Epilogue
Three Months Later
Palmer
“What do you think I am?” The way his leg twitched told me how close he was to stomping his foot. “He’s going to ask. Everyone always asks now.”
Now being after I’d shown up at work last week to pick him up because his car was in the shop.
I hadn’t even gone up to his office, but somehow just meeting him outside the building caused every gossip in the immediate vicinity to have their radar ping.
It was confusing and Ferris hated that I couldn’t find a logical way to explain their insanity or the strange questions they kept asking him.
He didn’t want to hear that it boiled down to him being attractive and them wanting to stick him in a dirty romance novel.
He was one weird comment away from going to HR...again.
“Do you want a way to tell them to mind their own business, do you want an answer for them or do you want an answer for you?” It was a lot of options at one time but his brain was going so fast it seemed like the best way to slow it down.
“Oh. Um.” Going still, he sank back into the passenger seat and frowned. “I...”
Didn’t know the answer.
It kept him busy as we got closer to the therapist’s office, though.
The doctor wasn’t focused on autism but he was supposed to be really good with kink and interesting subs, which felt like a better starting point for Ferris.
He talked about kink a lot easier than he talked about ways he might not be neurotypical, so I was hoping he’d open up a bit with the unconventional approach.
Conner wasn’t so sure about the plan, but we’d managed to have another trip to the club where Ferris was polite and not a pain in the ass. I called it a win but Ferris said I needed to have higher standards for him. Conner agreed, which actually made Ferris like him better.
They were both insane but it’d given them something to bond over.
So...still a win.
“I want to tell them not to ask about my personal life because that’s always been the rule and there is no reason for it to change.” He peeked over at me, obviously worried about my reaction. “I keep work and my personal life separate.”
It was logical but I knew he’d hate hearing that.
Someone online had told him that made him homophobic, so we’d been going back and forth about that for the past week.
“Because it’s not their business what you do in your time off, and they’re strange, so you don’t have to share information with people who make terrible decisions.
” There was no reason to give them any information about who he was dating when just switching up what he ate for lunch had them running around like startled chickens.
Ferris nodded but he kept stealing glances at me as my GPS announced the next turn. “That’s what we decided.”
He’d loudly disapproved of that, but I’d won, so he’d settled into just huffing anytime he managed to bring it up in a conversation.
“That’s correct.” Knowing we had about five more minutes, I decided a change of tactic was in order. “But my favorite is the way you told the lawyer I was your happiness. That’s the title I want.”
And he was off.
Filling up the rest of the drive with a lecture about how I needed to protect my interests better and not be so willing to move into his grandfather’s house.
Another strange person in my sweet boy’s life who made confusing decisions, but even dead, he could be forgiven because the guy hadn’t known Ferris existed until about a year before he’d died.
DNA testing sites were helpful in some cases and cautionary tales in others, but for Ferris, it’d given him some answers about how he’d ended up in the system.
Several generations of people who didn’t connect well with others and who made truly terrible decisions.
Ferris was more upset that he was glad he was the smartest one out of nearly every relative he’d found than upset he’d been ignored to begin with.
In his head, feeling proud about that made him a terrible person.
I figured that was something we could get to eventually in therapy, but it wasn’t our starting point.
Labels and my inability to put myself first were.
I let the lecture go until we pulled into the parking lot, but as I turned off the car, I leaned over and gave him a quick peck as he started in on explaining the value of my house. “Let’s go. You’re not going to win right now. I’m moving in with you in three months.”
He’d get used to it eventually.
I managed to get out of the car before he could disagree with me, because he was ready to brat out about any number of things, and that just made his drama even worse. He stomped all the way to the door, but waited patiently for me to open it because that was the rule. “Thank you, Master.”
He liked rules more than he liked pouting.
He liked pouting more than he liked having reasonable conversations.
He liked reasonable conversations more than dealing with his coworkers.
But since none of those were easy for him, we were at therapy and that just gave him new reasons to be dramatic.
I’d warned the doctor when I’d filled out all the new patient paperwork, though, so the young man sitting at the reception desk didn’t blink when Ferris just stood there with his arms over his chest. The guy just nodded slowly and then focused on me. “Good afternoon.”
Smart guy.
Ferris settled down as I got him checked in and confirmed all the paperwork was done, but I thought that was mostly because the guy ignored him like a champ. Not a single question or comment. Not even a questioning look like the guy was wondering why Ferris was being so dramatic.
He seemed good at his job and that was also because he kept startling Ferris into having to behave. “I just need you to confirm your safewords, please.”
Yep, it was hard to stomp and pout when he kept having to think too hard about answers and manners.
But we made it through and into the doctor’s office before my drama queen could find his footing and remember he could leave if he wanted to. I’d even made sure he had his key to my car before we’d left just in case.
Making introductions also helped because Ferris liked manners, but once we got to the point where we were supposed to sit down, he stopped. Dr. Sheppard took it in stride, but also didn’t ignore it. “Can you tell your Master where you want to sit?”
“No.” Barely pausing, he swallowed. “Sir?”
Somehow Dr. Sheppard managed not to smile. “You can call me anything you would like. Sir isn’t wrong but I’ll explain my personal situation when it comes to BDSM if that would make it easier for you to relax.”
Nothing was going to make it easier.
“What color are you?” My simple question had him sucking in a breath and the pout coming out.
I just waited and raised one eyebrow.
Finally sighing, he slumped. “Blue.”
“Thank you.” Picking him up, I sat us down in one of the chairs with Ferris in my lap.
When he was in place, I smiled at Dr. Sheppard who’d decided to sit in one of the trim leather chairs across from us. “Blue is green but stuck.”
I figured reminding them both of that couldn’t hurt.
“I think that’s a wonderful option.” Ignoring Ferris for the moment, he nodded slowly. “I can see how that would be helpful in a lot of situations.”
“Just because he wants something doesn’t mean he knows how to start the process.” I stopped short of explaining how we usually used it, but Ferris had made it clear he was okay with me sharing about our sex life and his submission.
It was basically another blue situation, so I was going to handle it when he got stuck.
“Where do you think we should start?” Dr. Sheppard glanced between us, but I waited to see what Ferris would say first.
I knew it was going to be interesting when he sat straighter and frowned. “Master doesn’t understand he needs to protect himself better.”
The way he threw up his hands and ranted made me want to smile. He was going to make sure I knew I was important no matter what I said. “He keeps saying he wants to move in with me because I’m more attached to my house, but it needs renovations and his is worth more at the moment.”
Yep.
He was going to make sure I knew I was important or die trying.
“He doesn’t appreciate himself enough. I haven’t talked about my personal life at work and he doesn’t understand that should upset him.” Did he think tattling on me to the therapist would get me to change my mind? “He’s entirely too nice to me.”
We were never going to actually talk about his problems if it were up to him.
He’d agreed to come, though, so I waited to see what the doctor would do. This was kind of his circus, so I needed to remember to take a step back and not hover like some kind of helicopter parent.
Dr. Sheppard was good at managing drama queens and his facial expressions and barely blinked at Ferris. “What should he want you to say?”
Oh, that had my drama queen going very still.
I was pretty sure he’d been hoping Dr. Sheppard would focus on the house, but the guy was too smart for that distraction.
“I’m...I’m supposed to tell people I’m gay since I’m in a male-male relationship.
The book trope would probably be ‘gay for you’ or ‘gay for him’ but that still implies I’m gay. ”
His research had clearly taken a turn from porn to romance novels...which meant I needed to come up with a new list of questions for him.
“We can figure that out, but all you’ve told me so far is that you have a male partner and he’s important to you.
” Dr. Sheppard’s response had Ferris relaxing back into me.
Our interesting doctor seemed to understand we’d made progress but he continued to poke at it.
“There are other options that might feel better for you, or you might not want any label at all.”
Oh, that sigh.
“I need one. People are nosy.” I managed not to react as Ferris turned and frowned at me. “And some people are too nice.”
I didn’t need him to have a label but he could not comprehend that perspective.
I was hoping Dr. Sheppard could help with that explanation eventually.
“If having a label would make your life easier, we can find one for you that fits better than just saying gay.” Dr. Sheppard didn’t react as he spoke but I could see the tiniest flick in his eyes that said he noticed how Ferris had started stroking my chest. “How about we make a list and let you do some research before the next time we chat?”
Whatever Ferris had been expecting, that hadn’t been it. “I’ve...I’ve done some research but I don’t think pansexual or demisexual fits me.”
Dr. Sheppard smiled. “Those were great places to start your research.”
Oh, my cute praise junkie couldn’t help but love that response. “I... Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I didn’t know if Dr. Sheppard knew he’d pleased Ferris but he didn’t show one way or another. “Have you run into the term autisexual in your research?”
I had.
Ferris went still before shaking his head. “No.”
It was going to be a long day of drama and research, but eventually my boy would actually talk about it because taking care of me was the most important thing in his life...and since his happiness was mine, I’d push until he realized that meant taking care of him.
It was a circle we went in on a weekly basis, but I loved every stubborn second of it because there would always be a point where he realized how special I knew he was. It’d spark in his eyes and he’d feel it...happiness and love.
I’d never complain about a circle that always went right back to where we started...the definition of happiness.
~~~
The LGBTQIA+ wiki explains that autisexual is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum defined as when one's autism greatly affects one's sexuality, or how one experiences sexual attraction.
No two people are ever the same, but for Ferris, his autism and his sexuality are strongly tied together. Being understood and accepted means more to him than body parts and orgasms, and his wonderful Master loves that about him.
Some people need labels to be happy...Ferris just needs Palmer.
~~~