Chapter 21
CHAPTER 21
ARE YOU ASKING ME ON A DATE, GRIFFIN BARLOW?
Griffin
What the hell was I thinking?
For the past two hours, I’ve been wrestling with the idea of leaving Blair to finish the deck on her own.
Like a fucking coward.
Because I’ve allowed myself to get too close to the woman and skip out on work this afternoon—which I never do—to do this with her. I’ve allowed myself to feel something I didn’t want to feel with her. That I wish I never felt.
My pulse has been in overdrive since coming back from the General Store. It didn’t help that I decided to show her by pressing my body against hers, keeping her hand in mine as I showed her stroke for stroke how to properly stain the deck before she tripped on a rock and fell right into my arms.
The urge to kiss her was overwhelming.
Right then and there, I wanted to lean in and claim her lips.
And because I’m so fucked up in the head, I only thought about how kissing her would open me up to the potential heartbreak when she decides that Bluestone Lakes isn’t where she wants to spend her life. Nan claims she’s here for good, but none of us know that for sure .
I haven’t run off to my house because I don’t want to.
Ask me to understand the turmoil in my brain and I won’t have an answer, because she is my turmoil now.
Every laugh.
Every light touch.
Every word she speaks.
I can’t stay away from her, even if my brain tells me I should.
Just as I finish up the last board of the horizontal base, I look up and see Blair standing in the grass. She has her hands on her hips with stain splattered on her oversized T-shirt. Her eyes scan the entire deck as if she’s assessing the work we’ve put in today.
It’s not the way she’s standing that sends chills up my spine.
It’s the smile on her face.
It’s vibrant and full of life, even after everything she’s been through. I don’t know enough to know when her life changed or when her husband cheated on her. She wears a contagious smile that has me ready to mimic it for the first time in years.
She turns to look at me as if she can sense me staring.
“We did good,” she says, the smile growing wider.
I swallow past the lump in my throat and give her a nod. “ You did good,” I tell her. “You did most of the work here. I just simply showed up as an assistant.”
A laugh bubbles out of her as she looks to the ground, shaking her head before walking in my direction. Those same chills race through every part of me. I’m not so sure I can hold off and not touch her if she gets too close to me again.
“Can I offer my assistant something to drink, then?”
Looking from her to the house and back to her. “It’s going to be hard to get inside as it needs a little longer to dry since we started closer to the house. It shouldn’t be long, though.”
“Right.” She giggles. “Guess I forgot about that little tidbit.”
I feel my lips twist into a lopsided grin as I follow her. Thankful she can’t see me right now to know the effect she has on me. I’d like to keep up my reputation as the grump in town. Simply to keep anyone from talking to me longer than I want them to.
“Rain check,” she says as she takes a seat in one of the porch chairs sitting on the grass.
Without thinking, I take the vacant seat next to her.
I should really just go home.
My work here is done.
“Have you ever been told you can’t do something, and it only makes you want to do that something even more?” she asks.
“Huh?”
She stares at her home as if the answer to all life’s questions is inside.
“Peach iced tea,” she says.
“I’m still not understanding.”
She laughs before turning to face me again. “The deck is wet, and all I can think about now is how the peach iced tea I mixed up earlier this morning is sitting in my fridge waiting to be consumed. It’s truly the superior flavor of iced teas. Something about the peach flavor, and the coldness, and…okay, I’m talking way too much and making no sense. Maybe the fumes from the stain are getting to me.”
I shake my head, a grin forming on my lips without even thinking.
Leaning forward in her chair with her lips parted. Gone is the contagious smile I’ve seen since she was standing outside admiring the work we’ve put in.
“What? Do I have something on my face?”
“Yeah…” She pauses as if she’s trying to collect her thoughts. “A…you have a smile.”
Yeah, because of you, Blair. Because of you .
“It was the peach iced tea ramble.” I shrug.
“I think I might have to ramble about it more often, then.” She laughs.
And there it is again .
If she keeps doing that, laughing the most perfect laugh I’ve ever heard, I might just have to wrap her in my arms and take her home and?—
“Have dinner with me tonight?” I ask, the words flying out of my mouth without even a second thought.
What am I doing?
She stares at me, unblinking.
“My place,” I add.
The words are flying out of my mouth on their own accord at this point.
She leans back in the seat, her eyes stay fixed on mine, but an eyebrow raises in question.
“Are you asking me on a date, Griffin Barlow?”
I narrow my eyes and instantly regret it the moment her eyes widen, and her hand comes up to cover her face.
“I—Uh—I’m sorry. That just came out of me.” She trembles over her words. “I didn’t mean it like that. Uh— Shit .” She says the last words under her breath, turning away from me so I don’t see the embarrassment.
It’s not that I react the way I do because of what she asked me, more so because I can’t remember the last time I’ve even been on a date. I swore off women and anything that would remotely open me up to that type of life a long time ago.
“I figured since you don’t have any food in your house…” I say.
She turns back around to look at me, but this time there’s more hope in her eyes.
“Also, I’m a mean cook,” I add.
Thank fuck, the smile is back. I feel like I’m getting to the point of needing to see that smile on her face at all times. I can’t not see it. It’s becoming the sole thing that’s bringing me joy lately.
“I’d expect nothing less, Angry Cowboy.”
Blair is in my house.
Not only is she in my personal space, but her scent is taking over every square inch of my spacious kitchen. Overpowering the smell of chicken parmesan in the oven.
It’s not a meal I love to make. I’d prefer steak and potatoes over this. But I wasn’t sure what she would want, and I felt too nervous to even ask. I’m not sure how I went from being annoyed by her presence in this town to being nervous about having her in my home.
The oven timer dings and I wish like hell I could get the smell of some kind of flower I can’t pinpoint, mixed with honey, out of my nose. It’s a wild combo, but it fits her.
It’s a consuming scent that I’m getting lost in.
“Your house is really nice,” she says, breaking the silence stretching between us.
I pull the baking dish from the oven and place it on the hot plate in the center of the island separating us. “Thank you. I built it myself.”
Her eyes widen. “You’re joking.”
A smirk plays on my lips, unable to control the urge to smile any longer. “I wish I was. I have the chronic back pain to prove it.”
“That’s…impressive.” She nods repeatedly.
“Thank you,” I say, before passing her a plate. “Did you want to eat here? On the table? Outside?” I rattle off the options in nervous succession because I want to make her comfortable.
I want her to enjoy the company and the time here.
I just don’t know how to act around her.
“Outside?” She raises a brow with her suggestion.
I nod, grabbing the plates, and try to juggle everything to bring it outside .
Her hand reaches for my forearm, and I freeze, snapping my head in her direction. Our eyes lock and I feel like time stands still.
“Let me help,” she says in a calming tone.
I hope she isn’t picking up on my nerves here. I’m probably ruining this entire thing.
She grabs the plates from my hand before picking up napkins and utensils, and I grab the dish of chicken parmesan with pasta.
Once she steps on the porch, I remember I don’t actually have a table back here on the covered porch. It’s just me, and I never have guests here unless they are uninvited ones like Nan or my sisters.
“Do the rocking chairs work?” I choke out, my voice thick with nerves.
“Oh my god, yes.” She beams with a giggle. She places the plates down on the oversized side table I have sitting between the two chairs. “Something about rocking chairs…they are so therapeutic.”
She takes a seat as I place the trivet down and the dish from the oven on top. Her head falls back as she rocks back and forth on the chair.
Her comfort eases my nerves.
She has her eyes closed and rocks back and forth slowly as if she’s taking in the moment the same way I am staring at her.
She’s truly so captivating.
She might have gotten on my nerves when she first arrived, but this right here is a nice reminder why I shouldn’t judge people before I get to know them. While my nervous system is still in overdrive because the last thing I want is to fall for her when I don’t know what her plans for the future are, I can’t help but want to enjoy this time with her.
Would it be so bad if I let someone in?
Let someone see the parts of me I keep hidden from the world?
She breaks herself out of her trance when a loud rumble comes from her stomach. She clutches it with wide eyes and her head snaps in my direction.
“Guess I’m hungrier than I thought.” She laughs.
I’m a goner if she keeps laughing like that .
“Dig in,” I tell her, gesturing to dinner as I take a seat in the other rocking chair.
She makes herself a plate before I do and we both sit in silence, with nothing but the sound of utensils hitting the plate, eating dinner, and enjoying each other’s company.
I want to ask her about her life in the city and learn everything about her.
What city did she even come from?
Is she divorced or still married?
“So, you own a bar in town, you ride horses into the sunset, you built this house with your bare hands, and you can cook a mean chicken parmesan.” Blair chuckles. “Any more surprises for me?”
Tilting my head in her direction, I smile. A full-on smile at her, and the way her face morphs tells me even she’s shocked, but she masks her features quickly.
“Ride horses into the sunset, huh?”
“That’s all you heard from all of that?” she asks.
I shrug. “I didn’t realize you’ve been watching me enough to know I’ve been riding off into the sunset on my horse.”
She scoffs. “I don’t watch you.”
I raise an eyebrow in her direction, shifting in my chair to lean in her direction. The smallest move just created the biggest energy shift. There’s still a table between us, but I’ve seemed to lean into her space just enough that I can smell her all over again.
Flowers and fucking honey.
Honeysuckle. That’s what she smells like .
“Need I remind you; I rescued you when you fell over your deck watching me?”
Her lips part for just a moment, and she locks eyes with mine. She zips her lips shut quickly, looking from my lips back to my eyes. A shiver racks my body at the idea of her lips on mine. Feeling those soft, pink lips, and tasting the air she breathes.
I’m losing all control.
“And I’ve seen you at the ranch,” I add.
“I—Uh,” she stutters, fidgeting with her hands. “I didn’t go there for you. Promise. Lily recommended that spot to me to just get away and feel some quiet peace for a little bit.”
I nod, keeping my focus on her face. I can’t look away even if I tried.
“I get that,” I tell her honestly. “That’s why I ride.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I sigh, adjusting myself in my seat so I’m leaning back, resting my head against the chair to lightly rock back and forth. “Seems like we’ve both been through some shit.”
She remains silent and I can’t tell if it’s because she doesn’t want to pry into my personal life, or she’s waiting for me to continue. I close my eyes, inhaling the crisp air of the night before releasing it.
“I was in love once,” I say.
I hear a gasp come from her direction, but I don’t turn to look at her.
I want her to know this part of me.
I want her to know why I’ve become the angry cowboy she likes to call me.
“It was the first and last time I’ve ever loved a woman,” I continue. “We had a future planned out. I built this house for her. We were going to spend our life together.” I pause, swallowing past the anger and emotion stuck in my throat. “And now she’s gone. She apparently had this dream that she never told me about—of living in the city and becoming a writer for some fashion magazine. In my head, I thought she could do it from anywhere. It’s writing, for crying out loud, but she was determined to move.” I shake my head at the thought because it still pisses me off. “She asked me to go with her, but I was just opening the bar. I wasn’t ready to give up my small town life here for the high rises and traffic jams. Well, she left the next day as if our relationship meant nothing to her. As if…I meant nothing to her.”
“I’m so sorry you went through that,” she says on an exhale. “You didn’t need to tell me all of that.”
“Don’t be sorry, and yes, I did,” I say, turning my head to look in her direction. “I guess I needed you to know why I’m the way I am. Why I can’t stand the city, and why I hated you when you first got here.”
Her hand flies to her chest and she gasps. “You hated me?” she asks before her shocked face turns into a smile.
I offer her a lopsided grin, because that was cute.
“In all seriousness, I appreciate you telling me all of this,” she continues. “Seems like we both have terrible people in our past.”
The way she just put her husband—or ex-husband or whoever he is to her—in her past causes my heart to race in my chest.
Is she really here for good?
Is that what that all means?
I can’t even find the words to reply to her, but Reginald barking in the distance snaps Blair out of this bubble we’ve created.
“I should probably head back and let him out.” She stands from the chair, picking up her plate.
I stand quickly to take it from her. “I got this.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod before gesturing over my shoulder toward her house. “Go let Reginald out.”
Her face lights up with a warm smile before she takes a few steps toward me, stopping only inches from me, which forces her head to tilt up to keep eye contact with me.
“Thank you for dinner,” she says.
I swallow, letting my gaze travel from her eyes to her plush lips .
Would it be so bad if I kissed her right now?
She shocks me when she wraps her arms around my waist while the side of her face presses into my chest. I suck in a breath and still my body just before I wrap my arms around her neck. Holding her into me as if I don’t want to let her go. She doesn’t move to leave either. I swear we stand there, holding each other for hours when in reality, it’s only been a minute.
I rest my chin on the top of her head.
“You’re really not such an Angry Cowboy, are you?” she asks against my shirt.
“Not anymore.”
And it’s got everything to do with her.