Chapter 13 Megan
MEGAN
I’m woken up by Gio’s absence; it seems to be happening a lot lately, and I don’t want to become hardened to it. I don’t want this to become the norm. I don’t want to be the one waiting at home wondering where my man is or what he’s doing.
I remember my mom once saying that she knew her marriage to my dad was over when they stopped eating together and stopped going to bed at the same time.
They were in a rut. My dad would often stop at the pub on his way home from work, drink too much, then walk home and crash out on the sofa after my mom had gone to bed.
And when he was home, he would go to bed early while my mom stayed up and watched movies on her own.
But as much as I miss Gio’s body pressed up against mine, I’m grateful for the space to think about what happened.
Him for Amber. Final offer.
The words chill me right through to my bones. Why? Why would he say that? Gio told me not to listen, said that it was a game to him, that he was doing it to provoke a reaction, but what kind of person plays with their own daughter’s life this way?
What would I do to get Amber back?
Before he delivered his ultimatum, I’d have said ‘anything’. I wouldn’t have hesitated: I’d do anything to get her back.
Anything but that.
It’s like asking me to rip my heart from my own chest, divide it in half, and decide which piece to keep and which piece to feed to the lions.
But the fact that I’ve even hesitated is killing me slowly.
I feel as if I’ve betrayed Amber. I can almost see the disappointment in my mom’s eyes when she says, “You promised, Meg. You promised that you would take care of her.”
He knew exactly how to play me. Somehow, he knew that Gio was the one thing I couldn’t give to save Amber.
But rather than hating him for it, I hate myself.
She’s five years old. She’s so young and tiny and dependent, and I’m supposed to be there for her, and I know I’m being utterly selfish by refusing to give up Gio in return for her safety.
I slap my forehead with the palm of my hand.
I’ve known Gio for less than a month. He’s a grown man. He has connections. If anyone could take care of themselves against the fucking Fish, it’s Giovanni Sabatelli. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bear the thought of Gio hearing me say that I choose Amber over him.
Tears stream from my eyes, saturating my pillow, as I grip it tightly with both fists.
If the pillow was a person, I’d have cut off their air supply by now, but it isn’t making me feel any better.
Nothing will ever make me feel better while Amber is missing.
What if that was my last chance to find her alive and I’ve blown it?
An image of that evil bastard holding a detonator in his hands pops into my head, followed by a fresh onslaught of tears. What if he pressed the button when I hesitated? What if it’s already game over?
I feel raw. Stripped bare. Like all that remains of me is a bundle of emotions and nausea wrapped up in a shiny red ribbon.
Gio would’ve understood. Maybe he expected me to choose Amber over him.
He warned me not to go in there. He didn’t want me to speak to Amber’s father because he knew something like this would happen, and he was trying to spare me the fallout.
But I insisted because I thought that I could get through to him.
What a fucking idiot!
There’s only one way to play the game with someone like that: let them win.
It dawns on me slowly, the realization wriggling its way through the tears and the burning ache in my chest, that he lied about my mom. She didn’t leave me and Amber. She would never have left us, and he killed her because she didn’t let him win.
I know what I must do.
I push back the comforter and sit up, the cool night air bringing goosebumps to the surface of my flesh as the room spins away from me. I suck in deep breaths, waiting for the dizziness to pass and stare at the closed door.
Gio has beaten me to it. He saved me the pain of having to choose between him and Amber, and he has offered himself to the Fish.
My heart is frantic as I drag my clothes on over my naked body and limp across the room. I can’t let him do this. I know what I told myself only a short while ago, but I can’t sit here while Amber’s father plays God with the lives of the two people I care most about in the world.
There must be another way.
I yank open the door so hard it narrowly misses my injured foot, but I barely register the pain that might have been. The hallway is dim, but the lights are still on in the kitchen and living room. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Gio couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to disturb me.
But Demi is on her feet and placing herself as a barrier between me and the door before I’ve even reached the breakfast bar.
“Meggie, I can’t let you go out there,” she says as if she can read my mind.
“You can’t stop me.”
We both know who would win if I tried to get past her and it isn’t the one with the plaster cast on her foot.
“You made a deal, remember? Gio kept his part. You spoke to the Fish, and now it’s time to keep your side of the bargain.”
“I’m not done speaking to him.” Nothing could be further from the truth.
She shifts her weight from one foot to the other as though limbering up for a tennis match.
“I heard what he said, Meggie. You’re an intelligent woman.
You know that choosing Amber over Gio won’t save her life, right?
It was a bluff. It was all about control.
Manipulation. Toxic masculinity or whatever the fuck label you want to give it. ”
“I have to try.” Bam! My voice is already deserting me as her words try to erase my resolve. “What if it’s my only option? What if everything rests on me giving him my answer?”
Because part of me is desperately clinging to the idea that the man is hurt.
He’s the one bound to the chair and surrounded by armed bodyguards who’ll shoot him the instant he tries to move.
If he was bluffing about telling me where Amber is, then he could also be bluffing about wanting Gio instead.
Her tone softens. “All that rests on your answer is your own peace of mind. I can see it in your eyes. He’s already gotten to you, and that’s exactly what men like him want. It’s how they prey on their victims.” Color rushes into her cheeks. “Not that I’m calling you a victim.”
She raises both hands in front of her and heads into the kitchen, trusting me not to bolt for the door the instant her back is turned.
“I don’t know about you, but I could do with a glass of wine.”
She pops the cork on a bottle of Pinot and fills two glasses almost to the top, then she places them both on the table and sits down.
I remain standing. She knows that Gio has gone to sacrifice himself, but at least this is buying me some time out of the bunker.
I remember the panic in Nikki’s voice when she heard about it, and my pulse races as if she were still right here drinking wine with us and discussing the merits of swapping the man I’m in love with for the little sister who means the world to me.
Demi swallows a large mouthful of wine and closes her eyes as it goes down. “This is going to hurt, and I hate to be the one to say it, but he probably gave your mom an ultimatum too. Him or you.” She strokes the stem of the glass with her thumb. “No prizes for guessing who she chose.”
The tears just keep right on coming even when I feel as though I’ve been drained dry.
“I’m sorry.” Demi sits back in her seat. “My timing is lousy. But you know I’m right, and you heard him say that she abandoned you. Do you honestly think that you’re going to stroll in there, tell him you choose Amber, and he’ll shake your hand and tell you that you won fair and square?”
“His wrists are tied up behind his back.”
She smiles. “Figuratively speaking. I pity anyone who ever tried to strike a deal with him.”
I join her at the table and sip my drink.
The buzz seems to hit my head almost instantaneously, and my stomach starts craving potato chips.
Cheesy Doritos to be precise, the snack of choice whenever Nikki and I were having a movie night in, along with a tub of spicy tomato salsa because we really knew how to live.
How can I be hungry when Gio might be over there right now, setting the prisoner free and handing him a weapon?
“I-I need to speak to Gio.”
“He knows what he’s doing, Meggie.”
Suddenly, the atmosphere is serious again, and I know I shouldn’t be sitting here cultivating a new friendship over a bottle of wine while all around me everything is rotten.
“No.” I shake my head, stand up, and grip the back of the chair. “He thinks he does, but this isn’t his decision to make.”
“Fine.” Demi rises too. “You leave me no choice then. It will be easier for everyone if you come quietly, but I have no qualms about using handcuffs if you’re going to be difficult.”
I smile. Until I realize that she’s being deadly serious. “You’re going to cuff me?”
“Only if I have to.” She produces a pair of metal handcuffs from the purse slung over the back of the chair and waves them in front of me.
“Don’t worry. I have a key. I think.” She rummages around in the bottom of the purse and comes out empty-handed.
“It’s fine. My brothers taught me how to pick a lock. ”
“Did Gio put you up to this?”
She narrows one eye at me. “I’m going to forget you said that while I erase the image of you, Gio, and handcuffs from my innocent memory.”
It’s my turn to blush. I pray that she can’t see the same images I can see: me and Gio naked on the living room floor of his apartment, me lying in front of him, arms raised above my head, while he cuffs me to the coffee table.
“Come on. There’s no time like the present.”
“I-what do you mean?” Mentally, I’m spreading my legs wide for Gio to bury his face in my sex.
“The bunker.” Her brows crinkle.
“You want to go down there now?” The panic is back. While I’m down there, I can’t be proactive in finding Amber, and I know I screwed up when I helped Tommy Romano escape, but why should I be safe when she isn’t? “I-I can’t, Demi.”
“It’s only until this is over.” She gives me a tentative smile. “You trust Gio, don’t you?” I nod. “We’ll find her. As soon as it’s safe to do so, we’ll have every fucker in Vermont out there looking for her, but until then, I’ve been entrusted with keeping you alive.”
“I’m not ready.” I sound like I’m sixteen again, waiting to go into the examination room at high school to take my math exam.
“Hey, you’re looking at the woman who freaked out so badly on the subway once when the train door wouldn’t open, that I broke a guy’s nose.
” She guzzles the remainder of her drink and grabs the bottle from the fridge, holding it by the neck in one hand, and our wine glasses in the other. “Party in the bunker?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“What’s that you say? You can’t think of anyone you’d rather be trapped underground with?” She giggles, and I think the wine has gone straight to her head.
I glance at the door, and she shoves the bottle into my hand. “He’ll be alright, you know. He’s got this.”
I wish I shared her confidence, but I tell myself that if Gio has gone over there to offer his life in exchange for Amber, he’ll have a back-up plan.
Demi goes first, along the hallway, where she crouches and moves the rug aside to reveal the hatch that leads down to the underground shelter. She hands me the glasses while she lifts the trapdoor with both hands and peers down at the steps.
“I hope there’s a light down there.”
We stand at the top of the staircase like characters from an Enid Blyton novel, embarking on an adventure into unknown territory. Before I can suggest fetching a flashlight, she slides her cell phone from her pocket and aims the bright light down through the opening.
“Here, I’ll take the glasses. You go first.”
With my track record, she doesn’t trust me not to shut her in there and make my escape, and who can blame her?
Sitting on the edge of the opening, I lower myself onto the stairs and descend carefully using the wall for support, while Demi guides the way with her flashlight.
My heart pounds until the built-in light activates automatically, but even then, it’s hard not to think about being buried alive and suffocating beneath a mountain of earth. Literally.
Demi follows me down. She’s breathing heavily, and I wonder if she wasn’t joking about breaking a guy’s nose on the subway.
We head slowly along the underground passageway towards the bunker’s entrance.
I’ve no idea what to expect. Will it be like a small home with a bedroom, bathroom, and living space, or will it be one huge area with bunk beds built against the wall?
What about food and water? Bunkers are designed to sustain life when the world ends, but now that I’ve dived into the rabbit hole, the questions keep on coming.
What about heat in the winter or fans in the summer? How are we supposed to cook without killing ourselves from carbon monoxide poisoning? What about the toilet—how does that work?
I know that Gio said we should stay down here until this situation is over, but how long will it take?
“It’s okay, Meggie. I’m scared too.”
I turn to look at her, and I can see that her hands are shaking. I force a smile that I don’t feel. “You’re a cop. You hunt down bad guys for a living.”
“I also live in a tenement building above the ground in New York City.”
We pause outside the heavy metal door. There’s a keypad. How are we supposed to get inside?
“Ready?” Demi raises a trembling finger towards the digits on the wall, and I nod. They’re doing this to keep me safe because I can’t be trusted to stay out of trouble.
She touches the first button and the keypad bleeps. My heart seems to bleep with it. Sucking on her top lip, her finger glides across to the second digit, and the third, when I hear a voice from the cabin.
We both freeze.
“Gio?” I whisper.
I’m already scurrying awkwardly back down the passageway towards the stairs before Demi can stop me.
“Meggie, wait! Let me go first.”
But Gio is waiting for me at the top of the staircase. I almost slip with giddiness when I reach the top step, and he catches me easily with one hand, helping me back into the cabin.
“It’s all over, Meggie.” He wraps his strong arms around me and cradles my head against his chest, burying his fist in my hair. “It’s all over.”