Chapter 2
Probable Sub/Definitely Confused
Why hadn’t anyone told me some men could be so easy to get along with?
“Yes.” A hint of a smile peeked out but it was the way his eyes almost sparkled that I decided I liked best. “I find you cute but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Because of my lack of male-on-male contact in the past.
“I don’t think that will make me uncomfortable.” It was slightly confusing but nothing in me felt negative about the idea. “I think I like it.”
At the very least it was neutral and that was nice.
This wasn’t nearly as stressful as dealing with the lawyers or with Conner.
“How do you feel about the idea of my touching your hands or your head?” My temporary Dom scanned his eyes over me like he was cataloging my features. “Also, how do you feel about using the stoplight colors as safewords?”
“Fine. Those are easy to remember.” Most people had used them in children’s games growing up, so they couldn’t be hard to forget. “I think I’m neutral about being touched in those places.”
I shook hands with people on a regular basis, so it couldn’t be that different.
But that wasn’t his favorite way to touch a sub.
“Would I be sitting on your lap for that part of our...I guess research is the best term?” I wasn’t sure I liked it being an experiment, but unfortunately, the wording fit.
“You shift quite a lot as you talk and I’m already attracted to you.
So you need to decide if my getting an erection while you’re sitting on my lap would make you uncomfortable in a negative way.
” His logical tone and not making me guess at what he was thinking made him the most likeable person I’d talked to in a very long time.
“I have no idea how I’ll feel about that. I’ve never been in a situation remotely like that before.” People just didn’t randomly ask me to sit on their laps. “I will use my safewords and appropriately communicate how I feel, though.”
He nodded slowly, still studying me. “So you’re still interested in exploring with me what might make you happy? I’m going to touch base with you a lot, so don’t think I’m questioning your decision. I want you to be constantly coming back to how you’re feeling in different situations.”
Logical...frustrating but logical.
“I will do my best not to get frustrated at the question, but yes, I’m still interested in exploring this with you.” Would he get upset if I walked through my thought process or would he appreciate it? “Thank you.”
There was no point in testing the waters on that one.
“Why?”
For Pete’s sake.
“You are not allowed to get angry with me when I answer a question you asked. I was polite and left my explanation at a point that wasn’t offensive.” I’d done my best to make sure of that because I’d needed to work very hard to figure out where to stop in conversations.
Good grief.
He smiled.
“I agree to that stipulation but later we’ll come back to sassy answers getting appropriate consequences.” He was still looking pleased or like the situation was funny in some way, but there was also an undercurrent of sternness I thought I might like.
Maybe because it made him feel very grounded?
He wasn’t going to be the type to fly off the handle and scream at me for nonsense like not being able to read his mind.
“That seems reasonable based on what I’ve seen online.
” Not that doing my own research had been that helpful.
“Going back to the question. You can’t get mad at me for answering, but I like how calm you are and how good you are at walking through this logically.
It’s...nice might not be the right word but it makes me feel calm.
I also think I like your size and the idea of being on your lap isn’t negative. ”
It was about time I got a use out of being short.
There was nothing I could do about it, so there was no point in dwelling on it, but if he liked it, I was going to use that to my advantage.
“Thank you for explaining your thoughts.” Shifting his legs wider, he rested his arms on the side of the chair and his smile transformed to look slightly challenging. “Let’s take our first step. Come sit on my lap.”
Already?
Well...okay.
“We need to see if you touching me or my touching you will end up being some kind of trigger or turnoff for me.” He nodded when I stood up, but I had to admit to dragging my feet a bit. “Neutral is fine, though. That’s a reasonable starting point.”
Too many people didn’t seem to understand that.
“Absolutely.” Sounding as sincere as he looked, he was patient while I took another step, grateful that he’d been tucked away in a private corner to begin with.
I’d been slightly frustrated at how long it’d taken Conner to find him, but now I didn’t mind it.
“Neutral will give us a good starting point and feedback about how to continue.”
Yes.
How were other people too stupid to understand that?
“Neutral is very...steady.” I liked steady. “I’m not always good with new situations. They make me...easily frustrated. So I should probably apologize in advance for that.”
He shouldn’t have smiled at me. That was sending the wrong message but lecturing him on that seemed like a bad plan at the moment. Nothing he’d done made me think he’d get upset physically, but I needed him to like me if this was going to work out.
“It takes a lot to upset me, so I’m not worried about that.” He slowly glanced down at his lap as I stopped beside him but he didn’t reach for me. “I’d be more concerned if you didn’t react to something this new.”
He really was very smart...and very good with difficult people.
Maybe Conner had been more helpful than I’d realized?
“This is very new.” I just didn’t do this kind of thing with people...any people. “I think...I think I need a bit of encouragement to finish obeying you. I’ve never done this and it feels very presumptive, maybe.”
There might’ve been a different word for it but I wasn’t sure I could’ve come up with it. He was highly distracting even though he was doing his best to be still and nonthreatening.
“May I touch your torso, specifically your hips, to guide you onto my lap?” When I nodded, he shifted forward in the chair but didn’t touch me yet. “Are there any...let’s call them nonintimate areas on your body I shouldn’t touch?”
Nonintimate ones?
“Oh. Like how some people don’t like to be tickled or don’t like having their feet touched?” When he nodded, I shook my head. “No. I don’t think I have any triggers or issues with those kinds of body parts.”
The internet had been very clear that I would need to disclose anything related to psychological trauma, but aside from being a pain in the ass, I didn’t think I had anything like that.
“Thank you for answering clearly.” With that out of the way, he wrapped his hands around my waist and brought me to his lap like it was an easy decision. “I’m going to reiterate that I like this position but you don’t have to. If something makes you uncomfortable...”
I knew the answer to that one. “I safeword.”
I didn’t need to, though.
“This is slightly awkward but not traumatizing.” The hardest part was remembering not to wiggle.
Understanding the consequences of wiggling made it feel like I should try not to deliberately arouse him.
It’d be rude. “You have a very comfortable lap. I hadn’t thought of this part of being on the other end of the height spectrum. ”
“It’s got some advantages.” His smile peeked out again, but that time it made me wonder if he was thinking something more erotic than he let on. “I’m going to wrap my arms around you now and shift you closer to my torso. Is that okay?”
“Yes.” Hmm. “Can I ask questions?”
I wasn’t sure what he was thinking but his nod was confident. “Yes. I want you to ask anything that comes to mind. If we get to something where it isn’t the time to ask questions, I’ll make that very clear.”
He said the most interesting things.
“What would we be doing where it wasn’t the time to ask questions?” Most people didn’t like questions but I’d never had it explained that way. “Oh.”
He picked me up.
He only moved me a few inches at most, but my butt was now squarely over his genitals. That required us to touch base as he’d called it, so I made sure to question him. “Are you okay with this? What color are you?”
“Green.” The hand that was around my back started stroking it almost absentmindedly, but I didn’t think I had an issue with it. “I like the pressure of your body on mine and your ass is very full so it feels good against me.”
Interesting.
“Thank you for explaining that so I don’t have to worry.” If he wasn’t going to complain, I could focus on other things. “Can we try adjusting your grip so you’re holding me tighter?”
The arm over my lap shifted so he wrapped it more fully around me. That was nice but when he increased the pressure, it shifted me so I was leaning against him. It actually felt much more natural even if it was still odd. “This is more enjoyable than I expected.”
“I’m glad.” The hand on my back continued making long strokes but my Dom’s focus seemed completely on my expression and my movements. “That means I can continue to enjoy it as well.”
“Yes, there’s nothing to worry about.” For either of us evidently. “I can see why people do this.”
“Sit on laps?” My Dom reached up to pet my head, barely caressing the hair around my ear before going to my back again.
“Cuddle.” But laps too. “People usually find me...prickly.”
“I don’t.” He shrugged, running his hand over my head again. “You’re exploring something new, so it might take a while to figure out what parts make you relaxed and what parts give you other reactions.”
“Arousal?” I hadn’t really figured out the best ways to find that emotion with other people, but I was surprised when he shrugged again.