Chapter 24
There were only two weeks left until the day of the market.
Emelie tried to concentrate on going over everything and making sure she hadn’t forgotten or overlooked any detail.
But she had had a hard time focusing ever since Linn told her the secret, or whatever it was, and she still had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that Linn was going to become a mum.
And that she was going to be a grandma! That was even harder to grasp.
Her thoughts were spinning, and she was constantly worried that one of them would slip away and that she would accidentally reveal something.
She felt as if she was lying to Liv and Linnea when her and Linn pretended to carry on just as usual.
The day before, when she was helping Liv with her English homework she had lost focus so many times that eventually, Liv had asked her what was wrong.
She had scrambled, saying that she was just fine.
And then there was Andreas…She had done everything in her power to try and avoid him and planned her walks so she wouldn’t run into him.
She realised that she had to talk to him and apologise for her behaviour, and perhaps that might even be the simplest part.
What Linn had mentioned about him being in love with her was much more complicated.
How was she supposed to handle that? Now that she didn’t have to worry about him and Linn anymore she had admitted to herself that she felt strongly about him. Now there were two remaining obstacles:
He probably thought she was insane after her meltdown the other day
He was so young!
She knew that cared a lot for him, but she also knew for a fact that she didn’t want any more children.
Giving birth to Linnea had been difficult and taken a very long time, and she had also suffered some sort of post-partum psychosis afterwards.
She didn’t want to risk the life she had built up for herself by going through it all again.
But Andreas would make a fabulous dad and she didn’t want to stand between him and becoming a father.
She sighed and took a sip of the coffee that had turned cold, frowning when she swallowed the bitter drink.
She didn’t have any appetite; it was as if all her emotions were filling up her belly and didn’t leave any room for food or hunger.
Tonight was the night of the mulled wine tasting and the last run-through with the Christmas market committee and she reminded herself for the hundredth time that she was the project leader and that she had to pull herself together.
She got up to fill up her cup with warm coffee.
The whole room started spinning, it got dark for a moment, and she had to grab hold of the edge of the table to stop herself falling over.
She tried to swallow the nausea and focused on the kitchen counter.
It was nothing but low blood pressure, she had to eat something to make it pass, but just the thought of food made her feel sick again. The front door opened.
“I’m home!”
It was Linn, Emelie took her coffee cup and quickly sat down at the table again. Linn and Oskar had been into town since yesterday to meet the delivery man and collect the spices and seaweed from him.
“Bloody hell it’s cold outside, but how are you doing? You are as pale as a sheet.”
She stopped in the middle of the kitchen, giving her mum a concerned look, while putting a bag on the floor and a box with green bags inside on the table.
“No, I’m just fine, I just got up a bit fast when I was refilling my coffee.”
She raised her cup as if to prove that what she said was true and then lowered her voice, even though she didn’t know why. Liv was already at the stables and Linnea was upstairs watching YouTube with headphones on.
“But how are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m great! Check this out, it’s the seaweed. I’m going to start making seaweed crispbread and then we can serve it with soft cheese and figs at tonight’s mulled wine party.”
Linn showed her one of the paper bags containing a greenish-blackish powder. Ground up seaweed. Emelie inhaled the scent of sea and salt and then shrugged a little.
“It smells a bit like truffles, kind of stuffy,” she said, and Linn nodded.
“Yes, but it has lot of umami taste to it, so it will be great for the bread. And then we’ll have gingerbread cookies with blue cheese, spiced almonds, Lucia buns, raisins, of course, and butterscotch. What do you think?”
The mere thought of everything Linn had mentioned made Emelie’s belly turn, but she forced herself to nod. She looked at the time.
“It’s eleven o’clock now and everyone will be here at six, so we’ll have to make sure to have eaten by four and…”
She looked around the room.
“Before that I need to vacuum and prepare my presentation.”
Linn nodded; she was already bringing out the ingredients for the bread.
“Let’s set the table together later, shall we?”
It was a quarter to six and Emelie still had a nervous lump in her throat.
She had forced down some pasta Bolognese just so the girls wouldn’t wonder, and now she looked around the room, feeling pleased with what she saw.
The kitchen table was set with mulled wine cups and in the middle of the table was a cast iron holder with room for a tealight at the bottom.
That’s where the big mulled wine pot that matched the cups would go.
Next to it was a soup spoon with red hearts on the porcelain handle.
Astrid had of course saved loads of Christmas themed napkins and Linn had picked some white ones with red hearts and green garlands to go with the mulled wine set.
There were bowls of almonds as well as raisins, butterscotch and gingerbread fudge on the table.
There were two baskets of bread: one with sugar kelp crispbread and one with gingerbread cookies.
There was also a big plate of Lucia buns covered with a red and white checkered towel and a bowl full of mandarins and winter apples.
Linn came down the stairs, she had changed into a short, black skirt, black pantyhose and an ugly Christmas sweater with a large reindeer head surrounded by multi-coloured blinking lights.
“Mum, you need to change, we agreed that everyone was going to wear Christmas sweaters.”
Emelie smiled carefully. It was as if they had switched places. Linn was the determined mother, and she was the hormonal and confused teenager. She stretched her back and smiled.
“Of course, I’m ready”, she said. “I only have to put on my sweater. Speaking of which, yours is absolutely hideous,” she laughed.
Linn stuck her tongue out at her and Emelie walked up the stairs, shouting:
“Liv, Linnea, are you ready?”
There was a knock on the door and Linn went out to open it.
“Hello, oh, such lovely flowers, they will be perfect.”
Andreas, Emelie thought to herself and the lump in her belly grew bigger, making her fear that she was going to throw up the spaghetti.
There was another knock on the door, and she heard Christer’s deep voice in the hallway.
She was relieved when she figured out how to deal with the situation.
She wouldn’t go downstairs until everyone had arrived, then she wouldn’t have to face Andreas alone.
She continued upstairs and told the young girls to put on the elaborately decorated sweaters that Linn had bought for them in town.
“Mum, it’s so beautiful,” Liv said, stroking the blinking Christmas tree on her sweater.
Linnea’s sweater had a Santa Claus with a large grin and a blinking bag of toys on his back.
“I’m going to have a seizure if you keep the blinking lights on all night,” Emelie said, straightening their outfits. “There! You look great, now run on down and I’ll join you in a moment.”
She took a deep breath and walked slowly down the stairs, but she had to stop for a second just to process what she saw.
Liv and Linnea were laughing with Andreas.
Even though he was wearing a hideous sweater with a pig on it, he was the most handsome she had ever seen him.
Linn and Oskar were standing by the nicely set table and discussing what needed to be refilled.
Sussi and Stina were having a laugh with Christer, Birgitta was beaming next to Stig who was standing in the middle of the room, one thumb under his braces.
Her plan had worked out great and her mood quickly improved as she embraced everyone and welcomed them to her home.
She gave Andreas the same friendly hug as everyone else, but he held her a little bit longer and whispered in her ear:
“I’m not angry, and the secret is safe with me.”
She smiled gratefully at him, her cheeks blushing. An hour later she had gone over all the preparations for the market, and everyone was updated on their tasks. She looked at Linn who nodded at her.
“But I guess it’s time to move into the kitchen and try the mulled wine and everything else that Linn has prepared?”
Stig cleared his throat and grinned towards the group.
“Well, I just have to go and get the paper…ho ho ho!”
“But…What?” Linn exclaimed, surprised. But Stig just snuck out the door and disappeared.
The others looked at each other and the buzzing got louder as they all moved into the kitchen. Birgitta looked nervously at her phone, but then looked relieved, putting it back into her pocket again.
“Is Kurt getting by on his own tonight?” Emelie asked.
“No, I got the home care to come and help, and they were going to call if there were any problems.”
She leaned in closer to Emelie.
“Have you found anything?”
Emelie shook her head, she didn’t have the energy to discuss Birgitta’s building permission right now, it annoyed her and she had other things to think about. It was the only thing Birgitta ever talked about. Stina smiled at Birgitta.
“But how nice for you, you deserve to relax a little.”
Birgitta’s shoulders dropped.