Chapter 31
31
" W hat are you thinking?" Alex asked.
Leslie had been quiet for too long. A breeze swept in from the open balcony doors and raised goosebumps over her arms. She no longer burned.
No, that wasn’t right. She still burned – only with more resentment than arousal now.
"I'm thinking that you asked me to tell you what I wanted, but what you really meant was tell me only the acceptable things that I wanted," she said coolly. "I'm thinking that you don't want to know what I really want, Alex."
Leslie watched Alex draw his tongue along the front of his teeth.
"I'm not judging your fantasy," he said. "And I'm not telling you that you can never have it. That I'll never give it to you. Just that you need to trust me to know when you're ready," Alex finished.
All this talk about trust, Leslie thought bitterly. But why would she trust him over herself?
She felt a sudden distance from Alex that unsettled her.
"Leslie," Alex said, more softly now, "I had to work up to it, too."
"To what?" Leslie asked irritably.
"To flogging."
This drew Leslie's more focused attention.
"You mean to flogging someone?" she asked.
“That, too. But mostly, for me to accept it.”
Her breath faltered as her gaze trailed over Alex's chest, searching for evidence of his own dark desires through his clothes. "Is that something you want me to do to you?" Leslie asked in a voice hardly above a whisper.
Alex hesitated.
“It is,” she said.
Alex pinched the bridge of his nose. The action made Leslie want to scream. She wasn't a naughty student in the principal's office. Her fists bunched at her sides.
When Alex spoke he spoke quickly and savagely. "Listen, Leslie, sometimes I like it wild. Not a cocktail of pleasure with a twist of pain. Sometimes I like pain straight from the goddamn bottle. Sometimes I like to be whipped so hard I have welts so agonizing that I can't lay on my back for days. Sometimes I like to bleed and still beg for more. Sometimes I never want the pain to stop and if the woman I'm with even dares I never see her again."
His eyes burned with a dark fiery passion as he looked across the table at her.
"Shall we start then?" he asked. "Are you ready? When we get back I'll take you to my secret room and hand you the cat o' nine tails. Then you’ll whip me, harder and harder, maybe even until I bleed, without hesitation, right, because it’s what I’m asking for?”
Leslie was shell-shocked by Alex’s question, by the image of her wielding a cat o' nine tails so ruthlessly that she made him bleed. She couldn't even imagine the weight of the flogger in her hand, let alone the sound of it cracking in the air as she brought it down on Alex's back. She couldn’t imagine causing him such pain.
All to clearly, she remembered the scars she’d seen on Alex that hadn’t been completely covered by his tattoos—the silvery lines and ridges she’d assumed were battle scars. Based on the research she’d done, standard BDSM encounters involving whipping or impact play didn’t usually leave scars, but she suspected that changed when it involved the type of brutality that Alex was talking about.
“No,” she whispered. “I don’t know if I could do that, Alex. I don’t know if I could hurt you like that, even to give you what you want.”
Alex circled the table to kneel in front of her. His hands were warm against her knees. Looking up at her, he said, "It's okay, baby. I wouldn't want you to. Not to that extent."
Tears filled her eyes. “But that means I wouldn’t give you what you really need.”
"Here’s the thing. I know, Leslie. I know in my heart that I wouldn’t need that from you. Fuck, just being with you, I know it would be enough to quiet that restlessness, that dark need in me.”
“And if it isn’t?”
“In that case, I can take care of myself. I’d never ask that from you. But I want you to understand this. What you’re asking for? The sting of pain and pleasure from flogging, not brutal but erotic, that’s not the same thing. And I can give it to you. I will. But you—and I—we need to take it slow. Yes, because of your history with your father, but it’s also complicated for me. I know I can give you pleasure, even as it’s tinged with pain. I want to give that to you. But I must know where the line is, and that’s going to take time for both of us.”
She took in a deep breath. “Okay. I understand. I can wait then. But…Alex…I can give you some of what you need, too. I don’t think I could make you bleed, but I think I could…you know…”
He cupped her face. “We’ll explore. We’ll find our limits together, I promise, Leslie.”
God, it sounded like he was talking about exploring their limits for a lifetime, not just for the time they’d given themselves as friends-with-benefits. She almost wanted to clarify. Question. Plead for that time.
Instead, she nodded. “Okay.”
He rubbed her knees. “Do you want to keep playing?”
She forced a smile. “No. I think we have enough on our list for now.”
“You sure? I hate that I ruined the experience.”
“It’s fine, Alex.”
He rose and stared down at her. “Okay. Instead of poker, how about Twenty Questions, instead?”
She was tempted. She wanted to ask him all sorts of questions about the life. His life. But she was feeling vulnerable now and didn’t think she could deal with another moment in which Alex shut down and distanced himself from her.
“No, it’s okay.”
“Leslie,” Alex said.
When she just stared at him, he sighed. “Okay. Game night is over. But...you still won the last hand. Pick a favor to put on the list.”
“Alex, I don’t—”
“Do it, Leslie,” he said, his voice suddenly commanding.
This time, the command in his voice didn’t overwhelm her so much as anger her. She knew it was part of their relationship, the push and pull, the forward and backward, the can’t and can’t resist, but it was suddenly too much for her. She couldn’t think.
She didn’t want to think.
She wanted to be lost in pleasure to the point where she couldn’t think about their complicated relationship, or the fact that she’d been attacked and they were hiding away on this island because even now danger could be coming for them.
“Fine,” she said. “You want me to add a favor to the list for tonight? I want to wipe the slate clean. I want to save the favors on the list for another time, an unexpected time, so we can savor the anticipation of those things just as much as the other fantasies that were mentioned, and I want tonight to be unexpected. I want you to give me the pain that you can give me, Alex, along with the pleasure. I want you to make me forget anything but those sensations. If you won't flog me tonight, I want you—I want you to edge me. For an hour. Hours. How does that sound? Do you think you can give me that?”
The words came out in a rush, louder than she intended, and there was no hiding the frustration and defiance and even anger edging them. She waited for him to question her about it. Why she was so angry. Or for him to pull back. Tell her she was too out of control, that she needed to calm herself before making such a request. Instead, he remained silent, his fiery eyes burning into her.
They stared at each other, her quest to edge her like a night flower quickly blooming in the damp heat. She could already smell its sweet fragrance between her tensing thighs. Leslie imagined seeing the sun start to rise as her body trembled uncontrollably, her sweat drenched through the mattress beneath her. Alex leaving her then coming back to push her even further.
But he wasn’t moving, and she was starting to feel foolish again, which made her want to cry, and—
Alex took her hand, pulled her out of her seat, and swept her into his arms.
He took her to their bed and laid her down.
Then he said, “Don’t you fucking move,” before he left the room, shutting the door behind him.
Edge me, edge me, edge me.
The words were like drumbeats in Alex’s head.
Leslie was going to be the death of him. So sweet, so innocent. Yet her need so womanly, so lustful. It was what made Leslie so irresistible to him.
But she had a lot to learn. He had a lot to teach her. And it wasn't going to be possible if he couldn't keep control of himself. The need to give her everything that she asked for had nearly been too much. Alex knew he needed to discipline himself before he disciplined Leslie.
He splashed water on his face, then looked at himself in the mirror, shocked at how savage he looked.
Get yourself under control.
He’d hated leaving her in the bedroom but he’d needed a minute away from her. He needed to pull himself together so he when he started with her, he did it with intention and calculation and not on impulse or selfishness.
He took several deep breaths and continued breathing until he felt himself calm. Then he went in search for what he was looking for. By the time he found what he wanted, ten minutes had passed since he’d left Leslie.. He walked back to the bedroom and opened the door.
Only to see Leslie masturbating.
It was clear that she hadn't heard him enter. She had her knees bent, her heels dug into the crumpled sheets, and her hand inside her shorts. Her pants came quick as she pinched at a nipple. She bit her lip as her head arched back.
Leslie's feverish need aroused Alex. He grew instantly hard but he ignored the pressure of his erection. He knew it would be like this all night. He might as well get used to it.
“You’re cheating,” he finally said.
Leslie jerked and gasped, pausing with her hand still between her legs. Her pupils were the size of saucers as she looked at him. She was silent as Alex wrapped his fingers around her wrist and guided her slick hand away from her pussy. Alex didn't fail to notice the quick rise of her chest when he lifted the rope he'd brought in with him and set it on the bed next to her.
There was a heavy tension in the air as he stripped Leslie’s clothes off her. He took his time admiring her beauty, barely holding himself back from touching her. Then he picked up the rope.
Leslie watched him calmly tie her up. She didn't fight him at all. She provided no push back. If anything, she tried to help him as he turned her onto her side and snaked the rope between her wrists behind her back. He felt it in how pliable and eager her body was for his every touch.
When he was done, Alex stepped back and admired her work. He saw the eagerness and lustful triumph in her eyes that he was going to give her exactly what she wanted.
And he was going to give her what she wanted.
Just not in the way she probably expected.
With one knee in the bed, he bent over her and kissed her. Softly then more deeply. He kissed her until they were both breathing hard. Until their tongues tangled so fluidly that they seemed to dance to the music made by their pounding hearts and harsh breaths.
Then he gently eased back, sprinkling her mouth and face and throat with kisses.
Finally, he straightened and stood over her.
She looked drugged and dreamy, a smile on her face, clearly waiting for his next touch.
But instead of touching her, Alex unwrapped his watch from his wrist and fiddled with it. Then he set it down on the nightstand.
“We’ll start with ten minutes, baby. I’ll be right outside the door. You’re safe.”
He registered her confusion immediately.
“Alex—”
He turned and walked out the door, shutting it softly behind him.