Chapter Eleven
Briggs
Everything is too hot. No, maybe it’s all too cold? My body shakes, wracking itself with shivers so strong I’m powerless to stop. My head is a foggy mess and I can’t keep my eyes open.
One moment, I’m sweltering. The next moment, I feel like I might die from the cold.
Wade is here. Somewhere. I know he is, yet I can’t seem to place him. His voice washes over me, the cadence familiar and safe. I can’t make out the words.
Just knowing he’s here, brings me peace through the fog I’m slowly losing myself to.
I try to speak, but nothing comes out. I open my mouth but my body rebels. Everything hurts. My entire body, sluggish and aching.
The worst is my throat. It feels like there’s razor blades caught in the back of my throat and no matter how many times I swallow or how often I cough, nothing will dislodge them.
I stop knowing if I’m awake, stop knowing if I’m even alive anymore. I dream of my brother’s last moments, replaying it over and over and over like a never ending nightmare. I see him die again and again.
Everything is too much. The pain, the dreams, the hot, the cold. I think I might be dying. The only thing giving me any semblance of a tether is Wade’s voice. I think he might be begging. He’s such a strong man, he shouldn’t beg for anything.
“I hate you,” I think I hear through the fog but I don’t know for sure. Maybe it’s just another nightmare, plaguing me now that I’ve found my end.
My throat feels like it’s closing up, making it hard to breathe. I keep drifting into sleep only to be slammed awake by my body jerking, shaking, wheezing.
I can feel someone lifting me up and carrying me but I’m powerless to open my eyes and see what’s going on. Voices sound around me and they’re unfamiliar. What the hell is happening? What’s going on?
Everything goes black for a long time. My body continues to fight. I wish my mind could fight too. I need Wade. I hope he’s okay. I hope I’m okay.
Eventually, I find the strength to open my eyes.
It’s only for a moment but it’s enough to find Wade.
Knowing he’s okay, I finally fall into a real sleep, one that’s not plagued by nightmares or spurred on because my body can’t do anything else.
I sleep because I need the rest and instead of nightmares, everything is blissfully dark.
I get dreamless sleep for the first time since I can remember.
When I wake up again, I feel a hand in my left.
Before opening my eyes, I take stock of myself.
My body feels weak and sore all over. Sweat drips down the side of my neck, telling me finally this fever has broken.
My mouth is parched but when I swallow, it doesn’t hurt quite as much as before.
I’m still not okay, but I know I’m on the mend.
Relief so strong it threatens to bring tears to my eyes hits me square in the chest. I’m okay. I’m going to be okay.
Holy shit.
I finally open my eyes, turning my head to look at Wade. He’s breathing softly, his head pillowed on his free arm, sleeping. He’s slumped over and that must not be comfortable. I wonder how long he’s been here, by my side.
Looking around, I realize I have no idea where we are. Whose house is this? How the fuck did we get here? Did Wade carry me all the way to this new place? Did he care for me along the way?
This must have been so hard for him. More tears prickle my eyes. He did all of this for me. He saved me.
How the fuck do you repay something like this?
This must have been how Wade felt when I saved him from that camp. We’ve saved each other. Our slates have been cleaned, not that either of us would ever hold that sort of thing over the other’s head.
Tears fall down the side of my head, catching in my ears. I can’t hold them back, even if I wanted to. I’m overwhelmed with everything I’m feeling. Gratitude. Wonder. Adoration. Most strongly though, love.
What a fucking idiot I am, to fall in love during the end of the world.
Everything is so fickle and nothing is sacred.
We could both be gone tomorrow, but is that really enough to hold myself back?
Is that really all it takes to give up on feelings that have only grown stronger since meeting Wade?
Should I toss them away before they even have a chance to fully bloom?
“Hey,” I whisper, my voice coming out hoarse and cracked. I bring my free hand over, placing it on Wade’s head, feeling the short hair under my palm. My arms shake but not from fever, instead from anticipation. “Wade?”
There’s nothing for a long moment. I start to run my fingers over Wade’s head, feeling the soft buzzcut under my fingers. I feel his body tense and then a moment later, Wade raises his head.
My hand falls back into my own lap as our eyes meet. His are wide, filled with fear. They run over my face, taking me in, no doubt worried this isn’t real.
“Hey,” I say again and finally, something in Wade seems to snap.
“Briggs,” Wade says with a gasp before he’s letting go of my hand.
Before I can properly mourn the loss of his touch, I let out a gasp of my own as Wade practically tackles me.
He’s still careful because he knows I’m weak but he lays himself on top of me, shoving his arms under my body and holding me tight.
“Briggs,” he says again, this time soft and against the side of my head.
I bring my arms around him, holding him just as tightly as he’s holding me.
“I’m okay,” I do my best to say, my voice cracking as I speak. It’ll take some more time for my voice to come back, but that’s okay because we have time. Somehow, Wade has given us time. “I’m okay, Wade.”
“You’re okay,” he says and it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. “You’re alive. You’re gonna pull through.”
“Yeah.”
We stay like that for a long time, holding each other.
It’s not until I try to adjust, getting uncomfortable under Wade’s weight that Wade finally moves.
Thankfully, he doesn’t go far. Instead, he crawls under the covers, lying on his back.
He pulls me against himself so I’m resting on his chest, his strong arms around me.
“Is this okay?”
“Yes,” I tell him, squeezing his side. “This is good.”
Wade is so fucking warm. My eyes grow heavy, my body threatening to give out on me now that I’m in Wade’s arms, but I fight it. I don’t want to go back to sleep. I want to revel in this feeling, revel in our closeness.
“Briggs,” Wade says softly, his chest rumbling under my ear. “Go to sleep. We can talk when you wake up again.”
I want to fight it, but Wade starts to hum, his hand traveling through my hair and down my spine. It feels so good that I can’t help but fall asleep.
When I wake up again, light streams in through the window in this room. Wade is still here, holding me. I could get used to this. I could get used to waking up every morning in his arms, unashamed. Something between us has changed, that much is certain, even if I still don’t know what exactly.
“Wade.”
“Hi,” he says softly, adjusting so that my head is on the pillow instead of his chest. He scoots down so we’re face to face. This is intimate in a way I wasn’t prepared for. Now I can see his features, meet his eyes. “How are you feeling?”
I close my eyes for a moment before answering, wanting to give him the most honest answer possible.
“Okay,” I tell him seriously. “I’m exhausted, my head is throbbing, my throat feels like there’s pieces of glass still lodged in places, and my entire body aches. But I’m okay.”
“That’s all?”
“Yeah,” I say, finally smiling. “That’s all.”
We stay like that for a long moment, Wade’s eyes flashing over my face, taking every one of my features in. I would be uncomfortable with the staring if it was anyone but Wade. Finally, he’s moving, bringing a hand to cup my face.
“Briggs,” Wade whispers, his voice breaking and oh no, that won’t do. That won’t do at all.
“Hey,” I say, bringing my own hand up, touching his. He sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes widening. “It’s okay. I’m okay, Wade.”
“I was so fucking worried,” Wade confesses, barely loud enough for me to hear.
A memory hits me square in the chest, an angry voice shouting at me in the cold, telling me they hate me.
I swallow thickly. “It’s okay that you hate me,” I tell him even though my chest feels like it’s being torn apart. “You should hate me. All I do is put the people around me at risk. People take care of me and it gets them killed, Wade.”
“What?”
“That’s how my brother died. He jumped in front of a zombie for me. It should have been me.” I shake my head under his hand, looking away, my eyes filling with tears all over again. “All I do is bring the people around me down. I’m so sorry.”
“Briggs,” Wade says, cutting me off. I open my eyes, staring at him. He looks upset, but not angry. “Shut the fuck up, okay?”
“Okay,” I say softly.
“I don’t hate you. I couldn’t hate you even if I wanted to.”
“But,” I start to say, “I heard.”
“Really? Out of everything that’s the part your fever-fueled brain latched onto? Jesus Christ,” he says but there’s a slight fondness to his voice. I focus on that. Maybe there’s a chance that not all is lost. Maybe everything will be okay.
“What did you say then?”
“Oh, I said that I hate you but not in the way you think. I hate how much I’ve grown to care about you.
I hate the way it feels like my heart is being torn from my chest when I see you hurt or upset.
I hate the way I felt so helpless,” he breathes out, his voice catching.
“I couldn’t do a damn thing to save you and I hated it, Briggs.
” Wade licks his lips. “I hated all of that because I fucking love you. You don’t bring people down, Briggs!
You raise them up and make them better. You make me better. ”
My head spins where it sits against my pillow. I hear the words but they don’t feel real. Surely, he doesn’t mean them. Surely, I’m just dreaming all over again.
“Am I dreaming?”
Wade cracks the tiniest smile. “You dream about me?”
“All the time,” I confess softly. “You can’t love me back. You’re you and I’m just me.”
“Love you back? Does that mean you love me?”
I blink at him slowly, trying to process what’s actually happening right now. My head feels full of cotton and my mouth is so dry. Even so, I somehow find the words.
“Of course I love you,” I tell him like it’s obvious because it is.
“How could I not? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met yet despite the horrors you’ve faced, you never let it break you.
You’re kind even though the world hasn’t been the same.
You’re beautiful. I trust you and somehow, you’ve allowed yourself to trust me too.
It was impossible not to fall for you, Wade. ”
Wade’s eyes are so wide, listening to each of my words carefully.
“I love you too. At first, I was scared we were just having some fucked up Stockholm syndrome going on, like we only liked each other because we were the only ones around,” he says with a snort.
“But even if we had met at a bar or at a coffee shop or in school, I think I would have always fallen for you. In every lifetime, in every universe.”
“Wade,” I say, unable to say anything else. Thankfully, Wade seems to know exactly what I mean.
“Yeah,” he says back before leaning forward and softly kissing my lips. It’s not our first kiss, not by a long shot, yet this one is so much different than the others.
These kisses are barely there, yet so full of fondness it steals my breath. I can feel his love and affection through every touch, through every brush of our lips. I love him and somehow, Wade has found it in himself to love me back.
“Wait,” I say, pushing him away. “I don’t want you getting sick.”
Wade snorts. “A little late for that,” he says before quickly adding, “it’s okay. Werewolf genes. Or maybe it’s whatever fucked up thing I have going on that keeps me from turning. Either way, it’s okay to keep kissing.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive,” he says before diving back in. I have no idea how long we kiss but eventually, Wade has to pull away, both of our eyes suspiciously wet with tears. I’m so overwhelmed by how happy I am, knowing that we’re on the same page.
Wade and I are more than just survivors. We’re men who’ve said fuck you to the odds and found each other. We’ve survived through the horrors but more than that, we’ve found a way to live our lives to the fullest, side by side.
“Wade,” I say, leaning back on the pillows once more. “Where are we?”
“I found a place called Haven,” he explains. “We’re safe here and we’re not alone.”
“We’re not?”
He shakes his head. “Two other people live here. They had the supplies to help you and they shared them with us.”
“What’s the catch?”
Wade smiles. “Usually, that’s my line.” His thumb runs over my cheek and I’m struck over how gentle Wade is being with me.
I could get used to this. “They seem like good people. Lawrence kinda reminds me of you, same heart of gold. Devin is more like me,” Wade says, cracking the tiniest smile.
“He doesn’t trust us, but that’s okay. They still were willing to help and let us stay here until you’re feeling better. ”
“So there’s still a little good out in the world.”
Wade shrugs. “We’ll see. For now, things are okay.” He brings his face closer, placing a kiss to my forehead. “Fuck, Briggs. I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so scared.”
“Thank you,” I say, my voice sounding shaky to my own ears. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“You did the same for me, it was the least I could do. Now we’re even.”
“Yeah, we’re even,” I say with a smile.
“Let me get you some broth and some water. You need to take some more pills to make sure the infection is really gone. Then we can think about what we’re going to do from here.”
I don’t say it out loud, but waking up in a warm house that sits behind gates? I could get used to this. Even more so because Wade is here with me. Maybe we can make something work with the people who own Haven.
Maybe Haven can be more than just our rescue. If we’re lucky, maybe we can make it our home.