Chapter 35 – Eden
EDEN
April
Cat
It’s official. Contractions are starting.
Pippa
OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING!!!!!!
Brinley
YAY! It’s yay, right? Because if I were you, I’d be terrified right now.
Cat
I'm not scared. I’m ready to meet this baby.
Brinley
Then I salute you for your bravery.
Maura
How far apart are the contractions?
Cat
Ten minutes apart. The midwife is not supposed to come until they're five minutes apart, but of course Nate made her come early. The poor woman is sitting in our living room with nothing to do.
It could be up to 12 hours until we even get close to things starting. I know you were all planning on going to Luke's once labor started, but you don’t need to rush.
Eden
Keep us updated! I’m just sitting in the office folding napkins into swans for a wedding.
Iattach a picture of the gigantic table full of napkin swans.
I’ve already folded at least a hundred of them, so the display is pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.
Cat, Maura, and Pippa all drop a heart reaction.
Brinley doesn’t reply, which puts me on edge.
She might have just put her phone away, or it might be the silent treatment.
It's not like I can blame her. After all, I'm the one who started it.
I promised myself that I would tell Brinley the truth about my feelings for Luke.
It’s a promise that I plan to keep, but I’m dreading her reaction.
She might be furious with me about breaking my promise, or about how long it took me to tell her the truth.
She might delight in an I-told-you-so speech about how she knew it was a bad idea from the start.
Those, I could handle. If she’s angry or imperious, our friendship can survive it.
What I’m most afraid of hearing is the truth. Brinley won't let me forget that Luke doesn't really want me, or anyone. She’ll make me face that Twisted Devil is the love of Luke’s life, and there’s no room in his heart for me.
So I've been avoiding Brinley since we got back from Sundre.
Of course, I answer every text about the wedding promptly, but I've skipped the past four Wine Wednesdays, and every time she asks me to hang out, I find a convenient excuse.
I know I need to work up the courage to tell her. I just need a little more time.
I’ll see her at Luke’s apartment tonight or tomorrow, anyway.
I probably won't get a chance to tell her there, with all the people around and the baby excitement. At least I can chat with her about the wedding and the Peppermint Press, and catch up with her like a friend who isn’t terrified that she might lose two very important people.
Sighing, I put another napkin swan on the table. “I fold easier than you do,” I tell it.
It doesn’t reply, because it’s a napkin swan.
Unfortunately, disappearing into the flow of my work turns out to be impossible, because folding hundreds of napkins isn’t enough to really occupy my thoughts.
I won’t just be seeing Brinley. I’ll also be seeing Luke.
As complicated as things are, my days are always a little brighter when I have plans with him.
Ever since we left Sundre, I’ve given up on fighting how I feel.
I’m giddy around him, giggling too hard at all his jokes, leaning eagerly into every casual touch, gazing dreamily at him when we’re across the room from each other.
With Luke’s Air Canada deal on the horizon, we’ve been out on the town constantly, showing up anywhere an Air Canada exec might also happen to be.
I don’t mind. We’re halfway through April, which means I only get six more weeks of being with Luke. I might as well enjoy it while I can.
There’s no pretending that avoiding him will make the end easier. It’ll hurt like hell, no matter what I do. So why worry now about future pain? I’ve always been a planner, so it makes sense that I managed to put heartbreak on my calendar. I know when it’ll hit. Till then, I’ll enjoy myself.
I’m almost finished with my pile of napkins when my phone buzzes.
Cat
Slight change of plans. Nate will never stop gloating about calling the midwife early, because my contractions went from 10 minutes apart to 6 minutes apart in an hour. So come on over, everyone. The baby is on her way.
Pippa
Thank god. Ryan started making cupcakes, and I needed a good reason to stop him.
Eden
Ten more swans and I’m on my way.
The whole city seems to be celebrating Cat’s birth, because cherry blossoms are blooming all over the city, their pink petals covering huge swatches of the sidewalk. It almost distracts me from my nerves on the drive over.
Almost.
I need to act normal around Luke in front of Brinley, and I need to pretend to Brinley that nothing’s wrong. If Maura’s birth is anything to go by, I might need to act normal for hours.
I don’t like my odds.
I park in the garage and hurry into the lobby. At the same time, Brinley walks through the front door. Apparently, the universe would rather I get this reunion out of the way sooner than later. Gathering my courage, I walk toward her and wave. “Brinley! Hey!”
Brinley does a double take when she sees me. “Eden Locke?” She gently pokes my arm. “It’s really you! In the flesh and not just on my texts.”
“Yeah, sorry. Work has me swamped.” I hug her, hopefully hiding my guilty expression.
“Work and my brother.” As always, Brinley insists on addressing elephants in rooms.
“Yeah. He has some big deal with Air Canada coming up and he needs my help on the charm offensive.”
“You’re being awfully generous with your time,” she says as we walk over to the elevator.
“He went all the way to Sundre, so I owe him.”
“Right. You brought him home to meet the family.”
“It wasn’t like that. He has a business deal with Wade, and they wanted to meet in person.”
“He could have flown Wade out here,” Brinley points out.
“You know Wade. He hates leaving the ranch if he doesn’t have to.” I push the elevator button. “Luke did me a favor, so I don’t mind helping him out.”
“You’re too nice to him,” Brinley says. It sounds like an accusation.
The elevator doors open, and we both step inside. I reach for the button for Luke’s floor, but Brinley grabs my wrist.
“Eden, I have to ask you something. I need you to promise to be completely honest.”
I freeze. That’s not the kind of question you can say no to, not to your best friend. “Of course.”
“I just have to ask. You and Luke. Is it still fake?”
Words sit at the tip of my tongue—denials that taste like dirt. I promised an honest answer, and it’s not something I want to deny, anyway.
“I don’t know anymore,” I say quietly.
Brinley doesn’t look surprised. She just nods grimly, like I’ve confirmed a truth she’s suspected for a long time.
She lets me press the elevator button and sinks back against the elevator wall.
In the mirrored wall, I can see her reflection staring at the ground, her expression unreadable.
My heart thuds double time, and I feel slightly dizzy.
Thirteen years of friendship, and I can’t read her face. That’s how I know how badly I’ve screwed up—Brinley has never once been unreadable to me.
Did I just lose my best friend?
The elevator doors open, and we’re met with a buzz of activity.
Our friends mill around the kitchen and the living room, chatting with doctors in white coats who I’m guessing are there for the birth.
I don’t have time to work it out, because Brinley’s headed into the fray and I can’t let her go like this.
I grab her hand and pull her toward a hallway where I know a guest room sits. She doesn’t fight me. She just flatly asks me, “What do you want, Eden?”
I almost laugh, because the answer is so damning. I want Luke to have the same feelings for me that I do for him. I want Brinley to be happy for me. I want a fantasy that’s never going to turn into reality.
“Look, Brin, I don’t know how Luke feels, and I can’t speak for him.
Maybe I’m saying all this for nothing, and it’s all going to collapse and burn.
But I…I have feelings for Luke, and I think he might have them for me, too.
But if Luke and I turn into something real, I’d need your blessing.
If that’s not something you can give, then tell me.
I’ll end the whole thing right now. Whatever you say, I’ll accept it. ”
Even as I say it, my heart aches like I’m wrenching it into two pieces—Luke in one piece, Brinley in the other.
I can’t give up the friend I’ve kept for thirteen years, who knows me better than anyone.
The woman who generously let me into her apartment, with no moveout date and no rent.
She saw the farm girl from the middle of nowhere and decided to make me her best friend.
God, I must be the worst best friend on the planet.
“Look, I'm glad you're finally being honest,” Brinley says.
She sounds more tired than angry. “But I don't have an answer for you. I don't know how to tell you I approve of something I know is going to break your heart. I love you, and if this is really what you want…well, it’s not like I can talk you out of it. I just…I need time.”
She turns and walks into the party, heading right for the couch where Maura’s sitting with baby Hazel. Beau immediately comes to her side, like she exerts a natural gravity over him.
I’m left standing all alone.