Chapter 17
Sloan was pretty sure that anything he said to Olivia about her car was going to affect her. As much as he hoped for a smooth explanation, he sensed that was not going to happen. In truth there were a lot of aspects of his talk with her students that she probably wasn’t going to like. He didn’t either, but he knew he was caught, firmly, between a rock and a hard place.
Sloan found himself taking several days to figure out an approach with her. She was going to ask a lot of questions. She was going to want to know who had taken her car and what had happened to it. She was going to ask how he knew so much about it. And therein lay the problem. He couldn’t tell her.
Perhaps he’d be able to count on Olivia’s empathetic nature making her happy to know at least part of the truth and not insist on names or too many details. But he was also left with the need to actually deal with the person responsible for the theft. Sloan didn’t believe the culprit should get off scot-free. But to what degree should the perp be punished?
It wasn’t his call.
He was not a cop.
Sloan made the decision that the conversation had to happen before Thanksgiving. That was less than two weeks away. He was already concerned that it could carry over and ruin his holiday plans with Olivia. But mostly, he admitted to being concerned about Olivia’s reaction. His plans were further complicated by Olivia having informed him that she’d forgotten she was to help serve Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter near Inglewood, south of Baldwin Hills. The event was sponsored by a local church, and this was the second year she’d volunteered. The excitement of having Thanksgiving with Sloan and the knowledge that she’d also be meeting his father had briefly wiped the shelter commitment out of her mind, she noted to him. But Olivia was going to keep her promise…and she would do the three-plus-hour drive to San Luis Obispo by herself from LA on Thanksgiving, after her commitment.
Ten days before the holiday, Sloan talked Olivia into a movie night. They’d done it once more since the screening of Loving and found out how much they enjoyed watching together and then talking about the movie afterward. This time he didn’t much care what they saw. He was already preoccupied with the discussion he needed to have with her.
When Sloan reached Olivia’s, dinner was simple and easily prepared and, finally, with Olivia’s fried chicken she’d been promising. As they toasted with a glass of wine, Sloan had given her a small envelope with her name beautifully scripted on the outside. It felt a little lumpy.
“What is it?”
“It’s sealed, so obviously it’s supposed to be a surprise. You can open it after Thanksgiving dinner.”
She arched a brow at him, fingering the envelope and pretending she was about to tear off an end. Sloan watched her pointedly without saying a word, as if daring her to cheat. Finally, Olivia removed the envelope to a shelf on the bookcase in the living room…next to his holster and gun.
She sipped her wine thoughtfully. “This sounds too mysterious. Why give it to me now?”
“I want you to anticipate what it could be. Something to look forward to.”
“You mean you want to torture me,” she said airily.
“I don’t. But I think you’ll be pleased and surprised.”
She studied him closely for a moment, nodding. “I can wait.”
“I promise, you’ll like it.”
When they were almost done eating, Sloan considered Olivia for a moment before pushing away his plate.
“I…eh…I’ve been wanting to ask you something. About the theft of your car.”
She was caught off guard. Olivia regarded him with curiosity. “My car? Why?”
“Have you ever wondered what might have happened? Who could have taken it right from outside your home?”
“Of course I have. But when the police showed no interest in trying to track it down, it seemed pointless to speculate on all the possibilities.”
“But you did have some ideas, right?”
Olivia was drawn into his questioning. She shook her head. “I stopped thinking about it. I stopped wondering. It… It was frustrating.”
“Well…I gave it some thought.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “It’s what I do. Maybe on a bigger, federal level, but I still like to figure out how a crime happens. For instance, I’ve always felt that somehow your car theft was…personal. The more I thought about it, the less the theft seemed random. The car went missing from the front of your house. Perhaps by someone who came to know a lot about you. Where you live. The fact that it was a brand-new car.”
She frowned. “I don’t… What are you suggesting?”
“That you might actually be able to figure this out. What if it turned out to be someone who is known to you? Maybe someone who works around the school, knew your habits. A klepto former teacher who didn’t like you…”
She burst out laughing. “I mean, I doubt that I’m beloved by every staff member, but I hardly think someone I worked with would go that far. Too much to lose if caught.”
“Okay. A student? Past…or present? Friend or relative of?”
Olivia suddenly became uncomfortable, shifting in her chair. Frowned and shook her head. “No. No, I don’t believe that. I can’t think that… You’re just guessing.”
“I could be. But what if I’m onto something? What if I’m right?”
She stared at him, and Sloan could see the conversation was becoming worrisome for Olivia. He knew then that she had thought about what happened. Why hadn’t she been willing to explore all possibilities as a way to eliminate them? Yes, she would have liked to have her car back, but why wouldn’t Olivia want to find the thief and see them held accountable?
“It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” Olivia said flatly.
“Only you can answer that. What would you do if you knew who it was?”
Olivia blinked at him, studying him closely.
Sloan knew he completely had her attention.
“Why…why are you bothering with this, Sloan? What are you thinking?”
“I’m…curious. You must be too.” He held her gaze and leaned toward her, across the dining table. “Do you have any ideas?”
Olivia blinked at him again, her eyes wide and her gaze suddenly suspicious. “You know something, don’t you? Who have you been talking to? How? Why would you even suggest that a student could be involved?”
“I never said that. But it’s a thought. I believe you might suspect that as well.”
She gasped, staring at him. Abruptly Olivia stood and began to clear the table. “No. None of my students would ever…”
“I only suggested it could be a student who is involved. Not that they actually were.”
“Semantics!” she said, almost angry. She stopped stacking dishes to stare at him. “Who have you been talking to?”
Sloan couldn’t lie, so he said nothing, staring down at the table. It had not been a mistake to get into it with Olivia. But her reactions only confirmed what the students had told him. That information and her response now suggested she had unraveled more than she was willing to admit. Why not say something? Why not pursue it to get to the bottom of her car being stolen?
Of course she’d question why he would even raise the issue of the car when she’d already received the insurance payment and had replaced the stolen vehicle. Sloan now knew the who and the how. But it wasn’t an easy thing to put all the details out there and do something about it. It wasn’t up to him. It had to be Olivia’s move. Would she?
He sighed. “Someone reached out to me. They’re concerned about what could happen if the whole truth came out.”
“Who?” she questioned sharply. Agitated.
Sloan slowly stood to face her. He knew in that instant that if he continued to push Olivia, things would get…bad. He could sense that happening already. And they, he and Olivia, maybe stood to lose everything.
“I can’t say,” he responded flatly. “But however it all happened, I don’t think you should be in the middle. And I certainly don’t think you should forget about it. I’m hoping that you can find a way through this so that no one gets hurt. Including you. Right now, if you think about it, a lot of people will pay the consequences…in one way or another.”
“You’re doing it again, aren’t you?”
His jaw tightened. His gaze narrowed. Sloan knew exactly what Olivia was referring to. He’d hoped that they wouldn’t go down that path again.
“No. I’m not. But that’s exactly why I can’t and I won’t tell you what I know, Liv. This is…hard for me. But you’ve set the boundaries for how you want to be treated. I’m not going to risk crossing the line in the sand that you’ve drawn.
“Listen to what I’m trying to say. I think you understand exactly. I won’t beat around the bush about one thing. I know you’re very close to the students at Harvest. You care about them deeply. But you can’t always save them, Olivia.”
He stopped, seeing clearly that her posture was now mutinous. For a moment Sloan thought to stop talking and switch tactics, just sweeping her into an embrace and holding on and gently saying, “It’s going to be okay.” Instead, he stood still fighting his urge, believing that Olivia would reject it.
“Olivia…they’re not your kids. A little tough love might be a better response right now. Instead of…of getting angry with me. Remember, I’m not involved.”
“Are you trying to protect someone?”
“Just you.”
He came around the edge of the table to stand next to her. She glared, but he returned her hard gaze, seeing not just her anger but defensiveness.
He was pushing too hard, but there was no turning back. Sloan suddenly didn’t doubt that Olivia understood exactly what he was suggesting to her.
“I’m not accusing you of anything. I already know you wouldn’t forgive me if I tried to…to…”
“Act like the white man in charge,” Olivia said bluntly.
Sloan blanched. Okay. Here we go. “I hope that’s not what you believe.”
She shook her head, staring at him as if trying to read him, get inside his head…or his heart. “I’m not sure I like what I’m hearing.”
He sighed, struggling to stay balanced and to the point. But Sloan knew he was already in trouble. He couldn’t keep to the point without implicating himself in the worst way. A way that could destroy everything.
“Let’s not go there, okay?” he asked quietly. “Frankly, I’m…not comfortable with what you’re suggesting either.”
“Who have you been talking to?” Olivia questioned bluntly.
“I can’t tell you. Right now I am asking that you trust me. You once said that you did.”
“Now you want me to just believe you on your say-so?”
“That is exactly what I’m asking.” Sloan stared long and hard into her eyes, willing Olivia not to reject him. Them. He slowly moved away. “I think I’d better go. I don’t want to risk…”
“Risk what?” she asked, her tone quiet and curious.
“Everything,” Sloan said just as quietly. “I have very selfish reasons for getting involved at all. I believe you have your student’s welfare in your heart. I have yours in mine,” he said clearly.
Olivia didn’t move, didn’t face him or look at him.
“You’re interfering in what I do as an educator, what I think is right for my students.”
“Maybe I am. You haven’t asked for my help…and I’m not offering now. You’ve got this. Your confusion about what to do can be overcome. And right now I’m not sure you’d accept anything from me. I’ll have to deal with that.”
“Why can’t you just tell me?”
“I promised, Olivia. I was hoping you’d understand. I had a feeling you weren’t going to be happy with what I had to say to you. But I promised. I will keep my word. I’m trying my best to stay on the outside. I don’t want to get too much in the middle. But I don’t deserve to be blamed for what you’re afraid to do.”
“I’m not afraid. I’m not!”
Sloan walked close to Olivia. He could see, feel, the stiff way she held herself just then. Controlled. Annoyed. What would happen if he tried to touch her? Tried to pull her into an embrace so that his love could radiate between them? And she would know that was the only thing that mattered between them.
“Liv…okay, I get that you’re angry with me right now.” He gently cupped her elbow. She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t soften toward him. He released her. “This is not that complicated, and you know what you have to do. Think carefully about what that will be…what it could mean. Especially for you and me.”
Olivia still said nothing, even when he turned and walked away. The fact that she silently let him caused Sloan’s gut to tighten, twist in momentary anxiety. He needed to leave. Sloan went into the living room to retrieve his service weapon. He noticed the envelope he’d given her on the bookshelf. He suddenly hoped Olivia wasn’t going to discard what he’d given her, but he decided not to draw her attention to it again. He turned around and found her standing in the kitchen entrance, her arms wrapped around her waist, her eyes wide as saucers, dark and troubled.
“I want to say one more thing. You told me recently, when you checked out the wound on my hand, that taking care of me, worrying about me, was all part of loving me. Your concerns were part of the whole package of how you felt. Well, that works both ways; wanting to protect you, even rescuing you if I see the need, is what I do to love you.” Sloan averted his gaze, inhaled deeply as he pursed his lips. He faintly shook his head and then looked at Olivia. “I’m not going to call you. I’ve said all I intend to, except…the bottom line is…I just want to be the man you love. And I want you to love me just as I am.”
Sloan headed to the door of her house, opened it. In the terrible silence that followed him Sloan couldn’t help wondering if this was going to be the last time he saw her or that they would ever speak. Could it, unbelievably, happen in a heartbeat, that their relationship would end on a principle and pride?
Sloan said nothing more to her. He quickly left without a chance to hold Olivia. Or to kiss her with reassurance and hope…and love. Without Olivia having assured him that she felt the same way.