5. Silas
CHAPTER 5
SILAS
I rap loudly on the office door a couple times and wait. Within seconds, my older sister Taylor opens the door, smiling. “Hey. How are you?”
“Hi, sis.” I step forward and squeeze her tightly, raising her up on her toes. “Good to see you.”
“Get in here.” She grabs my arm, tugging me forward, and closes us inside her office. “Have a seat.” She gestures to the loveseat, and I fall backward onto the plush cushions.
“What’s going on? You haven’t come here to see me in a while.” What she really means is that I haven’t seen her in a professional capacity. She’s a psychologist.
“I don’t know exactly.”
She folds her hands in her lap. “What made you reach out today?”
“I had my yearly appointment with the neurologist last week, and ever since, I’ve felt off-kilter.”
“In what way?”
“I’m not sure I can pinpoint it. I wasn’t expecting him to tell me my injuries were miraculously repaired, but I was at least hoping for some improvement.”
“What did he say?”
“That nothing’s changed.”
“And that’s bad?”
“Not in the grand scheme of things.”
“But,” she prods.
“But I work my ass off every single day trying to rehab my injuries, and it feels like it’s for nothing.” I thrust my fingers through my hair. “I’m just spinning my fucking wheels.”
She studies me in that contemplating and disconcerting way that therapists are known for. “The damage done to your back and neck is irreversible, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t the status quo the best you can hope for?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why aren’t you celebrating? Your health isn’t deteriorating, which means your hard work is paying off.”
I shrug. “I know I should be happy with my results, but instead I’m struggling with them.”
“Why do you think that is?” she asks.
I don’t remember feeling this way last year. What’s different?
“I’ve hit the three-year point in my recovery and it’s like the point of no return. This doctor’s appointment confirmed I’ll never fight again.”
“Did you think you’d be able to?”
“No, but there’s always been a small spark of hope.”
“And now that’s gone?”
I slowly nod. “Yeah.”
“So now you can put that hope behind you and fully focus on what you can still do and not waste time dwelling on impossibilities.”
“Damn. I hope you’re kinder to your actual patients.”
She grins. “My patients pay me to be nicer. You get what you get when it’s free.”
“I already know everything you just told me.”
“Yep. You just needed me to kick you in your mopey ass and stop you from feeling sorry for yourself.”
“That’s harsh. I’m not moping or feeling sorry for myself.”
“Not anymore maybe.” She winks.
I shake my head, but I can’t hold back a smile. Her methods with me might be out of the norm, but I already feel lighter than I did when I arrived.
“What else is going on?” she asks.
“Not much.”
She rolls her eyes. “Getting you to share is like unlocking a damn vault.”
“You should be used to dealing with that.”
“I am with my patients, but my brother shouldn’t be such a pain in the ass.”
I laugh. “I’ve always been this way.”
“You’re worse than ever. You can’t let the accident change who you are.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not in my shoes.”
“Let me clarify what I mean. Of course our experiences affect us and change our outlooks and reactions, but you’re more closed off now. You’re downright grumpy most of the time.”
I scowl. “Fuck you, I’m not grumpy.”
“Did I mention you’re defensive?”
“I’m not—” I stop myself from completing the sentence when I notice the knowing smirk arcing one side of her mouth. “What’s your point? I ask.
“You’re a great guy, Silas. You’re intelligent and kind and have a lot to offer.”
My expression turns incredulous. “Are you trying to spin this into a conversation about how I need a woman in my life?”
“Or a man. Whatever floats your boat.” She winks.
I shake my head. “I’m busy enough with the gym. I don’t need anything else taking up my time.”
“Life is chaotic for everyone. You make time for the things that matter. Lionel and I are busy,” she says, mentioning her husband. “But we always make sure to prioritize each other.”
“That’s fantastic for you both, but I don’t want to devote my time to anything besides the gym. That’s what matters to me.”
It’s the only thing that keeps me going day to day.
“That’s a lonely existence,” she says.
“Not to me, it isn’t. Besides, I have Dove to keep me company.”
“Dogs can’t converse with you, Silas.”
“Says the person who’s never had a dog for a pet. Dove is an even better listener than you are.”
She sighs and looks up at the ceiling in frustration. “She can’t offer any insight or contribute to the conversation in any way.”
“I beg to differ. My girl communicates more clearly than most people. We’re a perfect match.” My sister wouldn’t believe how much of a comfort she’s been to me. When I was released from the hospital, I didn’t want to see anyone or speak with family or friends. I stayed home and Dove provided silent comfort and constant companionship. At the time, it was just the support I needed.
Taylor presses her lips together. Her exasperation is evident. “We can agree to disagree on this. All I’ll say is you need to put yourself out there and meet new people.”
“I meet new people all the time.”
A scoffing sound slips from her. “I don’t mean gym rats, Silas.”
“Hey, if you insult them, you’re also insulting me. I’ve been a gym rat for almost half my life.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be insulting. You’ve referred to yourself as a gym rat many times.”
“I can call myself that but you shouldn’t. The people who train at my gym are some of the most hard-working and focused people you’ll ever meet.”
“I don’t doubt that. But it wouldn’t hurt you to broaden your horizons, so to speak. Get out some night and meet some new people.”
“Where would you like me to go? To a bar? To a club? I’m too old for clubbing and I barely drink.”
“Then find another option that better suits you. The point is to do something different. Something that gives you an opportunity to socialize.”
“I talk to people at work all day long,” I defend.
“Silas, don’t be deliberately obtuse. You know what I’m saying. Go to a coffee shop and say hello to someone you don’t know.”
“I don't drink coffee.”
She narrows her eyes and glares at me. “Don’t be purposefully contrary.”
“Why are you so bossy?” I fire back.
She shrugs. “It’s part of being an older sibling.”
“Then I guess I can say the same is true for being a pain-in-the-ass younger sibling.”
“You know I love you and I only want the best for you,” she says.
“I do, and I love you too.”
“Now, go do something new. Shake your life up a bit.” She stands and I do the same.
“My life and my body were shaken up enough from my accident,” I say.
She gives me a quick hug and points to the door. “Get out of here.”
I grin. “Thanks, Dr. Gillis.”
She smiles back at me. “Anytime.”