Chapter Eleven
“Has anyone told you that you’ve got way too much time on your hands?” Sarah said.
Hawk looked toward his sister. “No, what are you talking about? Tell me what you think?”
“Do you want my perspective as a woman or as a mother, or as your sister?” Sarah asked.
He frowned. “What?”
“Well, all the rose petals around the house look like a lot of mess to clean up, or it looks so cute and romantic and kind of sexy.”
“Kind of sexy, that is what I’m going for, and romantic. I want Katie to know I’m all in.”
“Wow.”
“What? Why the wow?” he asked, turning to his sister.
“My big brother Hawk, falling for a woman, about to become a father, and from that little bulge in your pocket, I’m guessing you’re going to ask her to marry you. Am I right?”
He put his hand over the velvet box. The ring he’d purchased after the first time they had sex.
Hawk had known then, without a shadow of a doubt, that he wanted to marry her.
Of course, there never seemed to be a right time.
He didn’t know how people always said they would wait for the right time to ask or do something.
When was there really a right time to start up a company, or tell someone you were in love with them? There was never a perfect time.
It was about starting it, right now.
This is why he often trusted his gut. His gut was what led him to the right option. Of course, he did feel fear. Who wouldn’t, when you’re stepping into the unknown, but it’s not about letting the fear win. It’s about helping you drive toward what you really want.
He wanted Katie. He wanted a future with her.
“And what meal are you cooking?” Sarah asked.
“I’ve got it covered. I’m making her some spicy chicken tacos.”
“Chicken tacos?”
“Yeah, she loves them.”
“That’s not exactly screaming romantic, big brother. Shouldn’t it be like oysters and stuff like that? Truffles?”
“She hates oysters. She enjoys salmon, but I’m not going to cook her that.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know how.”
Sarah chuckled. “You’re nervous.”
He took a deep breath, and then turned to his sister. “So, should I dress like this? Jeans and a shirt, be casual, or go for the big suit?”
“What do you think you should do?” she asked.
“You know, all you have done is ask me that. You’ve not been a big help at all.”
“I threw a bunch of rose petals for you, and I helped you sneak into Katie’s room and get everything set up.
I’m also helping you light the candles. Besides, I’m not going to tell you what to do.
You’re Katie’s guy, not me. If I told you what to do, then it would be like I was wooing Katie, not the other way around. This is what Harry’s dad did for him.”
“It was?”
“Yeah, when Harry wanted to ask me to marry him, he kept asking his mom and dad for advice. In the end, it was his dad who said, ‘do you want Sarah to fall in love with me, or with you?’ You’ve got to put your own spin on it.
It might sound cruel, but this is Katie saying yes to you, not to anyone else. ”
He hated that he loved that advice. It sounded so damn right, and yet it didn’t help him at all. If anything, it pissed him off.
Glancing down at his jeans and shirt, he knew this was the guy he’d been with Katie, but the suit was what he wore when he meant business. Preparing Katie’s house for a magical proposal meant business. This was the real deal.
“I’m going for the suit,” he said.
“You know, it is cute how nervous you are,” Sarah said. “Katie is crazy about you.”
He stopped and turned toward his sister. “I love her, Sarah. I’ve never loved any other woman the way I have loved her, and ... I can’t lose her.”
“You won’t.”
“She’s pregnant, and rather than tell me to my face, she had to do it through a door.”
Sarah sighed. “Look, when you’re pregnant, all sense kind of goes out the window. You become victim to emotion, and I mean a lot of it. There is just no sense to be made from it.”
“Did you have to tell Harry behind a door?” he asked.
“I, uh, I actually ignored it.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I ignored the fact that I was pregnant and just pretended nothing was wrong. Puking my guts up first thing in the morning and being totally okay by the afternoon, that was easy. That was just par for the course. Yeah, then the tingly breasts, that was hard to ignore, but I pretended I was ... well, you’re my brother, and you can fill in those blanks yourself. ”
He couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose.
“Then, the things I loved making me feel like I was going to throw up, or just plain throwing up, yep, I did that as well. Coffee, I love coffee, and all of a sudden, it was the devil’s drink.
” She shrugged. “I talked all of that away to some stupid allergy, or something else. I was the one who was not facing the truth.”
“I didn’t know this.”
“It wasn’t like I was going to talk about it,” she said, chuckling. “I couldn’t tell Harry, and he was here. You were like a world away.”
“What happened?” he asked.
“Harry decided to come home and he had a box of pregnancy test sticks for me to use. I was so not facing the truth, that I refused to take them until the morning, when the pee is supposed to be fresh and strong.”
“It was positive.”
“Of course it was. I’ve got three kids, and yeah, I panicked. I didn’t know if I wanted to be a mom.”
“Sarah, you always wanted to be a mom.”
“I know, but the crazy hormones were not helping. You don’t know what you want, and then you do know what you want.
It is a whole confusing jungle of emotion, and you’ve got to be willing to go along for the ride.
As it happened, I was willing, and so was Harry.
After the initial shock, it was easy. You’re in love with Katie, and she is in love with you.
You guys might not have been honest about your feelings, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is there for the two of you. ”
Hawk nodded.
Sarah moved toward him and put a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve got this, big brother. You can do this, I promise you. There is no reason for you to be afraid. You’re going to make an amazing dad.”
Her confidence was reassuring, but there was only one person he needed right now, and that was Katie.
****
Katie didn’t call her parents.
She didn’t call Hawk.
She didn’t call his parents, or Sarah.
She spent the rest of the day behind the counter, helping customers, all the time looking toward the door, hoping Hawk would come back.
She had been such an idiot. The last thing she needed was space, and yet she had been the one to freaking ask him for it.
She felt like a damn fool. She should have opened that damn door, stared into his eyes, and told him the truth.
She was pregnant, she was in love, and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
The past few hours alone made her realize this was not what she wanted. Hawk was who she wanted. A life with him.
After she closed up the shop, she had gone to Adam’s graveside and talked to him. She was always going to love Adam. He’d been her first love, but it was time for her to move on. She loved Hawk more than anything and wanted a future with him.
“No matter what, Katie, you will find someone else. There is someone out there that is going to love you, give you lots of babies, and take care of you, and want you to take care of them. You’re going to find someone, and I don’t want you thinking about me when you do that.”
“Adam, stop it.”
“No, I’m not going to be the guy that wants you mourning me. I’m ... not going to make it. I need you to promise me that when you fall in love, when you find that special person, and he deserves you, you’re not going to hold yourself back.”
She was not going to hold back.
Pulling out her cell phone as she took the short walk home, she had to clear her head, and even though it was cold, she needed time to think. Hawk’s number was right there. All she had to do was press the call button, and she could talk to him.
She had to make this right, not just for the baby, but for the two of them.
Clicking the call button, she put her cell phone to her ear, and it kept ringing but no one picked up. She did this a couple of times, and Hawk was not answering. With every step she took, she hated what she had done.
Arriving at her house, she reached into her bag, looked for her key, and reached out to unlock the door, only to stop as the door opened. Hawk was on the other side, and he shocked her.
“Hello, my lady,” he said.
“Hawk?”
He held the door open for her. “Would you like to come inside?”
She nodded and stepped inside, and she was amazed at all the rose petals, and the glow from the candles. None of them looked like a hazard, and it was so beautiful.
“Hawk, I’m so sorry.”
“Please, just let me do this,” he said.
She wanted to tell him how sorry she was, and to explain that she wanted to be with him completely, only he took her hands and led her into the dining room, which looked equally as romantic.
He took her bag, her coat, and helped her into the chair. There was a glass of soda beside her.
“I did some research and I also know what you like, so this is orange soda, not too strong either.” Hawk looked down at the table, and she had already noticed the suit.
He looked amazing. And nervous.
“I’ll be right back.”
She watched as he went into the kitchen, and minutes later came back carrying two plates.
She loved chicken as well as mac-and-cheese, which is what he had cooked for her. The chicken smelled amazing, and she was pretty sure he’d put a spice blend on it.
Picking up her knife and fork, she cut into the chicken as Hawk sat opposite her. She wanted to appreciate the food he’d brought out, but she wanted to tell him how she felt.
“I love you,” she said.
Hawk looked up.
“I know, I know, this might be moving a little too fast, and I am sorry about that. It’s not what I intended.” She frowned. “To be honest, I don’t exactly know what I intended, but I love you, and I want to have this baby with you.”
He sunk to his knee, and she gasped as he suddenly had a velvet box in his hand, already opening it for her.
“I love you, Katie. I have loved you for a long time, even before I came back to Hope. I’ve loved you when we were kids, and I didn’t know how to say it or what to do.
I’ve loved you for a lifetime, and you telling me today that you are pregnant was the best damn news I’ve heard.
I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. ”
She opened her mouth. “When we were kids?”
“Yeah, I didn’t know what to say to you and I acted like a total dick, because it was easier. I used to watch you all the time, whenever you came into a classroom. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
“I had no idea.”
“I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. All of this, it’s for you,” he said. “There’s nowhere else I want to be.”
She threw her arms around him and kissed him hard.
He laughed, and she felt his arms go around her. She felt safe, she felt loved, she felt ... whole.
“I hope you know I’m going to want a dozen kids,” he said.
This made her giggle. “A dozen?”
“Hell, yeah, I want an army of kids. A family, for us.”
“You’re on,” she said, and then kissed him hard again.