CHAPTER 15 #2
“Yeah.” She takes a moment to compose herself before continuing. “When metal pierces my skin, it disrupts my ability to channel electricity. The energy goes through me before it gets directed elsewhere. It means I can’t use my powers without hurting myself first.”
“So that night when you shocked Jack…” The moment comes to the front of my memory, staring down the barrel of his gun. Both of their screams haunt me.
“I was electrocuting myself too.”
“Oh.” My brain spins, processing this new information.
“I felt so useless the whole night.” A tear falls down her cheek. “I couldn’t help, couldn’t stop him, couldn’t protect you or Derek or Jeremiah… I won’t feel like that again. That’s why I learned how to fight.”
I find her hand in the dark and she squeezes mine tightly. With my powers, I can sense her tears rolling toward the ground. It hurts to try and picture what she could be thinking about right now.
“I’ve never thought of you as useless,” I whisper, unsure if she’s listening to me. “Brave, headstrong, determined, self-sacrificial to a fault, but never useless.”
She chuckles at my joke and wipes the water off her face.
“I’ve been reading about astronomy lately.” She changes the topic.
“Is Mercury in retrograde or something?” I tease, hoping to draw out another laugh from her.
“Very funny,” she says dryly. “That’s astrology, not astronomy.” Dang, it didn’t work.
“My textbook said that it takes hundreds to thousands to millions of years for the light from our planet to reach those stars,” Sparks continues, “depending on how far away they are, of course. If you were able to stand on one of them and look through a telescope pointed at Earth, you would be looking at the past, almost like a time machine.”
“That’s pretty crazy.” The stars glow in the sky, almost as if they too were proud of that fact.
“Somewhere, on some star out there, the dinosaurs are still alive.” Sparks smiles sadly. “On another, so is my mother.”
“Maybe on another…” The words fall from my lips, hesitant and uncertain. “We’re still together.”
Time seems to stop, and I almost wish I could take it back. Almost.
A beat passes.
Then another.
Her shaky breathing is the only sound from the rooftop, nearly drowned out by passing cars and far away construction workers. Finally, she breaks the silence.
“The dinosaurs went extinct for a reason.” Sparks drops my hand. “Maybe we did too.”
She stands and walks toward the elevator. I slide through the doors before it can close. She won’t meet my eyes.
“I made a mistake, and I’m sorry,” I admit.
“I was harsh, and angry, and I ended our relationship without a second thought. You were everything to me, and now, you won’t even look at me and I can’t take it anymore!
If I could undo it, go back and try to work things out with you, I would.
I would go back in a heartbeat. But I can’t.
All I can do is beg for you to let me try and make it up to you, try and be friends again.
” I fall to my knees, hands clasped in front of me. “Sparks, please. Let me back in.”
The doors open and she steps out. I scramble to my feet, following her to her bedroom. She doesn’t acknowledge me, but she doesn’t kick me out either.
“Anise, please,” I beg, following her to her bedroom. She flinches at the name. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please, just look at me.”
“I can’t forgive you.” Her voice is strained.
“Why not?” I don’t understand. “You got off the train. You didn’t run to San Francisco, or Chicago, or wherever. You stayed and that means something!”
“It doesn’t mean anything!” She faces the wall, unable to face me. “I didn’t want you to get yourself killed.”
“Stop lying!” I place my hand on her shoulder. “You feel something, I know you do!”
“Fine, you want to know what I feel?” She whips around and shrugs off my hand, glaring into my eyes. “I hate you! I hate you, Astrid!”
“Why?” I probe deeper. “Why do you hate me?”
“Because you left me,” she growls. “After all I did for you, you turned and walked away.”
“Close, but that’s not it.” I can read her face, I can read her tells. I’m not leaving until I get the truth.
“The fuck you mean that’s not it?!”
“If you can’t be honest with me, at least be honest with yourself,” I scoff. “Why do you hate me?”
“Because after everything, all the bullshit you put me through,” her voice cracks with anger, “I’m still obsessed with you.
I can’t stop thinking about you. The smell of your shampoo, your hair draped across my pillow, the way it felt to hold you in my arms, all of it!
I hate you because for a moment, I thought I found my soulmate, and I’ll never feel that way again. ”
Sparks whirls away from me, holding her head in her hands. Then she explodes, screaming at the wall. She chucks the pillow from her bed. It flumps softly on the ground, which seems to aggravate her further.
Her rage is overtaking her. She needs an outlet. Something to blame, something to use. I can be that for her. I grab her arm and her eyes snap to mine. The intensity of her fiery glare startles me, but I won’t lose my nerve.
“Slap me,” I request, placing her hand on my cheek.
“What?” She pulls her hand away. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Do it!” I yell, goading her on. “Just this once, get it out of your system. I give you permission. You need to, otherwise you’ll just resent me forever. Slap me!”
“I’m not going to hurt you.” She bristles. I can feel the tension in her voice, see the turmoil in her eyes. She needs this, to let out the turbulence that’s been locked inside her.
“I left you,” I provoke, intentionally throwing salt in her wounds. “You were on your knees, begging and pleading, but I wasn’t listening. I just threw you away like everyone else in your life has, like―”
My face whips to the side as her palm strikes my cheek. I ignore the sting as I stare into her pained eyes.
“Hit me again,” I urge.