might alert you or Kassie. I wanted this as a backup. Imagine, I finally remembered to finish something. (Yes, you’re supposed to laugh here.)
Catherine chuckled.
I know this isn’t how we pictured our happily ever after.
Even in death, know I’ll never stop loving you.
I've put you in the position you’ve always feared.
You’re raising our kids alone. Damn, it hurts thinking about it.
Here’s the thing, Kit Kat, even with this new baby on the way, I’ve never doubted your strength.
I know you’ll carry on and raise our little monsters into beautiful human beings.
You’re stronger than you think. I know you’re not feeling it right now.
If the situation were reversed, I’d be devastated.
I once thought I lost you forever, and by some miracle, we have shared this great life together. We’ve built this found family of friendships that will last forever. I know they’ll help you through all this and support my children.
Let’s get to you. This may feel like the most daunting task I’ve ever asked of you.
But it’s important to me, Kit Kat. We’ve beat the odds.
My life may be over, but yours isn’t. Now, before you argue, listen to me.
You have four incredible kids counting on you.
I’m relying on you. Life must go on for all of you.
I’m not saying forget about me. I’m saying find happiness again.
Let’s face it, no one can compare to me.
Find someone damn close and share your life with him.
If he’s smart, he’ll snatch you up in a heartbeat.
Find love again and hold on to it until we meet again.
I can already see you shaking your head.
Catherine dropped the letter, stopped moving her head, and blew her nose. Leo’s words cut her like a knife. Picking up the paper, she continued to read.
Stop for a minute and think. You’re young and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.
Your life can’t stop because of me. You need a partner to share your life with.
Make sure the team approves of this asshole because I already don’t like him.
Only I will ever be good enough for you.
If they give their blessing, then I want you to find the happiness you deserve and need.
Let’s face it, Kit Kat, someone must check under the bed after a scary movie and kill the spider when it threatens your life.
I’ve written letters to each of my children. Give it to them when the time feels appropriate. Let them know every day I’m watching over all of you. I’m damn proud of the family we created.
I love you, Kit Kat. Never forget it. You’re my whole world, my life, and the air that I breathe.
I’m sorry if I didn’t make you feel it all the time, but it doesn’t make it any less true.
One day, I believe we’ll be together again.
Until then, love, laugh, and live for both of us.
Show our kids what we created and set the bar for the people they marry.
I will be watching over you and will stay at your side during the tough times.
As you read this, I’m with you now. Never doubt it.
I’ll fight the devil or the angels themselves to keep from leaving you.
Keep me in your heart. You’ll always have mine.
Love,
Leo
Letting the letter fall to the bed, Catherine sobbed.
“You promised me forever, Leo,” she cried. “We still have a lot of living to do. You write me this damn letter and tell me to move on. How do I do it without you? I’m mad at you for putting me in this position. I don’t want anyone else. I need you.”