Chapter 1
Seriously, so fucking hard.
I don’t remember the last time I got laid and the blonde bombshell sitting in the back of my car isn’t helping the situation at all. Every time I glance at the rearview mirror, I see those plump lips and the tits sent straight from heaven.
If blue balls was a person with legs long enough to send a man into cardiac arrest, the name would be Julia Morales.
Gripping the steering wheel tighter than I should, I remind myself that these are not the appropriate thoughts about a woman I snatched off the street minutes ago. I’m an enforcer, for fuck’s sake, I can control myself.
“How old did you say you were?” Julia’s sexy voice breaks through the haze of my thoughts. God damn it, the slight accent is killing me.
“I’m twenty-three,” I grumble loud enough for her to hear, but keep my voice flat. First of all, I have to make sure I come across as a mysterious and serious man. Second, I can’t let her know how much she affects me.
“Huh, interesting,” she mutters and I swear, it sounds like she’s purring. Is this when I say ‘here, kitty, kitty,’ and she crawls in my lap and sucks my dick until I crash the car and die a happy man? “Well, I’m thirty-eight,” Julia adds and my eyes widen against my will.
There’s no way the goddess in the back of my car is close to hitting her forties. But then again, I’ve always had a weak spot for women way older than me, so it makes sense why I’m so stupidly horny around her.
“How tall are you? You look pretty short.” Her angelic voice, once again, breaks through my thoughts.
I’m not one of those guys who thinks his value is solely based on his height, so I don’t have problem answering the question and being honest as I do. “Not sure why that matters at all, but I’m 5’5.”
“Aww, you’re fun sized. That’s so cute. Not only am I older, but I’m also taller than you.” She muses.
The corner of my mouth twitches as I meet her gaze in the rearview mirror.
“And yet, somehow I still managed to snatch you off the street, eh? Also, you might be older and taller, but I’m pretty certain your dick isn’t bigger than mine.
That is, unless you’re hiding one down there,” I wink at her to deliver the point.
That damn minx smirks at me and if my balls weren’t stuck in a torture device commonly known as jeans, they totally are now.
“I wouldn’t say I was putting up a fight or anything,” she shrugs. “Nice car, by the way.”
“Thanks,” I grumble and focus my gaze on the road ahead.
For the record, it’s not just a nice car. This beast is my baby—a sleek, and okay, maybe a little dented, muscle classic. My baby even has a name—Tessa. She’s the hottest car in my entire neighborhood and I doubt that’s going to change anytime soon.
“So, why did you steal me? Are you considering a ransom or something? Oh, oh, I know, you’ll cut off my finger and mail it to my dad or fiancée?” Julia all but bounces that cute ass on the seat.
She’s so excited she doesn’t notice how I choke on my own spit. Fiancée? She has a fiancée?
After taking a moment to gather my thoughts, I clear my throat and grip the steering wheel so tight, my knuckles turn white. “You’re… engaged?”
Julia waves a hand and I briefly catch the reflection of a massive fucking ring on her finger in the rearview mirror. How the fuck didn’t I notice it earlier?
“Well, duh. I’m marrying Antonio DeLuca in a couple of months, the whole city knows about it, the announcement made it to the news.”
With each word that leaves her mouth dread sinks deeper into my stomach. Finding out that the object of my totally unwanted attraction is engaged is a blow, but to find out she’s marrying my cousin? Fuck me.
As soon as I finally process the revelation, I hit the brake sharply and turn the steering wheel to park the car at the side of the road.
My whole body goes rigid, breath comes out in almost painful pants as I snap at her through gritted teeth. “Get. Out.”
Julia’s eyes widen in surprise and she quickly reaches for the door, but then, she pulls her hand back, makes herself more comfortable and crosses her arms. “No way.”
I turn in my seat and growl again. “Didn’t you hear what I say? Get out of the car. Now.”
Julia turns her head to look out the window and huffs, shaking her head. “I’m not getting out. You can try to drag me out, but I’ll fight back.”
“Woman, are you out of your goddamn mind!?” I shout at her.
My outburst doesn’t faze her in the slightest. She keeps her gaze locked on the window, still looking like the sexiest woman alive.
Groaning, I turn back around, run a hand through my hair and slam my fist against the steering wheel in frustration. “Have you forgotten who your fiancée is?” I ask, forcing the words through gritted teeth. “Do you really think he’ll take this as a game, when he finds out you’ve been kidnapped?”
“Holy shit,” Julia mutters. “You didn’t know. You seriously didn’t know.. Why the hell did you snatch me if not to get back at my fiancée? Is it about my dad? Do you owe him money or something?”
Just as I open my mouth to answer her questions, a sound echoes in the car. I frown, trying to understand what was that—no jokes, it sounded like a small bark and fart at the same time.
Julia’s face lights up with a bright smile as she reaches for her bag and I slowly turn around to look at whatever is hidden inside the Pandora’s box women call purse.
Like a fucking magician, she pulls out a whole animal out of that thing. All my life, I thought only magicians can do the hat and rabbit tricks, but no, apparently, women can do that shit too.
Except, this goddess of a woman pulls out something that resembles a very deformed and hellishly ugly rat. “What the fuck is that fucking thing?” I ask and recoil because quite frankly, whatever that thing has, I think it’s contagious.
Julia glares at me like I offended her entire bloodline and brings the monstrous creature to her chest, letting that weird-eyed thing touch her sacred tits.
Shit, I still want to touch her tits, but I’m kind of scared the thing will leave germs on them. Maybe, if I wipe them off with antibacterial wipes first…
“He’s not a thing, moron. This is Vito, my award winning Chihuahua.” Julia announces proudly.
Yep, not hard anymore. The longer I look at that cross eyed ugly little shit, the more my dick shrinks.
I have to look away because at this point, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up dick-less if I keep staring any longer.
Yes, I know, that’s not exactly possible, but with eyes like that, I believe it has seen and heard things no one should’ve experienced.
That ugly little fuck probably knows how to curse someone to ensure their dick actually falls off.
Instinctively, I cover my groin with my hand, just to be sure I’m protecting the goods.
“Don’t listen to that meanie, baby, you’re perfect the way you are,” Julia coos to the thing, then returns her focus to me. “What are you waiting for? Start the car and drive, I don’t have eternity for this adventure, I’m a busy woman.”
“Adventure?” I echo the word.
“That’s what I said, no need to act like a parrot. Go on, turn the key, start the car,” she waves her hand, making it look like I’m her servant, not a kidnapper.
“Why am I not surprised that out of all DeLuca’s, you’re engaged to Antonio?” I groan and press my forehead against the steering wheel. Of course, the sexiest woman alive absolutely must be just as batshit crazy as my cousin—a match made in fucking heaven.
Julia ignores my words and keeps making kissy faces at the demon in her hands.
I wonder if I could pull off throwing him out the window while she isn’t watching?
Or, better yet, I could drive her to the nearest church and convince her to baptize the little freak—the moment holy water touches that scrawny, tiny vessel, we could watch the demon burn out of it.
“Can we go to Starbucks? Vito deserves his pup cup, he’s been such a good boy today,” Julia asks absentmindedly and instantly starts babying the ugly little shit. “Haven’t you baby? Oh, yes, you have. Yes, you have.”
Another low, desperate groan leaves me. Why, just why does it have to be me who suffers like this? I want to be called a good boy by her, want to be touched and loved on, but she has eyes only for the mutated rat in her hands. I fucking hate life.
“Seriously, just get out of the car. I already got myself in trouble by snatching the wrong person, I can’t hold you back for longer than I already have.
You might see this as an adventure, but I’m losing a few fingers at best,” I tell Julia, hoping against hope she’ll have some pity for my fuck-up and leave.
“Oh, wow, you’re one of those, huh?” She snaps at me.
The tone of her voice makes me turn around to look at her again.
Julia appears genuinely upset as she hugs the sadly very alive cross-eyed freak to her beautiful tits.
“So, you’re just snatching women off the streets, making them feel special and then you turn around just to say ha-ha, April fools? ” Julia raises her voice.
I lift my hands in surrender and shake my head. “No, no, that’s not what I meant to do, you misunderstood this whole situation. I fucked up, okay, I wasn’t supposed to take you.”
Her eyes fill with tears and bottom lip trembles as Julia mumbles, “so I was never your first choice?”
“No,” I insist and my own voice breaks a little. I’m getting seriously desperate here, whatever I say doesn’t work and on top of that, this drive is quickly evolving from an sexual torture to absolute mental fuckery.
“Prove it,” Julia hisses at me.
“How?” I snap back, raising my voice although I don’t mean to.
Is this what Antonio deals with every day of his life? Do all hot women come wrapped in ‘crazy’ packages? Did he seriously propose to her of his own free will, without Julia pointing a gun at his head?
“Take me to Starbucks so I can buy Vito his pup cup, that’s how!” She snarls and holy hell, she turns me on like crazy and terrifies me at the same time.
My hands shake as I decide to go along with her demand, start the car and pull it back into traffic. The entire drive to the place, she keeps making those stupidly adorable kissy sounds to the rat creature and completely ignores my existence.
After Julia gets that thing whipped cream, she snaps at me to drive her to the nearest park since her pocket rat needs to stretch his legs. I attempt to flee, but that woman isn’t only sexy—she’s smart too and already sees through me, so I become her unofficial bodyguard and shadow.
What if I call Antonio, come clean with him and end this charade? Sure, he’ll be pissed as hell if I tell him I sort-of accidentally kidnapped his fiancée, but he might understand why I did it.
I just needed a chance to prove that I’m a good enforcer and I’m ready for more serious tasks. Since my pleas to prove myself were ignored, I created a situation to show them what I’m capable of. And yes, sure, I fucked up, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes, right? RIGHT?
“So, where are you taking me next?” Julia asks and bumps my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Home,” I grumble.
“Oh, I’d love to see your home. Is it like a secluded cabin, or do you live in one of those industrial, half collapsed buildings? How dangerous is it?” She asks, face lighting up with excitement.
“No, fuck, I meant your home. And I don’t live in the forest like some gnome, and neither do I in a dump. I have a regular damn home.” I snap back.
“Well, you sure do look like a gnome, no need to go off at me for assuming,” she rolls her eyes and bends down to pick up the rat again.
Damn, that ass works like a magnet to my eyes.
“And you’re not taking me home. This is the most fun I’ve had in years, I won’t let you take this adventure from me.
You’re taking me places and that’s final. ”
My jaw drops as I watch her spin on her heel and walk off towards the direction where I parked my car. After I get over the initial brain fart, I follow after her.
Julia is already leaning against the car by the time I reach it. The rat in her arms looks at me like I kicked its favorite toy, or it’s just the look the tiny goblin gives to everyone.
“Stop glaring at Vito,” Julia pushes off the car and takes a step closer to me.
It’s a little weird that I have to tilt back my head to look up at a woman, but fuck me, it’s kind of hot too. I don’t know how to explain it, but Julia has this air of superiority surrounding her. If it was me, not my deadbeat cousin she’s marrying, I’d literally worship this woman day and night.
The thought catches me off guard, but then, I kind of start liking it. Wait… What if I…
A plan already forms in my head as I take a step closer to Julia and smile. “Hey, I was wondering… How do you feel about an actual road trip? You, me, the rat and nothing but endless roads? Wouldn’t that be an adventure of a lifetime?”