Chapter 9
I kicked off my shoes at the entrance of the apartment. After one of those days that stretch to infinity and beyond, all I wanted was to put my feet up and relax.
I ignored Thor and Lucca in the living room, heading to the bedroom. I didn’t get very far before I came to a sudden stop, then took a few steps back.
A puppy?
I moved closer, my gaze narrowed on the brown animal jumping around Lucca while the boy laughed and waved his hands in every direction. The animal ran to me, circling my feet, then back to Lucca with little barks.
I needed a full minute to absorb the situation.
“Is that what I think it is?”
“She’s a Labrador,” he said simply.
I lifted my gaze to Thor, who was giving me his best smile. I did not smile.
“And whose is she?”
Maybe she belonged to a neighbor…
“She’s Lucca’s. I bought her today when we went out for a walk.”
“Oh! And what time exactly did we decide that?”
“Sorry. I didn’t think…”
Exhaustion and aching feet forgotten.
“No, you didn’t think that having a dog, a living being that demands responsibility and time, I don’t know, should have been discussed between us. Or, I don’t know, whether Lucca is old enough to have a pet? What that means for the way our routine works, or that the apartment is mine?”
“Look at our boy, Ella. Would you have the heart to deny him that?”
“Don’t play with me,” I warned angrily, finger pointed.
“He’s happy, love.”
I looked. Lucca was happy. I was not.
“That is not the point, Heithor. You know that very well,” I pointed out, beyond pissed that he apparently had no idea what he’d done. “You went over my head.”
“Ella, I didn’t mean to… You’re right. It was wrong not to discuss this before,” he said, trying to appease me. “Lucca was so happy, and I just wanted to give him something.”
“This is not something, Heithor. It’s a dog. A damned responsibility,” I said pointedly, aware my voice was rising. “What breed did you say she is?”
“Labrador. She’s three months old.”
My jaw dropped in shock. I breathed deeply, working hard not to get hysterical and scream at him. “That animal is going to get huge, and I live in an apartment, Heithor. A dog, Jesus Christ! Did you think about that when you did this idiotic thing?”
“No.” He had the nerve to look ashamed.
“Of course you didn’t think. You didn’t think that I already have a thousand and one things to do, that I barely have time to breathe properly. You didn’t think about fucking anything!”
Heithor gave me a warning look, and I got even angrier.
“Ella, calm down. We can talk about this later.”
“Dogs can’t be locked inside an apartment, Heithor!
She’ll need to go out. She has needs.” I looked in horror at my beautiful plush rug, my apartment so beautiful and so new, and that little Tasmanian-devil puppy destroying everything.
“My God, she’s going to shit everywhere…
pee everywhere… gnaw and tear everything…
” A strangled sound left my throat, and I focused on the irresponsible one.
“Who is going to take care of her? I don’t have time for this, damn it! ”
“Ella, lower your voice. You’re scaring Lucca and the puppy.”
I shut up, more because of the bark from the puppy sitting with her tongue out and staring at me.
Lucca wasn’t laughing anymore. He was looking at me, his lower lip pushing out… and he cried. Thor bent to pick him up. He buried his head in the curve of his father’s neck, crying loudly.
I felt like shit.
I made a move to approach, and Thor shook his head.
“I’ll take care of him. Go take a shower and calm down.”
Displeased, I did that.
A dog! What the hell was that man thinking? If I wasn’t careful, he would take over my space and dictate the rules to me. Maledetto!
More composed, I returned to the living room, took Lucca, and sat with him.
“Sorry, little lion. Mamma wasn’t angry with you… Your father is the one who drives Mommy crazy… Do you forgive Mommy? Yeees, you do?”
I rocked him and kissed him a lot. The puppy circled my feet, trying to climb up my legs.
Lucca relaxed and fussed to go to the floor.
I let him, and the next minute, he and the dog began to play.
Licks and cute barks. A spontaneous smile touched my lips, but I got rid of it quickly.
Thor returned from the kitchen and sat beside me.
“I didn’t mean to go over your head, Ella.
Forgive me if it seemed that way. You’re right.
It was reckless of me. I didn’t think,” he said sincerely.
“Females don’t mark territory the way males do.
There won’t be pee on the furniture. And I guarantee she won’t destroy anything.
She can be trained. I’ll take care of that myself. ”
“Thor, I can’t take the dog for walks and to do her business. I barely have time for myself. It isn’t fair to the animal, or to me.”
“About that.” Of course he had a solution. “I’ll take responsibility for her. I’ll take all the necessary care.”
“And she’ll stay with you?”
“If you want. It’s good for children to have contact with animals.”
I watched our son enchanted by the dog.
If I were honest, I would say I found her beautiful, but I wasn’t saying that.
Lucca crawled back to me and grew eager for my breast. I didn’t care about taking it out and giving it to him right there. Thor looked at us with a certain fascination, and his Adam’s apple moved. It wasn’t malice, nothing sexual, but a kind of desolation.
I looked away to his bare chest, because the damned man had no shirts.
“What happened to your chest?”
He shrugged.
“Lucca was playing with my nipple during his nap.”
“He tried to nurse from you?” I asked, curious, half wanting to laugh, then flinched at the prick of pain and glared down. “Hey! No biting, Lucca.”
“No, he was more entertained trying to rip it off,” he said, laughing. “I tried to cut his nails, but the boy wouldn’t stay still, and I didn’t want to hurt him.”
I checked Lucca’s nails and could understand the scratches.
“Get the nail clipper from the bedroom, please. I’ll do it.”
“Do you need me to hold him?” Thor asked when I adjusted myself into a better position to settle Lucca, still nursing, while I cut his little tiny nails.
“No, it’s fine. I can do it while he’s distracted.”
When I was done, I handed the clipper to Thor.
“Aren’t you going to cut his toenails?”
“I’m going to switch breasts, and you cut them.”
While we were doing that, Thor concentrated, I watched him.
“Are your shirts dirty?”
“No. Why?”
“Are they torn or disintegrating on your body?”
“No, fuck. Why are you saying that?”
“Then why don’t you wear them?”
“I’m home.”
I stared, openmouthed, only I didn’t know if it was because of his tremendous nerve or because he said it in a way that made me look crazy. Thor ignored me. He was good at that.
I breathed deeply, trying to ignore the puppy cuddling against my foot, the warm and lovely sensation. “Does she have a name? The dog… does she have a name?”
“I didn’t think of one.”
“She can stay, but she’s your responsibility.”
***
“Is he still going out?” Giulia pointed to Heithor planted at the table with his laptop open in front of him while she gave Lucca water.
“Yes.”
“Does that really not bother you?”
“Change the record, Giulia. We don’t have anything anymore.”
She nodded. “Yeah, true. Who cares if he’s seeing someone, right? It’s not like Heithor is doing anything wrong. Maybe we’ll meet her soon.”
I stirred the pot harder, my fingers tight around the spoon.
“Are you sure he isn’t giving you a bonus?” I searched her face for any clue, but there was only genuine curiosity there.
Now Thor was the one paying her. I had been upset when he raised the issue and resisted accepting it, but I gave in, concluding that this expense wasn’t only mine.
“And why would Heithor do that?” She leaned closer. “Is he the type to distribute money to the poor and oppressed?”
I gave her a long, very long, cranky look.
His phone rang.
“I can’t go today… No… Tomorrow. I’ll bring the wine…”
He moved away to the balcony with the dog following him, and I looked at his back with hatred, my heart tight, aching with jealousy. I looked back at the pot of risotto.
“Well, I’ll get going,” Giulia said.
That cow always got the hell out when things heated up for her. How we’d reached the point where she meddled in my life, I had no idea.
My hunger was gone, but I still sat with Lucca.
Heithor came back and joined us. I would set my eyes on him and want to hit him in the head, so I kept them to myself.
“What’s the problem?”
I looked up. Heithor was studying me.
“Nothing.”
“Then why are you huffing?”
“I’m not,” I ground out, holding myself back from huffing.
I put another spoonful into Lucca’s mouth and took one for myself.
“You’ve been huffing for about five minutes, Ella,” he insisted, with the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, clearly enjoying himself at my expense. “What’s the problem?”
“I need to go to the bathroom.” I handed Lucca to him.
I splashed water on my face, and when I was more controlled, returned. Thor was trying to feed Lucca and failing miserably. I started doing it. With the last spoonful, I wiped his mouth with the spoon itself and stood.
“Pa… Pa…”
I turned back to my boy.
Did I hear that right? Did he just speak?
Thor’s expression mirrored mine.
Shock.
Surprise.
Disbelief.
Wonder.
I set the plate haphazardly on the table and knelt in front of him, smiling like a fool. “Oh my God, did he really do what I think he did?”
Thor had an expression as silly as mine. “Yes.”
“Oh, little lion, say it again for mamma.”
“Papapapapapa…”
“Say, mamma.”
“Papapa… pa…”
“No, Lucca. Mamma,” I repeated, pausing and slowly pronouncing each syllable.
No matter what I said, nothing with ma came out of him. I kissed my baby, trying not to let my frustration show. I was green with envy!
I put the plate in the sink and hid in the bedroom.
I brushed my teeth, then went to put some clothes away in the closet.
Unbelievable!
Two weeks usurping my space, and Lucca calls for him.