Chapter 51
A month later…
At the end of June, Kayla arrived at Beth’s house with an overnight bag, two pairs of new shoes, and enough nervous energy to power half of Sapphire Bay.
Beth discovered the shoes within five minutes of Kayla arriving. They were sitting in their boxes on the kitchen table while her daughter studied them as though her entire career depended on making the right choice.
“Which ones should I wear for work?” Kayla asked.
Beth looked from one black leather pair to the almost identical pair beside them. “I hate to tell you this, but they look exactly the same to me.”
“They’re not. These have better arch support, but the others have more cushioning.” Kayla pushed both boxes toward her. “I can’t decide.”
Beth poured coffee into two mugs and joined her at the table. “Take both and decide after you’ve worn them.”
Kayla stared at her. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Because you’ve been here less than ten minutes and you’re already working yourself into a state.”
“I know. I’m trying not to, but it’s hard. Tyler thinks I need to relax and enjoy the last few days before I start work.”
Tyler had flown to Seattle yesterday for a four-day business trip. With Kayla starting at Chef Aldana’s restaurant on Monday, she’d decided to spend the weekend in Sapphire Bay.
Beth hadn’t needed to be asked twice. She smiled at her daughter. “How are you coping with married life without your husband?”
“Terribly. I had to take the garbage out myself.”
Beth laughed. Since the wedding, Kayla had returned from her short honeymoon, graduated from culinary school, and started preparing for the job she’d spent years working toward.
Beth was enormously proud of her.
Kayla turned one of the shoe boxes around, then sighed. “Can I tell you something without you giving me the mother answer?”
“That depends on what you consider the mother answer.”
“The one where you tell me everything will be wonderful because you believe in me.”
Beth reached across the table and closed the shoe box. “All right. Tell me.”
Kayla hesitated. “What if I’m terrible at the job?”
There was enough genuine worry in Kayla’s voice to wipe the smile from Beth’s face. “Chef Aldana has watched you work for months. She knows what you can do, and she still offered you the position.”
“Working a few shifts while I was studying isn’t the same as being her sous chef. I’ll be responsible for people who’ve worked in professional kitchens for longer than I’ve been alive.”
“And Chef Aldana knows that,” Beth told Kayla. “She isn’t expecting you to arrive on Monday knowing everything.”
Kayla wrapped both hands around her mug. “I wish someone would tell that to my stomach.”
“Being nervous makes sense.,” Beth told her daughter. “Because this matters to you.”
Kayla considered that before nodding. “That’s better than the mother answer.”
Beth smiled. “I’ll try to remember.”
They spent the rest of the morning in town picking up the last few things Kayla wanted for work, then came home for lunch. Afterward, they carried their coffee onto the back porch.
The June afternoon was warm, with bees drifting between the flowers beside the steps. Kayla curled one leg beneath her and tilted her face toward the sun. “I’m going to miss having time like this.”
“You’ll get days off,” Beth reminded her.
“Eventually. Chef Aldana sent me my first month’s schedule. There are a couple of stretches where I’m working six days, and I have no idea when Tyler and I will have the same time off.”
“You’ll make it work.”
Kayla smiled. “I know. That’s the strange part. I’ve wanted this for so long, and now that it’s happening, I’m half thrilled and half terrified.”
Beth understood more than she wanted to admit. Sometimes, wanting something from a distance was much easier than discovering what happened when it became real.
Kayla took another sip of coffee. “How’s Dave?”
The change of subject was so smooth Beth almost admired it. “I don’t know.”
Kayla’s eyes widened. “You still haven’t spoken to him?”
“I’ve seen him twice. Once at the grocery store and once outside the arts center, but we didn’t talk for long.”
Kayla’s expression softened. “Was that difficult?”
Beth thought about the grocery store. She’d been choosing tomatoes when she’d looked up and seen Dave coming around the end of the aisle. They’d both stopped.
Then they’d talked for less than three minutes. Dave had asked about Kayla. Beth had asked about Mark. He’d wanted to know whether everything was running smoothly at the center, and she’d assured him it was.
Perfectly pleasant. Perfectly polite.
Beth had made it all the way to her truck before realizing she’d forgotten the tomatoes.
“Seeing him wasn’t the worst part,” she admitted. “Walking away was.”
Kayla didn’t respond, and Beth was grateful for the silence. She ran her fingertips along the wooden arm of her chair. “I miss him.”
There. One month of thinking reduced to three words. “I thought some distance might give me perspective,” Beth continued. “Instead, it’s made something else clear.”
“What?” Kayla asked.
“I know I can manage without Dave. I have you and Ryan, my friends, and the arts center. Half the time there aren’t enough hours in the day for everything I want to do.”
Kayla nodded.
“So it isn’t about needing somebody around.” Beth looked down at her hands. “It’s because I want him to be part of my life.”
Saying it aloud made the distinction seem important.
“Things happen and I automatically think about telling him. Last week, one of the children painted a picture of the mayor with green hair, and I knew exactly how hard Dave would laugh. Yesterday, I drove all the way out to Finley Point and wondered if he was there.”
Kayla sighed. “He probably was.”
Beth gave her a look. “That isn’t helping.”
“Sorry.” Kayla leaned back in her chair. “Do you regret ending things?”
Beth nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I made the wrong decision. I was confused. I needed time.”
“I think you did, too,” Kayla said. “Maybe you needed everything to become quiet before you could hear yourself think.”
Beth turned toward her daughter. There was no judgment in Kayla’s voice. She wasn’t telling Beth what she should have done or what she ought to do next.
Beth looked across the garden. “I kept expecting a moment when everything would suddenly make sense. I thought I’d wake up one morning and know what the right thing was.”
Kayla was quiet for a few seconds. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Are you happier now?”
Beth frowned.
“Since you stopped seeing Dave,” Kayla explained. “Are you happier without him?”
Beth frowned. She’d spent a month making everything less complicated. Her life had returned to something familiar. Safe, even. But happy?
Beth watched a breeze move through the garden, bending the taller flowers before they slowly straightened again. “No,” she said quietly. “I’m not happier.”
Kayla didn’t smile in triumph or tell her what the answer meant. She simply nodded. “Okay.”
Beth glanced at her. “I thought you’d have more to say. Maybe something profound.”
Kayla laughed. “Mom, I start my first full-time job in two days and spent twenty minutes this morning worrying about shoes. I’m not sure I’m qualified for profound.”
Beth laughed, too.
Kayla reached across and squeezed her hand.
For a while, they sat together without speaking.
On Monday, her daughter would begin another part of her life. There would be long hours and mistakes, difficult days and wonderful ones. Kayla would learn things no classroom could teach her, and there would probably be moments when she wondered why she’d ever chosen to be a chef.
Beth couldn’t protect her from any of it. She wouldn’t try. Kayla had a life waiting for her.
The thought settled quietly inside Beth. So did she. For the first time in weeks, thinking about Dave didn’t bring the familiar rush of guilt. She remembered telling him she loved him. That hadn’t changed.
Maybe that was the one thing she could stop questioning.
Kayla stretched and stood. “I’m getting another coffee. Do you want one?”
“No, thanks.”
“Probably sensible. I’m planning to stay awake until midnight worrying about Monday.”
Beth smiled. “You could always spend the time deciding which shoes to wear.”
Kayla’s groan drifted back through the open door.
Beth laughed and remained on the veranda. There was somewhere she wanted to go tomorrow after Kayla left. Somewhere she hadn’t visited in a long time, and she knew which photograph she’d take with her.
And for once, Beth wasn’t going there to find an answer.
There was something she needed to say.