Chapter 20
Ferris
Master looked like he wanted to frown but I got a kiss instead. “I’m going to start by pointing out your situation is not the same. Period.”
“Okay.” What situation wasn’t the same? “I’ll remember that.”
I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but after a moment, he nodded.
“I have a cousin who’s on the more severe end of the autism spectrum.
” Master paused, wincing. “And forgive me if I use the wrong words, it’s been a long time since I had any discussions about his autism and I don’t know what the best descriptions are right now.
He’s just Charlie. My aunt explained his diagnosis when I was a kid but that was the only time we talked about it in detail. ”
Oh.
I hadn’t expected that answer at all but I nodded because that seemed to be a good response to keep him going.
After being screamed at by Harvey, Master’s inadvertent use of a word wasn’t going to bother me.
My Master was very nice.
“Well, he needs a lot of help to handle daily life stuff. I learned as a kid the best way to approach him and what he needed to be relaxed and happy.” Master watched me for a few seconds but I wasn’t sure what expression to give him.
Luckily, he didn’t make me figure it out and just kept going.
“It was actually helpful in my journey to become a Dom because I learned early in life how to pay attention to reactions. There are a lot of reasons people might need help or that they might need different things out of a relationship. Charlie needs me to be calm and to explain things very simply and to never let it get to be too loud.”
Was I a Charlie?
“Am...am I like Charlie?” I wasn’t sure how I was feeling or what his answer should be but he shook his head.
“No. You need me to explain how I’m feeling so you don’t have to randomly guess.
That’s frustrating to you but you can do it.
It just seems to be emotionally exhausting.
” He wasn’t wrong, so I nodded to let him know we were on the same page so far.
“You need me to be logical and not overreact. Those are very different things.”
I could agree with that too.
“Harvey knows those are very different things.” The way Master rolled his eyes said he was picturing saying something less polite. “He just used the most offensive language he could to get a reaction out of you and to try to punish you emotionally.”
Harvey needed to learn better manners.
That wasn’t what we were going to focus on right now, though.
“I’m very smart. I just had a teacher once tell me I had a low emotional IQ. He said he did too and there was nothing wrong with it but that I had to pay more attention to people to compensate for it.” Had he been autistic? “He was very factual and explained things very clearly.”
Hmm...maybe he’d been trying to tell me this as well?
Master shrugged. “A lot of people are factual. A lot of people don’t like dumb drama queens who scream at work to overcompensate for their own flaws.”
I could agree with that too.
Master’s smile said he knew it, but we were both very polite.
“With the difficulty you have reading people, I can see why that foster mother you mentioned wanted to have you talk to someone. But you’ve made a wonderful life for yourself.
You’re successful and you’ve got a great boyfriend.
” He looked very pleased with himself when he made my face heat up.
“Who’s also an amazing Dom, so you’ve got great taste. ”
My Master was very good at distracting me too.
I probably owed Charlie a thanks at some point.
“But you think I’m autistic.” I distracted myself that time, trying to wave my arms around again. “This is so...”
Master chuckled as I glared down at the strange restraint. “I am not the right person to make any kind of diagnosis. But as someone who’s gotten to know you quite well, yes. I think it makes sense.”
As I tried to think about his answer, he dipped his head to meet my gaze. “Ask me if it matters to me.”
Oh.
“I don’t need to.” I could if he needed me too, though. “Do you need to give me that lecture anyway?”
Doms sometimes needed that to feel fulfilled...I’d seen it online because subs complained about those kinds of conversations on a regular basis. I thought it was because a lot of the subs were unreasonably stubborn, but pointing that out would be bad manners.
Arguing with people on the internet was never helpful.
Master’s head cocked and he paused. “I don’t know. I don’t like the idea of you walking away from this conversation confused about my thoughts.”
Oh.
What were his thoughts?
“Okay, does it matter to you?”
I waited through a smile and a quick kiss but he didn’t drag out the answer.
“No, it doesn’t matter to me as it relates to our relationship or your submission or how happy you make me.
I like being able to be factual and direct with you without worrying that I’m going to hurt your feelings.
” Master’s face tightened. “I’ve tried to date several guys over the years where I had to be very careful and it was exhausting. ”
Oh.
That made sense.
My Master liked being direct which was probably why he’d brought up it mattering to me to begin with.
He wouldn’t like that hanging over his head, and even looked more relaxed as he continued talking his way through his thoughts.
“But where it would matter is if you thought it was impacting your daily life. Only you can know that.”
Giving me another kiss seemed to make him feel better, so I curled back into him. Master needed a lot of touch to be happy and I didn’t have an issue with that at the moment.
Oh.
As I snuggled against him, I tried to gather my thoughts. “Does any of my...let’s call them traits impact you? For example, sometimes I just don’t want to be touched. That feels like it impacts you but I don’t know if that’s something a doctor could fix.”
Was there medication for that?
“No.” His firm answer had some of my very reasonable worries easing back.
“In any relationship there are adjustments and compromises. I dated one guy in college who didn’t like anyone watching him eat.
I really should’ve asked more questions about that.
But I didn’t. I just shifted to activity dates and made sure he could be by himself at meal times. ”
Master needed to be just a bit less polite...that was something I never thought I’d have to tell anyone.
“I think we need to work on you understanding it’s okay to ask questions when you’re in a relationship.” He was going to get himself hurt or something. “You’re going to end up dating a serial killer if you’re not careful.”
I was starting to see why subs online mentioned that issue so much.
His chest jerked but he managed not to laugh out loud. “I’ll think about that.”
So would I because he couldn’t take care of himself...he was too busy taking care of everyone else.
“Well, I’m not looking to date anyone else, so you’ll just have to keep dating me to protect me from myself.” His tone was obviously teasing but I wasn’t sure what else he wasn’t saying.
“What else am I supposed to read into that?” I really didn’t have enough dating experience to guess correctly. All of my previous relationships had ended well before we’d gotten to this point, so I was operating in the dark from here on out.
“That I’m trying to tell you how seriously I feel about you without trying to put pressure on you.
” Master kissed my head as his hand started running lower down my back in longer strokes.
“You could’ve shrugged and just told me that you’re up to the challenge or something like that if you wanted to casually respond back that you’re serious too. ”
Oh.
“I’m serious too.” I was glad he was. “Thank you for explaining that.”
I wasn’t sure I needed the information going forward if he was just going to keep me, but it couldn’t hurt to understand what people were saying.
“You’re welcome.” Master made his teasing, sexy sound as his hand finally went over my ass cheeks. “Having this out is just so tempting.”
I squeaked as he tapped it, making him chuckle. “Tempting how?”
Like a spanking kind of tempting?
Would that make me orgasm too?
Oh.
I sat up so fast it was his turn to squeak. “I came. You played with my prostate and gave me an orgasm.”
The way he pressed his lips together as he nodded made it clear he was trying not to smile, but I didn’t mind that he found me cute. It took him a few seconds to swallow his giggles down, though. “You did and I think you enjoyed that.”
I was not going to complain about my body liking him more than it did me.
“I can’t do that to myself.”
Okay, I was going to try not to complain about my body liking him more than it did me.
“First we need to figure out our goals.” Master looked like he’d already thought about the plan for the situation. Planners were wonderful people. “Do you want to be able to orgasm like that on your own or do you just think you need to be able to do it?”
He asked very interesting questions.
“Is both a reasonable answer?” I honestly wasn’t sure. “I can think about it for a while and get back to you if it’s not.”
Hopefully.
Orgasms were strange and it might take me a while to formulate an answer.
“Let’s take both for the time being because I think that’s actually a logical response in this situation.” Master generally thought I was logical but he was too polite sometimes.
I’d let him this time.
“We’ve figured out one method you enjoy getting stimulation, so we’re going to take that idea and expand from it.” Master smiled as he looked down at me. “First we need to get you dinner, though. How would you feel if we took off the wrap around your chest?”
“Fine as long as you keep telling me the plan.” We weren’t going to get distracted. “I’m physically fine at the moment but I’m mentally too curious to stop this conversation. That’s probably some kind of limit you need to know.”
He didn’t bother hiding his laughter that time but my huff had him getting it under control. “I’m sorry. I won’t get distracted.”
We’d see about that.
Holding me tighter, he kissed my head. “When we’re ready to start that experiment, we’re going to find a few different ways for you to stimulate your prostate while I’m with you controlling the scene. I’ve got different options we’re going to try as long as we don’t run into a new limit for you.”
“I know I need to tell you if we find a limit.” But I really didn’t understand why people had so many issues with such a straightforward body part. “I’m green with this plan.”
“Alright then.” He kissed my lips that time but it was still just a peck. “But your body needs time to recover so you can have another orgasm like that. Some men can have dry orgasms very quickly but that’s not what we’re experimenting with this time.”
Dry orgasms.
“I’ve seen subs talking about those online.” They had very conflicting views on them. “I don’t know how I feel about those, so we’ll have to try it too.”
Master’s chuckle made me think he was happy with my answer but something about the look on his face felt very...something. “Alright.”
Hmm.
“Your smile and your laugh let me know you were green and pleased about the idea.” I knew that but it was nice when he nodded. “But what else was there?”
It was really nice being able to ask my questions without feeling like I was annoying.
“The slightly more dominant side of my desires that likes...let’s call it slightly more intense scenes was very excited about playing with orgasms like that.
” That was a good start, but I was glad when he started again after a short pause.
“Subs generally find it more intense because your body is already sensitive after the first orgasm.”
Okay.
Yes.
“I watched a video online where a sub was...he described it as suffering through it for his Master.” I wasn’t sure how he could smile and say torture, but I thought I needed to experience it firsthand to understand.
“He was squirming and several times promised to be a good boy if his Master would stop but he didn’t use his safeword. ”
I’d made sure of that by watching the video three times.
“He also didn’t say anything that might have been a safeword. No fruit or random colors.” Complaining and begging were allowed and generally expected as long as safewords were spelled out beforehand.
Master widened his eyes for a moment but he quickly nodded. “I’m glad you watched it closely so you could make sure they were playing safely.”
Ha.
I knew he wasn’t worried.
“I was very careful because learning from safe people is important.” Research was hard. “People put incorrect information online all the time.”
Deliberately.
People made the strangest decisions.
Even if I was autistic, I was obviously not the problem in life.