Chapter 46
46
A fter what Alex had revealed, they’d gone to sleep in their separate beds, the distance between them feeling like a cavern Leslie would never be able to cross. But it ultimately turned out easier to cross than she’d thought. Because an hour later, still wide awake, Leslie crawled into bed with him, spooning herself against Alex’s back. Obviously still awake, he’d stiffened. But he hadn’t protested or pulled away. Silent, underneath the soft, dim glow of the moonlight filtering through the antique windows of the monastery, Leslie held Alex in her arms, waiting as his tension slowly dissipated. He began to breathe easier. Then slower. Then finally, he was asleep.
At one point, he rolled toward her and pulled her close. He was a solid weight against her, his strong body curled against hers as they lay entwined on the bed.
His sleep was deep until it wasn’t. A slight tremor ran through his muscular body as if he was dreaming something unsettling. There were occasional murmurs too, muffled words escaping from his lips. Among the murmurs, Leslie caught Mia's name. It was spoken with pain, a deep-set anguish.
When he was restless, she soothed him with gentle caresses and soft words. “It’s okay. I’m here, Alex. I’m here.”
When he slept deeply, she stared at him, her mind a whirlpool of thoughts. She traced the lines of his face with her eyes, his strong jawline, the stubble that added an extra layer of masculinity to his already masculine visage. Each revelation he’d made about his past added a new facet to the man she loved. Yet, with each disclosure, she felt him slipping away. He had loved deeply and lost tragically, a scar on his heart that still hadn't healed.
Her heart ached for him, for the depth of love he had for Mia and the pain of losing her. It hurt to realize that the reason he couldn't give Leslie his heart was that it belonged to someone else, someone who was no longer a part of this world. It was a bitter pill to swallow, the realization that she was in love with a man who was still haunted by his past love.
Despite her own tumultuous feelings, she tightened her hold around him, offering her silent support. Alex might be haunted by his past, he might not be able to give her his heart, but she wouldn't let him fight his demons alone. She would be there, by his side, holding him when the nightmares came, and loving him, even if he couldn't love her back the way she wanted.
She must have slept because the next thing she knew, daylight pierced through the windows, casting a warm golden glow onto the ancient stone floor of their room. Leslie’s eyes opened, her heart still heavy with the weight of Alex's revelations from the night before. Beside her, Alex lay quiet and still, his face set in a peaceful mask that she had seldom seen. She spent some precious moments watching him until he smiled.
Eyes still closed, he said, “Good morning, gorgeous.”
She smiled, not missing how he’d echoed exactly how she’d greeted him that morning they’d woken up after she’d stayed uninvited in his bed. It was mind blowing how much had changed since then. How much deeper she knew Alex, both physically and spiritually.
“Good morning,” she said.
He rolled to his side and rested on one elbow, his head propped in the palm of his hand. “You snuck into my bed again.”
“Do you…mind?”
“No. Not then. Not now.”
He reached out and caressed her cheek.
“Thank you for sharing what you did with me last night. For trusting me.”
“I’ve always trusted you, Leslie. It’s just not easy, sharing my past.”
“Of course it isn’t.”
Leslie wanted more than anything to kiss him. To pleasure him until he forgot his torment. But in this place, especially given what he’d revealed the night before, it didn’t feel right.
She reached for something to say. Something light yet purposeful. Remembering the blooms of flowers she’d caught sight of when they’d arrived and again at dinner, she said, “I’d love to explore the monastery gardens before we have breakfast. Do you think that would be okay?”
Alex smiled. “I’m pretty sure Father isn’t hiding contraband in the gardens, so I don’t see why not.”
They dressed in silence, a stark contrast to the stormy emotions brewing within them. As they left their room and ventured out to explore the monastery grounds, it soon became apparent to Leslie that Alex could have been a botanist, given his apt descriptions of various plants and their medicinal uses.
"Is there a botanist hidden under that tough exterior?"
"When you're out in the field, knowing which plants can heal and which ones can kill becomes a necessary skill."
It made sense, but she hated that once again she’d unintentionally brought up something that reminded him of his time in the military.
“I’m proud of my service, Leslie. We did a lot of good. Like anything else, it comes with unpleasant memories sometimes, but don’t think that any mention of that part of my life is harmful to me.”
She nodded, not surprised he’d read her thoughts so accurately. “You should add mind reader to your resume along with botanist. Did you learn that in the military, too?”
“Reading one’s enemy is an acquired skill. Not that you’re my enemy, of course.”
Wasn’t she? In some ways, she was an enemy to his peace of mind. To his need to retain control. After all, she’d fought his desire to withhold himself from her, and pushed him to reveal his past. She suddenly wondered how much pain she’d cost Alex over the years by her relentless pursuit.
Soon, their walk through the garden led them outside it, and to her surprise, Alex didn’t stop them to guide her back toward the monastery. The vast green forests stretching out in the distance offered a sense of solitude and peace she hadn’t realized she needed. Eventually, they wandered down the hillside and into a nearby village. From the ancient cobblestone streets to the picturesque houses with their colorful flower boxes and laundry hanging out to dry, it was quaint and charming. If what Alex believed was true about part of the Italian mafia separating themselves from Luca to track down Alex, they could still be in danger, but he obviously felt they were safe enough to venture beyond the monastery walls. Then again, she’d seen him strap on his holster and put his gun in it, so he was prepared for mostly anything.
They strolled through the narrow alleys, past stone houses adorned with terracotta roofs. The aroma of freshly baked bread and herbs filled the air, making her stomach rumble. A small bistro tucked away in a corner caught their attention, and Alex gently guided her towards it.
He ordered for them in flawless Italian, something that almost made her swoon. When he caught her practically drooling, Alex’s eyes twinkled. “Someone likes me speaking in Italian.”
A surprised giggle escaped her before she could stop it. "I'm impressed, but I've heard better," she retorted, pleased when her playful jab was met with a chuckle from him.
The easy, teasing banter continued as they savored their breakfast. Despite the revelations about his past, his sudden easy-going demeanor as he navigated the small Italian village fascinated her. It reminded her of how he’d been before the invaders had attacked Caris.
She remembered what he’d said about needing to lead two halves of two whole lives—one half as Selfish Alex and one half as Protector Alex. Right here, right now, she suspected that after letting down his guard last night, Selfish Alex had gained an edge over his counterpart. Could it be that by telling her about Mia, Alex felt lighter? Had he released her hold on him enough that maybe, just maybe, he could imagine the two of them, even for the briefest time, as two lovers on a trip, temporarily shedding their real identities for the romance of the quaint little village?
With the warm Italian sun above them and the taste of delicious food lingering on her tongue, Leslie found herself embracing the fleeting moment of normalcy. It was a beautiful illusion—a much-needed respite from the whirlwind of chaos their lives had become.
After breakfast, they came upon a quaint little jewelry shop, nestled in between an old bakery and a vibrant green grocer's stall. The scent of freshly baked bread and ripe tomatoes was in the air as they stepped inside, and Leslie was immediately captivated by the delicate designs on display.
Though she probably spent too much time admiring the jewelry, Alex was ever patient. At one point, she heard him speaking with the shopkeeper, an old man with an engaging smile.
“Thank you,” Leslie said to the shopkeeper when she was ready to go. “Ready?” she said to Alex.
“Not quite yet,” Alex said.
The shopkeeper handed him a box, which Alex took and carried to Leslie. He opened it; inside was a pendant on a delicate gold chain. The gold pendant was in the shape of a radiant sun. Delicate rays extended outward from its center stone, a dazzling citrine gemstone. The intricate filigree patterns added a complexity to the design that was uniquely beautiful.
It was breathtaking.
Alex took out the pendant and passed the box to the shopkeeper. Then Alex turned back to Leslie, a question in his eyes. "May I?" he asked, holding up the necklace.
Leslie bit her lip. She was touched by his gesture, moved by the way he wanted to be a part of the moment, to place the necklace around her neck. She nodded, her voice catching in her throat, making her unable to verbalize her agreement.
Alex moved behind her, his hands steady and warm against her cool skin as he lifted her hair to one side, allowing him access to fasten the necklace around her neck. The sensation of his touch, combined with the cool metal against her skin, sent a shiver down her spine, her heart pounding in her chest.
Once the necklace was secured, Alex's fingers lingered for a moment, brushing against the skin of her neck before he moved to stand before her, his gaze falling to the pendant resting against her chest.
She reached up to touch the pendant. "It's beautiful," she murmured, looking down at the necklace. "Thank you, Alex."
He nodded, his gaze never leaving her face. "It suits you, Sunshine," he said.
As the cool pendant rested against her skin, a surge of warmth filled her. This wasn't an ordinary gift—it felt like a silent confession, a symbol of their shared moments, both sexual and emotional, since they’d left New York.
It felt like an unspoken promise, one that renewed Leslie’s hope that she and Alex would end up together.
And she didn’t know if that flickering hope was a good thing or not.