Chapter 16 – Eden
EDEN
December
Luke
Have you ever eaten venison before?
Eden
Of course I have, why?
Luke
Beau brought me to a burger place for lunch. I was planning on a regular hamburger, but apparently, they’re all about the game meats here. I’m considering my options.
Eden
And when you think of me, you think game meat because…
Luke
Because you’re Laura Ingalls.
Eden
First, no I’m not. I might have lived on a ranch, but I’ve never been in a covered wagon in my life.
Second, why do you know Little House on the Prairie?
Luke
Brinley’s pioneer phase. I wasn’t complaining, though. Ma Ingalls was my first crush.
Eden
No, she was not.
Luke
Yes, she was! Look her up. She’s a fox.
Now quick, do I want venison, bison, or kangaroo meat for my burger?
Eden
Kangaroo???
Luke
I didn’t pick the restaurant.
Eden
I’d get the side salad.
Luke
This is why I need you.
Itry not to smile too much at that. Luke has been texting me more and more over the past few weeks, not about anything in particular.
Just little things—a news story about llamas escaping from another Alberta ranch, a question about my day, or a picture of the newest Twisted Devil label.
Sometimes it's obvious what made him think of me.
Other times, I wonder if he's just looking for an excuse.
All I know is whenever I see his name on my phone, it feels like butterflies fill my chest.
It’s not a good sign.
I push my phone aside and turn back to the seating charts on the kitchen table in front of me.
Flair Events is hosting a big cancer research fundraiser next month, and they handed me a list of guests complete with notes about who’s friends with who, who everyone’s ex is, and who hates each other.
When it comes to gossip, the Toronto Tea has nothing on event planners.
I love complicated seating charts. They're like puzzles, each guest a piece that I have to make fit into the bigger picture. Even the ones that seem impossible have a solution if I try hard enough.
Apparently, except for this one. After an hour of rearranging people, I still can't figure out where to put the CEO with three ex-wives also in attendance. I eagerly grab my phone when it lights up, secretly hoping for a text from Luke. Instead, it’s a call from Wade.
“Hey, Edie,” he says when I pick up. “Nice to see you actually answer our calls for once.”
“I'm busy, Wade. Just because our schedules don’t line up doesn't mean I'm avoiding you.”
“Yeah, right. When are you coming home?” he demands, as if I haven’t already sent him my full itinerary over both text and email.
“I’ll be back on Christmas Eve, exactly like it says on the calendar invite.”
“Don’t blame me, blame Mom. She thinks if I keep asking you, you’ll come back earlier. You know how much she misses you.”
“Wow, way to aim that guilt trip at me like a sniper.”
Wade lets out a long breath. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just—”
“I know. I get it. You’re just trying to give her what she wants.”
All four Locke children share that trait—doing whatever we can to make Mom happy, even if we have to lie, cheat, steal, guilt trip, and manipulate to make it happen.
She never encouraged it. In fact, if she knew Wade was using her to guilt me into moving up my plane ticket, she’d lecture him until she was blue in the face.
It’s just, when your mom’s sick, when you know that just getting through the day means gritting her teeth around the pain, you’ll do anything to make her smile, just for a moment.
“Look, tell Mom my ticket’s nonrefundable, so I can’t come any earlier. I did clear my work schedule until New Year’s Day, so I’ll have the whole week to spend with her.”
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that. We might need a little help on the ranch, though. Horses don’t take holidays.”
“Wade Locke, are you seriously just trying to get me home early to help with the horses?” I say, in a pitch perfect impression of Mom. He chuckles.
“I won’t pretend it wouldn’t be a bonus. Some of the guys are going home for the holidays, so we’ll be understaffed.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, but you’ll have to wait until the twenty-fourth for help mucking out the stables.”
“We’ll use all the help we can get. Are you bringing Luke?”
“No, he’s staying in Toronto with Brinley.”
Wade grunts disapprovingly. “Ah.”
I blink. “What, you want him to come?”
“He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he? If it was serious, I’d expect him to come.”
“Luke and I are celebrating together before I leave,” I explain. “The friend group is having a big party, and we’ll have our Christmas then. Besides, he’s got family, too. His parents are going out of town, and Brinley wants the company.”
“Doesn't she have a boyfriend for that?”
“She does, but—” The doorbell rings before I can finish my sentence.
“What was that?” Wade asks.
“The doorbell. It’s weird. I wasn’t expecting anyone…”
“A burglar. Common tactic, show up at someone’s door and pretend to have a delivery.”
“Or it could be an actual delivery,” I point out. Wade ignores me.
“Get out the bear spray,” he barks. “You've practiced using it, right?”
“Of course.” A lie. I wasn’t about to take the bear spray out into a park somewhere like a psycho. Obviously, now is not the time to tell my brother that.
“Have it ready in your hand when you answer the door.”
Despite my internal eye rolling, I grab the bear spray as I head to the door to peek through at my visitor. Better safe than sorry. When I see the familiar face outside, I shake my head.
“It’s Pippa,” I tell Wade. “Gotta go.”
“What if there’s someone behind her with a knife?” he asks.
I open the door. “Hey, Pippa. Is there anyone behind you with a knife?”
She raises her brows. “Not that I know of.”
“See Wade? We’re fine. I’ll call you later.”
I hang up in the middle of him ranting about ignoring obvious dangers and gesture for Pippa to come in.
“Sorry to drop by unannounced,” she says. “I was on my way home from work and I thought I'd stop by with some takeout.”
I grin. It’s more than a pleasant surprise.
Pippa and I have been getting closer in the past few months, but this is the first time she’s just dropped by unannounced.
It’s nice. Living in the apartment without Brinley can be a little lonely, in the rare moments I have that aren’t immediately filled with work.
“I’m glad you came, because that sounds perfect.” I shove the work papers littering the kitchen table into haphazard piles and put them on the table. “I’ll get us something to drink. Wine?”
“Yes! Red if you have it. The ideal Chinese food pairing.”
“Perfect, since that's the only kind I have.”
I open a bottle and pour us both glasses while Pippa unpacks her extravagant takeout feast. My mouth waters at the scent of sesame chicken, egg rolls, and fried rice.
“I think you got all my favorites,” I tell her.
“No, I got all my favorites.” She laughs. “Getting your order right was just a coincidence.”
“Or we both just have very, very boring taste.”
“That’s probably it.”
My phone lights up on the table. Pippa glances down, and I know she sees Luke’s name.
Luke
I should have listened to you.
I quickly grab the phone. “I should answer this. One second.”
Eden
Oh no.
Luke
I got the kangaroo burger. I think my stomach is jumping.
Eden
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Luke
I will never believe Beau over you ever again.
I smile before I can stop myself. When I glance up, Pippa’s got a smug grin on her face.
“You liiiiike him,” she sings.
I open my mouth to deny it, but I stop myself. Why would I deny it? I should obviously like my boyfriend. If Luke and I were really together, I’d just laugh it off.
After the Halloween party, Pippa didn’t bring up Luke and I “faking it” again.
I’d written it off as a weird comment, maybe even one I misheard.
The party was loud, after all. Maybe she was just teasing me about over-the-top posing.
I chose to believe that, because the idea that someone else knew our relationship was fake was just too complicated.
“Luke is…Luke,” I say finally. Three words that say nothing but manage to sum up what’s happening in my head. Luke is funny, thoughtful, hardworking, and weirder than I gave him credit for. Being around him makes my head run in circles.
Pippa twirls lo mein around her fork. “Look, to be honest, I didn’t just come here for food. I’m wondering what exactly is going on with you two. I’ve been watching you since Halloween, and I can’t figure you out.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, my eyes wide with fake confusion.
She levels me with a knowing look. “I mean that the Luke I know never wanted a girlfriend, and when you started dating out of the blue, you made a big show about it. That doesn’t seem like either of you.
When you were posing at the party, I kind of figured the whole show was for a reason.
Considering the Toronto Tea commenters seem to be very pro-your relationship, I’m guessing you’re helping Luke with an image rehab.
What I can’t figure out is why you’d agree to it. ”
I gape at her. “How—how did you—”
“I’m a journalist. I see a story, I do my research. Now, feel free to tell me that I’m insane and leaping to conclusions. I’ll change the subject and we’ll forget we ever talked about this.”
Pippa’s looking at me so kindly that something hard inside me crumbles. I haven’t had anyone to talk about this whole mess with, since my best friend can’t know about all the secret kisses. I’m desperate to talk to someone, and I trust Pippa to keep her mouth shut.
“Luke gets an image rehab,” I admit. “I get my overprotective brothers off my back. It’s a win-win.”
“Except that it got messy. Because you like him.”
I groan. “It’s messy. I don’t know if I like him, or if I’m just attracted to him. But I think about him too much, and I like it when he touches me.”
“You like when he texts you.” Pippa points at my phone. “You like staring at him across the room at parties. You like when he touches you when he thinks nobody’s watching. Except I’m watching, because I’m a creep.”
“Thanks for that,” I say dryly. “It doesn’t matter if I like him.
We made rules. There are boundaries I can’t cross with him, and it’s not just Luke.
Brinley knows, and she made me promise that if things get real, I end it.
She told me straight out that she wouldn’t accept us dating. Luke and I can’t happen.”
She pats my arm. “It’s not easy to shut your feelings down. Trust me, I know. Dating my stepbrother wasn’t my first choice. It just happened, and it was undeniable.”
That’s exactly how it feels. When Luke texts me, or casually touches me, the way I feel is undeniable. Beating myself up or pretending otherwise can’t stop it, no matter how much I wish it would. I take a big, sad bite of my egg roll.
“You can’t tell Brinley any of this, by the way,” I tell her after I swallow. “As far as she knows, Luke and I are in a mutually beneficial relationship, nothing more.”
“Of course I won’t tell her,” Pippa promises. “That’s your business.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“Let me ask you one thing. If you’re totally honest with yourself, do you want to make the relationship real?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter what I want. Even if Brinley approved, even if my feelings are more than just sexual frustration, Luke doesn’t feel that way about me.”
“Are you sure about that? Because from the outside, the chemistry looks pretty damn real.”
“Trust me. I’m not being self-deprecating here.
Luke isn’t looking for a real girlfriend, and if he were, it wouldn’t be me.
” No matter how many late-night hangouts we have or how much he texts me, I’m still a virgin from the sticks.
Luke is a sex god from the city building a massive business.
We just don’t go together. Luke knows that, and I can't forget it.
“Well,” Pippa says gently, “if you can’t dial it back, or if you decide you don’t want to, you’re going to have to tell Brinley eventually.”
I sigh. “I know. And I will…eventually.”
“Well, don’t wait too long.” Pippa hands me an egg roll. “Brinley did, and she’s still sorting through the aftermath.”
“At least she got a boyfriend out of it,” I mutter.
If this thing with me and Luke goes wrong, I end up with nothing.