29 | I’ll Find You
I’ll Find You
Molly
“BLUE OR PINK?” Claire asks.
I’ve already let her paint my face with make-up and have her way with my hair.
And I let her chalk up my quiet demeanor to me still being upset about what happened during the game—which, of course, I still was.
And I blamed our loss on that fucking ref most of all.
But I didn’t tell her it was also part because of the kiss with Niall in the locker room.
All that goes up is bound to come down.
He was drunk. Had he been drunk during the whole game? Was that why he got into a fight? Or had he drank because he was so upset over the fight? But where did he get the alcohol?
All the questions swirl around in my mind, and I have to bat them away like flies.
When I suggested to Claire we ditch Declan Keane’s halloween/nineteenth birthday party and just start our sleepover, she’d agreed without hesitation. I didn’t even need to tell her about my relations with her brother.
I wanted to tell her. I did. But I wasn’t sure how Claire would react—especially after she opened up to me at Niamh’s house.
I couldn’t see her getting mad at me, but I could see her being quietly hurt by it and pushing it down.
And as an expert at suppressing emotions, I know that it’s painful.
The last thing I want to do is cause her pain.
“Blue,” I decide, petting the head of the little kitten in my lap. “I thought Shannon was JJ’s now by the way?”
“Good choice, I think blue is your color. Plus it’ll match your jersey,” Claire says, taking one of my hands and unscrewing the cap of the polish.
“And she is, but JJ doesn’t like leaving her alone, because he doesn’t want her being lonely.
So he always leaves her here, since even if we aren’t home, she could play with Comet or Atticus.
He used to do the same thing with Nova.”
“Nova?”
“His dog,” Claire elaborates. “She came from the same litter as Comet, and the Marshall’s dog, Lady.
There’s this guy who lives by my mother’s parents, and my Da was down there and heard he had this dog who’d had this massive litter.
So he piled all of us into the car—Niall, JJ, Finn, Maxie and I—and took us out there.
Each of us got to pick one per household. ”
I glance over at Comet, who’s sprawled out on the big comfy chair in the corner of Claire’s room, watching us with his big sweet eyes. “What happened to Nova?”
“She died last year,” Claire says softly.
“Golden retrievers are prone to the big C, I guess. We didn’t know.
She got real bad before any of us even realized how sick she was.
It gutted JJ. He loved her more than anything.
He stayed over for weeks afterward because he couldn’t stand being in his own house without her. ”
“That’s awful,” I whisper, feeling real pain. My only ever pet was this beagle named Jax, who’d gotten hit by a car when I was around nine. I’d sobbed for weeks, and it practically ruined my whole summer. And the summers following that weren’t much better. Jamie leaving, then Mom, then... camp...
“He sounds like he was amazing,” I say softly. “Your dad. I mean, driving a carload of neighborhoods to pick out puppies? That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Claire giggles, her eyes still a bit misty.
“Yeah. My Da was friends with everyone. He grew up with the Marshalls, and JJ’s Mam.
Fitzy’s Da too, but he didn’t get a puppy ‘cause they lived in Dublin till like, ‘01. This is the kind of town people don’t really leave, unless you’re Patrick Fitzpatrick and go pro at something.
And even he came back,” she takes a sharp breath, shaking her head. “Sorry. I’m waffling.”
“I don’t mind,” I smile. I would rather get caught up in conversation about the past and history of everyone on this estate than think about whatever was happening between Niall and I.
“You... you taste like alcohol...”
He looks away, his eyes floating around the room.
“Niall.”
I don’t know what to think. I don’t even know if I can remember how to breathe properly.
“You should go, Molls. You don’t wanna get in trouble for being in here.”
“JJ was close with your dad, Niall told me that,” I say, as she finishes up my last nail. “Maybe... maybe when Nova died, it felt like he was losing your Da all over again. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” she nods, capping the nail polish. “‘Cause he was the one who got her for him, so it was like one more living piece of him... gone.”
“Exactly,” I agree. I watch her brush her bleached-blonde hair behind her ear, putting the nail polish back into the big clear drawer she has filled with different colors. I wonder how she manages to be so sunny every day. The effort of it must be exhausting.
“Anyway!” she chirps, the clouds revealing the sun yet again. “Now you do me. Yellow and Pink. Alternate nails, like a battenburg cake.”
??ˋ ?? ?ˊ?
HIS HANDS RUN up my sides, the coldness of his skin a stark contrast to his hot breath.
Tap-tap-tap.
“You’re so perfect, you know that?” he whispers, his lips going places they shouldn’t be.
Tap-tap—Thunk.
I bolt upright in Claire’s bed, my lungs burning as I fight to drag in air. My nightshirt was damp with cold sweat, and for a horrible second I was still at Camp Clearwater, waiting for the pain to subside.
Thunk-thunk.
I stay frozen, listening. That noise wasn’t part of my nightmare. Claire was dead to the world beside me, face down in her pillow, but Comet shared my sense of alarm from the end of the bed. He lets out a low growl, followed by a soft ruff, then looks at me.
I slide out of the bed slowly, and Comet stays right on my heels as I tiptoe for the stairs. I’ve reached the bottom, my hand going out to feel for the light switch I know is here somewhere—only I connect with a hand.
I scream.
The hand screams.
Comet barks.
“What are you doing?!” I snap the light on, squinting at JJ Biggs as my eyes adjust to the light.
“Me? What are you doing Creepy-Mc-Something-Else- thats-creepy!? Tryin’ to hold my hand in the dark and scaring me like that,” he scoffs, as if that were in any way what I intended to do. “Shame on you.”
“Yes, shame on me, now why the hell are you making such a racket?” I demand to know, crossing my arms over my chest.
“He could barely walk from Fitzy’s truck to the curb, so forgive me for making a ‘racket’, but I was trying my best.” He gestures behind him to the floor, where Niall was laying.
He was mumbling something I couldn’t make out through the thickened accent and the simple fact that his words didn’t make any sense put together.
JJ abandons our argument, shuffling to Niall’s side. “Niall... hey, mate, you're gonna be grand. Ya hear me?”
“What’s wrong with him? What happened? Where have you guys been?” My concern spikes as I watch Niall mumble about scaring someone. Comet whines, pacing the floors like he doesn’t know what to do.
“Shh, quiet or you’ll wake Claire. He doesn’t want her to see him like this. Get his legs.”
I’m tempted to remind him how he wasn’t really being quiet before, but the desperation in his face made me shut up and do what he’d asked.
“Okay, okay. Jesus JJ, are you even lifting?” I groan as I pick up his legs, Niall feeling more like five-hundred pounds of dead weight than the one-eighty or so at most that he must weigh.
“Oh, excuse me Miss Americana. Sorry I’m not the fucking Incredible Hulk. My bad, my bad. Let me leave and go bulk up and come back when my strength is at your standards.”
I roll my eyes, trying to focus on the task at hand instead of on bickering with JJ. “Okay, just like that—turn, turn. The steps are right here.”
“I’m familiar with the house, Mollsie. Question is, why’re you so familiar? Hmm?”
“Pardon?”
“Are ya neckin’ my captain, yank?” He seems to find whatever it is he’s saying amusing. I’m not sure I like the sound of it.
“Am I what? I don’t even know what that—” I trip on the bottom step since I hadn’t been looking, making JJ drop Niall and hit his head.
“Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph. Good thing this fucker’s got a thick noggin.”
“Oh my God,” I whisper in horror, trying to pick him back up. JJ was a bit busy losing his shit, bent over laughing. I check Niall over for blood, hoping he doesn’t have any internal bleeding.
Once JJ gets over his laughing spell, he’s able to help me half drag, half carry Niall up the stairs and to his bedroom. Comet abandons us once we reach the top of the stairs, probably headed for Claire’s room.
Once we get him onto his bed, rolled onto his back, he starts whimpering like he’s having a bad dream. I’m by his upper half in a second, seeing if maybe I can get him conscious enough to calm down.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay, bud,” I say, trying to comfort him the way I would Lorraine after having a bad dream.
“Aw, look at him. Look his nose is twitching—”
“Shh. Shut up. What happened to not waking Claire?”
“He’s like a little bunny rabbit.” JJ reaches out and boops Niall’s nose. I slap his hand away, glaring at him. “Aw— ow, jeez, fine. Possessive much?”
“Oh my god—” I’m cut off by a thumping from down the hall, and JJ and I look at each other.
“Molly? Where’d you go?” I hear Claire call out, and I go to get up but JJ holds out his hand and shakes his head. He points at Niall, telling me to stay and goes to check on Claire himself.
“Claire—” Niall calls out in his half-conscious state.
I look away from the doorway, back down at him. I sit on the bed next to him, stroking his hair. “Shh, Niall. JJ went to go see her. He’ll make sure she’s alright, yeah?”
He doesn’t respond, but his face looks like it relaxes just a fraction. Though not enough to put me at ease.
“You can hear me, right, Niall?” I ask, running my hand down his face and softly stroking his cheek.“Can you open your eyes?”
“Sorry,” he mumbles quietly, and it took a moment before I saw the deep blue of his eyes. Blue isn’t enough to describe their color. Blue’s too soft, too little of a word for the bottomless depth in the oceans of his eyes, full of hurt and sorrow. “M’sorry I lost it.”
I don’t say anything. I’m assuming he’s apologizing for beating that Stratford guy’s face in earlier at the game, but who knows what else he’s done tonight. Or maybe he’s apologizing for the drinking in the locker room.
Then all of sudden he’s trying to bolt upright, and I quickly push him back down so he doesn’t go flying off the bed.
“Don’t move,” I warn. “JJ said you could barely walk from Fitzy’s truck to the curb.”
“Jonathan Jarlath is unsupervised with my sister, and that’s a big problem,” he says, his lips quivering as if he’s cold. I debate on trying to wrestle the duvet out from underneath him to cover him up, but that seems like a lot of work.
“He’ll be fine,” I say, trying to calm him back down again. “Believe it or not, he’s not as bad as he seems. Someone once told me he’s all bark and no bite.”
Niall starts to giggle like a little girl at a slumber party. “Mmm, he is... I told ya that.”
“Yeah, silly goose,” I say, unable to contain my own laughter. “You did.”
Our laughs dissolve out, and Niall’s fizzles into a frown and a whine as I roll him onto his size, laying his head on the pillow. “Nooo...”
“Yes, you have to lay on your side or you’ll choke on your own vomit.”
“No, no, I don’t want to sleep,” he whispers pitifully. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I frown, as I find a blanket at the foot of his bed, unfolding it to drape over him. “You won’t, Niall. I’ll be here all night long. Like you said. You can’t get rid of me.”
“I’m going,” he continues, his voice all stuffed up like he has a cold. “I’m gonna be all lost and all alone. I don’t like the water.”
The water. His father. Drowning in his own misery.
That must be what his nightmares are about. He’d admitted that one night in his kitchen, when I slept over here with Claire, that he’d had a bad dream. And I’d admitted it too.
And now whatever inebriated state he’s in has him stuck inside a nightmare that feels too much like real life.
“You don’t have to worry,” I say, getting into the bed, laying over top of the covers, facing him. “I won’t let you get lost. And hey, if you ever are?”
He hums in response, cracking open his eyes to look at me again.
“I’ll find you.”