Chapter 28 #2
If it’s not obvious, I’m trying to say I’m bonkers about you, Alex Nixon. Please can we meet up properly, soon? As in tomorrow? For breakfast? If not earlier?
I didn’t meet Will for breakfast. Instead, I took Ernest on a three-mile walk through the frosty forest, barely noticing the beauty of the trees due to being weighed down with the cruel burden that after finally opening my heart to someone, the chances were I would have to walk away.
I could only think of one reply.
I love you, too. How about lunch, later?
I was loading up the washing machine with bedding when my phone rang.
‘Alexis? Trudy Barnes, social worker. I’ll be arriving for our first assessment meeting in about thirty minutes.’
‘What? How long will that take?’
I racked my brains but knew I wouldn’t have forgotten something so important. She was deliberately catching me off guard.
‘As long as it takes. If we can’t prioritise a couple of hours for the assessment it doesn’t bode well for looking after three children full-time, does it? Not as if you have a job at the moment.’
She hung up.
I cancelled lunch with Will, then grabbed the vacuum cleaner.
Twenty minutes later – ten minutes earlier than Trudy had stated – the doorbell rang. I was now dressed in a clean pair of jeans and jumper, hair brushed and even a swipe of make-up on, but could only pray Trudy didn’t look in my main bathroom.
‘Alexis.’
‘Please, call me Alex.’
Trudy nodded at my outstretched hand. ‘I don’t do physical contact while working. You’d understand why if you met some of the families I spend time with.’
‘Right. Do you do tea or coffee?’
She held up a travel mug by way of an answer. ‘Let’s get straight to it, shall we?’
‘Of course. The living room is upstairs, if you want to follow me.’
Trudy did not want to follow me. Not until she’d opened the doors into the ground-floor rooms and had a good nosy.
She appeared as brisk as she’d sounded, wearing ugly black trousers, scuffed boots and a red blouse gaping across her large chest. Her blonde hair sported three inches of grey roots, and the world-weary lines on her face told the story of a woman nearing the end of a bone-crushing career.
Once she’d seen enough, she clomped upstairs and spent another ten minutes inspecting the living room, study and kitchen.
This included rattling door and window handles, tugging on my blinds and peering inside cupboards and my fridge.
She then continued to the top floor, asking which rooms the children would be sleeping in.
I didn’t tell her that at the weekend they’d all slept in my bed, because I had no clue what the rules were about that.
I also made no mention of my decision to move back to Crandon, for the same reason.
‘Right.’ Trudy opened the laptop balanced on her knee after deciding we’d hold the rest of the meeting in the living room. She spent a few minutes typing furiously, leaving me to sit and sweat until she was ready to proceed with her questions.
‘What steps will you be taking to make the house child-friendly, if your niece and nephews move in?’
‘Um. They actually spent the weekend here, which helped highlight a few areas that would need addressing.’
‘Such as?’ Trudy’s mouth twitched as she eyed me up and down, no doubt concluding that this was the reason for my dishevelled appearance and giant eye-bags.
‘Cupboard locks, night-lights. I was already planning on replacing the glass furniture. We’d want storage for toys and games, a booster chair for Kaylynn. I’d redecorate the bedrooms, obviously. Bring their own stuff over…’
I rambled on for another minute or so before Trudy cut me off.
‘Yes, very good.’
Phew – very good! I glowed as if the scariest teacher at school had given me a gold star.
‘How would you punish the children when they misbehaved?’
‘Um. No smacking, obviously. Or shouting. I wouldn’t ever send them to bed without tea like my mum used to, or shut them in their rooms. I don’t think the naughty step would work for these kids. So, um, that leaves…’ I couldn’t think of a single thing.
‘Alex.’ Trudy paused for a moment. ‘You had the children here all weekend. I’ve met them, remember, on several occasions, meaning I have no doubt about what they might have got up to.
Shall we stop listing all the things you wouldn’t do, and talk about what you did do, instead? We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.’
‘Um. Mostly I tried distracting them. I cajoled them with treats a couple of times. It wasn’t always that effective, to be honest. I get that they need firm boundaries, but if they experience the trauma of their only parent going to prison, I think the answer to that is love and patience, not punishment. ’
‘Perfect. Me too.’ Trudy tapped away, her eyes on the screen. ‘I presume you’ll be caring for the children full-time, no additional employment?’
‘Yes. I suppose so. Until Kaylynn is in school, at least.’
‘Even when some hot-shot TV exec makes you an offer you can’t refuse?’
‘I have no issue with saying no.’ I didn’t bother clarifying that there would be no offers.
‘Bit of a step down, income wise.’ She rattled off the payments for three children in kinship foster care. Money genuinely hadn’t crossed my mind, but it was more than I’d have expected, and I had my savings.
‘I left home and became financially independent at nineteen. I can manage a tight budget.’
‘Normally, I would ask about partners, boyfriends, et cetera, et cetera. We’d need to do background checks on any significant others. Can we confirm you haven’t got back together with the mediocre boyfriend for the seventh time?’
‘Are you using my speech for the assessment?’
Trudy didn’t even look up. ‘We’ll take that as a no, still not together.’
And so it went on. Trudy firing questions at me about my past, present and future.
Me giving up trying to come up with the right answers and simply going with the honest ones.
When she brought up schools, I finally came clean and said that rather than putting the kids through the upheaval of relocating, I was considering moving back home.
I got an eyebrow twitch at that point. ‘Wow. You are serious about this. Do you consider it to be in the children’s best interest to remain living with your parents?’
‘Um…’
Trudy finally looked up from the laptop.
‘Let me rephrase that. After my initial conversation with Ralf and Amanda Nixon, I had a thorough read of their file. My official conclusion, backed up with thirty-five years’ experience in social care, is that those two are more parasite than parent.
Taking on sole responsibility for Lennon, Harley and Kaylynn is going to be tough enough.
Can you really do it while living with that extra challenge? ’
I was speechless. Surely social workers weren’t allowed to call people parasites?
‘For this to work – and I really, really want it to work – we are going to need people around you who offer support, allow you regular breaks to recharge, whose contribution is positive and encouraging, not draining and destructive. If your parents were capable of kindness, I don’t think Lacey would have ended up in this mess. ’
I nodded. The guilt that I’d allowed my sister to reach the point she was knocking on the door of a local gang lord squatted in my chest like a boulder. I’d tried to support her, offer breaks, be kind. It hadn’t been anywhere near enough.
‘Speaking of which, we have a whole section here to complete on support networks. We know you’ve not got any wider family. The whole nation heard that you’ve… hang on, let me find it, “no one who gives a damn”. What are we going to do about that?’
I blinked, hard. Was it possible to grieve something before you’d even lost it?
‘I have invested in some proper friendships since then. That whole debacle was the catalyst to make some changes.’
‘Are we assuming these new friends live locally?’
‘Yes.’
‘Not Crandon.’
‘No.’
Trudy started typing again.
‘But I did it here. I can do it in Crandon. I’ve accepted how important it is. I can join a gym class while Kaylynn is at nursery, or a book group. Bronte will babysit if I need a break.’
‘Yes. I’ve no doubt about that.’
I had no doubt, either. It didn’t stop Trudy having to close her laptop, dig out a pack of tissues from her bag and even break her ‘no physical contact’ rule and pat my hand a few times before I could get a grip on my bawling and finish the meeting.