Chapter 10 Isla
Chapter ten
Isla
The sun warms my cheek as we walk. It has finally decided to make an appearance after such a harsh winter.
High-pitched chirps of the birds cheer us on as we walk. Us girls and three masked Skulls. Or should I say, my long lost brother, my childhood crush and the mind-blowing shag I had months ago, who is the reason I now have a baby in my belly.
Who would have thought that after seven years of the apocalypse my life would get even more messed up?
It's laughable for anyone who is watching it and for brief moments, I find myself almost laughing at the absurdity, too.
But with the way my insides are churning with anxiety, right now it's not feeling so funny.
I hitch the rucksack higher up on my back, the old straps long worn in and the support pretty much non-existent from its years of use.
At least I have the sun, the light warming my cold bones. I’ve missed her beauty recently. Darkness isn’t just loneliness, it's also cold. Like my shrivelled-up heart.
God, I need to stop with this pity party or else I’m going to end up becoming insufferable even to myself. Only problem is that it's easier said than done — just like everything else in the world.
How am I supposed to just start skipping around in the sunshine acting like everything is right with the world when it’s not.
Fauna, my best friend, on the other hand has an unusual pep in her step as she strides in front of me.
Every so often, her gaze will flick up to my asshole of a brother and a genuine smile will bloom across her face.
Her happiness is amplified by the sun, it's infectious and practically radiating off her.
Shame my aura of hostility is like a set of steel armour, causing it to bounce straight off me.
Unfortunately, it's not like any of the girls will take any notice, Fauna included. I’ve always been the grump of the group and they have embraced that side of me… I think.
‘How you getting on?’ Vish appears beside me.
Those years apart had allowed me plenty of space for my imagination to linger on our late night chats in the kitchen. The drunken laughs we’d have when Ru had a gaff whilst our parents were away.
I’d forgotten how chatty he was and how unlikable I have become.
I give him a small smile, forcing my cheeks to round in that way that has people nodding with approval. Like me altering one slight way my face looks is all the proof they need. They never bother to look deeper and I never want them to.
‘Here, let me carry your bag.’ Vish tugs on my strap, not waiting a second to even give me time to respond.
‘No.’ I answer, frustration rising within me.
He scoffs, tugging at my strap again. ‘C’mon, Isla.’
What the hell does he think he's doing, trying to take my stuff? The belongings that I have painstakingly collected all of these years.
‘I don’t need your fucking help, Vish.’ I snap.
What is it with men and deciding what is best for you? Instead of doing the right thing and actually asking, “Would you like help?” they come in all macho and ruin your mood even more.
I scowl.
At what point will it actually occur to them that we are also survivors and that we didn’t have some fancy stadium walls protecting us from the horrors of our new world.
But no, a group of women could never carry a heavy rucksack each, never mind defend ourselves against the psychos that have managed to survive in the apocalypse.
I bet he thinks I still cry over a broken nail.
Fuck him and fuck men in general.
‘I’m just trying to help.’ He defends holding his hand up.
‘Well I don’t need it.’ I respond mood even more sour than usual.
He’s probably just trying to be nice but it doesn’t come across that way. He’s taking charge, not giving me the choice of what I want to do.
Well and truly irritated I look around, trying to focus on the beauty of the apocalyptic city that I am voluntarily moving myself into.
I guess I can kiss goodbye to the idea of living in the highlands, not that it would have been any easier living up there from what Ruaridh had said.
Turns out The Highlanders are even more brutal than The Skulls.
But you know what they say, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and all.
Glasgow’s not the grey city I remember it to be, though. The concrete paths and grey roads have been swallowed by nature, the land's rightful owner. The bright greens of spring are popping as well as the carpet of bulbs growing in our wake. The sight is beautiful.
Is this what it’s like inside the stadium? A different type of city, one where the parks I grew up running around in have joined together, creating one massive, beautiful landscape.
‘I’m sorry, Isla. I …’ Vish stumbles for the words, his gaze on the floor ahead as we walk. ‘It’s been so long. We… we thought you were dead, darling.’
Guilt wracks me, washing away my annoyance.
‘I get it. I’m sorry too’ I admit, my throat thick.
His elbow taps my bicep playfully. ‘We’re hard fuckers to kill, aren’t we?’
I laugh, shaking my head in the morning sunlight. He’s always been able to make me laugh, even when I’ve been struggling with my emotions.
The city is unrecognisable to me as we walk through it. I didn’t expect much and I’d been preparing myself for any difficult emotions that might have arisen with me being here. All of the family that I’d lost here. But I found one, my brother that I’d assumed was dead. At least I still have him.
And now we have somewhere to live.
The edges of my teeth run along the bumpy flesh of my inner bottom lip as we round through the desolate streets.
Hundreds of cars block the roads, almost all of their tires flat and most of their windows clouded with years of dirt.
But the wild flowers are there, growing in any cracks they can find.
Looking at them now, the tin vehicles, it’s insane how we would put so much of our value in physical objects when now they are all suffering the same fate — forgotten and useless.
‘How does the stadium work?’
Not aiming my question at anyone in particular, I realise my mistake as soon as I’ve done it. Because the heat at my back grows hotter, and the back of my neck flushes as Liam is the one to respond.
‘We each chip in with keeping it up and running. We’re planting a lot of crops at the moment.’ There’s pride in his voice, ‘Then we have a rota for all of the less popular jobs that need doing.’
‘Less popular?’ Luna asks, turning to face most of us side on.
‘Like mucking out the stables, feeding the animals when it's early and cold...’ Liam pauses, and my curiosity gets the better of me, and I turn to see his devilish grin. His eyes are pinned on me, causing a swarm of butterflies to rush around my stomach.
Luna, oblivious to my inner turmoil, responds. ‘Doesn’t sound so bad. I’m a morning person.’
‘All psychos are.’ I hear Ru mutter in front of me, and I chuckle.
Luna hearing him, attempts to trip him up which gets a load of laughs from us — especially Fauna, then continues. ‘Isla and Fauna are the worst morning people. It’s like Isla is the grumpy troll under the bridge until mid-day.’
My cheeks flame.
It’s not like I care what Liam thinks of me so I don’t know why I’m even bothering to have a reaction. But I know for certain it's not because Vish or my brother heard, they both grew up with me and I’m just as bad as I was back then.
‘Is that right, princess?’ Liam chuckles, a little closer than he was before.
Ru looks back at us, his expression pissy as his green eyes volley between us.
My eyes roll in response. Another man being all macho and doing shit I didn’t ask for.
I’m not the little girl he used to play with when we were younger. I’ve grown up and not only can I make my own decisions, but I can look after myself as well. Just like I will look after this baby.
My stomach has begun to pop a little more recently and at the start it kind of freaked me out. It was so unexpected, I'm surprised at how much I managed to hold it together. Well, on the outside I did — inside not so much.
Can I both love something and fear it at the same time?
Is it possible to know you would give everything for your baby but also know you have no idea what you will need to provide or do?
I was fifteen years old when the virus hit, and the most education I had had about babies was a five-minute sex ed talk that had a primary emphasis of don’t get pregnant and gave out free condoms after the bell rang.
And I couldn’t even listen to that. How will I be able to look after an entire little human being when I have no idea what I’m doing?
My chipped nails scrape against the sensitive skin of my scars. Hell, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, never mind how I'm going to look after—
‘Hey,’ a gentle hand rests on my lower back. The comforting kind, placed for support.
I turn, my sight slightly hazed from my spiralling thoughts.
A bushy blonde beard and untamed hair shine in the golden sunlight and Liam’s kind smile comes into view as I shake off my lingering thoughts. New, just as unhelpful, ones come to mind as I remember everything that sinful mouth did months ago.
‘Princess?’
‘Hmm.’
Liam chuckles, the sound deep and gruff whilst his palm still rests on my lower back. ‘I said are there any questions you have about the stadium? Maybe I could answer them if you do?’
Oh, he had been talking… to me… and I’ve still not answered.
‘Erm..’
Why can’t I fucking think?
All I can focus on is his hand on my back and how good it feels having it there.
Shut up, Isla. You do not need a man.
‘Where does everyone sleep?’
Wrong question. Clearly that was the wrong fucking question because Liam’s grin is even wider, his straight white teeth fully on show.
‘Have something on your mind?’ His tone is teasing, but I've had enough.
I step forward away from his palm, quickening my pace to catch up with the rest of my group a couple of metres ahead.
Liam’s at my back, not waiting a second to follow.
‘I’m sorry, princess.’ He whispers, his voice like chocolate. ‘It’s just I’ve dreamt about you every night since we met and a lot of those dreams have involved a bed.’
Oh God damn I’m hot. Where his breath fanned across my sensitive neck feels like it is scorching from his confession. And as much as I’d like to deny it, most of my dreams have involved him and a bed, too.
‘We have our own rooms.’ He answers, the seductive tone no longer there.
Instead, he’s all business as he explains that a lot of the suites had been turned into rooms of all different kinds.
‘Some like to have their own space and others prefer to stay in a group. You all can do that if you would prefer, we have space for whichever you would feel more comfortable with.’
A room to myself, what a thought. I never considered it would be possible again.
‘You don’t need to make any decisions right now. There is plenty of time to try different options out and see which one you prefer.’ His hand is there again, soft and supportive at the base of my spine.
Could he tell that the thought of me being alone at night for the first time in forever is terrifying?
Liam continues, his voice gentle. ‘Some of the last group that joined us still share a room.’
‘They’ve got bunk beds and everything!’ Vish hollers from further up, clearly hearing our conversation.
I bristle, not liking that our group can hear us.
I’ve always been private and it makes me feel uncomfortable having someone butt into my conversation with Liam.
Which is weird because the girls do it all of the time.
Then again they also know when to keep quiet and I’m silently thankful that none of them join in with Vish’s comments.