Final Devotion (The Ruined Vows #4)

Prologue

“Fifteen minutes!”

Gio stuck her head through the crack in the door, shouted with far too much excitement, then slammed it shut, sending a jolt through me.

I let out a long breath, then drew in a deep one.

I was in the little room at the church, waiting for my turn.

While the women in my family and my best friends, Josie and Pietra, had been with me, I hadn’t felt the full impact of what was coming.

But then they’d all left so I could have a moment to myself.

The thing was, being alone froze me. Truly paralyzed me.

And all the calm of the morning came undone in a single breath.

My heart was racing in fits and starts. There was this icy fog in my stomach and a whole lot of frantic agitation, making me sick.

I couldn’t stand still for more than ten seconds.

My hands were clammy with cold sweat. I just hoped all that sweating didn’t travel to other places, too.

Oh, God! That would be a disaster!

I shook my head with a small, nervous laugh.

I was rambling. Again.

Breathe out. Breathe in.

It didn’t help. I was a bundle of nerves about to collapse, and if I let myself reach that breaking point, I wouldn’t be able to gather up my mess and put myself back together.

I was minutes away from taking one of the great steps in a girl’s life. Another great step. One of the ones that define so many things in our lives.

Jesus, was I really doing this? For real?

The thought slammed my heart into my ribs.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about the long, loooooong aisle.

I would never make it to the altar. The aisle was too long to safely hold my emotions. How many meters was it supposed to be? Ten? Twelve? Twenty? Maybe thirty?

The march would be endless!

A lot could happen before I finally reached the altar. I could trip and fall in front of everyone. I could have a breakdown and freeze… or even die.

God…

How long was the wedding march again?

I didn’t think I could reach my destination before it ended.

How embarrassing!

Maybe today wasn’t a good day to get married. Maybe it was a sign. I mean, there should have been an ambulance outside or a doctor on standby with a good defibrillator within reach.

Calm down, Antonella!

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I wanted to pull a Runaway Bride just as much as I wanted to get married.

How were we supposed to feel at this moment?

What was the right feeling? The right thought?

Was there some secret code to follow after all?

If so, I needed it!

I closed my eyes, working on my breathing long enough to grip my hysteria in steel fists, and when I opened them again, I shifted them to the mirror.

I looked… looked… looked…

I was wearing a Vera Wang designed exclusively for me.

Gio and mamma had taken care of that. Modern and romantic.

A delicate V neckline followed the curve of my breasts, and the lace sleeves fallen from my shoulders left my collarbone bare.

It fitted me down to my waist, then spread into a full, voluminous skirt with layers and layers of tulle.

Everything about it screamed expensive and luxurious from miles away.

It was a beautiful, stunning dress with the air of a fairy tale.

My hair was half up, with a tiara above it holding the veil that would soon fall over my face.

Around my neck, the diamond necklace papà had given me.

I focused on the eyes of the girl in the mirror.

I wasn’t a fan of fairy tales, but here I was in my perfect dress, perfect hair, perfect guests, perfect church, perfect place and time, except for the bride and groom.

For some random reason, I remembered the girl from almost three years ago.

She never would have imagined herself like this.

A wedding dress had been far from her ideals.

In fact, it didn’t even exist. She had other plans, other flights to take.

The funny thing was that this girl, with her eyes shining with uncontained emotion, had only one expectation.

The Ella from back then was still there, looking back at me, but there was none of the old reproach.

It was only the farewell of the old to the new.

A look that reflected pride in something conquered that I hadn’t even known I wanted, needed, and sought until I had it.

Emotion caught in my throat, and I wanted to cry.

No. No. No.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

My gaze fell to the seven-carat solitaire engagement ring. I stared at the ring finger of my left hand. And once again, I breathed deeply with the realization that in less than an hour, a thick gold wedding band would sit beside it for what I hoped would last until death.

My heart raced hard, pulsing in my throat.

The door opened and, this time, Rocco stepped through. Papà paused, his chest rising and falling with a deep breath. A shy smile stretched my lips as he looked at me. I was blushing under his scrutiny. He looked enchanted.

“You are so precious, carina. After your mother, you are the most beautiful bride I have ever laid eyes on. Such a beautiful dream it burns my heart.”

I tilted my head to look him in the eyes.

“Thank you, papà.”

His fatherly gaze lingered on my face.

I looked away at myself, smoothing another imaginary wrinkle.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… It’s just that,” I exhaled hard and studied him from beneath my lashes coated in thick layers of mascara. “How do I know I’m not making a mistake?”

“You haven’t run away yet.”

“I could.”

“You could.”

I lowered my gaze, not knowing what to say or think…

… Long fingers touched my chin, lifting my head.

I met his gaze.

Papà looked back at me with tenderness, serenity, and resolve.

“Bad things happen all the time, to all of us, Ella. You two weren’t the first to make mistakes, and you won’t be the last, but you have the chance to be part of the select group of people who learned from their mistakes and turned them into something good.

The choice is yours. Life won’t wait around for you to decide to be happy.

The only certain things we have are this life and the death that will come one day, though we never know when.

So do your best no matter what. Live. Live to be happy, carina.

Make every second of your existence count. ”

His words sank into me, slowly.

“I don’t know if I can,” I confessed softly, feeling awful for feeling that way.

“Of course you can! And don’t feel pressured. The car is outside and ready to take you wherever you want to go. No one will judge you, carina. Just say the word. Your decision.”

I patted his arm, laughing.

“Dad! You’re not supposed to encourage me to run.”

“I’m giving you options.” He winked.

Rocco gave a light laugh, then his expression took on a serious note. He helped me with the veil, then offered me his arm and led us out.

I froze.

Lead seemed to wrap around my feet.

I felt raw, my nerves vibrating beneath my skin.

Thump-thump… Thump-thump… Thump-thump…

My knees weakened.

I swallowed hard.

I was almost breathless when we stopped in front of the enormous, heavy double wooden doors. I stared at them. My heart hammering faster and faster, to the point of exploding.

Papà inclined his head toward me.

“Do you love him?”

“With every breath.”

“Do you want to back out?”

I closed my eyes.

Did I?