Chapter 26
MARK
Idon’t like being mad at Tim, but he was such a dick last weekend.
It’s not my fucking fault those guys freaked the fuck out, and I’m fine now.
He shouldn’t feel guilty. He wasn’t the one who got involved with that shit. I was.
I stand before the floor-length mirror in my bedroom, looking at this new suit Mom picked out.
I’m supposed to attend a birthday party for some state official.
A senator. A mayor. I don’t even know anymore.
It’s supposed to get a lot of publicity, so Mom asked me to come.
I’m not eager to be here on a school night since all my homework is kicking my ass right now.
I also have a paper that I need to finish for English, but I’d rather be behind on work than have Mom be angry with me.
A knock at the door.
“Can I come in?” Mom’s voice is a sweet melody on the other side…unusually so.
I gave her a heads-up over the weekend. Told her I got slapped in the face with a door at work. I’ve already covered it up a bit with foundation. Should at least keep anyone from picking it up in the pictures today, which is all Mom will care about.
“Sure,” I call back to her.
I wonder if she’s going to try to con me into wearing some other outfit. Sometimes, she’ll go through three or four before she settles on the one she thinks will go perfectly with what she’s wearing.
She enters and approaches me, performing her usual inspection.
No sign of wrinkles on her gray blouse or black pencil skirt—unlike her face, which has just enough wrinkles for her to look like a mother, but enough Botox to keep her looking fresh for events.
“Look how dapper you are tonight,” she says, adjusting my tie. “Oh, that bruise is nasty. You’re going to need to put some more foundation on.”
“Thanks. You look nice, too.”
She glares at me as she removes my tie and fixes it around my neck.
“Don’t be stubborn. You know I’m stressed enough as it is.”
“Isn’t that what the Xanax is for?”
“Feeling real clever, aren’t you? How’s school been? Obviously keeping you busy enough that you don’t have time to come visit your family.”
“I’ve had a lot of work.”
“At least it’ll prepare you for law school.”
I tense at her saying it.
Who the fuck is she to decide what I do with my life?
“Where’s your foundation?” she asks as she scans my face.
I lead her into the bathroom and hand it to her. She puts some on a piece of tissue and blots it around my face.
“Ow,” I say.
“Sorry. Is that better?” she asks as she pats ever-so-lightly.
“Yeah.”
“I was talking to Kendra the other day. She said some…concerning things about what you’re doing at school.”
“Concerning?” I ask, but I know where this is heading. If Greg blabbed about this weekend, I might be in for a real shit-show with Mom.
“Okay, I’m not going to beat around the bush. Have you started seeing someone? A drug dealer maybe?”
I’m not telling her the truth, but I don’t want to lie either.
“I’ve been seeing someone,” I confess, intentionally being vague.
She finishes my tie.
She hasn’t mentioned the injury in relation to Tim, so I’m guessing Greg didn’t relay that part. Just that I’m seeing a drug dealer, which is a relief. Never would have been relieved about that before. Boy, how things have changed.
“So who is this mystery person you haven’t told me anything about?” she asks.
She leans back and inspects her work on my makeup before making eye contact with me.
“What do you want to know?” I ask.
“If he deals drugs.”
I turn from her. I’m not going to lie to her, but I also don’t owe her the truth.
“Is that really true?” she asks.
“Why do you suddenly care about who I’m seeing?”
“I think I have a right to know if you’re deliberately doing this to try and undermine my—”
“Not everything is about you and your career, Mom.”
My words are severe. I didn’t mean to turn this into an attack, but in my defensiveness, I can’t help it.
“You think I can’t see how you keep acting? How distant you are? How you’re bottling up? Do you remember what happened last time you did this?”
I know she’s talking about after Becky died. And it’s like she’s touching that painful bruise on my face again.
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“When you broke up with Greg, I thought I needed to keep my distance. I watched and made sure you were okay, but ultimately, I came to the conclusion you were fine. But this is worrying me.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you? Look, I know these past few years have been particularly busy. I know I haven’t spent as much time with you as I should have, but I’ve tried, and you know I love you.”
Do I know that?
There was a time where I believe she did, but I think that time has come and gone.
Her expression relaxes. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me in for a hug.
“Keep your face away from my dress,” she says, reminding me that even in this moment, our priority is her career.
She leans back and looks into my eyes, and I can see that she’s concerned about me. “Just be careful, okay?”
As worried as she may be about me, I know she’s also worried about how this would blow up in her own face.
“I will.”
It’s clear my words don’t bring her any comfort.
“Let’s get to it then,” she says before grinning. A forced smile. The story of our family.
When we get into the Audi Q5, my phone vibrates. Despite how upset I am with Tim, I’ve been waiting for him to reach out.
And when I check my phone, I’m relieved to see it’s from him.
Thank God.
TIM: How late is your thing tonight?
ME: Nine.
TIM: I need to talk to you.
ME: We’ll be home around ten thirty.
TIM: Can I meet you at your place?
ME: I already told Mom I’d stay here for brunch tomorrow.
TIM: Then I’ll meet you there.
He needs to talk to me? But he wants to either meet at my place or here?
I know what this is. It’s a breakup.
He wants to call it off.
Tears rush to my eyes, and I know I can’t cry right now because I’ll fuck up my makeup and look like fucking Frankenstein, but the harder I try to keep from crying, the more I want to break down. I turn to the window so Mom, who sits beside me, won’t see how upset I am.
At least she’ll get her fucking wish.
Don’t do this to me, Tim. Don’t do this to us.
When we finish up at the benefit and return home, I pace in my room, wondering what Tim’s going to say, planning out my arguments. I’m not letting him out of this. He’s come too far with me, and if he’s going to let one thing destroy us, then he’s got another fucking thing coming.
It’s driving me nutty, and when I get a text from him to let me know he’s near, I text him back and tell him to creep around the house.
I sneak into the closet with our security system and remove the DVD from the security cameras—something I got real good at doing in high school. Then I creep into the cellar. The house is big enough, no one’s going to notice.
I open the cellar door, and Tim hurries in.
“Feels so dangerous,” he says, a broad smile across his face, his eyes lit up as he looks at me.
I’m ready to fight him. Ready to remind him of what we have when he moves quickly toward me, kissing me.
He shoves me back against the wall and wraps his arms around me.
My thoughts scatter as my body erupts with pleasure and excitement.
It’s like everything in me is just relieved he’s not going to tear his magical touch away from me.
I don’t know what’s come over him, but his kiss lets me know that whatever it is, I don’t have anything I need to worry about.