Chapter 25
Emelie slowly opened her eyes and looked around.
Where was she? She didn’t recognise the light-grey, striped wallpaper in the room.
The sheets were green, and she didn’t recognise those either.
She lifted her head but instantly put it back down, closing her eyes.
She had a splitting headache, and it felt as if her eyes were about to pop out of her head as hard as her heart was beating.
If she laid completely still it would probably pass, she thought to herself as she heard a noise behind her.
She froze and that’s when she realised it: she was in Andreas’ cottage and the sound came from him, lying next to her.
A light snore. She quickly reached down to check what she was wearing.
Knickers and a t-shirt. She sighed with relief, then they probably hadn’t gone all the way.
That was a good thing, since she had had way too much to drink last night.
But, as she couldn’t remember, maybe they had had sex anyway?
Slowly, so as not to wake Andreas up and not to make the terrible headache any worse than it already was, she turned towards the noise behind her.
There he was. With his dark, dense lashes.
Every time he took a breath one of his cheeks would flutter.
It looked funny and she got an indescribable urge to reach out and stroke his cheek, but she managed not to.
Instead, she tried to figure out what time it was.
She slowly put her legs over the side of the bed and then sat there for about five minutes, just trying to get the headache to subside a bit.
She was craving a painkiller and a couple of litres of flat Coke, that was the best cure for a hangover.
When Sara and Emelie had partied hard, they would always prepare by putting painkillers and an opened bottle of Coke on the kitchen counter so that they were ready to inhale it as soon as they woke up in the morning.
Sometimes even before they went to bed. She tip-toed into the kitchen and the clock on the wall showed almost nine a.m. Luckily, it was Sunday, and no one had to get up and get ready for school.
She glanced over at her house where everything looked calm.
She had to get home before Liv and Linnea woke up.
At least the walk of shame wouldn’t be very long, she thought to herself, smiling.
The risk of someone seeing her was minimal if Birgitta didn’t think to look outside exactly when she crossed the frost-bitten lawn over to her own house.
She pulled on her jeans and her cardigan and put her feet in her boots.
Quiet as a mouse, she pushed down the door handle and tip-toed out into the dark November morning.
Ten steps later she was back on her own porch and snuck inside the house.
Everything was still, everyone was asleep.
In the medicine cupboard in the bathroom, she found two painkillers that she swallowed with Coke from the fridge.
It wasn’t flat, but it would have to do.
Then she undressed and crawled into her own, cool sheets, but she couldn’t fall asleep.
Instead, she laid awake, thinking about the night before.
When Andreas had come into the kitchen, she had managed to persuade Sussi and Stina to stay for another glass of wine that had become many more.
They had connected Spotify to the speaker and Sussi had practiced some line dancing with them, constantly choosing trickier steps that made them tumble into each other and fall on the floor, laughing.
They tried more of the mulled wine. And more wine.
How she had ended up in Andreas’ bed was unclear, but she smiled to herself.
Of course she wanted to sleep next to and be with Andreas.
He was such a great guy. She put her head down into the pillow and smiled to herself.
She had just dosed off to sleep when she heard a bounce-step-bounce-step on the stairs and then her daughter’s voice:
“Mum, are you awake?”
“Hmm,” Emelie answered.
She just wanted to sleep for another hour. Or half an hour. Did she really have to get up now?”
“Mum, come on! We are going to the stables,” Liv yelled.
“I don’t think I can drive,” Emelie shouted. “Not right now, you’ll have to wait a bit.”
“What? Why?”
Liv was in the doorway, looking surprised. She had probably never seen her mum hungover before, and Emelie wasn’t going to admit to being it today either.
“I have a migraine,” she lied.
Before Emelie had the time to stop Liv, she was halfway out onto the porch
“Then I’ll ask Andreas!”
Emelie flew up, quickly pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that she found on the floor.
Through the window she could see that Liv was already all the way over by Andreas’ door.
It was impressive how fast the kid could move, even walking with a crutch.
Liv knocked on the door and called Andreas’ name.
She waited and then knocked again. After a while he opened the door.
His hair was messy, and he was only wearing boxers and a washed-out T-shirt, but Liv didn’t seem to care that he was barely dressed when she asked him to drive her.
Emelie felt a bit ashamed that Liv took him for granted like that, but ever since he had picked her up and driven her to the hospital, she had seen him as a full-on member of the family.
She couldn’t get enough of looking at him.
She got butterflies in her belly and smiled.
Yesterday they had also discussed children with Sussi and Stina, who weren’t quite in on the idea that Andreas wanted to be a part of the lives of potential future children.
They had finished the discussion deciding that they would think about it and Andreas had asked Emelie if she wanted more children and she had said no.
“Even though I could, I’m only forty after all, but I think three is enough,” she said, taking his hand.
Liv came back, jumping on her crutches. She proclaimed that Andreas was going to get dressed and have breakfast at their place and then he was going to take her to the stables.
“But you can’t ride with your leg, love”, Emelie said, stroking her hair.
“But I can brush Tellus and spend time with Kajsa,” Liv said.
They took out Linn’s homemade seed bread, the seaweed bread, cheese and a sausage.
Emelie made coffee and found a new edition of the Christmas mugs, the ones with pigs dancing in a circle.
When she was standing staring into the fridge, she heard the porch door open behind her and she almost didn’t dare to turn around.
What if he didn’t want her anymore? Or if he had changed his mind?
The day before he had been so sweet but in retrospect, maybe a hungover forty-something woman with three children wasn’t the most intriguing?
“Hello.”
She took a deep breath, pushing back her hair that had fallen into her face.
She quickly rubbed her fingers under her eyes to remove the old mascara that was probably under her lashes instead of on them.
She hadn’t thought about it when she was in the bathroom taking the painkillers.
She just had to keep her fingers crossed that she looked okay.
“Hello” she said, putting the milk on the table.
He smiled, she smiled. He looked at the breakfast table.
“Oh, awesome, I’m starving,” he said, sitting down and grabbing a piece of seed bread and buttering it.
Liv was out in the mudroom getting her stable equipment in order even though she wasn’t riding today.
“You don’t have to drive, I can do it, I just want to wait a bit. I had a bit much to drink yesterday,” she said, smiling a little.
What if he didn’t want to be with her, if he had changed his mind?
Then I will break, she thought to herself, not a lot, but a little.
Suddenly, she remembered that they had embraced for a long time and that he had kissed her, making her completely weak in her knees.
She pulled a hand over her face and didn’t know where to look.
Christ, he was so perfect, and she had grown to care so much for this young, creative, funny, handsome guy, and if he didn’t want her, it would be unbearable living so close to him.
He kept chewing; was he ever going to stop?
Eventually, he took a sip of the coffee and smiled at her.
“I don’t mind driving. And yes, that was quite some mulled wine. It’s been ages since I’ve been that drunk,” he said.
So that was that she thought to herself, sitting down on the other side of the table and grabbing a piece of the seaweed bread.
He had been drunk. Perhaps he didn’t even remember.
She had snuck out of his house before he woke up, so perhaps he didn’t remember that they had snogged before falling asleep.
She put butter with sea salt on her sandwich and put a slice of cheese and a piece of tomato on top. Took a bite.
“I must say Linn has made some delicious bread,” she chirped.
Andreas took her hand and Emelie stopped chewing. Here it came. Perhaps there wasn’t going to be anything between them. But she was desperately hoping that it would.
“Want to know something?”
She nodded her head with her mouth full of seaweed bread.
“You’re the prettiest thing I’ve seen in a very long time.”
She breathed out, making a couple of crispbread crumbs fly out and land on the cheese. She desperately tried to brush them away while chewing and repeating I’m sorry, I’m sorry. He took her hand again.
“I’ll take Liv to the stables now, and then we can talk more when I come back? I would love to get to know you better. In a lot of different ways,” he said, winking.
Emelie managed to swallow the seaweed bread, got up and walked straight into his arms. She turned her head up towards him, kissing him.
“Come back soon,” she whispered into his t-shirt.